| idiot2006 |
| (recently joined) |
| 11/16/09 01:30 PM |
Life "NOT GREENER"
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Well let me tell nearly all folks out here, as if you all didn't already know, "Life is not always greener on the other side."
I had what most people search their entire life for, and with a blink of an eye threw it all away. The woman I was married to was the most honest, beautiful (inside and out), and caring (person and mother) I have evr met. We did click in most every way, and the ones we didn't click on she was always willing to compromise with me! Again, i was the idiot in 2006, hence the name, and if I could ever find that magic wand I would turn back the times!
So, for all you woman who have put up with crap like mine, I have to truly say I am sorry, and this would especially go to the one I really hurt that didn't deserve it at all!!!!
I know she has moved on, and can only hope the lucky man who has probably found her, treats her like I should have. She gave me everything, and I in-turn gave nothing in return!
So, for those of you who find yourself in my position can just add idiot, like I did, to the year you thought was going to be better.
I always told her to, "Remember me this way," but I really don't think I would ever deserve to be remembered by her at all! SORRY
| myheart |
| (enthusiast) |
| 11/16/09 06:41 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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I am glad you admit it, but it is already too late, I guess, right..
I was married to somebody like you, not sure what did you do to her. Did everything for him to see a smile on his face. Thought we were just ideal couple, we talked about other couples who are in sync or not. Yep but he through everything out the door in a blink.
I am glad he did somehow, becuase I didn't have guts to end it and would have put up with him forever.....
| Sherron |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 11/16/09 07:32 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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"becuase I didn't have guts to end it and would have put up with him forever.....
Why, if you were "just ideal couple"?
| myheart |
| (enthusiast) |
| 11/16/09 08:56 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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We thought we were ideal couple when we just got married, picture changed fairly quickly. But I kept that fantacy in my dream, if things were so good once, can be good again, if we try to work at it. This is why if he would not have ended it, I would have kept trying, and trying.
| idiot2006 |
| (recently joined) |
| 11/17/09 11:33 AM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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Doesn't matter what I did, I shouldn't have never put myself in the position I did to begin with....once there most men's pride takes over and we are unable to swallow that pride, take a step back, and admit we did something that was wrong. Instead we throw our chests out and think that we were right and blame someone else for our actions!
This not only hurts the ones were in love with, but everyone around us! If I could only go back and change things, but I can't, and like I said before I can only hope that whomever finds her takes care of a great lady!
| myheart |
| (enthusiast) |
| 11/17/09 10:25 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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If you realized it, why don't you go and approach her, she may be waiting to hear that from you. She may seem to move on, but may be because she thought it is over from your side and she is jsut trying to live her life the best she can.
| losingfaith |
| (addict) |
| 11/18/09 12:06 AM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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No don't do that
I am learning that if she is ready to here it she will let you know
| losingfaith |
| (addict) |
| 11/18/09 01:12 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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I take that back if you want to tell her then do so
but if she doesn't want to here it or will not accept it then there is nothing you can do
the bottom line is you can't make anyone accept anything they are not ready to hear
| idiot2006 |
| (recently joined) |
| 11/19/09 08:56 AM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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Yeah, I would have liked to approach her in the past, but as I said I really screwed things up! Just heard that she is involved in another relationship, and really hope the guy treats her right!
She is a very smart woman, who owns her own business, takes care of herself, her kids, grandchildren, and is involved in the church, and loved me.................man, again, I was thinking life was greener......what was I thinking? But have since pulled my head out and now try to treat people the RIGHT way! RESPECT!
Anyway, I really appreciate the opinions out there, and just hope that maybe someone has read this and has pulled their head out before it is too late!
| yregna |
| (veteran) |
| 11/19/09 10:41 AM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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The fact that a man/woman screws around during the marriage, should not be cause for anyone to benefit financially from the marriage when they exit.
Infidelity shouldn't have anything to do with it...
| idiot2006 |
| (recently joined) |
| 11/19/09 01:59 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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Who was saying anything about financial gains? I, myself, do quite well for myself.....retired armed forces, and am in a very well paying profession. I was just stating that she is a very well rounded and grounded woman, and I screwed my relationship up! Neither her or I benefitted financially from each other.....money wise we complimented each other quite well!
| yregna |
| (veteran) |
| 11/20/09 10:22 AM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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Well, if neither of you benefitted financially from the other, then the only thing you have to complain about is your lost relationship ?
