| FLMom2Girls |
| (recently joined) |
| 06/23/10 05:05 PM |
New Here... Do you have advice?
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My daughter is 7 and I have been divorced from her father since she was 3. She goes to his house every other weekend and for half of the summer. I have always understood that she has lots of fun when she goes there. It is a vacation ever time she goes. She has spent one week with him this summer so far and does not want to come back home. :( Her dad lost his job so he stays home with her every day and allows her to have slumber parties with friends every night. Also, he allows her to ride her bike freely through the neighborhood, which I do not. I just can't compete with that. I have to work hard to make up for the fact that her dad has not paid child support in a year and it is important to me that she has rules and limitations. Have any of you experienced this? It breaks my heart that she does not want to come home. I used to hate it when she was 3 and would call me crying because she didn't want to stay there.... now I kind of miss it. Every time I talk to her I want to cry. Does it get any easier?
| Debi |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/23/10 10:34 PM |
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Re: New Here... Do you have advice?
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If she wants to stay why not work something out with him? Like you haivng her every other weekend for the summer (except for any vacation you may have planned) or possiby letting her stay with him half the week and you half the week during the summer?
I know that's not the kind of answer that you want. I know it's hard when you're used to having them around and you hate having to work when you'd rather spend time with them.
Yes, she's having fun. That's a good thing even if it hurts. She loves her dad, as she should but that doesn't take anything away from you. She loves you too. If he had some more time with her maybe you could work together to agree on some rules and then you wouldn't always be the bad guy. Not knowing how your relationship is with him, I don't if that will work or not.
Don't take her not wanting to come home to heart. She's 7 of course she wants to follow the fun right now! (Don't we all? *sigh*)
| 1004SRS |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/24/10 06:41 AM |
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Re: New Here... Do you have advice?
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My almost 7 year old and I had this conversation last night. He goes to Dad's one night a week. THey are with me 6 nights a week.
Dad takes them to Toys R Us on the nights he has them and buys them each a toy. So, Dad's house is more fun.
My house is boring because we live a normal life. I make them go to school, feed them supper, make them clean their rooms, let them play in the fence yard, etc. I also volunteer at their school, take them to scouts, take them to sports, etc....
TOys R Us and dinner out is a lot more fun than our normal life - of course.
I'm not worried about it. I know in the long run, they will appreciate our real lives vs. Disneylands Dad's life.
| maurie2010 |
| (recently joined) |
| 07/14/10 10:48 PM |
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Re: New Here... Do you have advice?
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In reality, her dad is not doing her a service by not making her have rules right now. What happens when he gets a job, and things go back to "normal?" It isn't helpful to her not to have an enforced bedtime or any rules. Do not let her play yo-yo with herself. Having her go to where it is fun all the time is not really going to work, because then he would have to impose the same kind of rules that you do and you would become the "fun" parent who gets to play when she comes to visit. Then what? She just bops back and forth to where it is fun? You set custody/visitation up this way for a reason. I'm not saying her wishes mean nothing, but she is seven. You are the adults. She is going to say stuff like this, but in the end, she needs the structure you are providing. It really isn't up to her. You are going to have to let those comments from her roll off you back and say "I know you love it at daddy's, but your life, friends, school are here and so you will be coming back." Case closed.
| pudge27 |
| (recently joined) |
| 07/26/10 02:06 PM |
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Re: New Here... Do you have advice?
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Why does your Son only go with his Father one night a week? Is that all the Father is willing to give? During the custoday/visitation class I went to this is exactly what parents were supposed to avoid "the DisneyLand parent."
Keep your boring house. Structure is by far more important than any toy. You are correct that in the long run your Son will realize this.