| EmC |
| (veteran) |
| 06/19/05 09:23 PM |
When will some people ever learn????
|
We had such a drama filled day today. Now, honestly, while BM caused it, I honestly don't think it was intended to turn out the way it did.
Background: Since the day my husband moved out after catching her in her THIRD affair (well, actually second and third...he found out about the second at the same time), she has given a rat's butt about him or the kids relationship with him. Every birthday, Father's Day or Christmas...nothing. She would have died before taking the kids to do anything. So as a result, we have developed our own traditions. For every holiday, I buy my husband a "nice" gift (translation: more expensive) as a token of my appreciation for him and the man he his. But I also take the kids to the Dollar Store and let them buy whatever they think Daddy would like. The five gifts he gets there are the best. And the explanations: hilarious!
Well, the kids show up with a gift this time. It put me in a pickle because, of course, my boys then wanted to be able to buy a gift for him and of course the skids still wanted to do the Dollar Store thing. So I trimmed back my gift and took the boys to buy him something from the two of them and then also still did the Dollar Store thing with all five. Problem solved, right?
I wish....Of course, I find out right before we give the gifts, the skids didn't have any idea what BM bought so it really wasn't from them. It was a book....he already had and the skids knew it. Of course, the gift the boys got him was something he didn't have and really wanted, since they picked it out and not some stranger. The skids were DEVASTATED that he already had the book and nothing any of us said made them feel better. THEN to top it off, my boys come and are all upset because my sson told them they should have picked out a sdad card, not a dad card. When I ask him why he said it, I get the, "Well, my mom said they should and today isn't sdad day".
Sigh...I guess my issue is if she had been a stand up person through out (like my husband was....the kids have been given money to shop for their mother for Mother's Day, her birthday and Christmas every year since the divorce and THEY pick them out, not us) and had done this each year, we wouldn't have made our own traditions. But to just do this, with no regard to the other children, when she knows my husband considers them his own....was a little insensitive to them, at the very least. It made like a "line in the sand" between kids and skids and it was very upsetting to BOTH sides.
The skids went back because it is still her extended visitation right now and she called a little later wanting to know why I took them shopping since she already bought a gift and that my sson told her that my husband already had it. I confirmed it all and told her next time, she should consult me about this stuff. She, of course, said, "They are MY kids" and I said, "Yes, but he is MY husband and that was who the gift was for. If you had let me know, I would have told you that we have our own traditions or at the very least, told you he already had the book"....to which she said, "I think I know XXXX..." and I cut her off and said, "No, you don't. I don't know my ex either and I would ask his SO before I bought him a gift because it is rude and disrespectful to her." She, of course, countered with, "It was from the skids" to which I said, "No, it wasn't. YOU bought it. THEY didn't know. If they had, they knew he had the book because sson used it for a book report! The gift was from you and you stepped over the line. All I am saying is next time, given the fact that numerous holidays have passed, you might check with us on what we normally do because you don't know. It will save us all the drama of having little kids with hurt feelings and isn't that what we all want????"
She of course got snippy and then her husband got on, we had the same conversation and he agreed with me that since the kids didn't pick it out, it really wasn't appropriate and since we have five kids in our family, not three, and we operate like an intact family (no mine or yours) that all kids need to be considered.
Now, after thinking it out, maybe she did mean it. I mean, we wouldn't have said anything about it. We chalked it up to a well-meaning thing that turned out not so good. But her calling, it was like looking for the fight. I don't know....but I just wish she would think before acting. she hurt five kids feelings, three of which were hers, by not thinking out the actions.
Sheesh....anyone else feel like in a blended family, it is such a delicate balance. I didn't think it would turn out as bad as it did with the kids, but everyone had their feelings hurt.
| Susanf31 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/19/05 09:56 PM |
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Re: When will some people ever learn????
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I think you are one of the "people who will never learn." Your actions were rude and it's no wonder BM got snippy. Any gift-giver would get snippy for being called on the carpet for their gift choice.
Sorry, but coming strictly from a BM's point of view here...
I have often times bought my ex something "from the kids." I was married to the man. I had children with him. I know him...and obviously she chose a nice book because he already had it...signifing that she did, indeed, know it was something he would like.
If one gives a gift that you already have, the gracious thing to do is to say "thank you." That's all, just "Thank you." You don't criticize the person who sent it or choose it and chide them for not consulting you first. Who would do that??
