(recently joined)
06/25/04 12:57 PM
how long before child is considered abandon?

I cannot find out how long one parent needs to be away from a child before it is considered abandonment. My grandson has lived with me and his father with the child's mom popping in and out every few weeks for a day or so. She is off running around getting drunk with her friends just having fun. Occasionally, her mother does watch him. ONly thing is she has a drug addition to pain killers and has been in rehab. My grandson in her care twice almost choked to death and has been outside wondering around unsupervised. I caught him twice while I was coming to get him after work. Which tells me how many times does it happen when I am not there. He almost got hit by a car right in front of me a few weeks ago and since then my son has not allowed him over there. The mom has told my son she is moving on and she wants to come get my grandson for the weekend. He really doesn't even know her except for the fact he knows to call her mom and she plays with him for a few minutes before she walks out of the door for a few days to weeks. Her step dad is an attorney so her legal fees are free only he doesn't specialize in custody. I keep hearing dads don't get kids, mothers do no matter what, my grandson will end up dead inside of a month if left at this home with the grandmother while the mom runs around. She is coming to get him for the weekend, which is a first because she always just came here and stayed when she saw him. I am very afraid because I know she will never spend the weekend at home and her mom will have him. My son needs to get custody because I am afraid she will take him and not return. I would like to use child abandonment but don't know how long the mom has to be away.

(recently joined)
06/25/04 01:02 PM
Re: how long before child is considered abandon?

are there any existing orders in place right now?

(old hand)
06/25/04 01:33 PM
Re: how long before child is considered abandon?

You don't have abandonment from my cursory look at your post.

You have child neglect and abuse.

You have an irresponsible person doing illegal things.

You do not have abandonment and if you state recognizes abandonment, it is normally about 2 years of no child support (money-the only thing that they are truly concerned with...) and no contact.

You can use the FIRM's Legal Help pages to help you find a high powered attorney to go through the procedures because only 1-2% of fathers get custody if contested meaning that she can be an alcoholic, prostitute and heroin addict and you will have an uphill battle... That's how prejudiced the system is, overall...

Good luck,



(recently joined)
06/25/04 03:23 PM
Re: how long before child is considered abandon?

agreed -- this is not abandonment -- the mother has had contact. -- wouldn't matter if no money paid -- there has been contact.

i am just curious -- because you indicate that she is moving -- which gives me worry. why is it at this time she wants child overnight. and, why did you/father permit this?

are there any orders at this time?

(recently joined)
06/25/04 03:49 PM
Re: how long before child is considered abandon?

this is the exact reason we have done nothing. So far by doing nothing she has been in and out of his life but she lives him here. If we pursue the issue and the courts rule in her favor then my grandson is in great trouble. She neglects him and she is bad mother but she would fight for him out of spite. I am not pursuing anything legally if there is a good chance of losing because right now at least I have him. One attorney I spoke with did tell me that my son has a good chance of getting him legally because he has lived here from the day he was born. This is his home and she does not have one. She lives with her girlfriend or at her moms or here when she can. Basically, she lives out of her car. No one pays child support from either side. I keep receipts of everything I buy him to show that my son as well as myself are supporting him. My son thinks she will change and he wants his son to have a mother, also we don't want to cause trouble that might lead to her taking him and not giving him back. However, she was suppose to come get him yesterday and failed to show up, then today she has not shown up and I here she isn't going to.

(recently joined)
06/25/04 04:53 PM
Re: how long before child is considered abandon?

Are you in a situation where as a grandparent you are doing much of the raising while BOTH mom and dad are not equally involved in the child's life? I was just wondering because as a grandparent who has done most of the raising, do the courts see that favorably or do they concentrate mainly on the parents themselves?

06/25/04 09:13 PM
Re: how long before child is considered abandon?

If there is no legal order in place, your son can simply refuse to allow her to take the child out of the home. The police will not force him to give the child to the mother for two reasons:
1) There is no court order in place
2) It is a civil matter

Personally, I would simply not allow her any visitation other than in your own home. Do not let her take the child with her, anywhere. If you know she will not take it to court, then you have nothing to worry about.

I would, however, have your son seek a temporary custody order, and cite the abuse and the neglect as his reasons. This will ensure the child's safety.

Good luck!

(recently joined)
06/28/04 08:09 PM
Re: how long before child is considered abandon?

If there is no order in place in most states you can get a temporary order in place siting abuse and neglect. The best thing you can do is begin preparing your case documenting each vist and every missed visit. More importantly file a complaint with your local police the next time you find the child wandering on what should be the mother's watch. I've spent the last two years in the system over custody and yes it is unfortunatly biased but with your track record and as much physical proof as possible your son should be able to attain prymair physical custody. The system is conviluted but your son certainly has a better case then most. Good luck.

(recently joined)
06/29/04 08:17 PM
Re: how long before child is considered abandon?

I have had this child in my home since he was brought home from the hospital. I believe the neglect is coming from the mom being mentally ill. She has mood swings that are so severe. One minute she is talking and being nice to my son and the next she is telling him she hates him and to get lost. Just yesterday someone called child protective services on the whole family, not me, but the mother and other grandmother. She has a drug addiction to pain killers. It is when she has babysat that my grandson has been found wondering. The mom leaves him with her so she can go out and have a good time. My son is letting the mom see the child right now, but her mom is not allowed to babysit or have him in the house. She is currently staying near her mom. Protective services reported that someone told them that her she has allowed her small children to drink. The other grandmother has 3 small child ages 7=11 in the house. The have raised themselves because of her addiction. From what I am hearing protective services interviewed everyone in the house, all 3 kids, grandmother, mother of my grandson and her girlfriend who was there and who she basically spends all of her time with. They interviewed everyone together in the same room and according to my grandsons mom they said everyone answered the questions correctly and they were not going to pursue the matter further. What a bunch of crap. According to the mom they didn't even ask where my grandson or his father were. My grandson was with me that day. However, they did get mad at my son and me and figured one of us called. What good did it do. They interview people who of course are going to sit there and lie to you to save there behind. All they have to do is watch the house and they would see the neglect etc. I can't believe they just asked questions and said very good goodbye.

Contact Us Divorce Source Home


Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: