| Nicole |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 07/02/12 08:54 AM |
Court, GAL, and DCS
|
DH had court on Friday for the Suspension of Summer visitation. He headed down before to pick up SS's and he also had meeting with the GAL and his lawyer. At the meeting with the GAL, the GAL read text messages straight from DH's phone between BM and him. After he was done reading just the last month of texts he told DH about a case he recently had with a father that was identical to DH's and he told DH that he gave the father the choice on if he wanted school year or summer. DH didn't really know what to think of him telling DH that until he talked to his lawyer and his lawyer said he got the feeling that the GAL was headed in that direction after talking to him previously that week. DH doesn't know how to feel about this.
The motion for suspension was dismissed, obviously. BM's lawyer tried to settle and they spend over two hours going back and forth on details. In the end they didn't get everything worked out so they didn't finalize anything but the lawyer's are trying to figure a few more details out to see if they can settle it. The GAL and judge said that it was going to be a 9/3 split. So one person will get school the other will get summer.
In my last post I said the states were not opening a case. We thought that since DH had called both states and talked to social workers in both about the situation and both said they didn't feel a case would be opened. Well, DH received a call on Friday from the counselor we set up down here and he said that he should be getting a call from DCS because he had to report it. So, soon after DH received the call and talked to the social worker, she said that she would have to meet with the kids and me but that from what she has heard we have been proactive on taking steps to help the kids and handle the situation. Our state has a level system on how cases are labeled and we are a level 3 which is the lowest level. So tomorrow the kids and I are going to talk to the social worker. My sister seemed to think that if a case did get opened down here that they would send it to BM's state as well since they live there too. I guess we will find out.
I am bothered by people thinking I would make this up. The day I posted first about this whole situation was the day after it happened. I was shocked, worried, stressed, sad, confused, a lot of different emotions. I didn't come back for almost a week because we were dealing with it as a family and well, honestly my sister helped me a lot with what to do. I have gone through the emotions for the past month about all of this and yes I am in a much better place with handling it. Like I stated before we do not have the fear that SS would do this again (not that we are not being cautious though) we are more concerned on why he did it. Now that we have an actual summer plan on when we will have SS's we can set up more counseling and hopefully find out why this happened. GAL suggested BM set up a counselor as well, so hopefully since he did that she will.
I can't remember a lot of what ppl wrote in my last post I know there was some questions on me being truthful or over dramatic, etc. I can't prove anything to anyone here. You can choose to believe or not. If you don't then I am sorry that I have done anything to make you feel like I lied about anything. I have been vague on some details but that doesn't mean I lied. I have been careful what to post here and I think someone mentioned that they felt I didn't need support since I have enough ppl in my life to help me. Yes, luckily I do have a lot of ppl in my life that have helped me a lot the past month. My sister has been amazing and she has been so awesome to talk to me almost everyday when I just call to get out feelings or if I need to ask questions. I am lucky and I honestly don't need advice regarding what we need to do with the situation with SS, we feel comfortable with the direction we are headed in healing from that. I have several posters on here that have honestly reached out to me with concern and support and I only come back for them.
It does not bother me though that ppl disagree with what I say or what we are doing, they are not living our lives and they do not know what is best for our family. I do not have everything figured out but we are learning as we go. I feel very lucky that I have am amazing support system in real life that I have been able to lean on.
| Reilly |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 07/02/12 09:21 AM |
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Re: Court, GAL, and DCS
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I wish only the very best for you and your children Nicole..
I'm watching a situation across the street from me...The stepmother, who has raised the child from 6 months old (long story...bio mom tried to kill the child, bio dad didn't know of her existence, after a long drawn out battle, BD gets custody of the child..hence..the SM has raised her from an infant...child is now 3yo)
SM was arrested in Walmart last week...child abuse...she slammed the child into the cart, scraped up her entire back...and was caught on tape slapping the child (quite violently, IMO) on the upper thigh and legs...off duty cop witnessed the whole thing and Walmart Security had been monitoring her by camera due to some suspicious behavior on her part. She is partially deaf and has a tendency to talk very loudly, so if she was stressed, she probably talked to the child louder than normal and was redflagged by someone nearby...
