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Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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How do you handle covering a new teen driver? I am a stepmom -- my husband's 16yo lives with her mother and we get her and her younger sister every other weekend. We had a car that we could've sold a year ago when my husband got a company car, but we chose to keep it for the 16yo to learn on. We have 2 more years of payments on it. The mother expects us to put the 16yo on OUR insurance in a few weeks if she passes her test. She says she can only pay "a third" of the car insurance and wants to see paperwork once we add the 16yo to our policy. If my husband and I are paying $160/mo for a car payment to help out with everything AND the 16yo lives primarily with her mother, then who should be covering the child?
I think that because the car is still in the bank's name and we owe payments on it, we may have to insure her on "OUR" car. What is fair? What is legal? What experiences have you had in Maryland? The mother is a piece of work and my husband pays way more for the kids than the legal docs state he has to. I am thoroughly frustrated, esp since the 16yo has yet to get a job or get off of her a$$ and expects everything to be handed to her. Help!
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I think your husband and his ex need to sit down and discuss how they're going to handle a car and insurance for BOTH children. I don't know how old the younger girl is, but at some point she will be 16 too, right? So, a discussion needs to happen about expectations.
For us, my ex and I decided to split the kids regarding buying a car. I will buy for our daughter and he will buy for our son. The insurance hasn't been worked out yet, but I'm hoping he'll supply half the costs of it when the time comes.
One thing I do know is that our kids won't be getting a job to cover the costs. And that does not equate to them sitting on their a$$es.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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The second daughter is a 10yo and most likely will be our cost when the time comes. I'm just concerned now because we have the issue of us owning the car, but the 16yo living primarily with her mother. Believe me, we're trying to discuss this with the mother, but she's being cheap and difficult. I guess we could always hold the keys and the problem would be solved. I'm trying to convince my husband that until the 16yo gets a job, she won't get the car. It's a privilege to drive at her age right now, not a necessity.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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How lovely of you.
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Sadie
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(addict)
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01/08/12 08:21 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Cinder, what my hubby did was to just leave the cost of car and insurance up to bm. He pays his cs every month, and sd and bm can work out the cost between them.
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Sadie
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(addict)
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01/08/12 08:34 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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YAH, what is wrong with expecting the bm to share in the cost. The father is covering the cost of car payments, that would lead me to believe that the car is a newer model, why is it not fair for the bm to pay the insurance??? That would be fair.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Maybe it would be, maybe it wouldn't. Depending on child support amount, income of the individuals, cost of the car, cost to insure the car, etc.
Which is why I suggested that mom and dad sit down together to discuss it...for the older child and the younger child.
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gr8Dad
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/08/12 09:04 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Yeah, imagine that, expecting a child that you want to trust with a couple of thousand pound piece of steel that travels at 65 miles an hour to be responsible for anything. And please explain how the amount of child support or the incomes of the parents would justify Dad paying for ALL of the expenses of the child driving.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Do you live in an area where they 16 yo has to have a car? We plan on allowing my daughter to drive one of our cars and we already know we can expect no help on insurance from dad. That said my daughter will only be driving when necessary. The bus takes her to school just fine.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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A child does not have to have a job to be responsible for something. But, nice try.
Further, I didn't say that Dad should be paying ALL the expenses. I was actually quite clear that Mom and Dad should sit down together and discuss what works for THEIR situation.
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ssmom79
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/09/12 12:11 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Here is what we do. We own the title to the vehicle. The insurance is paid by me (stepmom). 1/3 insurance comes from hubby. 1/3 comes from mom. 1/3 comes from stepson. Now THIS YEAR we are changing it. 50% comes from stepson and 25% from each parent. So that is another way to add it up.
Now, you don't HAVE to keep a car for the child and you don't HAVE to insure the child. But if the kid is going to drive, then the kid needs to be insured. You can't look at it as though keeping the $160 car payment is some sort of help to anyone other than yourself. Nothing ties that to anyone except you and you can take it and run if you chose to. The mom could buy a $500 clunker car and then you'd still have a payment...so your car payment hasn't got a lot to do with it.
Frankly, I'd get rid of the car and buy used vehicle with the cash from the car you sell. Break the insurance into 3rds. Then you don't have a car payment, mom pays what she wants, daughter gets a job to pay insurance, and she has a reliable car. TADAAAAAAA!!!
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ssmom79
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/09/12 12:12 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Cinder, what my hubby did was to just leave the cost of car and insurance up to bm. He pays his cs every month, and sd and bm can work out the cost between them.
__________________________
This isn't surprising at all.
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Avaya
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/09/12 12:44 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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If she doesn't live with you and wont be taking that car to her mom's I wouldn't add her to your policy. She doesn't live in your household and she isn't a regular driver of any of your cars. As a casual driver of anybody's insured car, she'd be covered if something happened.
