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cincsu
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 07:22 PM
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phone call update - i stayed out of it
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SS returned the call to his mom today....after about 30 seconds he said "i'm with....um, i'm watching TV" the TV wasn't on....a few seconds later he says "mommy, it's my favorite part, i wanna hang up, i'm watching Ben 10"
again, i said nothing...i took everyone's advice and stayed out of it. the phone call didn't last that long, but i kept my mouth shut. the phone wasn't on speaker, and i didn't hear any yelling, so i guess BM was ok with it.
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greeneyes
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 07:24 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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Why would the phone call last long - he's 5. Why would you involve yourself in the phone call - am I missing something?
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cincsu
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 07:25 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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it wouldn't last long, but i got blasted for interfering in a phone call with SS back in march when his mom called me stupid and a b*tch to SS...you weren't around then.
so, i was just updating that this one i stayed out of, and thanks to the advice of everyone it went well
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greeneyes
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 07:26 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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As I said, I think you have some serious boundary issues. I think that might change once your child is born b/c I think your perspective will be different.
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cincsu
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 07:28 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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i stayed out of it...are you missing something, katie?
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greeneyes
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 07:29 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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I'm not katie. I think your boundary issues extend past the phone calls.
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cincsu
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 07:34 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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again, katie, i stayed out of it.
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greeneyes
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 07:36 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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i'm not katie.
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cincsu
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 07:37 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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oh sorry, your posts remind me of her.
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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Cindy, you are so wacked out...are you totally unstable???? Please go to your doctor ASAP... Now you are calling another poster "Katie" well actually your correct, I am everywhere.
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Miranda
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 07:57 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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[quote]Why would the phone call last long - he's 5. Why would you involve yourself in the phone call - am I missing something? [/quote]
OMG are you for real? Why do you keep asking kindergarten questions. Is this ERICC?
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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Ahhhh..... definitely possibility.. hell.. another one to put on ignore.
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Miranda
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 08:14 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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Well it is definitely fishy. I am calling BS.
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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on who???
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KiwiGirl
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 09:22 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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Cinsu, I get the feeling you got some small joy out of the fact that your sson fibbed to his mother so he could get off the phone faster.
Let's morph forward 15 yrs to your daughter telling you a fib to get off the phone when she is at a friend's place. It happens. Don't think it won't because it will.
It isn't a compliment to you. It is a small boy having little to say to the headless voice on the phone.
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cincsu
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 09:41 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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i didn't say it was or i got any satisfaction out of it...i swear - if i say something i'm an overbearing step mom who is overstepping her bounds. if i don't say anything i get satisfaction out of it and twist it wicked.
but hey, that is why i posted because i figured i'd get equally bashed for saying nothing.
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Spring
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 10:02 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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I was thinking that it could be the boy doesn't feel comfortable talking to his Mom while cinsu is there. He may be uncomfortable because he senses tension between them.
Cinsu, how did you handle the fact that he lied?
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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I don't understand why Cincsu is even listening to the boy's end of the call.. AT ALL.
Where is his FATHER? If they "need" to be monitored, why isn't HE doing it?
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Spring
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 10:08 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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In all fairness, she may have just been in the room...I dunno.
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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I'd go with that.. except.. this isn't a one-time occurrence. She just happens to be in the room seemingly every time the kid has to talk to his mother on the phone?
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cincsu
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 10:11 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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i didn't do anything about what he said...i'm just the SM, remember - not allowed to have a voice.
i was in his room helping him hang posters on his wall along with our babysitter.
and we went through this in march - he doesn't want to tell his mom when i am there because she hates me. he gets in trouble for talking about me and my husband or kissing us goodbye in front of her or showing joy that he is coming with us when she is there. he isn't allowed to express pleasure or love for us....so, i am sure that is why he lied to her. he still never told her he went on a stepmommy/stepson trip....
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Miranda
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 10:11 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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Well it is her home and she does pay the phone bill and the kid is 5 and needs some sort of supervision on a phone. My son is six and he is not allowed to run around the house talking on the phone.
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cincsu
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 10:12 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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yah thanks miranda! seriously, sometimes he needs help to remind him he's on the phone or he'll just set it down and walk away. but me, the babysitter and he were in his room doing something when it was time to call the mom back.
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Spring
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 10:13 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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Wel, he is only five...I'd have him under my watchful eye all the time. She may want to give him some phone privacy tho, if that's the case. He just may not feel comfortable speaking with Mom infront of SM.
I remember SD12 telling me once "I would have waved when I saw you, but I was with Mom."
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Spring
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 10:19 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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Now come on, cinsu. You said clearly that you told him 'its not ice to talk badly about people' in you house when BM bad mouthed you. You defended your moral compass...now you're saying that you won't say anything to correct his behavior because of what people here said? Not buying it.
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Arden
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(old hand)
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06/24/08 10:32 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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I think this works both ways for this poor kid. No doubt he is also afraid to show love and joy for his mom while around you.
