| c_jane |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 05/20/11 09:47 PM |
Furious!
|
DS has certain things that he picks up from one house when staying at the other (phone charger, Xbox memory, games and controllers, acne medicine). Tonight I took him over to Exhole's to get his stuff. I had to text DS, honk the horn, and finally CALL him so that Ex- would let him leave. AFTER keeping him 30 minutes to 'lecture him' and pick up his room!!!! While I'm sitting in the car waiting for him!
I am furious at this complete lack of respect for me & DS. No, I guess I'm not surprised. When Exhole brings DS to pick his stuff up from MY house, DS *always* tells me he has hurry because Exhole is waiting.
Next time I think I'll just keep DS a while inside & let Exhole stew in the driveway. Then after he honks or comes to the door, I'll tell Exhole "gee it ain't much fun when YOU'RE the one sitting in the driveway is it?" Or: "well DS had to pick up his clothes and do a few other things he forgot to do this weekend. Since YOU didn't mind making ME wait, it's OK if YOU have to wait."
| gr8Dad |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/20/11 10:45 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
So the boy forgot his stuff, you had to take him back over, yet somehow it's EX's fault?
I heard it will rain tomorrow, that DANG ex of yours...
| javajunkiee |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/21/11 12:04 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
Seriously? You're joking, right? You're the more educated parent out of the two of you, and THAT'S your reaction?
Sorry, but it sounds like your son thought Dad would just let him get out of doing his chore because you were waiting for him. Picking up his room is not something that a child over the age of 5 can't accomplish, but your son uses you as an escape hatch to get around dad's rules, and you despise your ex so much its blinded you to how much your kid plays you against each other.
Dad getting on him about cleaning his room isn't about dad disrespecting YOU, it's more about the disrespect the kid is showing DAD.
..and its not hard to see where he gets that from.
| DedicatedDad |
| (veteran) |
| 05/21/11 12:33 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
Wow....I've read some of your posts. Your extreme hatred towards your ex is going to end up ruining your child.
Get some help. Please...for your child's sake.
| Goodmom |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 05/21/11 06:49 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
Everything on your list of what he forgets he doesn't need to survive.
I would let him live without it when he's with you. If he can't be bothered to remember it, then it must not be that important to him.
Oh, and I bet if you stopped reinforcing his forgetfulness, he will start remembering to bring the stuff in the first place.
Talk about not taking advantage of a natural consequence as a teaching method......
| SRS |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 05/21/11 08:03 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
It was disrespectful to you to be kept waiting in the car while your son and his Dad argued. Absolutely. But, there's nothing you can do about it. I would be furious if I had to wait 30 minutes in my x's driveway while he punished our child. You were trying to do what is right and I get that.
In the future, I wouldn't take your son back over to his Dad's house if he forgets something. If you buy him a xbox - he can no longer take it to Dad's because he's shown that he is not responsible enough to remember to bring it back. Nothing can be taken back and forth between houses.
ETA: If anyone else here had to wait for 30 minutes in their x's driveway while the kid cleaned his room, they'd be mad too.
| c_jane |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 05/21/11 09:14 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
Thank YOU SRS. This was NOT about the chores. This was about the absolute disrespect Exhole showed me by NOT having the decency to come out to the car or even CALL me to say "Junior & I have an issue to discuss. Leave him here for a few and I'll bring him back" or whatever. We were on our way to meet friends for DINNER!!! If I had dome this to HIM believe me I would STILL be hearing about it, as would DS because Exhole NEVER let's ANYTHING go. He will bring up things that happened YEARS ago and harp on them again.
DS comes to my house.from school. He cannot carry chargers, XBOX *memory* (which I DO have the Xbox but the memory stores all his levels on it) plus his games, etc. to school. So I take him over to exholes to get it. A 10-minute RT, since we live 5 blocks apart. When he goes back to exholes, Exhole brings him to MY house to get the stuff.
We've been doing this for almost 2 years now. Hasn't been a problem until last night when Exhole totally showed me what an azzho!e he is.
| Arden |
| (old hand) |
| 05/21/11 09:38 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
If anyone else here had to wait for 30 minutes in their x's driveway while the kid cleaned his room, they'd be mad too.
+++++++++++++++++++
I agree with you in most cases. In the case of c_jane I don't agree with it.