Your H could have called her and THANKED her for book, then told her what a nice gift it was, but he already had it. Could she please tell him where he got so he could exchange it for a different book. That would have been the NICE, gracious thing to do. Then he could have gotten all excited in front of the kids about how he was going to be able to go to the book store and pick out any book he wanted!!
I'm appalled that you would get on the phone with her and proceed to tell her how, in the future, she should send gifts. Hasn't anyone ever told you that it's the thought that counts?
You were rude and you could have shown so much more graciousness than you displayed. I'm sure you don't see that and you don't see yourself as part of the problem. But anytime you have a new wife telling ex-wife that she should consult her before sending gifts, you've got to see that you are part of the "When will they learn!" club.
Remember, when ANYONE gives you or your H a gift, jsut say "thanks for the thought!!!" If you already have it, you can always discretely exchange it later.
| Spring |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/19/05 10:29 PM |
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Re: When will some people ever learn????
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From THIS BM's point of view...I think you made the best out of a catastrophe! Had I been the BM, you wouldn't have had the call after the skids went home...you would have had a different call from me inquiring if I should supply the Father's Day gift seperately or if you(and this would be my hope) had planned to have a group gift from all the kids! That would be the respectful thing to do.
| EmC |
| (veteran) |
| 06/19/05 10:41 PM |
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Interesting....
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I am just like Spring. When my ex met his SO and they became a family, I called the next Father's Day (as I had continued to take the kids shopping post divorce) and asked her if I should or if she intended to. I did it previous because there was no one else to do it. Now, she does it and it is something that the kids enjoy.
Now...Susan...sigh....as a BM (remember, I am one too...), I respect my ex's SO and her role. BTW...looking back, I sent the book report to the skids' BM (because sson got 100% on his very first book report and thought she too might enjoy seeing it) so chances are better than not that is how she knew he would enjoy it. Know him? Hardly or else she would know he loves the Dollar Store gifts and it is the highlight of the morning hearing why each child bought what. Know him? Hardly...she bought a book about his favorite sport, which 99% of his casual wear supports "his" team, so you would have to be BLIND not to know he likes this sport. Know him? Hardly....or else she would know that picking out a gift and signing the card for the kids is not what he likes. Know him? Hardly...or else she would realize that he would rather get NOTHING before having a child's feelings hurt.
You realize that my sson realized he had the book IMMEDIATELY upon seeing my husband open it. There was no time to cover. He was so upset and so was my sd. I didn't do that. Their mom did by trying to insinuate herself where she had no business. We assured him it was okay and it was the thought that counts, but since they are used to OUR tradition and the thought that goes into our gifts (not the money), he was heartbroken.
AND keep in mind, I didn't call her. She called me. I did thank her for the sentiment initially, but when she called ME out for taking them to the Dollar Store, I was honest and answered her questions directly.
You and your ex are civil. This woman is not. That is a whole different scenario and you know it. But given your stance, when he does remarry, you will be in for an adjustment when you are no longer the woman in his life.
AND you forget that five kids got their feelings hurt by her actions. Isn't that what should really be the most important thing????? We were just going to let it go....she made the issue.
| Moi |
| (old hand) |
| 06/19/05 10:43 PM |
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Re: When will some people ever learn????
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My husbands ex tries her best to cause rifts in our household.
One example: My SD called from her Mom's. She got a ferret that day and was very proud and wanted to tell everyone. So after I got the scoop she wanted to talk to SS #1. So she then recited all the ferret details to her. Then she asked SS #1 to pass the phone to SS #2. Well that child put the phone on speaker phone and all three girls were chattering away all excited about SD's new pet.
So then I hear BM in the background on the other end ask SD WHO she is talking to. She said SS #2. Then you hear BM TELL SD, "Hang up that phone. I don't like her and I told you not to talk to her and you shouldn't like her either."
My daughter was in TEARS having heard this. And for the life of me I can't think of a single reason any mature adult would try to cause problems between children who consider themselves to be sisters, biology or not.