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cincsu
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 10:33 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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absolutely not...he tells her he loves her while i am there. not sure where you read into that one. we talk about his mom, and he is allowed to talk about her in our house.....
and to spring - i'm going to let my DH handle it so i'm not the overbearing step mom
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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[quote]Well it is her home and she does pay the phone bill and the kid is 5 and needs some sort of supervision on a phone. My son is six and he is not allowed to run around the house talking on the phone. [/quote]
Hmm... my daughter's 2 1/2 and she talks to her dad on the phone without my inteference, or having to listen to it. She sits on the couch, tells him whatever she's watching. They "watch" Noggin together. I helped her the first time.. but she's an independent little thing and I got "go away" the 2nd time, lol. Now she sits on the couch, holds the phone and I'm usually posting here and not paying a whole lot of attention frankly. When she's done or bored, she yells "Mommmmmm" and that's my cue to take the phone. Her dad and I will talk for a while and sometimes she'll ask for the phone back and the process repeats.
No need for me to be involved, other than to be the holder of the phone.. on demand... lol.
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Spring
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 10:36 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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"i'm going to let my DH handle it so i'm not the overbearing step mom"
Perfect! That's what I was hoping for...
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Spring
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 10:40 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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My SD12 had the "freedom" to love her Mom infront of me...but could not show affection for me infront of her Mom. It can be one sided. I didn't speak badly about her Mom to her...but her Mom was the opposite. Its started the day I met her...when she went home with a cute little hair do I did for her. Mom got angry that I did her hair (not cut, just put up cute in a little clip) after she had been with us a few days. Really hard on the kid!
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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Oh good god.... I swear... If she does anything she's bad... if she does nothing she's bad... she can't sh*t correctly with most of you.
Let the father handle it, which I am sure is what she is going to do.
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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Good answer, but I am sure most won't like that either. It's getting effin ridiculous.
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Debi
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 11:22 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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Cinsu, you need to get a grip before you work yourself into premature labor over a stupid annonymous message board.
I don't know, maybe you're sitting back laughing over everything that's going back and forth. That would be good because if you are really feeling the anger and venom you're portraying the past few days you are going to raise your blood pressure through the roof.
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cincsu
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 11:29 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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i am debi....i don't know anyone here. i do think it is funny how i'm wrong for doing one thing so i do the opposite, and i'm still wrong....
i've just not engaged much at work this week because friday i'm leaving for puerto vallarta and guadalajara for 10 days! so i need something to pass the time.
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Spring
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 11:33 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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"i am debi....i don't know anyone here. i do think it is funny how i'm wrong for doing one thing so i do the opposite, and i'm still wrong...."
Well, cinsu, if you haven't already figured it out...that's the very definition of being a "Stepmom". That's why stepmom's say its the only job tougher than just being a parent.
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cincsu
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/24/08 11:36 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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that will be great then spring....if raising reece is easier than raising lalito i'll be in heaven.....
actually working with him has been the easiest part of all of it - he's such a smart kid and very loving, a great listener.
actually, the most dissenting figures in the whole thing are BM and this message board! believe it or not...
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BB1
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/25/08 06:27 AM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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I think you handled it well. Maybe to take it a step further, next time when he's on with his mom, you can just step out of the room so he can't see you. Give him a heads up, when you talk to your mommy, I am going to step out but if you need anything, come get me. My kids would have been able to comprehend that at 5.
As for the lying??? Well, it is a lie but I think he did something he had to do to keep his mother off of his 5 year old butt. Even at 5, if your are getting run over a grater mentally by your mom, you're going to do whatever it takes to make sure she's happy, and her screaming and swearing certainly isn't portraying happiness. I think his lie, although not right, was not ill intended. Just like if an adult had to steal food to feed his family...not right but not with ill intentions.
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ssmom79
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/25/08 08:07 AM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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"I think you handled it well. Maybe to take it a step further, next time when he's on with his mom, you can just step out of the room so he can't see you. Give him a heads up, when you talk to your mommy, I am going to step out but if you need anything, come get me. My kids would have been able to comprehend that at 5."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I agree. I'm sure your SS will be more relaxed when he talks to his Mom after a few more smooth phone calls.
Cin, it's really not about being a silent stepmom (IMO) it's about learning to pick your battles. Some battles are worth it, others are not. But I might pick a battle you would not, and vice versa. Nothing wrong with doing what works in your household.
Unfortunately, because of your past postings, it's probabaly hard for some forum members to NOT read into your post.
And honestly, some advice doesn't work across the board. Some advice might work in situation A but not in situation B. So when someone says butt out of one situation, it doesn't mean be a "silent stepmom" it just means they wouldn't have picked that battle in their life.
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1966Gal
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/25/08 08:25 AM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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It's so sad that the boy doesn't feel comfortable talking to his mom when you are around. I don't think it lied "to her", I think he lied "for you." Because one time when he was talking to his mom, you grabbed the phone out of his hand and had "words" with her. I'm sure he's willing to do ANYTHING to avoid having that happen between two women he loves. How can a 5 yo not view that as his fault. So, I'm sure he wanted to get off the phone as quickly as possible, in any way necessary, to avoid upsetting you and his mom.
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matart1
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(Carpal \'Tunnel)
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06/25/08 01:25 PM
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Re: phone call update - i stayed out of it
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are these people for real....
if you are on my phone in my house I am not going to leave my room or run out of my house just so someone can use the phone.....how retarded.
if someone has something to hide then they do it on their own terms - a 5 yr old is not privy to that much privacy.
visitation shouldn't be hindered by meddling parents and that goes both ways for the clarification stunted. but Cin sitting in her room should not and does not have to leave just because someone is on the phone.
what kind of phone call is a 5 yr old receiving that is so personal or detrimental to privacy..??
next people will be saying when they buy M&M's that you don't have the right to know about it if it's in the house...
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