| tngrl |
| (recently joined) |
| 09/03/06 11:39 AM |
divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
I filed for divorce 8 months ago after 26 years of marriage. It was an emotional abusive relationship. He has been an alcoholic for the past 16 years,began AA the last 6 months of marriage but decided that he wanted out of the marriage. Said he wasn't in love with me anymore. Was a sahm mom for 18 years, did part-time work to help with depression. Last 2 years made about $3000.00 each year. No degree, no freedom to pursue a career during the marriage, no skills except for retail. I have been told that this was an alimony for life case, my question is when adultry can be proved does it increase the amount of alimony awarded?
| fancyface |
| (newbie) |
| 09/03/06 11:56 AM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
Where are you at tngrl?...Alot of states are no-fault, so adultry wouldn't even come into the picture, especially in CA. In Texas, there is an adultry law, but the proof you have to have, is a picture of both of them in bed. I know this because I was hoping I could get my ex on adultry, because I know for a fact that he was in my bed with another woman in Texas. If he was just emotionally abusive and not physically abusive, I'm not sure if they compensate for that or not. Physically, yes...in Texas. If you have police records and pictures.
| tngrl |
| (recently joined) |
| 09/03/06 12:14 PM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
I live in Tennessee. It is a fault based state. My attorney filed under marital misconduct and mental and emotional abuse. He was never physical with me but used others to keep me in line. Threw kids up against walls, shoved them, beat them with a belt,shot my daughters dog in the garage because he was mad at my daughter, smoked pot with my son ( without me knowing when my son was 11) etc. Kids are now grown.
| despedina |
| (addict) |
| 09/03/06 04:40 PM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
Thank goodness the kids are now grown and you don't have to deal with visitation. Scarey.
| tngrl |
| (recently joined) |
| 09/03/06 06:22 PM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
That is the one of the things that kept me there all these years,other than the fact that I truely loved him was I could not stand the thought of my kids having to deal with their father alone without someone there to watch out for them. I knew that he would get some type of visitation. I filed for divorce a couple of years ago and he begged me back saying he promised he would never again ask me for a divorce. His attorney had found out about him shooting the dog, so I think it was a set up. I think he told my husband,she has you over a barrel, you need to do whatever to get her back, go to counseling and AA and then refile later when you will not look so bad for the courts. It was the happiest time of our marriage. Then out of no where he said that he wasn't in love with me anymore. He moved out the following week. Both of the kids said that the whole reconciliation was an act on his part and that if it was possible for him to win an Emmy for his performance he would surely win. I live away from family and his family lives here. They have also turned their back and don't even call the kids to see how they are doing. We had out first grandchild 2 months after he left and he has not seen her. I have grieved so much, then I will get mad, then back to grieving. I suspected there was someone but didn't have it confirmed until last week. It is hard knowing for a fact.
HE makes about $53000.00 a year and I only worked one full time job in retail for 5 years(this was about 8 years ago).
I was also going to al-anon and finding out who I was. I was happy and loved being around people. He got mad and said that if I didn't stop going to AL-Anon and quit work that he was getting a divorce. Like a fool for the sake of my marriage and my family, I quit. The most I have ever made in a year was 10,000. How much alimony do you think I may be able to get?
| Cinder2 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 09/03/06 08:26 PM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
Quote:
How much alimony do you think I may be able to get?
Well, he only makes $53,000 a year, so you probably won't get enough to live on. Others here might know better about what percentage of his income you could get.
One thing to consider is that in Tennessee you could be awarded more than half of the marital assets due to his misconduct. Do you have any proof of his adultery? Has he admitted it to you?
Cinder
| tngrl |
| (recently joined) |
| 09/03/06 08:40 PM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
I got a call from the manager of his apt complex 3 days ago. He asked to speak to john or renee. I told him they were not here and asked if I could take a message. I verified the last name of my husband to make sure there was not a misunderstanding. He told me what he was calling for and needed permission from either John or Renee to have this done as it would effect their deck. I told him that I would relay the message if I saw them and pretended that I could not remember Renee's last name. He gave me the last name. Until then I have had my ideas but nothing concrete. I called my attorney and he is out of town. Could my attorney get a court order to get a copy of the lease at the apt? Would that prove cohabitation? The phone number was the marital home that husband used when he first applied for apt.
Husband also has pension and a little left in retirement.
| Cinder2 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 09/03/06 09:16 PM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
Well, living with someone after you've filed for divorce is not really considered adultery by the courts, although I know it technically is. Do you have proof that he was seeing her before?