When my SD lived with us, we added her for that period of time and had a HARD time getting her off of our insurance after she moved out without excluding her; so be careful adding a driver when you're so uncertain about everything!
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Sadie
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(addict)
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01/09/12 01:37 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Nothing wrong with that. There is really no need for a car here ( most everything is in walking distance), and sd has a JOB so she should be able to afford her own insurance ( she works for me so I know what she brings home every week). a car is a luxury, not a necessity so not every parent will agree to pay for one.
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ssmom79
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/09/12 02:06 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I didn't say there was anything wrong ....just that your husbands choice didn't surprise me.
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Debi
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/09/12 02:35 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I think that because the car is still in the bank's name and we owe payments on it, we may have to insure her on "OUR" car.
I'm thinking you're right. I know I'd be sure my car was covered because the bank can force insurance on you if they all of a sudden find out it's not insured. (and they would probably find out before you!)
I have a 15yo getting ready to drive. There is a car at my house which will be available to her when she is with me (we have 50/50). It has already been made clear that the car will NOT go to her dad's house. He has told her that he doesn't have the money to put her on their insurance so when/if she gets a license it will be on my dime. My thought is that it's MY car and it is not going to be used so she can drive all over running errands and picking up her step brothers daughter and having everyone in the house take my car because it's the closest one to the end of the driveway. She is not happy that she will have to have her dad pick her up the same way he does now. She will also not be allowed to drive to school unless she has an after school activity. There is a perfectly good school bus that stops right at the end of my drive. :o)
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Thank you all so much for your posts. I agree with many of you, and many of the scenarios that you have suggested have already gone through my mind. Hubby just came home and said he isn't giving her the car until she gets a job, because he is disappointed that she doesn't have one yet. She still thinks one will magically fall into her lap. I agree, the school bus works just fine, esp on these back roads where we live.
My fingers are crossed that hubby doesn't cave and we end up paying for a lot of the cost. The mother has a silver spoon in her mouth and a quite large inheritance from her family. I just want everything to be EQUAL for both sets of parents! I also suggested last night that we sell the car and use the proceeds to pay "our third" towards another car, so that car payments are out of the equation lol!
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Sadie
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(addict)
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01/09/12 05:04 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Good for your hubby. If that is his decision he should stick with it, and not let the bm bully him into abything he isnt happy with. One thing that many forget is driving is a privledge, not a right, and parents are not required to fund the privledge.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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This is a sore subject for me. I've purchased 3 vehicles for the kids and ex won't contribute a penny for the cars, repairs or insurance.....especially sad when their household income is several times more than mine.
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annieo
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(veteran)
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01/09/12 05:16 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I would call the insurance agency to see what they say - when I sold insurance 12 years ago at the time if you have a licensed under the age of 18 driver in the home you HAVE to include the person on your insurance regardless of if he/she actually drove. Some parents would wait on getting the child the license (if it wasn't needed) because the child HAD to be on the policy. I would call your insurance and start there as to what policy the child will be on - interestingly enough it was generally the mothers home as that is usually who had primary custody but now days with the increase of 50/50 - I would just make sure I covered all my bases. When my sd lived with bm we split the cost (additional above cs)when she lived with us we paid the entire cost go figure...
ETA: when sd was at bm's bm had her on her policy and at our home she was moved to our policy.
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Tweeby
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/09/12 05:25 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I had no increse on premiums but one policy I had wanted ALL of the kids who were close to driving age and may take off with the car without permission or a license. Even without permission the company would cover the claim.
The cost to add a new teen driver with a good student discount to our policy was not much, as long as they were a part-time driver and we had more drivers than cars. Add in equal cars to licensed drivers and it was a LOT more expensive.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I called insurance months ago and they said the primary household for the child would have to cover her on their insurance, but if Dad's car was sitting at Mom's house then we would have to cover her on our insurance. Remember we only have the child every other weekend......BUT the car is in my husband's name (really the bank's name), so that is where the snafu is. The insurance company even said that most people don't add a teen to their policy unless they have a car that is entirely theirs to use.
So, I am thoroughly torn with what to do. I want to abide by the rules and cover ourselves doing the right, legal thing.....well you know the story.
I've even thought of paying off the car in a few months, signing the title over to the mom and daughter and being free of it. End of story, right? *sigh*
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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My kid doesn't need insurance unless he drives a car. In my house--these are the rules--you don't drive my car unless you have paid for the increased premium to put a kid on my insurance AND you have the 500 bucks in the bank to cover the deductible. And, nope, you don't get a car until you save up and buy one. If your mother wants to provide a car for you to drive, then she can jolly well provide your insurance, too.
