| latoca |
| (journeyman) |
| 06/16/06 03:23 PM |
New here..
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Hi all,
I'm new to all of this. My story is simple. Met him online, married him after a year and now 7 almost 8 yrs later we're getting divorced. I sign the final paperwork today. I have mixed emotions about this. Ultimately I know its for the best, but it also feels like failure.
So anyway Hi to all those in the same "boat" as myself. One thing I have learnt through this experience, it takes 2 to make a marriage work, and it takes 2 to mess it up. I know its not all my fault, but being the one left behind, its easy to blame myself. Anyway, best of luck to all out there, and I know we can all survive the horror of divorce.. :ooo:
| Gecko |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/16/06 03:59 PM |
Re: New here..
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One thing I have learnt through this experience, it takes 2 to make a marriage work, and it takes 2 to mess it up.
---> Not always true.
---> Sometimes we just make bad choices which is not to say that the person we chose was "bad", just that it was a bad choice for "us" and no matter how hard anyone tries, it's just not going to work out.
---> And sometimes you can be the best spouse and do everything right, but the other person makes a choice that detroys the marriage.
| Tabitha |
| (addict) |
| 06/16/06 04:10 PM |
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Re: New here..
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Good post Gecko... I totally agree.
Not to say lakota that you have absolutely no blame whatsoever.... it's just that no one can be a perfect spouse, and even if there were such a thing, the perfect spouse couldn't stop the other person from leaving if he/she wanted to. Now is a good time though to identify any mistakes you made in the marriage so that when you're ready to get back in the game you don't make the same mistake again - although new mistakes are inevitable.
| Gecko |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/16/06 04:19 PM |
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Re: New here..
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Now is a good time though to identify any mistakes you made in the marriage so that when you're ready to get back in the game you don't make the same mistake again
---> And that is the rub. What is a "mistake" with one person, may not be a "mistake" with someone else. Paul Reiser (from the TV show "Mad About You") wrote a book several years ago called "Couplehood" about this very same thing. He had what he thought was a "bad habit" that drove all his girlfriends nuts, but the women he married...didn't think anything of it.
| latoca |
| (journeyman) |
| 06/16/06 04:24 PM |
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Re: New here..
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Thank you both for the reponse. Something I realised, his choices and decisions turned me into the imperfect spouse. I like things a certain way, and he would go out of his way to do them the exact opposite of my requirements. At first I would get a little mad, and later I said forget it, its not worth it. He would then look for other ways to harass me.
I think back and realised that after 2 years of marriage, I knew It would not last. How sad is that? There were days I felt more like his mother than his wife. He was a momma's boy, she did everything for him prior to our marriage, and wanted to do everything or him during our marriage. Now that he is living with his new girlfriend, her mother and her children, his mother is trying to get rid of doing it all for him, and she can't.
| Tabitha |
| (addict) |
| 06/16/06 04:56 PM |
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Re: New here..
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Ah, well it sounds like good riddance to me. I know it's hard to think of it that way right now, but in time, you'll realize you've been given a gift of a second chance to choose how you want your life to be.
You see, mothering my ex husband was one of the mistakes I identified in myself from my marriage. He loved being mothered... problem is, eventually they grow up and leave home. So, I vow not make that mistake again.
Once you are ready to start dating again, you'll know to look for someone who is a "neat freak" like you!
| latoca |
| (journeyman) |
| 06/16/06 09:43 PM |
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Re: New here..
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Hi Tabitha,
Amazing how surviving Hurricane Katrina made me thing that God was giving me a 2nd chance at life, and that it was time to move on and get with the program. He signed the final Divorce petition today and it will be filed in court on monday!!! YAY I'm ready to have a man, and not a boy!!!!!