| Annie7676 |
| (old hand) |
| 11/24/05 07:22 AM |
Thanks to everyone!
|
Who took the time to post me some support, it really helped and as I said I wasn't looking for comments to justify how bad he was. I am going to go back to counseling, get the four agreements book and work hard at changing reactions to what people say. I cannot change my OS but need to learn how to change the way I react emotionally. While I do not fight or dig back at him, its a deep pit of sadness to hear him spew out his terrible feelings. I feel sorry for him because he is in pain and from his comments to me I can see his father has been saying things to get him going...anyway after beating myself up about being the worst mother/person in the world, I have bounced back and will be thankful today to start again...thats the good thing about next days,,,,a new day, new time to do it again only improve on the last or at least try to...
I hope everyone has a wonderful day and takes the moment within themselves to thank the creator for having the time to "start over" and work towards the best person(s) we can be.
| kav |
| (old hand) |
| 11/24/05 07:34 AM |
|
Re: Thanks to everyone!
|
Good for you Annie!!!!
I was thinking the same thing...getting back into counseling...it's always a good thing to have someone help point you in the right direction...
In time your OS will come around...he needs to work through his issues...and they are his issues...
You are correct...when we really think about it...we do have a lot to be greatful for...One of the things I'm most greatful for this year, are the friends I found on this board...
Happy Thanksgiving to you!!
Hugs
Kim
| mlh53 |
| (member) |
| 11/24/05 08:27 AM |
|
Re: Thanks to everyone!
|
Annie,
It's awlful to see our children in pain. And as mothers, we often take blame for whatever they're going through or we want to fix it and make it all better. I know that's how I feel anyway. But I've since learned that all we can do is be there for them, support them when we can, and point them in the right direction. Then it's up to them to choose how to react and what direction to go in. But it's taken me quite awhile to really get this way of thinking into my head as well as my heart.
Anyway, I can tell your son is in alot of pain. And very confused. And alot of people misunderstand when our children, especially males, show anger. Often it is hurt turned outward. Especially with males. I mean how often do you see guys cry? Not justifying acting out or violently but it's just something I've learned to understand with my YS. Somewhere along the line, he and others, have gotten the message that it's better to act out in anger than to show weakness and cry. I'm thinking my YS learned it from his dad. I'll never forget when he first introduced the boys to the OW and then told them they were married and she was pregnant. YS told me that when he got upset and showed it to his dad, the X basically said "well get over it. Life goes on." Lovely, huh? No father/son talk; no letting YS talk freely about how he felt. Nothing. Just a "get over it". Burns me to this day when I think about it all.
Anyway, sorry to get off track with my own stuff. The point is, is that I'm glad you're aware that your son is in pain and confused. I just hope and pray that some day he gets help and you and he can have a better relationship. It's never too late. So have hope.
Meanwhile I'm glad to hear that you're looking at today as a new day in which to start over again. The corny, well worn saying comes to mind "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." A good way to think! Hang in there and have a lovely Thanksgiving.
Melanie
| ginni |
| (addict) |
| 11/24/05 08:47 AM |
|
Fight The Good Fight
|
One of my little missionary friends here in our area always signs his letters, "Fight the Good Fight." You are already there...and are one heck of a soldier. Bad Moms give up...Good Moms keep on going.
You are one of the elite.
We Love You Ms. Annie-Grace!
Love always,
ginni