Why is there an issue about who pays for the insurance? Who else but the insured should pay for it?
As far as whose insurance?. The person who owns whatever vehicle that the kid drives. And since the kid SHOULD be paying for the additional premium to have him on the policy, it doesn't really matter whose insurance he is on.
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Renny
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(addict)
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01/09/12 06:58 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Opinions vary widely on this subject. I gave my daughter a new car and insurance of course on her 16th birthday, plus a credit card to pay for gas. She comes and goes as she pleases but is basically a well grounded kid. Next year she will be completely on her own at ollege. Have to start letting go at some point. I will add that my friends ont see it that way and are
always stressing over curfews, discipline, responsibility, etc. etc. there are many ways to raise children.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I agree with Pops, and my husband is just starting to see things my way. I keep telling him that his daughter needs to earn this privilege.
She is going to freak when he tells her she has to find a job first. (LOL)
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Good thing your "shoulds" don't apply in my household.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Why? Do you think it is just too much to ask for a kid who wants the privilege of driving to pay the expenses of the same?
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Yup...I do think it's too much. I'd much rather have them concentrating on more important things...like school and their activities and volunteering, rather than working at McDonalds to pay for a car, insurance and gas money.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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And so would I. I'd much rather have them concentrating on their education (after all, I am a teacher) that out running around in some car that Mommy bought for them or flipping burgers. You see, unless their grades are As or Bs (and not too many of those), they can't even GET that job to buy a car. If my kid would rather work (and keep up his grades) than play football or take karate (and keep up their grades), I'm fine with that.
And btw? If he does buy himself a car, I'm buying his first license plate. "EARNED 1T"
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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You assume an awful lot with your "running around in a car Mommy bought them" crap. Good luck with that.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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UH--if you scroll up, I was referring to the car that my kid's mommy would have to buy him.
I SAID that at MY house..."And, nope, you don't get a car until you save up and buy one. If your mother wants to provide a car for you to drive, then she can jolly well provide your insurance, too."
Sorry you took that as a personal affront. You got all wadded up for nothing...
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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No personal affront. Just calling you out on the ridiculousness of your "shoulds" that you were throwing around.
As I said, thankfully, they don't apply to my household.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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heh heh heh. Yeah, ok.
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Debi
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/09/12 10:00 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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YAH,
I haven't seen anyone tell you that you should not handle a car/insurance situation the way you plan to. I have seen that it's not the way things will work in THEIR house.
In my house everything is based on the individual. My oldest is 17 and a half. She does not have a license yet because she is not responsible with anything she did not earn. Until this (her senior year) she has not done all that well in school. So far this year she is getting A's and B's and has decided she wants to graduate. If she pulls off these grades for the semester she will be allowed to take driving lessons.
Second daughter is an A/B student in mostly IB classes. She is also in sports. She will be 16 in the spring and will be allowed to take drivers ed soon. She is responsible and may not "like" what she's told but she does it. I will pay for her insurance because she deserves it.
The same deal was offered to 1st daughter when she was 14. Keep your grades up, work hard and I will find a way to make it happen. She didn't so I didn't.
Neither child will have a vehicle to use as they wish. That's just not the way I do things. I agree there are other ways than having a job to "earn" a car, but be honest......if next year your daughter's grades tanked and she quit her sports and wasn't "earning" the privledge would you be willing to foot the bill? (I get that's a HUGE stretch, I'm just playing what if) If your son just thought he was entitled to a car because sis worked hard and earned one would you just hand it to him without him working for it. (and no, still not talking about a paying job). I find it hard to believe that you feel your kids are "entitled" to anything. You've been posting here a long time and I know YOU'VE worked hard for what you have and have instilled the same value in your kids.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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>>>I haven't seen anyone tell you that you should not handle a car/insurance situation the way you plan to. I have seen that it's not the way things will work in THEIR house.<<<
What Pop said was:
"Why is there an issue about who pays for the insurance? Who else but the insured should pay for it?
As far as whose insurance?. The person who owns whatever vehicle that the kid drives. And since the kid SHOULD be paying for the additional premium to have him on the policy, it doesn't really matter whose insurance he is on.<<<
Maybe he meant that HIS kid SHOULD be paying for the additional premium. But that is NOT what he said.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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That is what I said. The KID is the insured on the parent's policy. Capisch?
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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What you said was that the kid SHOULD be paying. Kid in general...not your specific kid.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I got shafted.......I am the custodial mom....I gave her a car, I also insure her.....her dad doesn't give me a dime.......for anything.
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c_jane
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(Pooh-Bah)
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01/10/12 08:12 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I will probably get shafted too. I am the NCP, pay a good amount of CS, bought the car (deal I didn't want to turn down), and will most likely ALSO have to pay for the insurance as Exhole NEVER has any money.