Grow the f*ck up, people on this forum have a lot bigger problems than you...Pardon me if I don't feel very sorry for you. Hope fully your next relationship will be a normal hostile divorce, so you get to experience some real pain and anger.
You sound like a high school kid who broke up with his girlfriend. Booo hoooo....
| idiot2006 |
| (recently joined) |
| 11/20/09 12:07 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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Had a "hositle" one years ago, thank you very much! You evidently are a scorned person who has nothing better to do than judge others due to your shortcomings! I feel real sorry for you! Your use of the english language, Fornicating Under a Crowned King (by the way thats what that word really means), really shows your maturity level, especially on a board like this.
If you have taken the time to read my threads you would have seen I am not looking for any sympathy at all, just voicing an opinion on what I did wrong!
My apology goes out to all others who read this board for help and advice! I never intended to attract responses like the last few!
| Sherron |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 11/20/09 12:23 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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Eh, yregna is our resident idiot. Just ignore him or have fun with him. What do you expect from someone whose screen name is "angry" spelled backwards? Okay, technically, it's "angery" spelled backwards, so I rest my case about the resident idiot thing.
| Atlas |
| (journeyman) |
| 11/20/09 12:52 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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I find the best way to deal with forum trolls is to ignore them completely, since they are not worthy of any acknowledgment in the first place. To each his own, I guess.
| idiot2006 |
| (recently joined) |
| 11/20/09 12:53 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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Thanks, and enough said about and to him!
| DRose |
| (recently joined) |
| 11/20/09 02:29 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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I would say approach her NOW. I have had a previous relationship (not marriage) where I was hurt very deeply - my first real, true love. Over 15 years later, he contacted me to apologize for how he treated me and that all he hopes is that I am happy because I deserve that. It meant SO much to me that he did that.
And my ex husband did the same thing - admitted his regrets after year of being divorced. It was too late - I had moved on (and he was living with the girl he cheated with). However, being the "good person" and the one that tried, it is SO nice to hear that is at least appreciated now and that you didn't deserve to be treated in a bad way.
So, I say reach out to her to tell her what you now know. It may obviously be too late to get her back, but it is never too late to mend any leftover tears in her heart.
| myheart |
| (enthusiast) |
| 11/20/09 09:19 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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I am a woman, even though if I move on, I would very much like to hear from my ex, if he realizes what he has done to us and our family. It will help me to move on in peace. So if you say she was a good woman, then leat you can do is apologise to her....
| idiot2006 |
| (recently joined) |
| 11/20/09 09:26 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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Thanks for the advice ladies! Yes, I know in my heart I need to apologize and will in the very near future. I just have to figure out if it will be in person, phone, email, or letter......but I will!
Thanks again!
| timbuktu |
| (journeyman) |
| 11/25/09 08:05 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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I would have put up with it forever too as I loved him like no tomorrow!! But he walked out and I didn't hear from him in over six months so that was the best thing that could have ever happened to me..
Until he blew back into town and was standing in the yard one day with his dog....
UGH...as the feelings came rushing back!!
He told me he was staying at his mom's house and was basically "homeless" but I stood my ground..as badly as I wanted him back and still loved him..I wasn't going there again!!
He'd stop over all the time and we'd just talk out in the yard. I invited him into the house once..and he just said, "No...too many memories...we're better off out here.."
It was the weekend of his birthday that he texted me and told me that he'd had the worst birthday of his life..that he'd gone down to the bar that he and I used to hang out in..he'd taken his girlfriend...and people were just not accepting of it.
He stopped over later to talk about it some more and I just told him, "Hon..those are OUR friends down there...they've been OUR friends for 23 years..you can't just be taking the [censored] you screwed around on me with and expect them to accept her!!"
He says, "Yeah..I know..guess I just wasn't thinking.."
I just said, "Well..I'm sorry they ruined your birthday..yet I'm not sorry that they ruined HER night...take her to some skanky ass hole in the wall..it'd fit her better.."
