| emv63 |
| (recently joined) |
| 08/09/05 11:20 AM |
child abuse and state not doing anything
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My grandson has been beaten by his father on several occasions. There are police reports, hospital reports and pictures. The state is doing nothing about it. The boy is terrified of his father. He also abuses his other 2 children from his current marriage. The boy has confessed to authorities. What more do they want? We have written and called the congressman about the matter and we're waiting for a reply. The mother doesn't have enough money to fight for custody. Lawyers are expensive. Child services case manager refuses to do anything except harrass the mother. The father is a compulsive liar. He is one that can cry on demand. It seems to me that the bruises and confession from the boy should be good enough. [Email]emv63@bellsouth.net[/Email] Can someone give us some advice as to what to do to get this boy out of that house. He is 6 years old.
| Miranda |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 08/09/05 11:25 AM |
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Re: child abuse and state not doing anything
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I am guessing that the father has custody?
| MetalMom |
| (old hand) |
| 08/09/05 11:51 AM |
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Re: child abuse and state not doing anything
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Although there were no medical reports, I have a similar problem. My ex is also a very convincing liar & cries on demand (but God forbid someone ELSE has a REAL problem to cry about - he'll yell & say they're "pathetic" and should "GET OVER IT!") My kids told DYFS workers about several incidents where they have been physically abused, but they have done nothing. I filed for Protection From Abuse & have all 3 kids with me - no visitation - pending a hearing on the 18th. I'm a nervous wreck because I only have the kids' word regarding what happened - no pictures, doctor's reports... nothing. At least with those reports, if you can get the child physically under your roof & file for PFA, you can go before the judge yourself with your documentation. Good luck!
| YahYah |
| (old hand) |
| 08/09/05 12:23 PM |
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Been there, done that...
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My ss was 4 years old when his parents divorced. He'd been asking to live with us since then. When he was about 6 years old my husband INSISTED he go to counseling (mom had custody). She was adamantly against it for a long time but lawyers were involved, etc... so she took him.
The child said something to the counselor, it got back to mom, and she refused to bring him back. It scared ss very deeply and he NEVER spoke a word to a counselor again until he was 10 years old.
He always used to ask "what I tell him stays between us? He won't tell" his mother, or anyone, if he doesn't want them to...?
At 7 years old things started coming out... about how he was being hit, pinned to the floor, chased and slammed against walls, being slapped on the back of the head with wooden spoons, having toys thrown at him and broken over his back, being thrown across rooms... etc...
But it wasn't until he was 10 that it was told in front of a counselor, with us present. THat his mother was locking him in his bedroom without bathroom breaks or dinner, lock being on the OUTSIDE of the door, NOT the inside... having his mother and her lover squirt dish soap down his throat when he had a potty mouth (his mother swears like a sailor, and it's alright if ss swears while in her care, but he better not do it at her OR when SHE feels it's inappropriate... WHEN is THAT??? How's he supposed to know??).
He started to really feel alienated in his mother's home and expressed fear of returning.
We were told to file for a protection from abuse order, had the department of human services behind us, the family counselor, and the school child psychologist.
We now have custody.
The WORST part of it all was when the child was 7 years old there was an incident where he pointed to his leg and showed us hand/finger prints ON his leg. He told us he was slapped there by his mother's lover (his mother and her lesbian lovers are all abusive - past/present). We brought him to the ER based on advice from my husband's counselor, at the time (counseling to help him deal with the alienation of his son, the refusals of contact, the parenting issues associated with that rough time in the ss's life). At first the ER physician was very open to what ss was saying. We did NOT talk to him much at all about what happened to him because we didn't want them to say "You fed that lie to him..."
Didn't matter. In the end the police station sent an officer to interview ss and he walked out of the ER and told us we made him tell the lies he was telling and we should think twice before ever doing it again, and think about what it's doing to HIM.
My husband was LIVID. ABSOLUTELY LIVID. I was in SHOCK.
The Guardian Ad Litem didn't even bother to look into it. She wound up asking ss about it about a week later, but when we had spoken to her that day she told my husband she'd get right on it, talk to ss "tonight". What she wound up doing was talking to ex-wife, and sure enough, ex-wife straightened this whole matter out... you know how abusers can manipulate... it was unbelievable. She even went down to the ER and told them she went to spank ss and missed his butt, and hit his leg... and they changed what they had written on the medical form (which is illegal), scribbled it out and put "mother clarified SHE spanked child...." yaddah yaddah.