================
Wow, we do things the same as you. I drug 5 kids out today; which is a chore in itself! LOL I bought him his "big" gift then each of the 5 kids get him a $5-$10 something. The three little ones still make him cards. (those are the best one) and the two teenagers buy cards. My kids get him "dad" cards too. Heck, my 11yo daughter even WROTE on her homemade card, "Your the best Dad in the world" and she doens't even call him Dad. What's the big deal?
| EmC |
| (veteran) |
| 06/19/05 10:44 PM |
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Something else....Susan
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So you think it is okay to send a married man a gift? I think it is not, unless he is family or you are friends with the man and his wife. She is neither. Keep in mind...the skids knew NOTHING of the gift until she drove up that day. They didn't know what it was. They had no say in picking it out. Never mind all the other reasons it was wrong, it is entirely inappropriate to send a gift to a married man you have no friendship or family relationship to. Dear Abby, simple etiquite and good manners tell you that, unless you are trying to lift your leg and mark territory that is no longer yours.
| Spring |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/19/05 10:49 PM |
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Re: Something else....Susan
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LOL...oh I forgot...SD10(still lives with Mom) used her own money to buy some chocolates for Dad. She asked Mom what she should buy...Mm told her "Oh your Dad just LOVES Hedgehogs!" so that's what she bought. My husband hates them and BM knows this, especially since she 'knows' him...and has 'known him longer than me!". LOL! The sad part is, SD thouught she bought him the bestest gift in the world! Now hubby is pretending he likes them.....lol.
| EmC |
| (veteran) |
| 06/19/05 10:57 PM |
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That is even worse!
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That is awful Spring! Purposely setting sd up for disappointment. That is what Susan doesn't get. When a child gives a gift, THEY are more excited than the gift getter! No matter what we told sson (including we would all go exchange it for something we could share together and that my husband had "lost" his copy...) made it better. She set him up to be disappointed when he saw the book, not my husband.
She has done little things like that before. Like before football practice, she took them for snacks on her weekend. Sson asked to buy dad something with his money from his allowance here and she suggested an item with something in it my husband has ALWAYS hated and is allegric to. My husband couldn't even PRETEND to eat it because he would get sick.
Or the time I gave sd money to buy lunch for all the skids (we were at a tournament and BM offered to drive over). I have a heart condition and I told sd a salad (fast food is a killer for me...literally). SD, who was 6 at the time, forgot and BM reminded her I wanted a Quarter Pounder with cheese and fries. NO ONE ordered that and BM is well aware of my heart condition.
The more I think about this, the more likely this was planned. Susan doesn't get that the rules change when you remarry and everyone has to be sensitive to that.
| Debi |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/19/05 10:59 PM |
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Just curious
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Did she know about your tradition? Last year I volunteered to take my SO's kids shopping for Father's Day since they hadn't gotten him anything for his birthday and he was very hurt. I was snubbed when I made the suggestion (his x pretended I didn't offer and took the kids shopping on her own), so this year I didn't offer. You guessed it. Not even a card. I have no problem with his x taking the kids shopping or even picking something out as long as they recognize their father. I'm not taking sides on this at all, because I leave it to my x's wife to shop for him either with or without the kids. It's her job if she wants him to have more than the kids homemade cards and gifts (which I treasure and don't need anything else.) I think some people just like to remind the current wife that they were there once upon a time. Silly in my opinion since I don't even want to claim that I ever knew my x much less was married to him. (we all know THAT story though)
I think your tradition is a great one. I do the same thing for Christmas. No matter how hard you try though, you can't be exactly like an intact family because you're not one. I'm not trying to be mean but both sets of kids have another parent and you can't control how that other parent operates. You can only control how you deal with each situation. As for the comment your skids made about your H not being your kids dad, kids are territorial. My SO does more for and with my kids than their own dad ever has, but his son reminds them every now and then that my SO is HIS dad, not theirs. I'm sure when we live togther it will happen more often. Especially since my kids will be with him more than his.
You have to take everything with a grain of salt because if you don't you are allowing her way more than she deserves.
| Spring |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/19/05 11:06 PM |
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Re: That is even worse!
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Yup...if everyone could just respect each other, how less traumatic the whole divorce experience would be!!
Truthfully tho, the gift thing we just laugh between ourselves at. One day, she'll(SD10)will figure it out all on her own. No way will we take away her proud moment! I know how you feel about how it hurts the kids! One reason we have her blocked from calling the house line! If she can access my home to start trouble, she will.
BM's like this live to play games and cause havoc if they think they can. We try hard not to let her get to us but once in a while, something slips past our highroad mentality and makes us all ornery!!
| EmC |
| (veteran) |
| 06/19/05 11:14 PM |
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I can see your point....
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But the kicker is YOU did make the call and offer. There is a line there that as the ex, you have to tetter on. I am an ex-wife. I know.
