| aedensmom |
| (recently joined) |
| 06/01/10 10:15 AM |
Divorce questions
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My husband and I got married in January of this year and had our first child in February. We got married in Kentucky where he was stationed and I just moved back to NY because he is reporting to Germany tomorrow and is deploying to Afghanistan in July. We have had our ups and downs and went to a chaplain once but he didn't think we needed to go back because he said everything felt great and he thought we were fine (we went back in April). Now, out of nowhere after a great night out he says he wants a divorce. He says that he doesn't want to be married anymore and only got married so he could afford to take care of his son. I'm not sure how much of this is true because we had a lot of fun together and he would always tell me how much he loved me and was so lucky. He wants to try to get a divorce before he deploys but I don't want one.
I think that we can work through our minor problems and make things work with some counseling and time and that we owe that to our son. Would he be able to get a divorce before he deploys, especially considering he leaves the states for germany tomorrow and deploys in July?
What state would he file for the divorce? We were married in Kentucky but he was only temporarily stationed there for training and my residence is New York. He is from Texas. Would he be able to file in Kentucky or Texas without being there? Also, he hasn't lived in Texas for a little over 5 years now.
My biggest question though is: Is it normal for guys to get scared before a deployment and react this way? I didn't see this coming and we had been talking about the future and were overall happy.
| elliesmom |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/01/10 10:59 AM |
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Re: Divorce questions
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I don't know your situation, but I can tell you this.
I don't know how he could possibly get a divorce without you agreeing to it before he leaves.
And yes it is normal for guys to freak out a little bit before they deploy. I have never heard of one asking for divorce they didn't want though.
I would just tell him that nothing is happening before he gets back. And try to keep him involved with your child - for both of their sake. Maybe you can get him to send you a video or a tape of him reading a book so s/he will at least still know his voice. My twins were 8 months old when daddy left and 18 months when he returned. And they seemed to not miss a beat after watching a video of dad almost every day - he was almost like a cool tv character they were getting to meet.
And then when he gets back you can deal with "us."
But be prepared - the decision to marry you may have been his "freak out" moment instead of asking for a divorce. But maybe he can make his peace with that and move on as a family.
I just wouldn't be waiting here and planning for a happy reunion. I would start getting my life without him (job, rental home, daycare, etc) on track. So if he comes to his senses and wants a family great. If not - Buh-bye. KWIM?
| aedensmom |
| (recently joined) |
| 06/01/10 11:20 AM |
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Re: Divorce questions
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I'm hoping this is just a freak out moment because he hasn't pursued the divorce any and like I said he's leaving the country tomorrow. I told him to wait until after he got deployed and he's convinced he can get it done before or during that time. I'd like to get some more counseling as a couple before we take such a drastic step because he's known for being indecisive.
What you said about the videos is a good idea, thank you.