| lostcause39 |
| (recently joined) |
| 06/20/07 10:43 AM |
Father getting protective order against stepfather
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I have been married 3 months to a woman I really love. However we have had our issues. Back in December we had an incident that got physical and the police were called. She has 2 children who really didn't see anything but they were in the house. There was no hitting just grabbing. I received a DV charge and went through the court system and classes. Things seemed better. However, DCFS opened a case that is pending and I am fighting it.
Well my wife an I then totally reconciled and got married 3 months ago. We have had some ups and downs but last week had another bad incident. No police were called. Again it was just me trying to hold her from leaving. She would run and I would pick her up. Trust me I am not proud. Her kids were there and saw the entire thing. Yes they were scared. She eventually left that night and has been staying at her parents ever since. She's not sure if she wants to reconcile but agreed to go to counseling with me. I am willing to go through whatever necessary to learn from this and avoid it in the future.
Meanwhile, her 2 ex husbands, she has a child with each, filed a protective order against me from the children. The children really do love me and have never been in harms way, but seeing the violence is not good I know. I have not been served the PO yet but don't know what can happen once I do. Can they really get something like this that would force us from being together if we decide to reconcile? Please help, I want to resolve this and be a better husband.
| rocketgirl |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/20/07 06:38 PM |
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Re: Father getting protective order against stepfather
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You have anger issues and need to stay away from the kids. Get help first and then see about reconciling. Myself? If there were two incidences as you described, I'd bail and you'd never see me again. You sound like a typical abuser.. I'm so sorry, I won't do it again... until the next time. SHE needs to be the one filing for an RO against you, IMO.
| texas_dad |
| (journeyman) |
| 06/20/07 08:17 PM |
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Re: Father getting protective order against stepfather
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Rocketgirl is right. I also agree with the childrens fathers positions in attemtpting to legally restrain you from their children.
| Buckeye |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/20/07 08:33 PM |
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Re: Father getting protective order against stepfather
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You sound like a train wreck waiting for the next time.
I would be "out of here" if you were my husband - if, for no other reason, than the children.
| 1004SRS |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/21/07 05:39 AM |
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Re: Father getting protective order against stepfather
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You need to get yourself in order before you involve another person. Abuse is generally cyclical.
Abusive situation...good times, never do it again....abuse
| Redlegg |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/21/07 06:47 AM |
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Re: Father getting protective order against stepfather
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I think you need to not question thechildren's fathers actions, what would you do if it were your kids, you need to look in the mirror and find a way to end this behavior, until you do, you are putting thechildren at risk, your spouse and your future.
| lostcause39 |
| (recently joined) |
| 06/22/07 01:48 PM |
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Re: Father getting protective order against stepfather
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Thanks for the feedback. Hard to hear but probably what I need to know. Thanks again.
| Renee |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/23/07 02:50 PM |
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Re: Father getting protective order against stepfather
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"Can they really get something like this that would force us from being together if we decide to reconcile? "
The biggest thing that is stopping you two from being together right now is YOU and your behavior. The fathers may not give a darn what happens in your marriage but they are doing what they have to in order to protect their children.
What can you do to be a better husband? #1 Quit stopping your wife from leaving. In some states that can be called false imprisonment and assault. You need to thank your lucky stars she didn't throw your butt in jail on another DV charge.
#2 Get into counseling. I'm not talking a few sessions of an anger mgmt class, I'm talking therapy. Figure out what switch in your head gets flipped that makes you think that putting your hands on her is the only way to deal with her during an argument. When you know why you do that, then deal with it and change your behavior.
#3 Leave her and the kids alone while you're trying to make progress in therapy. Until then no begging, pleading, or crying to get her back, because all she see's when she looks at you is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. She does NOT TRUST YOU anymore, and is not going to believe a word you tell her. The only thing she *might* believe is seeing your behavior change permanently, and that could take a lot of time on your part.
One other thing you need to consider? You have just given her babies daddies grounds to file for custody and take her kids away from her. From her and the courts perspective, she is married to repeat DV offender who has an open case with Child Protective Services. Every contact you make with her demonstrates to outsiders that you could still abuse her. Every contact you have with those kids in violation of the PO will demonstrate to outsiders you do not take the law seriously and that you'll put your desire to see them above their well being. If for no other reasons than those, she has compelling enough reason to divorce you and walk away. If she has to choose losing her kids or losing you she will pick to keep her kids, or she'd still be there now.
You're fighting an uphill battle on this one, and I don't think you're going to win. Your actions will most likely cost you your family, so you would be well served to start correcting your behavior for the future.
| mobyd |
| (journeyman) |
| 06/25/07 05:21 AM |
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Re: Father getting protective order against stepfather
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So she ran away in fear and you kept catching her and prevented her from leaving and probably made her fear for her life? Do you really understand what you did? put yourself in her position of having someone bigger, stronger and very much out of control restraining you. I hope you really do understand what you did that was wrong and why it was wrong. I really hope you will get real help and am looking for it and not just going thruogh the motions to get your wife back so you can repeat the cycle. If you do seek help then good luck.
Unfortunatly she will probably take you back when she should instead be pressing unlawful restraint (kidnapping) charges against you.
| Goodmom |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 06/30/07 08:49 AM |
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Re: Father getting protective order against stepfather
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Quote:
Meanwhile, her 2 ex husbands, she has a child with each, filed a protective order against me from the children. The children really do love me and have never been in harms way, but seeing the violence is not good I know. I have not been served the PO yet but don't know what can happen once I do. Can they really get something like this that would force us from being together if we decide to reconcile? Please help, I want to resolve this and be a better husband.
Good for the fathers. They are protecting their children. And, yes, they can.