As for behaving as an intact family, it works for us. Since we are CP's of all our kids, it is the only way we can operate with five kids in our house. If we weren't CP's....it might be different. My sson has NEVER made a comment like that before and it came from his mom. <We also found out through this that she made them by her husband a sdad card and told them it was the "right" thing to do which if that is how she feels, great...it isn't how my husband feels towards my kids.> Even my ex, who has been more involved lately, structured Father's Day so my boys were with my husband too because he acknowledges the huge father's role he had taken when my ex didn't. But regardless, it isn't her place to make commentary on decisions my husband and I have made for MY kids, not hers.
I feel mostly bad for my skids. My husband was able to reassure my boys tonight that my sson didn't mean it and that he loves all the kids equally. But my skids left here upset, and I am sure they were further upset by their mother with all her nonsense after.
Oh, and to answer your question, yes, she knew our tradition. Why? Because at a baseball game Monday night, I was lamenting the fact with all our sports going on, we hadn't done the Dollar Store thing and with games Fri and Sat of this weekend, I was going to have to squeeze it in. Did I elaborate on my gift for him? No. But she knew about the Dollar Store thing. Did I say, "This is our tradition"? No. But I did say "like every year" during my conversation.
It is hard. I am like you. My ex is my ex for a reason. I ain't hip on claiming him to be my ex, much less wanting to lay claim to him more than that :) I an waiting for the calm. This goes in phases. The calm is on the horizon...I just know it....I am an optimist.
| Dee78 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/20/05 06:48 AM |
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I think both were in the wrong.
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I don't think she was wrong for picking up a gift for him from the kids. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. I think she was wrong for calling and confronting you about is but I also think you were wrong in your response to her.
If it had been me, I would have kept my traditions EXACTLY the way they had been done in the past. I would have bought the bigger gift from the entire family and let them each pick out the smaller gift.
I encouraged the girls to make their dad a Father's day card but that was it. I have bought him picture frames and put the girl's picture in it, in the past. Last year, I made him a album of the girls' baby pictures since I didn't think he had any of them. But he hasn't been much of a father this year and I didn't have the money or the time to put any effort into a gift, nor did I want to do it.
| Rebecca5 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/20/05 08:21 AM |
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Re: I think both were in the wrong.
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I agree with you, Dee. This could have gone a whole lot better for everyone and I don't think the blame rests on any one person's shoulders. My ex, parents, and in-laws have all sent the kids/me/DH things that we already have.....on more than one occasion. It's not that big of a deal. Well.....it didn't have to become that big of a deal.
EmC....you need to learn how to shut her off. It sounds to me like you let her get to you and she shouldn't have that much power in your life. I've heard all that same junk from DH's ex..."I KNOW him...blah, blah, blah." I think....."Correction. You KNEW him." Of course she knows what sports teams he likes....what kind of car he used to drive, etc...so do his co-workers. I do have some respect for their history. Their history created 3 children that I love and has rewarded me with 3 lovely grandchildren. :-)
EmC....on one hand, you're angry with bmom for getting him something and claiming that she knows him....and on the other hand, you're angry that she got him something that she should know he can't have. She's also supposed to remember your dietary requirements, but not what sports teams your husband likes? If she's been this way for at least 3+ years....what are the odds that she's going to change? Not good. If it's obvious that a working relationship is not going to be possible, learn to work around her. It's sad for the kids that these insignificant things are still causing such drama.
Susan....it's just those kinds of comments that will help your ex's new wife dislike you. People change. You *knew* him. Btw....calling someone up and asking where you can exchange the gift they sent is not gracious...lol. Calling and thanking them would be. I wouldn't have even done that. I would have said something like..."Wow....mom must have known that I spilled coffee all over (insert any lame comment here) my other copy...." or...."mom has good taste...she got me a book I already love....ha ha ha. Here kids, you can have my old copy for your house and I'll keep my new copy."
From my POV as the smom...there's no way to "win" this situation. The kids suffer if I do anything other than try to sooth their hurt and put on a happy face.
From my POV as the bmom....I wouldn't send gifts if there was a SO in his life. The most I would do is call and ask the SO if she would like to take them shopping, or if she would like me to...and that would only be if we had a great relationship. More than likely, they would make cards here....and if his SO wanted to add a present, she could.
| NikkiL |
| (addict) |
| 06/20/05 08:53 AM |
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Re: I think both were in the wrong.
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I agree, my ex has a wife. If there is a gift to be purchased she can buy it. I stay out of gift giving, completely. My ex lives in another state, so that also helps. I suggested to my son, that he make his dad a card and we could send it. He didnt want to. I didnt push it. I suggested that he call him yesterday morning. He said No. changed his mind about 15 minutes later and called him.