Cinder
| Runswithscissors |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 09/05/06 11:57 AM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
Well, living with someone after you've filed for divorce is not really considered adultery by the courts, although I know it technically is.
------------->NOT TRUE Cinder... SC is a post seperation adultry state. TN could be one too since it's in the south....
In Sc, even though you have filed for divorce- you may NOT live your life AS IF SINGLE until the final is done. I know this unfortuantly first hand as MY EX hit me with post-seperation adultry and used that as grounds of one of the custody battles.
In SC, UNLESS both parties agree to living life as if single, you are NOT alllowed to date, cohabitate- etc. My lovely jack-ass of an attorney DID NOT tell me this! I found out the hard way. 8 months into our separation (takes a year to divorce is SC) I started dating my current husband..... in month 12 (and two weeks before our hearing) he stayed the night with me... and my ex hit me then. The seperation documents MUST have "live life as if single". and your attorney has to ask for it... IF the other party disagrees, then you don't get it....
SC- easiest state to marry... hardest state to divorce!
| Maury |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 09/06/06 09:12 PM |
|
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
I only read the first post.
My initial impression is, without more information, it sounds like permanent spousal support. i do not live in a fault based state. In most, I understand that fault does not affect spousal support. It is also my understanding that fault can affect spousal maintenance the opposite way in a select few states, if the party seeking it has had an affair.
| Renee |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 09/07/06 12:18 PM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
I'm also in SC and that sounds painfully familiar. I didn't fight it when my XH went after me for the same thing because it shortened the wait period to 6mos. I could've cross filed against him for the same reason but I just wanted O U T.
The kicker? We HAD that clause in our separation paperwork. Didn't matter.
| tngrl |
| (recently joined) |
| 09/07/06 02:26 PM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
It is not the party seeking alimony that is having the affair. It is the party that will have to pay the alimony.
| Runswithscissors |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 09/11/06 06:24 AM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
Renee,
I didn't fight it either..LOL! I said the same thing.... I said "damn, that shortens our time frame.. uh..okay!".....
We used my room-mate as the "witness"....LOL!... The only thing I regret is that he used it for grounds of CUSTODY.. which he sat there and told me and my father he would never do...... (DUMB ME).. If I had a good attorney at the time.... he would had told me to NEVER do that.... I had to get David Wilkins after that.... (US Amb. for Canada now).
You know, I've heard that even though it's in the papers they still can file for post sep. adultry..... A Lawyer friend of mine told me that....What's the point? LOL!..... again... easiest state to marry...(Including family) and hardest to divorce.....
| Renee |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 09/12/06 08:22 PM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
Yes - my XH did a couple of things he told me he would never do also. Funny how when he didn't want me he was so very civil, but when I gave it up and didn't want him, his attitude did an about face.
Ah well, thanks to my lawyer and a little thing called condonation, his games did not succeed....
| Debi |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 09/17/06 11:20 AM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
Even if you were to get half his income it's not enough to live on. Start making some plans for the future so that you can take care of yourself. After all if he were to die in a year or 2 the question would be moot. Count any alimony that you are awarded as a bonus and fight for it if you believe in it, but do not put yourself at someone else's mercy for your support!
| bellstar67 |
| (recently joined) |
| 09/28/06 11:06 AM |
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
my''x',moved out 3yrs ago.he cheated on me for a long time.we
have 2 kids22&17yrs.living with him and his....sl_t.they bought a house together.i waited 2yrs for him to come back.i
have a bf now and akidney transplant.we have been together for one yr.i am afraid he will throw living together,so i cant have alimony.i raised kids,nohs dip.,never had a job.i am so afraid now.he is hateful over phone,never see kids..
| LinusluvsSally |
| (addict) |
| 09/29/06 12:24 PM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
I can't resist. Have you been with the bf or the kidney for a year? Sorry. Congrats on the kidney.
But whether he can end spousal support or not due to cohabitation depends on your settlement agreement or court order. Mine said I can stop paying when my ex cohabitated.
| drew1984 |
| (recently joined) |
| 11/01/06 11:23 PM |
|
Re: divorce filed husband is living with woman
|
in Tennessee alimony is given when the awarded spouce is in school... Adultry all you need is the sircumstance. ( Im getting my wife on it) if she spends one night under the roof of another single male no proof that they were in bed together is consider adultry martial misconduct, it will be filed as Irrec. Diffrences and adultry being the grounds for it and abandonment. adultry or not doesn't affect the amount of alimony its all calculated like child support, this is for Tennessee anyway.