The Guardian Ad Litem lit into my husband, chastized him VEHEMENTLY. THe police had their swing at him.
We eventually did what they all wanted, expected from a father who clearly only wanted custody to get out of paying child support, and was so desperate he actually forced his son to LIE about being ABUSED....
We "gave up".
Of course. The system prevails again. Right?
Wrong.
By 10 years old my ss's mother was feeling SO invincible it was unbelievable. I can't tell you how many times she came right out and told my husband that the Guardian Ad Litem was on HER side, and she's the mother, SHE makes the calls around here... she was feeling VERY in control, VERY in control... and getting away with all that she had gotten away with gave her that very high feeling.
In the end, that high feeling was what undid her. She got cockier than the law allows.
By age 10 my ss was going to risk everyhing, his health and well being, just to get out of his mother's house/home.
His life at school was horrible. Grades were poor. Social skills were terrible. Behaviors were so bad that the school was leading mom to place him into a residential treatment facility... and the worst part is, the kid is a GOOD kid, he was just modeled these ATROCIOUS behaviors - violence, aggression... no one asked or wondered where it came from, and of course, mom was soaking up ALL the attention - poor single mommy with an out of control fatherless child... you may know the bit.
He was aggressive and violent and lacked social skills because his mother was beating on him, and when that wasn't happening she was locking him in a room.
He was left alone TOO often, unsupervised to make his own destiny out in the trailer park they lived in. Parents would bring their children inside when he was playing outside. He didnt have a whole lot of kids to play with, although there WERE a LOT of kids that lived there... basically, the rough crowd was who he hung with. He was 7 and surfing porn with one of these 9 or 10 year olds. Y'know?
So it's not just the abuse that's the concern for your grandson, it's the environment and the upbringing. The kid needs to complain to the right people long enough and that may make a difference, but if they already have their mind set that you're complaining too much...
Mom doesn't have $$ for an attorney? She needs to sell, beg, borrow and steal. That's what everyone else does.
If she doesn't have $$ does she qualify for STate Aid? Can she get a lawyer from the state free legal?
How much documentation does she have regarding her son's treatment at the hands of his father?
Has she filed for a protection from abuse order against her ex-husband, in lieu of her son?
what i mean is, has she gone to get a restraining order and refused to allow her son to go back to his father's residence... ?
What HAS she done?
| MetalMom |
| (old hand) |
| 08/09/05 02:42 PM |
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Re: child abuse and state not doing anything
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He has custody of DD16, I have custody of DS11 & DS7. None of them want to go back with him - more verbal than physical abuse. He's going to cry PAS & if we go in front of the judge in NJ who heard our case last, he may just get custody of all 3 after this. The PFA is in PA where I live - I just hope I can keep the case here in front of an impartial judge! I'm guessing that NO judge can be worse than the one in NJ was!
| capricorn2564 |
| (recently joined) |
| 12/02/06 01:03 PM |
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Re: child abuse and state not doing anything
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I am also in PA dealing with the same issues. The county C & Y office is enabaling my daughter to sexually, verbally and mentally abuse my 4 yr old grandson and 20 month old disabled granddaughter. They believe her and all she does is lie to them. I have complained all the way up to the State Rep. office and have gotten nowhere. My grandson now has a PFA against his mother and C&Y have told us they are going to withdraw it. I don't know who they think they are but they are braking more laws and in my eyes are just a guilty of abuse as my daughter. My daughter can't be trusted to give my granddaughter her anti seizure med and even though C&Y has acknowledged her issues still insists that she retain custody. The Gastronologist told C&Y that my Granddaughter is 5lbs underweight and her condition is turning for the worse and it would be in her best interest NOT to be in the care of her mother and what did C&Y do? They returned her to her mother anyway. I've filed for custody because I can't stand by and do nothing while my granddaughter slowly dies. I hate our system and I will do everything legally possible to make the public aware of what is really going on. I have already promised the caseworker that if any happens I will go public. C& think I have it in for my daughter what they don't realize is that I was trying to get my daughter to realize she needed mental help and offered to help with the kids while she was in counseling, she told me I was the one who needed help! I don't know what else to do.