I will offer suggestions, like calling and making him something him something...but thats it.
Although, if my son ever wanted to get his dad something, and it was a reasonable price, I would purchase it, and send it, but the idea, would have to come from my son.
| Spring |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/20/05 09:30 AM |
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Re: I think both were in the wrong.
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Absolutely! I don't see any problem with facilitating my son buying a gift for his Dad. Same tho, the idea is all his. Its been that way for 15 years. If SM all of the sudden decided to buy something from my son for his Dad as well...great! It wouldn't bother me in the least...in fact, I really don't know if she does or doesn't!! I'd never in a million years phone her up and tell her that she shouldn't/couldn't!! Her house, her family, her discretion!
I've always handles the gift buying here. With my skids, well...the one that lives with her Mom, I ask her usually if she's getting something or if she wants me to. This year, I didn't get the chance to ask her so I bought all three gifts from the kids. SD10 brought over the chocolates as well...and we added them to the gift pile! No issues...even tho Dad doesn't like the chocolates..lol! It was the thought that mattered behind the gift...and she bought them herself. It stands to reason with BM in EmC's case, that the reason she was insulted with SM for buying another gift was that she PERSONALLY chose the gift from the kids...that's why she took it so personally when SM bought another one, IMO.
Gift giving is for the kids. This is why I like to help them with it...so it gets done. They feel all special and excited inside when they spend the time coming up with something they think a person will just love. They enjoy watching that person open the gift! That's why I do it. Same with SD's Mom. The reason I help SD make something(or sometimes just make sure she gets the opportunity to get somehting) is all about SD, not her Mom. I would be very sad if SD wanted to get her Mom something for a special occasion but couldn't because no one would take her or help her with it. Its about the kids.
| EmC |
| (veteran) |
| 06/20/05 10:02 AM |
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Rebecca and Dee....
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First, I am not angry at all. More tired, but definitely not angry. I am sad for my skids who are always in the middle of her games. Sad for my kids who I typically can protect from her crap....got hurt.
She has NO power. I was simply venting about dealing with her crap.
And you seem to be missing the point. The point is it is NOT that he already had the book. The point is the gift was not from the kids. It was from her. They do not have a civil relationship. My husband can't stand the woman. Dee...your post validates this point. YOU made the gift you gave your ex. It was a 'hey, I respect you as their father" gift. You may not like him, but he is their father. This woman has done nothing but trash my husband for years. There is no respect. The gift was NOT from the kids. And they were very upset by it being something he already had. WE weren't. THEY were.
If she had been doing this for the past few years, great, fine wonderful!!! But did she think I just let Father's Day go uncelebrated each year? Of course not.
And if she had even let the kids be a part of it, GREAT! But the kids had no knowledge. It was a gift from her. Another "lift my leg and try to mark my territory" attempt on her part. This time, it wasn't me that got hurt...it was five innocent kids.
And Rebecca....NO, I do not expect her to remember my dietary needs. But she stood right there, heard me say "Salad" and then buys me a Quarter Pounder. SHE offered to go get it. It was a hateful thing to do. And given the fact I was a few weeks out of the hospital, yes, she didn't "forget" I have a heart condition.
If nothing else, as BM's, we have to remember that our ex's are married men and not to us. There is a line of respect you owe a married man. I wouldn't buy a married man a gift unless we were family or friends. That is just good manners. If the kids aren't involved in the gift buying, it isn't from them.
| Rebecca5 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/20/05 10:29 AM |
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Re: Rebecca and Dee....
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Oh...my apologies. I thought "the point" was that the kids were hurt. If mom was being a jerk, the responsibility falls on you make the kids feel better, not to engage in an argument with their mother. That's the only "point" that should matter.
Sorry for the confusion about the McDonald's run....from the original comment, it appeared as though you had expected SD to remember what you wanted and bmom to remember what you could or could not have.
And yes, if you engaged in that conversation with not only her, but her husband......she does, in fact, have some power in your life.
| Susanf31 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/20/05 10:44 AM |
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Re: Rebecca and Dee....
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Geeez, all she did was stop and pick up something for the kids to give to their dad! She is not CP, so she probably did not have the kids to take them with her by the time she thought about it.
As a BM, I would have been driving around and thinking "oh, shoot! Sunday is Father's Day and I haven't taken the kids to get anything! Rats! Oh well, I'll just run by the book store and pickup something about the Miami Dolphins since eveyrone knows he loves that team and give it to the kids to give to him. I'd hate for them to be empty handed on Father's Day. I'm not certain what their 'tradition' is, so I'll just pick up something just-in-case."