BD is obviously VERY upset and states that the SM will have no contact with the child..kicks her out of the house, not to mention the requisite restraining order, etc etc...The legal process takes hold...SM is released from jail, and is living about 40 miles away...BD needs help...of course, we'll help, you know..?
Yesterday on the front porch..He informs us that he's going to let the SM come back...After going over everything in his head, he's decided that what she did "wasn't that bad" and in his "heart of hearts I know she didn't mean to hurt that baby" REally???
The moral here is..when it became inconvenient for him to deal with the consequences of the SM's behavior, he has chosen to "overlook" it and deem it "notsobad"...His eyes, which were at one time, wide open, are now, almost closed to the behavior his child had to endure at her hands...but because its now inconvenient for him..he's willing to risk her safety? To me? This is almost as bad as the initial act of abuse...
The point is...kinda..(lol) Keep your eyes wide open. Saying that you don't think he'll do it again, is setting yourself and your child up. I'm not sure how i would handle ANYONE who hurt my child...I'm not saying I couldn't FORGIVE...but I certainly would never FORGET and I would act in a manner that ALWAYS protected my child...I sincerely hope you are able to keep your child safe and protected...
| Cassie23 |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 07/02/12 12:09 PM |
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Re: Court, GAL, and DCS
|
Reilly I think that is very sound advice.
Nicole- you will never make everyone happy. You will have some people thinking you were over dramatic and what happened was not a true crisis while others will say- you need to throw your SS on the street to keep your daughter safe. You will have opinions from people here and those IRL. Regardless of where they come from- they are not living your life. They do not fully comprehend what it feels like unless they have had the SAME crisis. I am sure it is difficult at the time, but life DOES go on and you make the right adjustments and learn how to deal with the outcome and do right by all kids involved.
Right now with the involvement by DCS, the courts and with help of your paternal instincts and your "gut" your family will figure out what is best for everyone involved.
Lots of prayers for strength and patience as your family deals with this crisis.
| Loretta |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 07/02/12 01:54 PM |
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Re: Court, GAL, and DCS
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Never doubted you for a minute Nicole. :)
| spinnerdegrassi |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 07/02/12 02:35 PM |
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Re: Court, GAL, and DCS
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So if your DH gets primary custody, is the BM going to pay CS?
| Nicole |
| (Pooh-Bah) |
| 07/05/12 07:54 AM |
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Re: Court, GAL, and DCS
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spinner- i honestly do not know because that is not the direction DH is headed. The deal they are trying to work out is BM getting school year and DH getting summer. DH was thrown by what the GAL said but if BM and him can work something out then he wants to do that.
The meeting with DCS went as good as it could. The social worker was very nice and really good with the kids. My daughter cracked her up, she said she wanted to talk about herself the whole time. :) She was happy my daughter knew all about her bad touches and good touches. She said SS was remorseful about what happened but she said she strongly felt that he wouldn't do it again. She was happy with how we have handled things. And all she has to do is meet with the kids one more time and she will close the case unless we feel she needs to continue it. She did mention that SS said he was in counseling back in BM's state, which is good, but DH hasn't been told anything about who it is, where it is, etc.
DH txt BM with all the info regarding the counselor appointment we have set up for next week and the DCS meeting. He asked that she give him all the info for SS's counselor in her town as well. She still hasn't given him the info, I don't understand that.
| SockPuppet1 |
| (journeyman) |
| 07/06/12 08:45 AM |
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Re: Court, GAL, and DCS
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No one believes you nor do they care. So, go away & quit lying. How' the child support going? Guess his kids do not need to eat unless Mom asks.
| SockPuppet1 |
| (journeyman) |
| 07/06/12 08:51 AM |
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Re: Court, GAL, and DCS
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Why should she. Daddy doesn't.
| SockPuppet1 |
| (journeyman) |
| 07/06/12 08:54 AM |
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Re: Court, GAL, and DCS
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Custody is more important here than anything else. Those poor kids to be used in that way.