| 2confused2think |
| (recently joined) |
| 04/17/07 05:30 PM |
Going through it AGAIN?!?!
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I'm sorry if this gets long...
I have two boys (5 and 6 yrs old). Their father turned gay and we got divorced in 2003. He then decided he would absolutely NOT pay child support and terminated his rights in 2004. His parents and I stayed in contact for the sake of the children and I have let them see the kids more than I should have probably. They were going over there and spending the weekend with them every other weekend for about a year. Then last year I had some money problems and got evicted from my apartment. We then moved in with my mom and the other grandparents took me to court for visitation because my mom was seeing the kids more than she was (WE LIVED WITH MY MOM!!). We went to court and I didn't have an attorney, but the judge still sided with me because I am a fit parent and I wasn't refusing them visitation, just limiting it because I was getting my life back in order and I wanted (and still do want) to spend as much time with my kids as possible. So the judge ordered one weekend a month. That wasn't good enough for her, so she dropped the suit and asked if I would let them see the kids more since she dropped it. Things were tense for a while, but eventually we got on a sort of schedule where the kids would go over there every other weekend, but only one day, not the whole weekend. So within the last 2-3 months, my ex inlaws have been arguing alot (amongst themselves) but in front of my children. I have been called on multiple occasions by my son to come and get them because they were scared. This last weekend, it happened again, and my youngest son told me that he was really scared because the man left and the woman was crying in her bedroom and told him she couldn't take care of him and to call 9-1-1. It turns out she had taken sedatives and was too drugged to even care what they needed. I was of course extremely upset about this and brought it up to her today. She flat out denied it and said the kids were lying. And unfortunately I trust my 5 year old more than her. So now she is threatening to take me back to court since I said I wasn't comfortable with the kids coming over right now. There have been other things and this was just the tip of the iceberg for me..(Grandpa lets them use a chainsaw to cut down trees, lets them light fires, undermines every rule I have in place). I am not saying I am perfect in any way shape or form, but am I in the wrong here? I am living with my mom and working for the local school district in order to save up money and get out on our own again. Please let me know if you think I am out of line here.
| Rebecca5 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 04/17/07 07:33 PM |
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Re: Going through it AGAIN?!?!
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YOU are the PARENT. You are completely not out of line. There is nothing more important than the safety of your children.
I'd offer a compromise....an afternoon at the park, or dinner at a pizza place with everyone present.
I would also keep careful records...of the times the children are in their home, the phone calls, the compromises you offer, their responses, etc. That way, if they do return to court, you can show the judge that you aren't cutting them out..and that you are trying to foster a relationship.
| 2confused2think |
| (recently joined) |
| 04/19/07 03:17 PM |
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Re: Going through it AGAIN?!?!
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I feel confident that if they took me back to court, then I woudl previl. I just hate not knowing what is coming next. She says they are coming to my son's soccer game on Saturday and I am praying so hard for rain it is not even funny. I do not want to even be around her. Yesterday she sent me an email saying she has a stronger bond with my kids than I do because of the time they spent with her during their dad's visitation (when he had some). He wouldnt be home and they would spend the time with her and her husband. Then she continued to insult me and talk down to me. I know if I see her this weekend it is going to be awful and I honestly don't want that around my children. I had a full blown panic attack last night with palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness. I hate that I let her get to me like that, but these are my kids! Of course I am going to get worked up over someone trying to do something with them that I am not in favor of! I wish there was a way to get a restraining order against her. I feel like she put my children in danger last weekend, but all CPS and anyone else is telling me is just don't take them over there, that is protection. I understand that, but what about, for example, the soccer games. She has every right to be there, it is a public place. ugh I am just very frustrated.
| Mom27 |
| (journeyman) |
| 07/31/07 10:48 AM |
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Re: Going through it AGAIN?!?!
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Unfortunately, you cannot do anything about her coming to the soccer games or other PUBLIC places UNLESS she does something out of line. You must document everything. It is too bad that things have to get out of control before the courts can step in. But, realistically to gain some control over this situation you might just have to allow her enough rope to hang herself.
If she acts out of line at the soccer game there will be other witnesses there. Do you have a friend or someone that could stand there with you if/when you need to speak to her or confront her so there is a witness to what was said and reactions?
If you have documented things well and have witnesses to negative behaviors, it will help a lot in actually obtaining a restraining order.
If your children are actually in danger and the situation is as you described, it would really be a point AGAINST you and any case that might subsequently come up in court for you to allow them to spend time at her house again.
Although, if you feel you have no choice and decide to allow them to spend time with their grandparents again, I would definitely tell the children to call 9-1-1 if they feel like they are in danger.... in that situation if they had called 9-1-1 you would have the documentation that it did actually happen and was not your child's word against Grandma's.
It sounds to me like she is trying to gain custody not just visitation of your children. Be very careful and remind her often that YOU are their parent and it is your right and responsibility to do what you feel is best for your children.