Then you call her and chastize her for not "checking with you first."
Seriously, I'd tell you to go pound salt. I picked up something for the kids to give to their dad. It was NOT from me...it was for them to give to him. It was NOT intended as an insult. I just wanted to make sure my kids did not feel badly for being empty handed on Father's day. I WAS thinking about my kids.
I can't think of anything much ruder than telling her how, what, when, where and with whom she must "run it by" when sending a gift for the kids to give to someone.
A simple "thank you for the book" would have sufficed. Why must you go into anything else. You could have EASILY done damage control for those kids...just by saying "Oh look, a Miami Dolphins book!! Cool. Dad was wanting to give you the old anyway so now we have TWO! Excellent!! Thanks you!!!!!"
I don't live in your home...so I have no way of knowing what books he does and does not have.
| EmC |
| (veteran) |
| 06/20/05 12:23 PM |
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Hey Susan!!!
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I know you have selective reading so let's keep it clear:
SHE NEVER DID IT BEFORE SO SHE KNEW I WOULD. She never cared if they were there before empty handed, why care now? AND she knew on MONDAY of my plans.
MOST IMPORTANTLY: I DID NOT CALL HER! She called MY cell phone, not home phone, and got on ME for taking them to the Dollar Store in addition to her gift and then proceeded to get on ME because he already had the damn book.
AND exactly...SHE doesn't live in our home. She isn't friends with us. We don't like her and she is the biggest liar we know. She has never bought anything "for the kids" to give their dad before. If she wasn't out to cause trouble, why make the call. And for the record, the call started out with, "Did XXXX (my h) get the gift I bought him?" My response, "Yes, thank you. That was very sweet of you." SHE followed that with, "Why did you take the kids to the Dollar Store?" and it went from there.
I did not call her complaining. SHE called ME. If you can't follow that, you are stupid.
Besides, I too have taken my kids shopping for their dad. But I did it from day one. You can't give a rat's butt for years and then step in and not expect to step on the other family's toes somehow. If she had done it from the beginning "for the kids", then GREAT! But due to her malice and hate, I picked up the slack and we developed our own traditions she KNOWS nothing of.
| EmC |
| (veteran) |
| 06/20/05 12:28 PM |
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Rebecca....
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You are right. That is the point. My kids were hurt because she tried to divide and conquer. her kids were hurt because she acted without thinking (or with a lot of thought....given she had the book report in her possession since May and it was never returned, those here in the office figure it was a planned attack to cause tension in our home.)
And her husband called ME, not vice versa. Unless the kids are there and we are returning a call, we do not call them. We use email. Proof of all conversations for when she files her next round of litigation, which we believe will be sooner than later. She always does this stuff right before.
We did not initiate this argument. SHE did. SHE called MY cellphone, not our home number, not my husbands and started the convo off with, "Did XXX get the gift I bought him?" Not the kids bought him, I bought him. I THANKED HER, hoping that would be the end of it.
As far as the kids are concerned, we told them we could trade it and that my husband had "lost" his....it didn't help.
| Susanf31 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/20/05 02:02 PM |
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Re: Rebecca....
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"Did XXX get the gift I bought him?" Not the kids bought him, I bought him. I THANKED HER, hoping that would be the end of it.
+++++
I'm asking you to see your role in this. "Hoping that would be the end of it." Why wasn't it, then?
Because after she asked you why you took the kids to the dollar store, you had to off on giving her detailed instructions on the proper way to "gift."
You are right...her question "should have been the end of it." You continued it and turned it into something that didn't have to happen by delivering your lecture on how to properly gift your H.
If you can't stand her as you say you can't, why not just end the converstaion with a big "thank you for the book. It's none of your business if I go to the dollar store or not. Have a nice day...buhbye!"
| Rebecca5 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/20/05 04:21 PM |
|
Re: Rebecca....
|
I understand that she initiated the argument/conversation. I hadn't stated otherwise. I'm just saying that you contributed to the discussion (justified or not makes little difference in the outcome)....which makes you are party to the mess.
If my ex's wife/girlfriend/SO explained to me in her very, very nicest tone how I should or should not observe Father's Day with my children....I would want to tell her where to stick it. :-)
Try this..."I'm sorry you feel that way. Have a nice evening."
I have gone so far as to say to my ex, "I have heard what you are saying. I understand your position. Because this conversation has become hurtful/pointless/nasty I'm going to hang up the phone now." Click.