Just from what she posts here, it looks like that kid plays her like a fiddle. He learned early in life the one constant that he can always count on is her hate for his dad. He uses it to his complete advantage every chance he gets.
Kid doesn't do his homework....no problem....piss mom off at dad. Kid is off the hook and it is dads fault.
Don't turn in order form for school sales....no problem....piss mom off at dad. Kid is off the hook and it is Dad's fault.
Get caught not cleaning up room...no problem....piss mom off at dad. Kid is off the hook and it is dad's fault.
Leave clothing and such at dad's....no problem...piss mom off at dad. Kid is off the hook and it is all dad's fault.
Each and every time she posts the common theme is whatever happens should have been the responsibility of her son. However, he always manages to turn it back onto his dad's household in c_janes eyes.
That kid learned the fine art of bonding with mom by using her hated of his dad. A few jabs at dad, a couple of jokes at dad's expense, c_jane is lapping it up and that kid is good to go.
| SRS |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 05/21/11 09:41 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
It was unacceptable to make anyone wait for 30 minutes in their driveway. Can you leave next time?
| Arden |
| (old hand) |
| 05/21/11 09:49 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
This was about the absolute disrespect Exhole showed me by NOT having the decency to come out to the car or even CALL me to say "Junior & I have an issue to discuss.
++++++++++++++++++++
No, it was your son disrespecting you. You are just so caught up in you hate for ex, you don't see it is really your son.
| c_jane |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 05/21/11 10:54 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
So all of you have *completely* ignored the fact that DS is NOT forgetting the stuff-- he is CHOOSING not to take it to school with him. And Exhole & I BOTH have had NO problem with going to the others house to get the stuff back?! That this has been going on for TWO years? And that when Exhole brings DS over to my house to get the stuff, EVEN if I had things to discuss with DS, I KNOW better than to piss Exhole off by having a discussion AT THAT TIME with DS? Seeing as how I KNOW it is THEN Exholes time & I would have my ass handed to me in a sling?
So WHY does EVERYONE (except SRS) NOT see the issue here? I was made to wait at least 30 extra minutes of MY time while Exhole dealt with something that could JUST as easily have waited until MONDAY night.
Things WILL change though. You have to LET other people disrespect you. And since I now know Exhole thinks this is PERFECTLY acceptable for him to do to me I will now take steps to be SURE it never does again. Whether that's having DS go over on his bike, or if I take him over telling him he has 5 minutes, after which I will leave and Exhole can bring him back to my house (or if Exhole refuses, DS can walk) or what else I haven't decided. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. There won't be a second opportunity.
| Fishergirl |
| (addict) |
| 05/21/11 11:39 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
Just my opinion but even tho you say you have no problem with your current arraingment with your son and his things I think it would be best for you (as well as everyone else involved) to put more distance and discontinue this practice. Everything son is going back and forth to get can be easily duplicated at your house.... buying a second phone charger, breaking up the medications once a month and leaving a half at each house etc. The xbox memory I would just have him bring in his backback and leave in his locker. I suggest discontining the whole thing because you need to let go of alot of the hate you feel towrds your ex. It doesnt matter how ok you say you are about things if you are calling him exhole- your letting that anger fester inside you. Hate like that isnt good for you or your son. Distance will help that.
The waiting was rude. Someone should have at least let you know what was going on. So many of the things that happen in our lives due to divorce just are beyond infuriating but we can choose how we react to them. I say this because I know. My ex pulls anything and everything he can all the time. The stress was really getting to me but I cant let his hate and anger affect me. For my health and that of my kids. I know you say you wont let this happen again but you can at least try and deal with this at positivily as you can. Making your son have to bike over unless it is very close, or leaving him there is just feeding the fire.
| c_jane |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 05/21/11 12:27 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
It is less than a mile. DS can bike over. Since Ex is CP HE would have to agree with splitting the acne med's -- ain't gonna happen. IF DS gets caught at school with ANY medicines he will be expelled. Not gonna risk that for sure.
| SRS |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 05/21/11 12:45 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
The child has 5 minutes to pick up his stuff. Not ready in 5, you go back home. His Dad can figure it out. This could have waited until he came back - when you were waiting was not the time to make him clean his room.
Again, it was rude to make you wait 30 minutes.
| Fishergirl |
| (addict) |
| 05/21/11 01:08 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
I wasnt suggesting sending meds to school. I agree and have the same problem with my sons meds. I was just suggesting splitting once so you dont have to do it every exchange.
