| mr0996 |
| (recently joined) |
| 12/29/09 01:32 AM |
All about me...
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I really love my wife, I rarely show it however. Things are really rough around our house. She was married before, had 3 kids, and their father is still in the picture, which is good for the kids, no problems there, just laying out the platform. I'm a controlling, very jealous man when I'm married apparently, I didn't know that until after getting married, ha. I want to save my married with my wonderful and beautiful wife, I just don't know how to keep progressing. One day I'll be fine, we'll be fine, things will be great and then WHAM-O hello Mr. Nasty. I'm back and forth on issues involving our relationship. If she smiles at another guy, I get this horribly gut feeling. I've been cheated on in 2 out of 3 relationships I've been in, and I'm so closed off and protective of myself now, trying to keep from going down that road again, so much in fact that I hurt her in the process by suffocating her. We spend all of our time together, if we don't I get that feeling that she's seeing someone else. The only thing that bothers me is the fact that she saw her ex twice after the divorce, I'm worried she would go back to him still, she hid this from me until recently, but it shouldn't matter because we weren't together. I feel like a real [censored] not treating her better, and God knows I should treat her better. I guess I'm just at a loss for what to do. I feel like I can't breathe and survive without her. I just can't see myself being without her. She completes me, and compliments everything we do. We're great together, but we have a lot of issues, A LOT of issues that take place. I want this fixed, I just don't know how to do it. We've been together for about a year.
| BeachBabeRN |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 12/29/09 08:15 AM |
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Re: All about me...
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You've been together for a year and you're married already?
This is not her problem, this is your problem.
You are judging her by the standards of bad behavior that someone else **in your case 2 people** set. That's not fair to her. You're smothering her.
This is something you're going to have to fix. Without her help. You need to consider some intensive counseling, both alone and with her.
You are damaging your relationship to a point that it won't be recoverable.
| losingfaith |
| (addict) |
| 12/31/09 08:52 AM |
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Re: All about me...
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sounds like you have issues from your former relationships that the women cheated on you
you need to work that out and by what I’m hearing you can’t do that on your own
seek some counseling it can do wonders but you have to want to do what they have to offer
remember you will only get out of it what you put into it
once you get the help you need then and only then will you be free of this problem
betrayal is a painful thing to deal with it cuts many of us so deep that we really don’t know how to deal with it
if you want your marriage to blossom get it under control now because you will only end up making both of you miserable and ultimately your marriage is more then likely to fail
best of luck
| myheart |
| (enthusiast) |
| 01/13/10 09:24 PM |
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Re: All about me...
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I was divorced once, before I got remarried. My stbx knew about my ex and since we have children, knew their father will be in the picture. Stbx shared multiple times before marriage, that he will be respectful towards children's father and will be very open to have them have relationship with their father. But as soon as we got married, he changed his position, he was exreamly jalous, that children see their fahter regularly (according to schedule set by court). There was no win situation. If they stayed with us longer, he would get upset, how come their father doesn't take them, if they go, and come back, he wanted them to be very warm with him, which they couldn't it wasn't easy for them to switch gear, they were young children, so he blamed them and then me for their behaviour.
So if you want your wife in your life, you truly have to trun off that stupid insecure button in your brain and appreciate her in your life who completes you.
My stbx not too long ago started telling me oh I will leave him, since i am divorced once, like my being divorce suddenly became certificate for my disloyality towards him. I have spent many years trying to prove, his thinking is wrong, he is ruing a perfect marriage. But today I know it was his insecurity, he truly didn't know how to have a healthy relationship with a very normal woman. But he drove us towards disaster, finding one fault after another for one or other reason. Today I think his fear drove him towards that path, which finally split us.
You know your issues, please get some help, because even if your wife leaves you, you will in same place with another woman......
| mr0996 |
| (recently joined) |
| 01/23/10 03:51 PM |
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Re: All about me...
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Update: So I started out by talking to our pastor, just one on one sessions, around once a week. We still have a few issues come up here and there but there is obvious improvement. It took a whole lot for me to realize I needed outside help. I grew up thinking if I couldn't fix my problem by myself, then I wasn't going to get it fixed, well now that I'm married all that has changed. I plan on seeking as much help as I need to get this taken care of and behind us once and for all. I don't have jealousy problems with the boys father...he has jealousy issues with me. He's never been around, he walked out and didn't even tell the boys why or that he was leaving, now since I'm here he steps back in. I'm a strong believer that a boy needs to have his father around, and needs to know him, one way or another and I completely support him seeing them, as long as he doesn't pull another stunt and try to just up and walk out on them again for the 3rd time in their very young lives. I appreciate everyones feedback here, it's been most helpful.
| nwalczak |
| (recently joined) |
| 01/25/10 10:55 AM |
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Re: All about me...
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Hi,
Take a Breath! Really take a breath! If you love her, truly love her, then you trust and believe in her as a person. No one can complete you! No one can make you happy and you cannot control other people!
You can only have true unconditional love if you love yourself! Do you love yourself? It sounds to me like most of the issues you have mentioned are going on because of outside influences, you blaming outside issues for the way you are acting. You need to take time and spend it with yourself! Get to know who you are, what you like, what you don't like, and work on loving yourself! If you do not love yourself, no one can love you!
Also no one truly "needs" another person to make them whole and complete! You are whole and complete as you are! You are amazing as you are, she cannot fix things that you don't like about you, just like you can't fix things she doesn't like about her! You each have to work on yourself individually, that way you can share your complete self with each other! It is not about what you do for her, or she does for you, it is about sharing yourself and accepting each other for who you each are!
Positive thinking and positive actions brings positive results! You are conscious of what you are doing that is great! Now you have an opportunity to make a change, and focus on fixing the parts of you, you do not like!
What do you want to change? What can you do today to make yourself happy? Anger and jealousy comes from your heart and your head being out of alignment, it makes people feel crazy when they are acting in a non-loving way! It is not natural! Drop your guard! Become innocent like a child who has not been hurt in the past and enable yourself to feel love without fear! Fear is a block, to navigate the block you must focus on one day at a time, one moment at a time, and practice being in alignment with yourself and who you truly know you are!
You are a great person who wants to work on yourself, so take some steps to do that! Be the person you know you truly are! She saw that in you, that's why she married you! Her love for you will not make up for the fact that you do not love yourself! If you love yourself you will find that you don't "need" her love to be a certain way to make you happy, you will find that the experience of someone loving you because of who you are, is more amazing then trying to force someone to love you the way you want or think you should or would love yourself "if you could", which you can! Just do it!
Noreen
Personal and Business Coach
Owner- HolisticGuidance.com