(recently joined)
05/17/08 05:44 PM
ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

i have a question my stbx and i went to domestics to have child and spousal support decided. when we were there the fact that i now have boyfriend was brought up. he does not live with me but he does from time to time spend the night. my ex and I have been separated for almost a year now but i am in no way ready to have a live in relationship. my ex claimed that my boyfriend lives with me. i told the mediator that yes i had a boyfriend but he does not live with me but he does spend the night from time to time. i had proof of all of my utility bills and my lease for my home which are all in my name but she was unwilling to look at them and said that spousal was denied. because i moved on. and that this was marital misconduct on the flip side of this coin my ex is living with the woman that he left me for in our martial home and that wasn't a problem for her. so my question is what more can i bring to prove that my boyfriend is not living with me when i appeal this and what if anything can I do about how poorly i was treated by this woman? not only dd she denied spousal support she tossed my pay stubs out and assessed my earnings at more then they are and did not take into account that i had a doctors letter stating that i am in need of a double hip replacement and am unable to work a full time job. I know this sounds outrageous but it really is what happened. i was bumped down from what I was getting and i am now unable to Handel my expenses. i do intend to appeal this but i would like to know what else i would need to bring to prove that he dose not live with me and like I said i also want this not to happen to someone else is there anything that i can do? anyone i can speak to? is there a record of the proceeding a tape or something to show her misconduct? if anyone could give me a answer i would really appreciate it thank you.

(Carpal \'Tunnel)
05/17/08 06:33 PM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

There has to be more to the story.

(recently joined)
05/17/08 06:58 PM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

" there has to be more to this story"

No there really isn't that is what happened and how it happened!!!

but if you must know, my ex and i separated after me finding out that he was cheating on me with a old friend. he immediately moved in with her and was paying me out of the system on a weekly basis but continued to jerk me around with when and how he would give me the money. So I filed against him in order to get the money on a regular basis. when he left me he knew that i was unable to work a full time job and that i needed this operation. I was working part time in a daycare but that was all that i could do and he knew that. after i was unable to keep up on the mortgage payments in our marital home I made a very hard decision to leave our marital home and get a rental with my two children. he immediently moved in with his new bimbo i mean girlfriend. after I moved out he was only giving me money when he felt like it so i filed against him. now that is all that is to my divorce story but about the hearing that is what happened all the mediator keep saying is you can appeal this if you want to. and would like to know if there is anything that i can do about this.

05/17/08 11:32 PM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

I know that in my state, if you are not on disability, each party is expected to work 40 hours a week. Some courts view leaving the house as abandonment of the marriage.

(recently joined)
05/18/08 12:00 PM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

"Some courts view leaving the house as abandonment of the marriage. "

my ex left 6 months prior to me leaving it. he moved in with another woman that he met on myspace in another state. 2 hours away. I stayed in the home as long as I could until i was unable to afford it. It is he not I that abandoned the marriage.

(old hand)
05/18/08 08:59 PM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

1st you said he left for an old friend and now you say he left for someone he met on Myspace. This makes no sense!

(recently joined)
05/18/08 11:06 PM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

he was talking to this woman on myspace for some time before he left, and claimed that she was an old friend that he reconnected with. then i found out other wise ........

none of this has to do with the question in my original post.not to be rude but the ins and outs of this very bad relationship is really not the point of why i am here. i really do need an answer to my question not commentary on my failed marriage. so if you have any off topic comments please keep them to your self but if someone could get back to me with an answer to my question i would really appreciate it
thank you

(Carpal \'Tunnel)
05/19/08 12:45 AM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

It sounds like he got a gf and moved out. You were working and quit because of your health. He gave you $ when he felt like it and you decided to get it formalized. He went in to the hearing, claimed you got a bf, you abandoned the home, and you're capable of working but decided not to, and that your expenses are being picked up by the bf. You had no proof to offer to the contrary to refute all of his *specific* claims, so the court erred on the side of caution.

Did you offer the court proof of his affair and move out? Unless you're in a state that still has grounds-based divorces the fact you have a bf probably didn't have much effect, but.....(see below)

Did you offer the court proof that your bf lives elsewhere and doesn't support you? Util bills show the utils in your name, but the court knows that the acct holder isn't necessarily the one paying the bill.

Did you offer the court proof that you are on disability and are unable to work? Without what the court deems as acceptable proof your last known income was considered still valid, especially since your stbx was able to get away with saying your bf supports you.

For each of his claims you need to have evidence to back yourself up. Then you provide evidence to substantiate why you should get what you're requesting.