I was leaning towards having him bike over as my preferable option but then realized if it was my kids and my ex I wouldnt see them back for some time. Hours probably. I would go with SRSs recommendation. And chalk it up to a bad experiance you wont repeat. Good luck :)
| Goodmom |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 05/21/11 02:36 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
[quote] IF DS gets caught at school with ANY medicines he will be expelled. Not gonna risk that for sure. [/quote]
As a teacher, you should be aware that all your son has to do is take the medication to the office at the beginning of the day and pick it up at the end of the day.
I do that with my son when the school nurse has to give him medicine during the school day. It's not rocket science.
And, again, everything you listed in your first post your son does not need to survive. And as other posters have suggested, can be duplicated at your house.
| gr8Dad |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/21/11 03:02 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
What I think is MOST funny? Your "dumbass", "exhole", "uneducated", "stupid", "moronic" ex husband kept YOUR dumbass waiting outside for 30 minutes...ROTFLMAO!!!
| DedicatedDad |
| (veteran) |
| 05/21/11 04:32 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
You forgot to mention his partner, whom she calls heifer.
| c_jane |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 05/21/11 05:25 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
Nope I call her Daffy Duck.
| ssmom79 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/22/11 03:30 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
It really sucks you had to wait. Develop a work around. You're less than a mile away. Do you have a set pickup time? Can you call when you're on the way? This seems to work most day right? Well this could have been a one time thing. Maybe you won't have it happen again.
I completely see you doing the same thing to spite him and that's totally crappy. The way he acted, not cool. Doing it to get back at him, still not cool. Plus what's that teach your son?
So when you gotta work with an a-hole, you gotta learn to work around the crap. Come up with a workaround just in case this happens again.
My SD also has things that come back and forth each week. Some things can't be duplicated, some things are the same items but she prefers one over another. And hey, it's her stuff and we're two miles apart so I don't mind. If you don't mind, then take it back and forth. Do what works.
| finz |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/23/11 01:44 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
It was rude for anyone to EXPECT you to wait 30 minutes.
It was STUPID of you to wait. Is there a CO that you couldn't knock on the door to see what the hold up was ? No answer on their house and cell phones ?
Why didn't your son text you back immediately ? Is he being punished for that ?
| Avaya |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/23/11 08:04 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
He can't take the memory card to school in a tiny zipper pocket of his backpack? Well, if he *really* can't, he surely can live a weekend without it.
| Avaya |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/23/11 08:05 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
[quote]So all of you have *completely* ignored the fact that DS is NOT forgetting the stuff-- he is CHOOSING not to take it to school with him. [/quote]
And this is where YOU play the 'grown up' card and CHOOSE not to take him to get those things that are NOT necessary for his weekend with you.
| Avaya |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/23/11 08:07 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
I imagine that a doctor, after explaining the situation, would give you a prescription for a small portion of the meds so that you'd have them at your house. It's not like acne meds are a commonly abused medication.
| LexieBelle |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/23/11 08:55 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
General reply:
I'd say that yes it's rude to keep someone waiting without COMMUNICATING what's going on.
That said, if the delay was for dad to discipline son/make son do chores he SHOULD have done well, then c_jane SHOULD be supporting that; otherwise, she's undermining dad's authority.
I'd be telling child if he can't do his chores on time at dad's to ensure he's ready on time, obviously he's not mature/responsible enough to have the xbox to begin with.
Meds, I'd be getting my own supply of it. End of story on that. I'm sure it can't be that complicated. And, if it is (ie: dad blocks it), then I guess we'd be in court finding out why I can't have direct access/supply to OUR child's meds.
Yes, dad may be a jerk but, I think folks are right and c_jane's son is playing this situation for all it's worth.
| gr8Dad |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/23/11 09:25 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
I am not so sure he is a "jerk". I think he is the custodial parent, who has a REAL PITA for an ex, who takes him to court or hassles him over EVERYTHING, so when he has a LEGAL reason to make her life difficult, he does. I can relate to that. My ex plays ALL KINDS of BS, so when given the option of giving her a break, or making her life difficult, especially when it requires NO effort on my part, GUESS which path I choose?
