Huck
(recently joined)
10/28/04 04:52 AM
Discovered Wife is Cheating

I have discovered that my wife is cheating, for at least several months and perphaps much longer. I am the "primary care giver" and have been for several years. My wife works late hours, and recently completed a grueling 3-year MBA program. I do a small amount of Marketing consuting and copy wiriting, but do not earn enough to go it alone at this time. I am very concerned that I have custody of our only child (5 yrs old). What are my options here in California?

Eric
(old hand)
10/28/04 08:09 AM
Re: Discovered Wife is Cheating

It is strongly recommended that you do NOT seek sole custody and try to work out a co-parenting plan that will be as equal to 50-50 as possible or one that both of you can agree to if one wants less than 50-50.

If you can document what you have stated, you have a chance for what you are requesting only because you are male. If you were female, you would "win" (children lose) hands down.

Parenting plans are in the FIRM's FAQ's.

What to do to plan your strategy is in the FIRM's Document pages. Look in the Advice folder and subfolders.

Legal strategy, how to find a good attorney, what to look for, what to ask and what to sign are in the Legal Help pages.

When done with the above, read and know the entire FIRM site. Your children will thank you for this later.

Good luck,

Eric
www.FIRMncp.om


Gryph
(member)
10/28/04 11:25 AM
Re: Discovered Wife is Cheating

Huck, people cheat sometimes. It doesn’t have to mean that all is lost. Are you and your wife past your ability to regain your marriage? Is counseling or therapy still an option?

While your kids may thank you for being a good divorced parent, they might not have to do any thanking if you get your marriage patched up.


Eric
(old hand)
10/28/04 11:52 AM
Re: Discovered Wife is Cheating

If he reads the entire FIRM site as suggested, he will come to your conclusion, Gryph.

Me personally? Cheat on me and it is COMPLETELY OVER. No second chances. No NOTHING. Others can live with it. I personally COULD NEVER live with it. This includes just lying in general. I WILL NOT put up with it. If I can't trust my "life partner," then I don't have a "life partner." Period.

That said, we can find that within 5 years as found on the FIRM site, statistically, we will be happy within the same relationship. Unhappiness is part of marriage. Any marriage. So, why get divorced?

As found in the www.FIRMncp.com site's Divorce & Women pages:

Divorcing?

If you must divorce, please read these links first:

Divorce Busting®
The website for people who want more loving relationships
http://www.divorcebusting.com/

http://www.divorcestopper.com/
Does Divorce Make People Happy?
Findings from a Study of Unhappy Marriages

http://www.smartmarriages.com/does.divorce.html

http://www.apa.org/journals/psp/press_releases/march_2003/psp843527.pdf

But here are a 'few more" links to help you out IF you are bound and determined to divorce:

http://www.divorceasfriends.com/




You can actually divorce on line (web):

http://www.divorceonline.com

http://www.millenniumdivorce.com/redirection.asp?location=http://www.completecase.com/?ri=9
Joint Custody:

http://www.dadi.org/apajoint.htm

http://www.gocrc.com/research/spgrowth.html

http://www.gocrc.com/research/jcbib.html

http://www.gocrc.com/research/custpolicies.html

Parenting Plans:

http://www.goodmanlaw.com/custody.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan8.htm

http://www.paralegal-plus.com/custody.htm

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/pplan7.htm

http://www.spig.clara.net/p-plans/parentin.txt

Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS):

http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/info_pas.htm

http://home.att.net/~ncp_justice/pas_drmms.html

http://www.education.mcgill.ca/pain/

http://www.mesacanada.com/alienlnk.htm

http://www.fact.on.ca/Info/pas/turkat95.htm

http://www.rgardner.com/refs/pas_legalcites.html




Miscellaneous Links:

http://www.ncpa.org/pub/st/st267/st267.pdf

http://www.ncpa.org/pd/social/social2.html

http://www.ncpa.org/iss/wel/

http://www.angelfire.com/home/sufferingpatriarchy/index.html

http://www.dadi.org/apajoint.htm

http://www.glennjsacks.com/father_care_the.htm

http://www.nfpainc.org/kidcosts.html

http://www.dadsdivorce.com/law/index.html

http://www.gocrc.com/researchF.html

http://www.deltabravo.net/custody/cs-myths.htm

http://www.dadi.org/apajoint.htm

http://www.findlaw.com/11stategov/

http://www.custodyreform.com/


Onyx
(old hand)
10/28/04 04:47 PM
Re: Twisted

twisted

[quote]
If you can document what you have stated, you have a chance for what you are requesting only because you are male. (Isnt this discrimanation? youre telling him this, but would you say this to a woman, about a woman in this same situation?) If you were female, you would "win" (children lose) hands down.
(why would children lose if they were with their Mother?)
[/quote]


aussie928
(old hand)
10/29/04 05:09 PM
Re: Discovered Wife is Cheating

[quote]
If you can document what you have stated, you have a chance for what you are requesting only because you are male. If you were female, you would "win" (children lose) hands down.

What??? Adultery is given very little weight in most states any more. Several states no longer even allow this. The reason is simple, the "cheating" has very little impact on the marriage, as most courts see it as the marriage was already over. The only two ways adultery would be helpful, for either sex is that if you can prove A. the affair had a direct impact on the child or that the cheating spouse spent a large quantity of money on the "other person". But take a real hard look before you go this direction. A fault divorce is at least 5x more expensive then a non fault divorce.


Eric
(old hand)
10/29/04 05:37 PM
Agreed...

Adultery is meaningless in the eyes of the court even though it is a direct violation of the marital contract.

I was referring to his statement that he was the "primary care giver."

And, in regards to the detractor about my post about children lose when one parent, whether it be male or female (mostly female) is awarded a "higher" position of both their children, children lose. I merely was stating that the majority of the time, children lose when mostly (98-99% of the time when contested) mothers are awarded "primary", sole or whatever you want to call it, custody. It stinks for the children and it stinks for the adults.

Good luck,

Eric


aussie928
(old hand)
10/29/04 05:59 PM
Re: Agreed...

[quote]
I was referring to his statement that he was the "primary care giver."

The problem with this is the definition of "primary caregiver" as defined by so many men. I have a friend that has custody of her child even though that is the basis that her ex used as he worked out of the house and he took the child to school. He didnt bathe her, dress her, feed her, wash her clothes, etc. but because he was with her the most hours he considered himself to be the primary caregiver. Too many people believe that time spent is care giving...using that definition, the babysitter would get custody in most divorces


Eric
(old hand)
10/29/04 08:57 PM
Re: Agreed...

Are you here to argue every little point? Either we accept what the poster is saying or we don't. If you want to call the poster a liar, go ahead. If you want to re-read what the poster stated that goes beyond this claim, but summarily stated as "primary caregiver" is the synopsis of what the original poster has stated, by all means, do so. I think that by re-reading the original post, it will give you an insight of what the post is about instead of a means to nitpick everything that I state.

Good luck, Aussie

Eric


aussie928
(old hand)
10/29/04 10:59 PM
Re: Agreed...

Eric...ole chap..the last persons advise I would ever take would be yours. I didnt call the poster a liar..perhaps you need to reread posts..other then your own of course. I was not even replying to the poster, just making a statement as to the misconception of "caregiver". There are other people that read these boards,besides you. Shocking I know. Talking about calling the kettle black, you have to have the last word on every board here. But as you have informed us..you're word is law here lol. Maybe you should consider actually reading others posts instead of being so excited to hear yourself type. 200 plus posts in 5 months. If you can't get a clue Eric..perhaps you could at least get a life. As to your comment, "adultery is meaningless in the courts, again Eric can you read??? Several states still consider this under the conditions as I outlined above. There is documentation to support this, but then you would actually have to be open to learning something. As I am sure you wont survive without responding to this..have at it. I will let the others read..personally you bore me.


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