I gave him a hug and as he kissed the top of my head he said to me, "I love you....and I really really miss US.."
I told him, "I love you too babe..but you have to make up your mind where you wanna BE in life.."
The weeks we talked, he told me that she hated his dog and wanted him to get rid of it...that she wanted him to move back down to California with her and answer phones for her stupid Naked Massage Service (isn't THAT a hoot??") He told me that she was gonna pay him $350 bucks a week to book appts.
WOW...that's a dream job!!
One afternoon he'd told me that he wasn't a California guy at all...that it was hotter than crap down there in the Summer..that there was NO grass anywhere down there..
When he was back HERE...he was hanging out with old friends..back shooting pool league..brought his dog over here and we'd laugh and joke about old times in addition to new ones!! He told me, "Yeah..I really dug a hole for us..and I'd like to make amends somehow.."
I KNEW he loved hanging out here..even if it WAS just in the yard. We'd talk for hours and he'd bring stuff up about his current girlfriend..and I'd say, "She just doesn't GET you AT ALL...why you're with her..I don't know..but that's YOUR business.." and he said, "Yeah..the only person that seems to get me is you.."
Yep!! As he came here one day and told me was moving back down to California with her...probably for two years.."
I said, "What about all your friends here? What about your pool that you love so much? Is there anything like THAT down there?" and he says, "Well no.." and then I said, "Well...if that's what's gonna make you happy..I just want you to know then..that I'm gonna go down and file for divorce..it's time we got this over and done with..I can't sit around and wait for you anymore to make up your mind.."
He just said, "That's fine, I guess. If that's what you want.."
I told him that it wasn't what I wanted at all..but he'd been sitting on the fence...living with his girlfriend..coming back to town and actually making something of himself..only to give it all up for HER?? I told him he was crazy!!
He said to me, "Yeah..I know..you're the only person in my life that really "got me" and we get along better now than we did our entire marriage. Maybe once the divorce is final..and all the money pressures are off from us..maybe we can start over together..."
I didn't say a word...thinking that I'd moved on with a terrific guy...and then I find out that MY terrific guy was going back to his ex.
So..it was a double whammy!! The grass ISN'T greener on the other side..and when the both of them come crying back to me that they made the wrong decision..they I was the only one that ever "got them" completely...well, they can just sit and spin!!
I'd rather be single and happy!!
| AloneInTheDark |
| (member) |
| 12/01/09 01:34 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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While not perfect, I did bend over backward to try and make my stbx happy. It didn't and looking back wouldn't have mattered. She wants those greener pastures and that is the most important thing to her ritht now.
I used to do whatever I could to comfort her when she was down, support her and prop up her ego if she was feeling bad about herself. Her smile always was worth the effort it took to get it.
Now the trust and faith I had in her for 18 years is broken. If she wanted to come back would I try? I don't know. Usually I really dont want to find out either. Other times I would do anything to see her smile and be happy with me. The fear that she would just do it again and start the cycle of pain all over is scares me though. No one has ever inflicted as much emotional pain on me as she has by wanting to be single and taking the kids where I cant help raise them any more.
| myheart |
| (enthusiast) |
| 12/01/09 06:12 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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I am with you on this Alonginthedark. I feel same way to about my stbx. He was looking for greener pastures, I hope he found whatever he was looking for.
| twicearound |
| (recently joined) |
| 01/20/10 09:22 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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New here, but just read your post. I am glad to see that you are owning up to your mistakes. That is the first step in moving on. My stbx never did admit his mistakes, and to today still blames everyone for his behavior. I am sorry that you realized this to late, but maybe it will help with your next relationship. Good Luck and at some point try and forgive yourself.
| warrenwhite |
| (newbie) |
| 01/23/10 04:23 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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I certainly, and I can only hope that someday my STBX feels the same way as time goes on.
| myheart |
| (enthusiast) |
| 01/23/10 07:19 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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If he does, will never let you know, I know mine will not, too much ego....
| warrenwhite |
| (newbie) |
| 01/23/10 08:19 PM |
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Re: Life "NOT GREENER"
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LOL!! You are right about that.