(Carpal \'Tunnel)
05/13/07 03:06 PM
Trying to move on

Okay - I have started moving on. I have issues because my X won't take the kids. He has moved on. So, he doesn't have time for the kids. It breaks my heart for them. Plus, how am I supposed to move on since he won't take the kids. This is the third weekend in a row where he has chosen not to see the kids. Plus, he has ROFR and he always turns it down.

So, I suppose I have 2 issues. First - my heart is breaking for my kids since the X never sees them. Second, how am I supposed to move on if he never watches the kids.

(Carpal \'Tunnel)
05/13/07 03:18 PM
Re: Trying to move on

Have you talked to their father about his behavior?

Provided that he's no help....

On the first issue....talk to them about how it makes them feel....often. Help them learn some positive coping skills. Find some good male role models, and get them involved in activities that help to fill the hours. Do some "dad" things with them. No...it's not about replacing him...it's about showing them that someone is trying their very best.

On the other issue....get creative...hire a sitter....develop a support group....utilize your circle of friends....make a bigger circle of friends.....

(Carpal \'Tunnel)
05/13/07 03:25 PM
Re: Trying to move on

We have bitty kids. DS3 and DD1. So, our DD has no clue. DS misses his Dad terribly. He cries himself to sleep quite often.

He has a girlfriend. He has time to get out and meet people, but if he finds that I have hired a sitter he gets p*ssed.

X is the person who dropped me off at the hospital and went home when we had our daughter. He said he was bored by it all. So, he went home to sit with the dog. When we had DS I was in labor for 3 days. DS had some complications from the long labor as did I. When people asked how we were, he said that he was tired. He never mentioned that they were debating transferring DS to a higher level hospital.

I think I need to get used to asking for help.

(recently joined)
05/13/07 10:23 PM
Re: Trying to move on

Well - I can't imagine not being in my kid's lives. Today was Mother's Day and as usual, what she got was mostly time off from the kids! I don't mind, really - we work this stuff out pretty well. I had the two youngest this weekend and the oldest stayed home due to going to his prom and the recovery therefrom.

The kids and I went to a museum today and had fun.

For the parents who WON'T get involved in their kid's lives, there's not much you can do except try to steel the kid's feelings about being rejected by a parent.

However - in your situation where he wants to exercise his rights without exercing his responsibilities - you get really strict with the parenting plan. He's got ROFR? Fine - he has 1/2 hour to convey his answer before you go to Plan B. He has visitation that he doesn't take except randomly? OK - but you aren't going to be held hostage to someone who might or might not show up. He has 15 minutes after the appointed time to show up. If he doesn't - again - Plan B.

If he complains - direct him to the parenting plan in the separation agreement and don't even argue with him. You have nothing to lose by insisting he play by the rules if he wants to be in the game.

(Carpal \'Tunnel)
05/14/07 05:05 AM
Re: Trying to move on

I like that. 1/2 hour before I go to Plan B. I like the 15 minutes thing as well.

He cracked me up by saying that he told the new person that his kids come first. I hope she is wondering why he never sees them, then.

(Carpal \'Tunnel)
05/14/07 06:59 PM
Re: Trying to move on

If he is missing that much visitation. Don't tell DS3 that he is supposed to be coming. That way if he shows up, it is a lucky strike extra...

He is so young and easily distracted; there is no reason for him to be crying himself to sleep...

Try creating a new interesting bedtime routine..

(Carpal \'Tunnel)
05/15/07 05:28 AM
Re: Trying to move on

DS has issues stemming from the treatment by his Dad when we were together. He's the smartest person I've ever met. They have him learning math and reading at preschool. But he does constant hand washing, obsessive cleaning, etc... He talks about his Dad constantly. His preschool teacher is helping him with those issues (she has a Master's degree in Special Education). He's not easily distracted unfortunately. He's getting A LOT better since we moved out, but he's not the typical 3 year old.

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