| LexieBelle |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/23/11 10:08 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
Yeah, but... I mean, don't answer the phone? The door? That kind of stuff is jerk-ish no? Regardless of how much of a pita they are or whatever. DD just learned this lesson recently. Someone BLATANTLY ignoring you JUST to be rude (ie: for their own selfish reasons) is just that, rude. But, you DON'T respond by being rude back. Two wrongs don't make a right and all that jazz ;)
I don't know, I guess, in dad's shoes, as custodial parent, I'd make sure the kid did his chores or whatever, within the timeframe that would ensure child would be ready to meet other parent, on time. And we went through this a lot when ex and I were going through court (his initiation) and he'd play games blah blah blah. And exSO was of the same mind.. one of the things we battled over early on. But I was [censored]/ly of the opinion that regardless how "easy" it would be and no skin off our noses to play subtle games right back? It still doesn't make it RIGHT and I wasn't going to do it. Period. Whether ex would know it, or my child would know it, **I** would know it, and I couldn't live with myself regardless of how shytty ex might be being at that moment, you know?
| gr8Dad |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/23/11 10:41 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
You know, I just thought of this, but lets consider that 30 minutes, REALLY< isn't that long. So junior goes into the house to get HIS stuff. HE is looking for it, and it is SOMEWHERE in his room. So he takes 30 minutes to FIND it. He comes out, Mom ask what took so long. Junior has one of TWO responses:
1. I lost it in my room because it is such a mess, and had to dig through to find it.
2. It was in my room and Dad MADE me clean my room before I could leave.
Now, KNOWING c_jane, which do you think she WANTED to hear, and Junior KNEW she wanted to hear?
| ssmom79 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/23/11 10:59 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
30 minutes sitting in a car waiting for a kid who is supposed to be coming out is too long. Period. Who's fault? Doesn't matter. That's too long. If I have to wait 30 minutes for you to come out, then I'll wait at home, especially if I'm a mile away.
No one knows why this kid took 30 minutes, unless Dad came and confirmed.
This kid has it made in the shade.
| c_jane |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 05/23/11 11:48 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
Y'all seem CONVINCED that DS is 'playing me' and 'using me' to get what he wants. What about Exhole? DS is obviously 'using' him too, as Ex has been doing the SAME THING as I have for almost 2 years (schlepping DS's stuff back & forth). So the kid's a user. BAER. Ex puts up with it; I put up with it; DS has got it 'made in the shade'. BIGGER BAER. Yeah, whatever.
DS comes out to the car, I can see he's at the point of tears, visibly upset. I don't HAVE to ask if SOMETHING REALLY happened -- I can SEE that. Was DS told to pick up his room before school Thursday AM? Take out the trash? Do the dishes? I DON'T KNOW. So it wasn't done. The TIME to chew DS out is NOT while I'm waiting in the DRIVEWAY with DS in MY POSSESSION ON MY CO'd TIME WAITING to go to dinner. EX- COULD HAVE come out to the car and said "I need to have a discussion with DS about stuff he didn't do and have him DO it. DO you have a problem with that?" At which time I could have said 'no we're meeting friends for dinner but ON THE WAY BACK I'll sure drop him off here to do his chores.'
No Exhole's reaction is to act like GOD and not give me the time of day OR let DS answer his phone when I'm texting and calling wondering just what the holdup is. No decency or politeness there. Just unilateral CONTROL, which is what I should EXPECT from Exhole by now.
DS can just ride his bike over from now on. Problem solved. Plus I'll save gas.
| LexieBelle |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/23/11 12:13 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
Is it possible your son turned on the waterworks?
You get yourself REALLY worked about C_Jane about things that are REALLY not very significant. This isn't a big deal and you're right. Have the kid ride his bike over there and get his stuff. That takes "you" out of the equation for either your son, or your ex.
| ssmom79 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/23/11 12:18 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
Wow. OK. Your ex isn't here, or he would likely hear the same story.
You seem convinced to find only the negative things within comments toward you on this thread. I'll help you out and remove myself from the equation. Enjoy your life, you will not hear from me again.
| SRS |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 05/24/11 04:50 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
If this was anyone else, everyone here would be sympathsizing with them. Telling them what a tool their kids Dad was for not communicating and making the child clean his room during the other parent's visitation time.
If I made my kids Dad wait for 30 minutes in the drive, I'd be considered a controlling, hateful x.
This guy was a jerk, plain and simple.
