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medic462
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(recently joined)
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03/23/05 12:30 PM
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Need some advice
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My ex and I are still on talking terms. However, the one thing she is doing is not caring for our 2 kids (son 9 and daughter 6). I pay her what she is entitled $650 a month for both kids. Then when I get the kids, I wind up spending $200-$400 in new clothes. When I approach the kids about their tattered clothes they tell me they ask their mother for new clothes/shoes because they dont fit, she just says no. She is a full time student working on her Masters, and refuses to give the kids what they need. The only income that she has is my Child support. She did approach me about changing custody once, and when I told her to have the court papers drawn up, we could do it. When she realized that she would lose the $$ she withdrew the request. How do I get it accross to her that the kids NEED to come first? I spend an average total of $10,000 on them each year and her income is only a little over $10,000 a year, the child support included. She is a great mother if she would realize that maybe a job is more important for the kids right now. Any suggestions? If not, thanks for being a sounding board.
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ohiomom
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(journeyman)
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03/23/05 08:29 PM
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Re: Need some advice
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how long until she has her masters? what will her earning potential be @ that time?
...this probably isn't going to be what you want to hear, but I'd say continue to help out as much as possible - it is really hard to go to school, work, and raise kids all at the same time. and once she's done with school, I'm assuming she will have a good paying job (or the ability to get one)
HOWEVER, if you are saying she is neglecting the kids (not related to $$$), then I'd say go for custody. (or, if she's willing to let them live with you, take them, document EVERYTHING, and then ask for a custody modification after a few months)
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medic462
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(recently joined)
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03/24/05 10:59 AM
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Re: Need some advice
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Her masters wont be done for a while. She doesnt work, her life partner works at a book store as a manager, and the money I send as Child support is the major portion of their annual income. She has been a perpetual student, changing her major to fit her mood at the time. IF she will stop after her Master she has a hard road ahead getting a job in her chosen degree path. She is getting her Masters in Geology, there is a very slim chance to get an actual job where she is. I understand the long term look at this, but is that worth the kids being pushed off on her life partner and not being able to afford items like clothes? While my new wife and I have to keep binding ourselves to cloth them when they come out? Trust me, I pray every night that my Ex finishes her degree, gets a great job and has everything she wishes. As I said, we still get along very well on 90% of everything we discuss...this is the biggest issue tho and I feel it is the most important. The kids must be cared for. Thanks for your response tho. Its nice to see ppl out there who are willing to help and give another side to look at. Take care.
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sugarb
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(enthusiast)
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03/24/05 07:12 PM
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Re: Need some advice
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go for custody then.
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TNmom
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(journeyman)
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04/23/05 01:40 AM
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Re: Need some advice
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I agree! The children are being neglected. You are a parent before anything else. I will tell you the same as I have told many mothers in the past. Do what you think is best for the kids. They need someone!!!!! It's not about mom or dad, but about the children. If she is any kind of mother, she will see your concern and agree.
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