As long as I can though, I will pay it because DS is a good kid and (so far--knock on wood!) hasn't screwed up majorily.
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gr8Dad
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/10/12 08:16 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Tough to screw up when Mommy does everything for you and blames all your mistakes on Dad.
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Avaya
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/10/12 08:23 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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[quote].... if you have a licensed under the age of 18 driver in the home.... [/quote]
That would mean primarily in the home, right? Not EOWE visitation.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Well, even though NCP doesn't pay a dime in support (unless the court threatens her with jail), I certainly don't feel as if I got shafted. If NCP bought my son a car and expected me to contribute to the cost of insurance, my response would be *crickets*
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annieo
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(veteran)
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01/10/12 10:07 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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yes - the primary home
I do not know about 50/50 as this was 12 years ago when 50/50 was rare - the company I worked for did not have any cases of 50/50
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onerose
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/10/12 11:10 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Back when I received CS…I would NEVER, asked/ordered the bio father, to pay for a car or insurance. I don’t understand the people that get CS and still expect more, more, more.
If the NCP is ok with paying then that is great. But I don’t feel they should be bullied into paying. (If they are paying CS)
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SRS
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(Pooh-Bah)
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01/10/12 01:01 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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What, you think it is wrong to ask for a discussion about car insurance because they pay CS? That is crazy talk.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Yup. Imo, CS in no way covers these type expenses.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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**Frankly, I'd get rid of the car and buy used vehicle with the cash from the car you sell. Break the insurance into 3rds. Then you don't have a car payment, mom pays what she wants, daughter gets a job to pay insurance, and she has a reliable car. TADAAAAAAA!!! **
This works well. Only thing I'd change is that the used car goes into mom's name and mom and D pay insurance, period. Child lives with mom and car can go on mom's policy. Dad gets removed from any liability when Miss 16yo drives the car into a ditch while texting, and he's made a substantial contribution by giving her the car in the first place. The rest is up to BM & D.
Oh, and one other thing. A 16yo finding a job that doesn't involve babysitting or yard work isn't easy, and without reliable transportation it's even harder.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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My son turned of driving age. Rule 1 you want to drive you have to pay for car insurance. Of course I help but he has to work. BM doesnt pay a dime I wont ask her to.That being said when the children she has custody of turn of driving age I expect her to set her own rules and I will not interfear. I also will not pay. Driving is a privilage that is how I was raised.
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Debi
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/10/12 02:24 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Maybe he meant that HIS kid SHOULD be paying for the additional premium. But that is NOT what he said.
Who cares either way? Even if he thinks EVERY kid should pay, it's an opinion. Like it's your opinion that teens have other things to concentrate on than having a job and it's Renny's opinion that people who stress curfews and responsibility have an issue letting go.
I was just curios because I've seen you get heated on this subject before and I've never seen anyone belittle you for your choice. It just seems to be something you take very personally for some reason.
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onerose
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/10/12 02:24 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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What, you think it is wrong to ask for a discussion about car insurance because they pay CS?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Not at all. BUT…I do think it is wrong to EXPECT the NCP to pay for cars, insurance, gas if you are receiving CS. Like I said…if the NCP wants to help, more power to them. But to just EXPECT it is over stepping.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I guess where I'm stuck is what CS has to do with this issue.
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Sadie
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(addict)
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01/10/12 03:20 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Cs is to be used for the childs expenses in the cps home. The Cp decided to get a car for the kid, insurance is one of the childs expenses, therefore something to use the cs for
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Debi
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/10/12 03:32 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I think it's wrong to expect someone else to pay just because "I" decided the child was going to have a license and car regardless of CS. having a discussion is one thing. Entitlement issues are another.
My x has already told our daughter he doesn't have the money to pay for insurance for her. If I decide she's going to get her license then I better be ready to do it on my own.
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Miranda
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/10/12 03:48 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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[quote]Cs is to be used for the childs expenses in the cps home. The Cp decided to get a car for the kid, insurance is one of the childs expenses, therefore something to use the cs for [/quote]
CS is for food, shelter, and clothing.
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Miranda
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/10/12 03:58 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I agree with your stance on the insurance for the teen.
We have 4 cars and a motorcycle, our insurance bill is luxury car note. Ridiculous. I bought my SS a car in 2009 (he lives with us) and we paid 100% of his insurance for 6 months. After that, he was to contribute $50 towards it. Now that he has graduated high school, he pays $100 a month for the insurance and his iPhone. Nothing wrong with kids learning about and contributing towards their bills.
Whenever I let my son get his license, the same parameters will be set.