*This is important ---> There is little to nothing you can do to appeal what you believe is misconduct if the court was following your state laws. You need to become educated on what they are, and without the help of an attorney you are at a serious disadvantage. Try applying for legal aid, or finding an atty that will work with you on a pymt plan. Barring that, see if you can get a couple of free consultations with an atty that can give you ideas on how to present your case more effectively. You're going to have a lot of reading to do in order to move forward.

(old hand)
05/19/08 01:22 AM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

Well alot of people come here with made up stories and details. Since what you said in your original post did not make sense I questioned it to make sure that your story was not made up. Why bother posting to a made up story??

Anyways as for your questions and concerns. Maybe if your boyfriend will help he can show proof that he does not live with you. Does he rent, have utilities in his name, etc that can prove where he lives?

As for the disability, can you show proof? Maybe your doctor can write a note, you can take xrays, take something from the surgeon (if the surgery has been scheduled), etc.

Your going to need physical proof. They will not believe you without it.

(recently joined)
05/19/08 03:37 AM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

thank you very much for your answers

as for proof i had a lot but the mediator was unwilling to even look at it
i had my lease, my utility bills, and a litter from both of my doctors regarding my condition.

would bank statements showing who is paying the bills help? because i have that too.

I have not gone for disability because my condition is temporary and once i do have my surgery i will be able to work a full time job with out a problem and mind you once i can do that i have every intention of telling my ex to stick his money where the sun don't shine.

as for assessing my income i had my pay stubs from my current job and she (the mediator) said that it was a choice that i was making that much money and assessed it at higher then it is.
my boyfriend is currently living in with relatives and he and they are more then willing to testify that he lives there as for what bills he pays i have no idea. we are not at that stage of our relationship where i would know such things.
I also have a 13 year old son who is more then capable to tell the court that he does not live with us.
my atty was there at the hearing with me and when she would not even look at my prof he spoke up all. she kept saying is that i can appeal this if i want to.

i just cant belive that without even a stich of proof this man was able to get away with this. i know there are a lot of woman out there that are playing the system and expecting there ex to take care of them forever. this is not who i am if i didn't need his help right now i wouldn't take a dime from this man.

(Carpal \'Tunnel)
05/19/08 04:38 AM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

In my state, the mediator can make suggestions but can't rule on a case. If you and your STBX or ex can't agree with the mediators suggestions, then it goes to court in front of a judge.

(old hand)
05/19/08 11:55 AM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

Unfortunatly the men and woman that play the system make it hard for the ones that don't.

I would take the utility bills, bank statements, and the doctor's letters to the appeal. Let them know the mediator would not look at them.

I would also take the paysyubs. remind them of the letters from the doctor when you show them the paystubs. the letters should backup the fact that you are unable to work fulltime and have limits.

(old hand)
05/19/08 09:13 PM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

In addition to taking your bills you need to take proof of your boyfriends bills where he lives. Just because the bills where you live are in your name doesn't prove he isn't living with you. That proof comes when you show by his bills that he has another residence such as his utility bills and his rent and his mail the comes to his address.

Edited to add.

For me to prove my disability because at that time I had not been approved yet by SSDI we were forced to have my doctor deposed so that my X's attorney could ask him questions without him having to be called into court to testify.

(Carpal \'Tunnel)
05/20/08 08:41 AM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

just as everyone is suggesting, just because bills are in your name means nothing.
you may need to bring proof of your boyfriend's residence and his utility bills that he has been paying.
as far as the disability goes, your word will need to be backed up by hard medical proof.

(recently joined)
06/23/08 02:56 PM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

Your boyfriend needs to show proof that he still maintains his own residence: pays rent, bills, etc, in his own name.

06/23/08 04:08 PM
Re: ex claims i am living with someone but I AM NOT.

This is a great example of why you should never get involved with someone until the divorce is final, especially if you live in an "at fault" state and/or you have children. Its been almost 1 year since I filed and my lawyer tells me that (even though it may not be fair) that I should not be going out, even if it is with a group of friends to somewhere like a bar. I am sorry this happened to you and I am sure you want to get on with your life, however I would think that someone, like your lawyer, warned you about this.

(Carpal \'Tunnel)
07/23/08 01:51 AM
Have your boyfriend

provide a copy of his rental/lease agreement, canceled checks for his rent....utility bills in his payment checks....whatever it takes to demonstrate that he has his own residence. You can't prove that he doesn't live with you, but HE can prove that he lives elsewhere.

Contact Us Divorce Source Home


Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: