| Nicole |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 04/20/12 10:31 AM |
Summer school/baseball tourney
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DH sent a letter to BM about which weeks he wants for summer. He does this every year and even though he always leaves it open to change if it doesn't work for her she always goes with what he originally offers. She received the letter on the 12th and yesterday he received a txt from her saying his youngest son wants to attend summer school. She also does this every year after he sends the letter, she says one or both boys wants to go. EVERY year neither one ends up going because they don't want to. The summer school at their school isn't to boost your grades or get ahead its usually a 3-week themed session that usually is half a day. So he txt BM back and asked what were the dates for the summer school, she has not responded. So when I called their school this morning to find out the dates you can imagine my suprise when they told me that their school isn't having summer school this year. Hmmm... did she think we wouldn't find out?
Also, OSS is having a baseball tourney this weekend, BM found out about this early last week. She didn't tell us about it until Sunday and all she mentioned about it was how much we owe for our half. We have paid her for it and also requested location of tourney and times because I was going to try and go. Tourney is tomorrow and she still has not responded with location and times. We have tried to contact the coach but BM is close to him and he has not responded to us.
BM had DH served with a Objection to Relocation. His lawyer expected it and has already responded. He did talk to her lawyer and seemed to get the impression that a compromise was highly likely but I can't really believe that at this point.
| elliesmom |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 04/20/12 11:48 AM |
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Re: Summer school/baseball tourney
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I know this is professionally what your DH has to do, but you can't expect someone who suddenly has 99% of parenting thrown into their lap to be nice about it. Even if she was a nice person, which it sounds like, yeah no.
DH's standard answer (and he had it written into his Long-Distance decree) to summer school/camp was that he would find a comparable program where he lived so they could attend if there was no way to work it out without reducing his time. You will probably want that.
| Nicole |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 04/20/12 12:27 PM |
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Re: Summer school/baseball tourney
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we know its a change for her but bottom line is she still needs to keep DH informed of stuff. I am sure by now the teams know where and when they are playing.
And too add: DH has no problem if skids want to go to summer school, he just wants to make sure he still sees them as well. He has already emailed his attorney and told him that if she was willing to give him more than 2 weeks at a time (order states he gets 3 two-week periods) he has no issue with them going.
I think we both 100% realize that yes, we moved, yes, a lot more has been put on BM, but we still want to be as involved as we can. The first time I went to pick up skids for the our first weekend visit, I paid off both of their lunch bills for the rest of the year and they have enough to roll over next year for about the first 2-3 months.
BM got pissed at DH because he did not mail his portion of the tourney fee the same day she told him. He mailed it three days later.
We truly want to do whatever we can to not make this so much of a burden on BM.
| elliesmom |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 04/20/12 01:48 PM |
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Re: Summer school/baseball tourney
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I know that you both will try to minimize as much as you can the burden, but the fact is - you can only do so much. The circumstances (not lack of willingness on your part) are what are dictating how hard this will be for her. And she isn't starting from a position of extreme maturity and warm fuzzies for your DH.
I would be very leery given her history of this type of childish lack of communication type of revenge (which I am very familiar with, BM, FU very much) how far she will take it. I would start writing my LD parenting plan with her at her worst in mind. One thing DH kept getting wrapped up in "well what if we required XXXXX and she had a legitimate reason for not XXXX?" I had to remind him that having it written in there was INSURANCE. So WE (not her) got to decide what was/wasn't reasonable. She is gearing up for war (she spent how much money just to object to a move that WILL happen??) and you guys need to set aside your guilt and do the same to make sure you aren't run out of these kids lives. Its not about what she could/should do. Its about what she MUST do. And unless he has a piece of paper that says she must notify him within 48 hrs of receiving a sports schedule (or what have you) I would bet it aint gonna happen anymore.
| Nicole |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 04/20/12 03:22 PM |
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Re: Summer school/baseball tourney
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very sound advice. thank you. and the order does not say she has to inform us other than medical emergencies, i guess as a parent you would just expect the courtesy.
| Debi |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 04/20/12 03:58 PM |
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Re: Summer school/baseball tourney
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"i guess as a parent you would just expect the courtesy."
No, you expect nothing from anyone. That way you are disappointed by the results. Not to be mean but on the same hand SHE could say she never expected her kids dad to move away from them. It's not about expectations....It's about what IS.
| gr8Dad |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 04/20/12 04:16 PM |
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Re: Summer school/baseball tourney
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Yeah, but when you ask for and GET the money for a tournament, and the other parent ASKS for the date and time, it isn't courtesy to respond, it is a MORAL IMPERATIVE, regardless of circumstances.
| elliesmom |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 04/20/12 04:20 PM |
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Re: Summer school/baseball tourney
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I wouldn't want to rely on the morals of an ex to see the right thing done. Take notes on the silly stuff she does and remember to include it later when you are proposing your parenting plan.
| Debi |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 04/20/12 07:45 PM |
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Re: Summer school/baseball tourney
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ok, but again......you can not EXPECT others to do the right thing. I'm not saying she shouldn't give him the dates and that goes for whether he pays part of it or not. I'm saying that you can NOT expect people to do something even if it is something YOU would do. You can't control anyone's actions. Only your reaction to them. I stopped expecting anything from anyone a long time ago. It makes my life a lot less dramatic.
| SRS |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 04/21/12 04:15 PM |
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Re: Summer school/baseball tourney
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Your husband's decision (yeah, yeah for work) has caused a major change in her life. It seems that you don't appreciate that MAJOR changes that she didn't have a say in.
Too bad you moved without a long distance parent plan in place. I'd get on the stick and get that done asap through the courts.
STOP TEXTING WITH HER and stop expecting her to be grateful for the things you do. You have thrown a major change in her life - and she had no say in it. Why should she be grateful to your husband?
Is your husband grateful about the care she provides to his children? Does he communicate that with her? No? Well, then don't expect that from her.
ETA: I still see a lot of stuff that YOU are attempting to take care of. Why didn't DH drive to pick up the kids, pay off the lunches, visit with his kids, etc?
| Nicole |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 04/24/12 01:29 PM |
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Re: Summer school/baseball tourney
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I hate having to come on here and defend myself or DH. No one here knows me in person so no one on here knows how we live our lives, how BM lives hers, how we treat BM, how BM treats us. You have to believe what I say, or to some ppl not believe what I say. It's hard because I know how we feel about skids, the move, BM, and as much as I try to express it, it doesn't really matter.
Even though I have said it so many times, we get that the move was quick, we get that BM might have been thrown for a loop on it. We get that now a lot of the responsibility is on her. But what everyone here doesn't get, is that we KNOW BM. We know that this is what she wants. She told me so. When I talked to her when DH got this job offered she told me that she was going to fight for full custody because skids told her they didn't like coming to our house every other week anymore.
I know some will not believe that, oh but you still left...... If you knew BM, you would know that DH being out of skids lives would be perfectly fine with her. It is just how it is. She see's her house and herself as the parent/skids "home" and DH and our house and just someone/place they visit. That is why when we talk to skids about going to moms or going to dads we always reference both houses as their homes. But even her mom has started on facebook posting on their walls while they are here about missing them so much, can't wait till they get back home, etc. She didn't start until the first weekend that they came down here.
I could never post anything that would prove to anyone/everyone how BM truely is. I probably don't portray it that well on here because I get passionate while I am typing and forgot half of the stuff I want to say. All I know and can say is that we LIVE it. We hear skids comments about what BM told them regarding us or our house or them being at her house. We know how she talks to both of us regarding anything and everything. I am not here to prove myself or DH. He is a father who loves his kids 100% and would do anything for them. He is a man who fought for 3 years just to see them. He is a man for 7 years turned down any offer of promotion to be able to stay with them. Is he perfect? No, because no one is. But for anyone to question is commitment or love to his children gets this individual fired up because I see it.
DH has been keeping a journal/documentation since we moved. And he does the obvious and journals about the events of what happens but while writing he gets emotional. He writes for pages and pages about how he is feeling about all of it. It's a hard thing to read because you know as men they are taught to keep those feelings in, they are stronger. But when you read it, you see a man breaking down.
| SRS |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 04/27/12 09:31 AM |
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Re: Summer school/baseball tourney
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You need to stop, Nicole. You sound young and I get that you are in love with your husband. That is wonderful.
Take EM and Debi's advice regarding your sitch. It is really good and I say that from a BM perspective.
| Runswithscissors |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 04/28/12 07:59 AM |
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Re: Summer school/baseball tourney
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Nicole, maybe not. Son plays AAU and I just found out this am where we are playing in 2 hours.