She's got the right idea. THe child no longer gets driven to Dad's house. He can walk or bike over if he really feels the need to get his stuff.
| elliesmom |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/24/11 09:26 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
I disagree. I have read cjanes threads for quite some time. I think he does d!ck her around whenever possible. But, I think she allows it and is stunting her son by letting him shirk his responsibility as a person by blaming all bad things on Dad. That comes through quite clearly when you read much of what goes on in her threads. Having dealt with someone who did this sort of thing for years to DH - I have offered suggestions on how to make it better many times. But she is content with the way things are - everything being her ex's fault. Which is why I don't respond much anymore. Until she is looking at her son and realizing that HE is a large part of the problem and the one paying the price - she won't be interested in change.
| LexieBelle |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/24/11 09:36 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
Actually not necessarily SRS. If they are flexible enough that they're bringing child back and forth for misc stuff NOT per a "schedule" then I wouldn't necessarily think it "rude" or an infringement, they're flexible, can easily go back and forth, what's the big deal? Just people get themselves worked up over silly/small stuff. Don't sweat the small stuff, so they say.
| gr8Dad |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/24/11 09:37 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
When you treat a person like crap, as she does with her ex, you can't "expect" them to be gracious and kind to you in return. She complained that he was going EXACTLY by the order a while back, changing things he had agreed to OUTSIDE the order...failing to mention that she HAD filed a custody reversal against him. She wants to JACK with him at every turn, and when he does something to her, she acts wide eyed, "WHY is he doing this?!?"
| MTmom |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/24/11 10:46 AM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
This was a jerk thing to do. But honestly, you should know to expect as much by now. So don't put yourself in a similar situation again and move on. Voila.
| finz |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/24/11 07:57 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
[quote]You know, I just thought of this, but lets consider that 30 minutes, REALLY< isn't that long. So junior goes into the house to get HIS stuff. HE is looking for it, and it is SOMEWHERE in his room. So he takes 30 minutes to FIND it. He comes out, Mom ask what took so long. Junior has one of TWO responses:
1. I lost it in my room because it is such a mess, and had to dig through to find it.
2. It was in my room and Dad MADE me clean my room before I could leave.
Now, KNOWING c_jane, which do you think she WANTED to hear, and Junior KNEW she wanted to hear? [/quote]
********************************
Doesn't CJ make enough mistakes that we don't need to make up potential other errors ?
| finz |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/24/11 08:25 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
[quote]I disagree. I have read cjanes threads for quite some time. I think he does d!ck her around whenever possible. But, I think she allows it and is stunting her son by letting him shirk his responsibility as a person by blaming all bad things on Dad. That comes through quite clearly when you read much of what goes on in her threads. Having dealt with someone who did this sort of thing for years to DH - I have offered suggestions on how to make it better many times. But she is content with the way things are - everything being her ex's fault. Which is why I don't respond much anymore. Until she is looking at her son and realizing that HE is a large part of the problem and the one paying the price - she won't be interested in change. [/quote]
I agree
CJ....the one other thing I'd like to add is I think you should stop and think before making some of your posts about how you think they will be received.
I don't mean that in a 'only post wonderful news or when you know you played it perfectly' way. I mean it in a 'sometimes if you try to look at it more objectively, you will see things that you could have done differently and/or give more accurate into to paint the full picture' way.
Sometimes we all need to vent and you should be able to do that too. I think that you might get more support for your vents if you focused on your frustration about each incident and didn't make the exhole vitriol the focus.
Trying to insert some humor here and not trying to start an e=fight with them, but think about this......SRS, LB, and I AGREE with rach other and with you that making someone wait 30 minutes is rude. Hell has pretty much frozen over ;-) But your still not getting much support, except from SRS, because your seething anger towards your ex makes it impossible for you to accept that there can be any answer except that it is ALWAYS ALL his fault.
| LexieBelle |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/24/11 09:18 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
Well put finz.
| c_jane |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 05/24/11 09:52 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
Can you make it rain here in Houston now?? We haven't had ONE appreciable rain since the middle of February. Please and thanks.
| finz |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/24/11 10:25 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
*sigh*
Oh well, I tried.
And, for the record, it has been POURING at my house for over a week now. Never underestimate my mad skillz.....I might have shared.
| Runswithscissors |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/30/11 12:24 PM |
|
Re: Furious!
|
I feel bad for your son. He's going to be so mucked up over the games you adults play........
He has rules at his house, he has to follow them. Parents like you make me glad that my ex and I parent well together.......