(recently joined)
08/30/11 05:59 PM
Need advice

I have been married for five years and have two children 5 and 2. Have gotten to the point where divorce seems unevittable. Wife has never had full time job and has accused me of infidelity for most of marriage. My question is will I a be able to get custody of my kids and b will I be responsible for supporting her after our divorce. I have never been unfaithful and went to counseling but she would not attend. I am feeling very trapped by the situation and due to my job as a recruiter not sure if that will be held against me. All advice welcome.

(Carpal \'Tunnel)
08/30/11 09:41 PM
Re: Need advice

If she does not work - it will be assumed that she was the primary caregiver for all of their (the children) lives and without compelling reason the courts will be reluctant to change that. There are SOME states that do prefer shared parenting arrangements, but unless you are divorcing in one of those, or she is abusing the kids I would say you don't stand a great chance of getting primary custody.

I would say your worst case scenario is she gets primary custody, you pay CS and alimony for a few years, you pay 50% or more of daycare costs for your youngest, she gets 1/2 of 5/20 of your retirement should you earn one, and you get the family debt, and split other assets nearly 50-50.

Waiting until your youngest is school age would eliminate daycare, but increase her share in alimony and your military retirement.

A local attorney would probably be your best bet to get an idea of what judges in your area typically award. It wouldn't hurt to talk to one now, just to get an idea of what you may be facing.

(recently joined)
08/30/11 10:23 PM
Re: Need advice

Does it matter that I was in the AF before we were married or does she just automatically get half my retirement no matter what? It seems to me that I have to give up everything for being the sole bread winner.

(Carpal \'Tunnel)
08/31/11 07:21 AM
Re: Need advice

She gets half of whatever was earned during the marriage - nothing before or after. So for a 5 year marriage it would be (usually) 1/2 of 5/(years you end up serving). Sometimes you get a judge who gives a percent based on 1/2 of 5/20, which would be 12.5%. You can negotiate to get it to be a fraction, to get it based on the base pay at the time of divorce instead of at retirement, etc. You can also argue her getting half the debt, etc. I was trying to worst case it for you.

(Carpal \'Tunnel)
09/02/11 04:49 PM
Re: Need advice

First off she is not guaranteed anything until you go to court. She will not automatically get half of anything or custody until a judge orders it. Much of this is dependent on your state of residence, and moveaway laws in your state.

My friend was married 8 years, did not work and got no alimony and no retirement. 5 years is a short term marriage so "years" of alimony are very unlikely. Retirement...ehhhh...hard to say. Your best bet is to a)negotiate everything beforehand or b) lawyer up and protect yourself.

Remember, loose lips sink ships. IYAAYAS :)

09/03/11 06:19 PM
Re: Need advice

Welcome back Miranda =)

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