| Karen1 |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 11/25/10 01:52 PM |
Holiday Blues and great big Thanks
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We are now in the holiday season that is the most difficult for many of us. A few years back, when I needed it the most, this forum was quite active with many that were, or had been in situation similar, to mine. I was going through an unwanted divorce after a 30 year marriage. I did not find anyone local going through divorce from a long, long term marriage, but I found many here, back in the day with it was called the Recovery forum.
For those with the blues today, you are not alone, many are, or have been, where you are today. It has been 8 years since my Ex left. I still reflect on this day, on and other holidays, and miss those no longer part of my life. I think about years past and missed those that have died (and there are many, I will be 62 soon) and I also miss my Ex. I am content with my life, however he was part of it for 34 years, many of them good years. I came to realize I do not want the man he has become but I do miss who he once was.
Your life may seem in turmoil now and full of heartache, but we humans are resilient, we bounce back and you will too. The pain will lessen over time and you will make a new life for yourself. Perhaps not the one you had planned, but it can be a good life, even if you never find love again. It doesn't come easy and it takes time. For some of use it takes more time than others. There is no time schedule and do not allow anyone, including yourself, to put you on one. You can and will be happy again. One day you will sit back and think of this time and be glad it is history and thank yourself for getting through it.
I found this holiday season very emotionally difficult back then and found solace here, from my on line friends, during the holidays and for a long time. to those old friends, if you are still checking in to read, on this Thanksgiving I want to thank you for helping me when I needed it the most, I am forever grateful. For those few of you that I have email addresses for, I hope to write to you later this evening.
| rattlesnares |
| (recently joined) |
| 11/28/10 01:03 AM |
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Re: Holiday Blues and great big Thanks
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just logged onto this forum for the first time, and read this post right off the bat. thank you, your words helped me tonight, this is my first holiday season of this transition, and it hurts a lot.
thank you.
| Karen1 |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 11/28/10 12:09 PM |
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Re: Holiday Blues and great big Thanks
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I know it hurts, and think only those of us who have been there can truly relate. As i said, this forum helped me very much and I try to post here on holidays in the hope that I can pass it on and help someone else in the same way I was helped in the past.
there is life after divorce but it can be hard as hell, the getting there. The activity here seems to go in spurts but I think there are many who read so if you post I think someone will answer and try to help. Hang in there, and thanks for your kind words of thank you.
| bacall |
| (enthusiast) |
| 11/29/10 09:52 AM |
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Re: Holiday Blues and great big Thanks
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Dear Karen,
Glad to see your post! How appropriate it is that around the holidays some of us find our way back to this board. I, like you, remember this as a lifeline when I most needed it.
I believe the forum has changed over the years and it doesn't seem to have as many "followers" as it did when we were both actively writing and reading. It is such a wonderful source that I hope it rebounds and more people take advantage of it.
I hope you had a good Thanksgiving, Karen. I did have one of my best holidays in years. Truth be told, it was because my ex-husband and his wife did not show up at a family party and it took some of the usual melancholy away from me.
Much of what you wrote is the same for me -- I guess those of us from long term marriages will always carry within us that huge chunk of life that is no more and that is our reality. Our challenge is to make the most of what we have ahead, appreciate the good times from the past, acknowledge whatever hurt and pain remains and figure out how to minimize it in our daily lives.
It is, indeed, a difficult road to walk -- and doubly so if you don't have support. This forum always made me feel better and it was a very therapeutic outlet so very many times.
So, for all you old-timers who occasionally drop by, I hope you had a good holiday and that the remainder of the holiday season in 2010 is a peaceful and gentle one for you and yours.
For any of you who have recently discovered this site, I wish you peace and gentleness for your journey. Keep in mind that you are not alone and if others can traverse it, you can also!
Take care all, Bacall