isla
(recently joined)
02/10/10 09:40 PM
ex is getting married ....

on Valentine's Day.

I asked for the divorce. I shook up his world. I don't want him back ... but it still hurts. Our divorce was final in August, and at that point he was still wanting me back. Begging. And within a month, he's engaged and now he's getting married. I'm happy for him, but it still hurts.

why?


iceis
(journeyman)
02/11/10 06:04 PM
Re: ex is getting married ....

Pleeeze my ex was engaged a month after divorce final, to a woman that lives in another country that he met online, he has traveled there 4 times last year, but yet cant pay his taxes, or get my name off the house payment that is still months late

iceis
(journeyman)
02/11/10 06:05 PM
Re: ex is getting married ....

oh!! married 7 months later, to a woman he has spent less than 7 weeks with baahahahaha love me some karma

isla
(recently joined)
02/11/10 06:40 PM
Re: ex is getting married ....

it makes me feel as though he didn't truly love me ... or he doesn't truly love her. for the sake of their marriage, I hope it was the former.

Atlas
(journeyman)
02/12/10 06:09 PM
Re: ex is getting married ....

If you asked for the divorce, why do you care what his feelings are -- past, present, or future? For your own emotional health you should be looking forward, and inward. The less you think about him, the better off you'll be.

KiwiGirl
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/12/10 10:33 PM
Re: ex is getting married ....

Well, you don't want him so why should he live his life by your expectations?

It hurts because you want him to mourn the loss of you a little longer. But often people will remarry quickly to dull the pain or because they meet someone new.

BTW, I lived in another country and I met my now-husband online (actually through this site). Love will find you when it wants you to find love be that the next door neighbour, the person in the next cube at work or half a world away.


isla
(recently joined)
02/12/10 10:55 PM
Re: ex is getting married ....

I agree both Atlas and KiwiGirl ... you are both right.

Even though I am the one who asked for the divorce it was not easy. It was not what I had wanted or had planned ... heck, I planned on being married to him forever. But I was so very unhappy that I finally asked for the divorce to save myself. We were not happy. I tried talking to him. I tried sharing my feelings, I was told that he didn't want to deal with me. If he were upset by something I did (cut my hair for example) he would go days without talking to me. completely ignoring me. yes, in the end it was me who asked for the divorce, but in the end our marriage was not good or healthy.

I actually have found love again ... I am happy. And I want him to be happy.
it's just all so very weird.
in all honesty I was happy when he found someone new, b/c I do want him to be happy ... I think it's the fact that he is actually getting married that is weirding me out. But I know it will all be okay in the long run ...
I just had to vent and get opinions. I appreciate y'all's.
thank you


KiwiGirl
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/13/10 01:21 PM
Time will tell

Some people know each other a few months and are together 50+ yrs. Some people are friends and lovers for 10 yrs and then marry and it all falls apart inside a year.

My ex remarried a woman he knew less than 10 months. Met her in February 2004, engaged by March, married her in October 2004. He seems happy (he is in Australia, I am in the USA) although none of my 4 very different children like her. My oldest referrs to her as the Step Monster. They don't think she looks after him properly and fights with him all the time.

Who knows how long it will last.


Whale
(recently joined)
02/15/10 05:06 AM
Re: Time will tell

Hi.. i married 18 years ago, and then 2 years back things really fell apart... i cheated on my husband to find out much later, and after admitting my guilt etc, and after taking all [censored] from him, and he was encouraging me to let go of him and go ahead with my affair, that he was already having an affair. My husband was very oppressive and so the new freedom to be on my own, without worrying about nights of depression, comments on what i wear or speak etc. I was fine. Till he moved for the divorce a couple of months back. We had been living apart for a year and a half. I somehow did not think i could not handle the divorce. But i really am falling apart now. We have a 5 year old. I feel like a failure, that i did not save my marriage. I cannot believe that after so many years the man wants to leave me for a woman.. who in all honesty i am not at all impressed with. I feel hopeless, drained. I am a fighter otherwise and cannot believe that i am feeling so low.

Whale
(recently joined)
02/15/10 05:11 AM
Re: ex is getting married ....

Hi I just made a post. Am in a very similar situation. We were married for 16 years and then we have lived separately for a year and a half. In this time, i tried to make up several times. He has refused to come back. But because we have a son, he hangs around at our place, as if it is a second home. I feel he is having the cake and eating it too. He is divorcing me now because his girlfriend's family is pressuring him to marry her. I feel how can he think about them and not his own son and the family he lived with for 16 years. I feel quite hopeless and low now with this divorce thing happening. Worse, I have his entire name with my first name. I have to change it. I am in a business where so many people know me too. This whole name changing after the divorce is another shitty thing i wish was not going to happen.

fossilman
(newbie)
02/15/10 10:44 PM
Re: ex is getting married ....

I was married 19 years, still in the process of divorce. She is already living with another man, and has almost completely ignored her kids. She doesn't want custody or responsibilty for them. I can't picture myself wanting to even consider anyone else for a while. I need to finish raising my kids. In my mind, for me to go out and pursue a girlfriend would be selfish. How do you just start dating again? How can you trust anyone again? If I here "strong, independent woman" I run the other way. I heard that enough lately, and anyone saying that reminds me of the person that just abandon me and the kids.

BeachBabeRN
(Carpal \'Tunnel)
02/16/10 08:06 AM
Re: ex is getting married ....

While I understand how you feel **better than you may think!** there's not a thing wrong with a strong, independent woman -- I'm one myself.

However, I raised two children alone **now 20 and 17**, I bought them the house they live in, I paid all the extras because their dad wouldn't, etc.

Strong and independent do not mean selfish and self absorbed -- that's what it sounds like your ex is. I would NEVER, in a million years, walked away from my children.

My strength comes from within and my independence simply means that while I would LIKE someone in my life and would love to need and be needed, I don't want to be DEPENDANT upon someone nor do I want someone to be dependant on ME. There is a huge difference between dependant and depend on.



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