Neither one of our exes (mine/my husband's) has paid a thing towards their respective children ever. We pay for everything, that is just the way it is and I understand that. I don't go into purchasing things worried about how I can convince my ex to pay something towards it.
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Sadie
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(addict)
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01/10/12 04:19 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I have never seen cs labeled for food shelter and clothing. It is for the childs expenses,which if the cp decides to get said child a car, would include insurance
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Miranda
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/10/12 04:25 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I have only seen it labeled as such. Other expenses like daycare, medical, or extra curriculars are in addition to CS. At least it is in my order. Not that my ex pays...
I don't see how car insurance would be covered under CS, as it is not a basic need for the child.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Does it really surprise you that sadie thinks there is that much money out of CS that the CP is apparently spending on themself until time for the kid to drive?
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Sadie
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(addict)
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01/10/12 04:32 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Exactly, then cp and child can figure out how to fund the car/insurance with what money they have, and if they cant afford it and ncp does not feel so compelled, child doesnt drive
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Miranda
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/10/12 04:34 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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[quote]Exactly, then cp and child can figure out how to fund the car/insurance with what money they have, and if they cant afford it and ncp does not feel so compelled, child doesnt drive [/quote]
Huh?
You said car insurance was covered by CS. I disagreed.
I am a CP that pays 100% of everything. I don't care about who pays what, I pay for it all. I cannot imagine living my life worried about who is paying for what for my own child. If I don't provide it, he won't get it. Luckily for the kids in my case, we make a good living and can afford things.
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Sadie
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(addict)
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01/10/12 04:36 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Then if the cp cannot afford a car or additional insurance then kiddo walks or maybe has to get a part time job to help supplement this want.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Illinois statutes define child support: "... the reasonable and necessary physical, mental and emotional health needs of the child." Case law in Illinois specifically describes child support as being for the ordinary, necessary daily living expenses of a child. I imagine every state has similar statutes and case law defining child support.
A car (and insurance, registration, gas, maintenance) for a teenager in high school does NOT fall into the category of "reasonable and necessary physical, mental and emotional health needs of the child."
just sayin...
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Miranda
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/10/12 04:43 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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[quote]Then if the cp cannot afford a car or additional insurance then kiddo walks or maybe has to get a part time job to help supplement this want. [/quote]
I think a kid should do that anyway, even in a intact family. Nothing wrong with teaching kids to work for what they want.
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Sadie
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(addict)
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01/10/12 04:48 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I agree. My kiddos have been learning to help around the house since they were very little, and ds is just starting with an allowance. They wont be able to get a job for quite a while yet, but once they are old enough they will be working part time
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Or...NCP and CP work together to make sure it is covered.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland *DELETED*
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Post deleted by DedicatedDad
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Sadie
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(addict)
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01/10/12 06:00 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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DD That was one fo the reasons dh didnt contribute to a car for sd. He felt that if sd was financially responsible for said car, she would be less likely to let bm use it.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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We have 3 teens of driving age. My dd, and two step daughters. The step daughters are automatically covered on our vehicles because they are only occasional drivers and don't live with us full time. My dd purchased her own car and we help her with insurance. All three do not have jobs and do work around the house for gas money. DH is planning on getting another vehicle for his kids to use, but only while they are at our house. BM does not have a job and wouldn't be able to afford insurance, and he wouldn't expect her to if we bought them a car. The car would not be allowed to be at BM's house overnight because other people would use the car and gas. If mom bought the car she would be expected to cover the insurance.
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M5M5
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/10/12 06:16 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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CS actually includes entertainment...in my state. lol
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Thanks for all of the responses. It turns out, hubby spoke with the bm last night and asked about the plan for insurance again. We would have the car covered on our plan, to be safe and legal, but we want bm and 16yo to contribute. Bm now says that 16yo can't afford $80/mo to pay her father for the insurance. Get a job for a few hours a week and any extra shift you take is money in your pocket for fun. Nope. Bm made the choice right there on the phone, with 16yo listening in the background. Bm didn't say "Hey 16yo you could do this if you got a job, and your father and I can help you." It would only be $40 if bm and 16yo split it and so on....
Its not about the money here. We really wanted this to be a good experience for the 16yo daughter, an opportunity for her to learn responsibility. Instead she is the one that started crying in the background, saying we should sell the car. Then bm chimes in with "you'll have to drive her everywhere." Um, no. The only place we have to drive her is to a doctor's/dentist appt. etc. She is only doing herself a disservice by not getting a job and then earning the privilege of having a car. Bm is very controlling, so this entire issue to her is more than about just money with her daughter.
Father and I (the stepmom) agree that on weekends when we have the 16yo, she can use the car to drive to a few places, but she won't get the car to take back to mom's house and use for school and activities, etc.
