| Marissa40342 |
| (recently joined) |
| 11/16/07 03:05 PM |
Please help me
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My husband was stationed in Iraq for a year with the KY national guard and he has been home for almost 2 years now. The problem I am having is that he is now telling me that he wants a divorce and has openly admitted to being with another woman. I am not only his wife but the mother to his son and I have 2 kids from previous relationships. I am wondering if he can be court martialed for violating the military code of good conduct. I am losing my mind. I can't eat and can't sleep. I have lost 8 pounds in a week and I feel like I am losing my mind. Is there anything that I can do during the divorce precedings to get maximum financial help from him? I have no work experience and no one will hire me. I am going to need all the money I can get. Will he have to pay maintenance as I have not worked the entirety of our marriage? Please help.
| matart1 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 11/16/07 03:28 PM |
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Re: Please help me
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My husband was stationed in Iraq for a year with the KY national guard and he has been home for almost 2 years now. The problem I am having is that he is now telling me that he wants a divorce and has openly admitted to being with another woman. I am not only his wife but the mother to his son and I have 2 kids from previous relationships.
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Should you receive custody of the child between you then he would be ordered to paychild support based upon the state guidelines for that 1 child.
I am wondering if he can be court martialed for violating the military code of good conduct.
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he can be brought up on charges of the UCMJ and the good news is is could mean reduction in rank and loss of pay but the important thing is is that he may be punished or nothing may happen because life goes on.
I am losing my mind. I can't eat and can't sleep. I have lost 8 pounds in a week and I feel like I am losing my mind.
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you are experiencing the agony of a failed marriage. it can lead to depression, anger, joy and a myriad of emotions.
Is there anything that I can do during the divorce precedings to get maximum financial help from him?
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you will need to go to court and get a temporary support order while you are filing for your divorce. you will receive a percentage of his pay. you will not receive the entire pay so you will need to understand that your standard of living will change.
I have no work experience and no one will hire me. I am going to need all the money I can get. Will he have to pay maintenance as I have not worked the entirety of our marriage? Please help.
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my stepson has no work experience and no education yet he managed to get a job at a grocery store.
you can get hired but you have to apply.
you also did not mention how long your marriage was..??
that may determine if you are eligible for support.
good luck.
| Marissa40342 |
| (recently joined) |
| 11/16/07 04:48 PM |
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Re: Please help me
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We were married for almost 3 years. Monday the 19th would have been our 3rd year anniversary.
| Miranda |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 11/16/07 05:32 PM |
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Re: Please help me
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He will not be court martialed, plus he is in the guard so I am not sure what you want the military to do about it.
3 year is short term, you will have to find a job and be self sufficient.
| Redlegg |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 11/16/07 05:58 PM |
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Re: Please help me
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I am wondering if he can be court martialed for violating the military code of good conduct.
Is there anything that I can do during the divorce precedings to get maximum financial help from him?
First of all Court martialing him means he has the equivalent of a federal conviction and may limit his ability to work, ( in addition to reductions and lower pay from the military) so success with the first one may limit your goals on the other issue about support.
| Lucy44 |
| (old hand) |
| 11/17/07 06:45 AM |
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Re: Please help me
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First of all...take a deep breath.
Now look at the reality:
The military will not be able to help you in this matter. It sounds like you will be divorced, no matter how much you don't want it. For the sake of your children, get it together.
Start eating again, and begin thinking clearly.
Do have his or your family to give you a little moral support? As to the work issue, employment should not be a problem. You seem fairly well spoken and intelligent. KY may not be the best place for you to secure decent-paying employment, so if you have family elsewhere, you may wish to consider enlisting their help.
Go back to school and become an LPN or something. It will pay the bills.
It sounds like you have 3 children; only one of whom is from your H.
What of their father's? Where do they live? Do you get CS from them?
| Marissa40342 |
| (recently joined) |
| 11/17/07 09:27 AM |
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Re: Please help me
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My in-laws are behind my ex 100% most of them do not like me and never have. I am not what is considered a traditional woman. I am 21 and have several facial piercings and I dress in a way that they consider childish. Example: I wear slightly baggy pants and t-shirts, I do own several form fitting clothes but I am not comfortable in my own skin and I feel that form fitting clothes make me look fat.
Most of my family lives in WI and the majority of my family is very low income. My father can't work due to a back injury and has yet to receive disability and my mother is an alcoholic and drug addict. I don't really have anyone to help me out. I am on my own.
I am one set of books away from receiving a degree in cooking and catering but money is tight and I can't afford to pay the last few payments that are required in order to receive my books.
The father of my first child lives in WI and I have no clue where he is, he has never paid child support and has only seen his daughter 3 times since she was born and she is 4 1/2.
The father of my 2nd child pays child support but only a small amount every month as he doesn't have a very good paying job. He comes to visit regularly and wishes that he could do more but he is strapped for cash as it is.
My soon to be ex-husband has requested to adopt my oldest daughter as he planned to do so before he left. I am not sure if I should let him or not.
I currently get food stamps and have applied for government housing so that I will have a place to live with my children.
My H never trusted me as I was not the beneficiary for his life insurance should something happen to him, even when he was in Iraq. He refused to list me even as the secondary beneficiary, he listed his father and brother as the 1st and secondary beneficiaries.
As a mother of 3 young children I can't attend school due to the fact that the nearest school is 45 minutes away and I can't afford daycare. I do not have any friends that can watch my children since they all work.
I am really in a bind.
| elliesmom |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 11/19/07 08:42 AM |
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Re: Please help me
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It is unlikely that he would have to pay maintenance on a short term marriage. He would have to pay CS for the one child between you.
Possibly you could secure employment closer to the father of your second child and move there. Then at least one of your kids could live close to their father.
Honestly - I am not sure what you want to do with a degree and cooking and catering. I worked in the restaurant industry (fine dining - not IHOP) and the way to do well is to start at the bottom degree or no degree. If you are good - it doesn't take long. But it is NOT a career for a parent. Especially not one with little or no support system. It would be great if you were married to a 9-5er so you could avoid daycare, but it doesn't sound like that is going to work out.
You have to have daycare for your kids, which means you need either a friend or family member who can work flexible hours or you'll have to work a traditional 9-5 job.
IF you live in a rather rural conservative area - you might have to alter your appearance to get and maintain a job. I had a few piercings myself - right up until I had to go get a "real" job after college. I also had to go get a few outfits to look the part (goodwill store closest to a rich neighborhood is your FRIEND for everything even stuff for your kids).
Now is the time to start mining your friends for a job - find out if anyone is hiring and if they would recommend you. A recommendation from an existing (good) employee is about golden. Or you could go to a temp agency - lots of places hire from temp agencies now a days. Makes daycare tricky - but your ex will have to contribute to daycare maybe even pay for all of the daycare for his child.
As much as you dislike mutually your inlaws maybe you could line them up to babysit as well? That is your call.
| Rav |
| (recently joined) |
| 01/05/08 11:52 PM |
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Re: Please help me
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he can be brought up on charges by his commanding officer, and punished for violating the UCMJ. It doesn't matter if he is guard or not. Military is military, we all serve the same nation. we all must abide by the same Code. the best way to handle this is to honestly just ket it go, for now at least. don't try to get him in trouble with his commdand and use it against him in court first. then it will all come out in the end without the look of you trying to punish him yourself. the court will look upon you better if you try to be humble about everything, even if you feel like you need revenge. Let the law do the work, not you. Hope this helpped alittle.
Sincerely,
Rav