This could be so easy if she would just take this opportunity. She's a junior in hs and her father and I want her to learn to be more responsible before going off to college.
So, we will keep the car on our plan but the keys won't be handed over until something changes with the 16yo. If she's not driving full-time, there is less of an issue.
Hubby asked bm why he is the car provider and she had no answer, she said to sell it and she would figure something else out.
I say don't look a gift horse in the mouth. This could all be so easy.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Ehhh..as mom I'd just pay the entire $80. But somehow I don't think that would be good enough for you and your husband.
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Avaya
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/11/12 08:40 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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[quote]Or...NCP and CP work together to make sure it is covered. [/quote]
And if EITHER one is unwilling then it's up to the child and the willing parent to figure out how to pay for it; not for the willing parent to force it on the unwilling parent.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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There's no way in hell that the bm would pay the insurance all by herself, because that's beneath her, but she goes ahead and speaks for the 16yo, saying she can't pay it ("afford") either.
J-O-B.
My OP asked about laws in Maryland etc. and right now this car is already on my insurance with my hubby, as it has been for a few years. I've determined that we don't need to make any changes, because things with bm are escalating, as far as her usual drama with her need for control.
All my hubby and I want to do is have the 16yo take a step towards being independent and she is just throwing tantrums, right alongside her mother. Hubby and I tried. Oh well. I'm sure this isn't over. :-(
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gr8Dad
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/11/12 09:20 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Why would you say that? All thy asked was that mom share the cost, she refused, now you are saying if she agreed, they wouldn't accept it. That is pretty bytchy.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I'll agree with that. I'd think pretty lowly of my ex if he didn't help out, but it would be totally his choice to do so.
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Sadie
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(addict)
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01/11/12 09:41 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Not every parent feels obligated to buy and support a car without at least some contribution from the child. My dhs parents didnt help at all with his first car. He had to get a job, save and pay all expenses on it. He was an honors student in both hs and college so it can be done.
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Renny
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(addict)
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01/11/12 09:46 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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It's not unusual for the stepmother to have ill feelings towards the BM and the kids. Every time you see the kids, especially the daughter, it remoinds you of the BM and love you H once shared with her. I think this is a sad situation. Hostility to the BM disguised as wanting to instill discipline and personal responsibility into the kid. The kid won't forget that you denied her a small favor when it cost you very little and meant a lot to her. She may return the favor someday by putting you in a nursing home.
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Sadie
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(addict)
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01/11/12 10:07 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Seems to me in this situation, its the bm who denied the daughter something. Dad and SM were willing to provide a newer model car, and all bm needed was to contribute the insurance.
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Debi
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/11/12 10:08 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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They aren't denying her anything. They are not willing to send a car they are paying for to BM's house without everyone helping out. I don't blame them. My kids will not take my car to their dad's house either. Of course i do not believe in teens, especially 16yo new drivers having a car at their disposal.
I'm not sure why you think the issue is that the child reminds her that BM and her H were once together and that's why she doesn't want to do this. I think that's pretty far fetched. It's not a competition. Also it's pretty unlikely that a stepchild would have any say in putting a step parent in a nursing home, but good try.
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Renny
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(addict)
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01/11/12 10:33 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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"They are not willing to send a car they are paying for to BM's house without everyone helping out."/quote
This doesn't make sense to me.
"Of course i do not believe in teens, especially 16yo new drivers having a car at their disposal."/quote
My 17 kid goes to a HS where nearly everybody gets a car at 16 and grades and getting into a good college are considered more important than the part-time job -- which is very difficult to get anyway. But these are judgments parents can make legitimately. My parents wouldn't let me have a scoooter, because they thought I was reckless. I didn't agree of course. And now I'll be putting my mother in a nursing home (just kidding).
The resentment towards the BM is all over in OP's posts, and I keep running across it from others. They are always lazy, fat, slovenly, lousy parents living high off the hog on cs.
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Debi
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/11/12 12:02 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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"The resentment towards the BM is all over in OP's posts, and I keep running across it from others. They are always lazy, fat, slovenly, lousy parents living high off the hog on cs."
Stop and think about how much of that resentment (especially early in a relationship or marriage) comes from the man who used to be married to BM. I know my x bad mouthed the heck out of me to his wife when they started dating. Of course he had to justify not wanting to be married any more other wise she would have wondered why SHE should stick around. About 1 year after they were married some things happened and she discovered that I was NOT the biotch he said I was. We have become friends over the years.
I've found that in a lot of cases one parent tries to control what goes on in the other's home. In most cases it's the BM who tries to control the other home. I have never done that so we get along fine. I've only been in one relationship with someone who has other kids and I got along great with his xwife, because she didn't do that either. Where the jealousy comes from I don't know. I'm not jealous of my x's wife because she has him, and she's not jealous of me because I used to. I don't have an issue with her disciplining. It's her home, she should. if more people would back off and let the other parent run their home the way they see fit there wouldn't be so many issues. I'm not talking about dangerous situations, but just regular everyday goings on.
I also don't think anyone should EVER expect the OP to pay for something or part of something. Don't do it unless you can afford to swing it yourself and if they agree it's a bonus. I don't have drama because I worry about my home, what I can do, and I expect nothing from my x. Not to mention I don't invite the drama.
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ssmom79
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/11/12 12:04 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I also don't think anyone should EVER expect the OP to pay for something or part of something. Don't do it unless you can afford to swing it yourself and if they agree it's a bonus. I don't have drama because I worry about my home, what I can do, and I expect nothing from my x. Not to mention I don't invite the drama.
_____________________________________
EXACTLY!!
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Renny
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(addict)
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01/11/12 01:14 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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"I don't have drama because I worry about my home, what I can do, and I expect nothing from my x."
I agree with this. Don't waste energy fantasizing about how things could be better if the other side cooperated, were more generous, etc. It is what it is.
Still, if I am in a financial position to pay for things for my children over and above what I am required to, I do it happily.
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ssmom79
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/11/12 01:47 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Right Renny....I totally agree with y'all.
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Sherron
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/11/12 01:49 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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"Ehhh..as mom I'd just pay the entire $80."
That's only an option if you can afford it.
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gr8Dad
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/11/12 02:14 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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"That's only an option if you can afford it."
Unless you are an NCP that can't afford BRACES, in which case, you stated YESTERDAY that it was TOO BAD< they should pay it. Interesting duality.
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Sherron
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/11/12 02:31 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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"Unless you are an NCP that can't afford BRACES, in which case, you stated YESTERDAY that it was TOO BAD< they should pay it. Interesting duality. "
No duality at all. Surely you can see the difference between a medical procedure that is recommended by 2 different doctors, and paying for car insurance. Need versus want. My comment was also directed at yah, who mentioned in another thread that her financial outlook is not great, stopping her from putting braces on both kids at the same time. But, $80 a month for car insurance, she would just pay.
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ssmom79
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/11/12 02:52 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Medical needs and vehicle wants aren't the same thing and don't make for an interesting duality.
I understand that you think if a NCP cannot AFFORD braces that an NCP should not HAVE to pay for braces however I disagree with the blanket response...there is not a cookie cutter answer and that is because the word 'afford' is so subjective. My sister can't afford to pay car insurance...wanna know why? Cause she is a smoker and prefers cigarettes. Now, can she AFFORD it? Sure, if she makes some changes to her priorities. WAY TOO MANY variables to determine if one parent can 'afford' something.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Yup, I would. And I will, considering I'm paying for my daughter's car and her insurance this year.
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M5M5
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/11/12 04:19 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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When did God die and you take His place? You have no idea that what you are saying applies in this case.
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ssmom79
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/11/12 04:31 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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There actually are some parents who are fat, lazy and living high off the CS. When SS graduates next year, a really rude awakening is coming to BM. We will only have SD and the 50/50 placement will be factored into the equation. She will see a drop from $1250 to about $300. She is building a house and I am THRILLED for the kids and BM but it's expensive and I am worried she will lose the house when CS changes. ANYWAY...some do actually fit those guidelines. As many as proclaim it, probably not.
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Miranda
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/11/12 05:05 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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[quote]It's not unusual for the stepmother to have ill feelings towards the BM and the kids. Every time you see the kids, especially the daughter, it remoinds you of the BM and love you H once shared with her. I think this is a sad situation. Hostility to the BM disguised as wanting to instill discipline and personal responsibility into the kid. The kid won't forget that you denied her a small favor when it cost you very little and meant a lot to her. She may return the favor someday by putting you in a nursing home. [/quote]
OMG this is the most melodramatic post I have read in a long time. Ridiculous...too much "Days of Our Lives".
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I don't have children of my own- my oldest sister has 4. Recently my Dad purchased 2 cars (about $7K each) for my nephews. I don't think it's too much to ask the other parent (My sister's ExH) to contribute to insurance for the provided reliable car. JMHO. ;-)
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Redlegg
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/12/12 04:25 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Everyone pays above what they are required to for their kids, well, unless they cannot afford it or disagree with it, but other than that, of course....What parent would nto pay for something they want their child to do, if they can afford to pay for it......
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Avaya
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/12/12 09:42 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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I disagree. Your sister didn't provide anything, the childrens' grandfather provided it. IMHO, your sister and her ExH should share the cost of insurance IF they both agree their sons should have the cars. IMHO, grandpa providing it doesn't mean sister should expect dad to foot the costs. She's out nothing.
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Sherron
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/12/12 09:59 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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"I disagree. Your sister didn't provide anything, the childrens' grandfather provided it. IMHO, your sister and her ExH should share the cost of insurance IF they both agree their sons should have the cars. IMHO, grandpa providing it doesn't mean sister should expect dad to foot the costs. She's out nothing."
I thought that's what SL meant by asking the other parent to contribute... to help out, not to foot the entire cost.
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Her ExH does cover the insurance, and it's a lot less than if he was contributing to the cost of the cars. Thanks to the generosity of my Dad.
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Avaya
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/12/12 11:40 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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What is your sister contributing?
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Cassie23
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/13/12 06:34 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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It's not unusual for the stepmother to have ill feelings towards the BM and the kids. Every time you see the kids, especially the daughter, it remoinds you of the BM and love you H once shared with her
----------------------------------------------------
WOAH? Really? What world are you living in? In most divorce cases, I can assure you there is no love lost. Looking at my SD didn't remind me of the love BM and H once shared. LOL
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Cassie23
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/13/12 06:40 AM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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They aren't denying her anything. They are not willing to send a car they are paying for to BM's house without everyone helping out. I don't blame them. My kids will not take my car to their dad's house either. Of course i do not believe in teens, especially 16yo new drivers having a car at their disposal.
I'm not sure why you think the issue is that the child reminds her that BM and her H were once together and that's why she doesn't want to do this. I think that's pretty far fetched. It's not a competition. Also it's pretty unlikely that a stepchild would have any say in putting a step parent in a nursing home, but good try.
--------------------
I think that the OP is making the right decision. Actually I don't know that I would have gone as far as to send a car I bought and are STILL paying on to BM's house. In our case BM wanted us to contribute 50% to a vehicle for SD. We said no because when SD is with us we would give her a vehicle to use. And to be honest we figured that vehicle would end up being more for BM than SD. Turns out we were right. The vehicle was used by BM more than SD. Then BM sold it, bought SD a $2500 car and she wrecked it in less than a week. Too many variables. If the child is driving a car you bought, but is with the other parent the majority of the time...I don't think I would be willing to contribute. When the child is with us, we will give her the opportunity to have use of a vehicle. We really don't agree with just giving a child, in HS, a car to have.
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annieo
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(veteran)
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01/13/12 12:27 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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bm bought sd a car (well flavor of the month did) and then went to court to ask that my hubby pay for the car - it was called a unilateral decision based on a want not a need and hubby did not have to pay for any of the car.
when sd came to our home to live (for the umpteenth time) for the final two years of her childhood, bm would not let sd bring the car - hubby thought the car was a pos but offered at that time to buy it from bm - we lived out of town and she had a job and attended a trade school in addition to school so she needed transportation - but bm said nope sd could only have the car if she came back there - well sd was finally done with bm's antics and said nope - anyway bm at this time was uber pi$$ed cause she had to reimburse us for the lump sum payout we gave her for cs to get her out of out lives (long horror story) so she would not even subtract what she owed us for the price of the car.
We bought sd a car and she rarely visited her mom but when she did she was allowed to take it and we gave he gas money to get there (4 hour rt) bm would not have been caught dead driving it as it was "beneath" her given it wasn't a lexus, bmw, mercedes etc... you get the picture - we did not have to worry about it lol!!!
sd followed our rules and was responsible - at her mothers she was a brat but then again we meant what we said, didn't make promises we did not plan to keep, rules were rules etc... she respected us and with that she earned our respect - with bm it was whatever was good at the moment...
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ssmom79
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/13/12 12:39 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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WOAH? Really? What world are you living in? In most divorce cases, I can assure you there is no love lost. Looking at my SD didn't remind me of the love BM and H once shared. LOL
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This made me laugh a lot. Not the case here. And my SD looks a lot like her mom.
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Cassie23
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/13/12 02:59 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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Actually when SD left her Mom's she gave H the option of buying one of her cars (BM and her H split right around the same time). She wanted us to take over the car note because it would cost HER more if she traded it in along with another car, since it was not paid for yet. SD thought- that's a good idea. H was against it, why should we buy a car from BM that H was against SD having from the beginning?
Didn't happen, we found a car here that SD was more than welcomed to use for getting back and forth to school or whatnot.
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Cassie23
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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01/13/12 03:01 PM
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Re: Teen auto insurance in Maryland
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:) I think SD looks a lot like her Mom, however she says she doesn't. There has been times where SD has said or made a face that reminds me of her BM, but since she hasn't seen BM in 2 years that really doesn't happen anymore. Those faces do not remind me of the love they once shared, it does make me sad, at times, to realize what kind of home SD grew in all those years though...
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