| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 05/21/05 11:01 PM |
Scared to Death!
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Husband wants a divorce after 19 years of marriage; we have four children 18, 16, 13, and 6 year olds. We live in SC. He works full-time and I am a SAHM, I do not want a divorce, but he wants one. Can he get a divorce with out cause? He is trying his best to find something on me, like accusing me of talking to someone on the phone while he is in the house, I have not been seeing any man and yet he accuses me of such thing. Can he use this to get a divorce? I think SC no fault law, is that we have to be separated for one year. On the other hand I can file, because he have cheated twice within our marriage but I do not want to.
I have been handling the finance, paying the bills and buying groceries, and letting him know it is okay for him to get gas for his car, to stay in our budget and not have the bank account overdrawn. Now he is threatening me that he will take over the finance and when ever the kids need something just contact him, well I am scared to death that he will not pay the bills properly, like in the past, I had to catch everything up, and if I need to get money from him he will have a negative attitude. He is playing on my emotions and is leaving me depressed. I need to be strong for my kids and to be able to go out and get a job, and keep it, without his negativity all the time, when he talks to me on the phone or comes by to see the kids. Any advice! He knows that this is hurting me and affecting me, but he has always use this strategy on my especially when I found out he was cheating, he blamed me for everything. Is there a website or helpful book that can help me gain confidence in myself again after 19 years of this abuse?
He says that he is moving on with his life, we were only separated two weeks now, and he says for me to go on with mine. It seems to me he already was involved with someone. Can he see someone else being that we are separated and it not count against him, when the Divorce starts?
Okay I have all the accounts for the bills; he says he needs a copy of them to give to his lawyer. Should I give them to him, is that my responsibility? I am very angry right now, I have put up with his mind games, and he has left me with no self-esteem. I am so afraid that I can not take care of my three children (younger age) with no income. I am trying to find a job now, which he knows this. He had agreed to let me get a job first, and then cut me off with the finance, now he has changed his mind. What does the law say about this? What steps should I take?
| almostheaven |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/22/05 05:10 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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You're unemployed, contact Legal Aid. You should qualify for free legal services. Don't give him anything or speak to his lawyer until you're represented. Then your lawyer can answer these questions on what to hand over and what not. You might also want to research alimony laws in SC. Your ex may have absolutely no choice in providing you with anything. After 19 years, and you SAHM, you're likely to receive alimony, custody of the kids, child support, and part of the marital assets. He's probably trying to scare you into taking whatever you'll take.
| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 05/22/05 11:14 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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I will be contacting Legal Aid on tomorrow. Yes! Every chance he can get he comes up with tactics and questions to why I will not give him what he ask for, he knows this is putting fear into me. I am doing my best to keep my head up and not let him get the best of me, but sometimes he keeps bringing the same thing up and pressuring me to give into his controlling ways, like I have always done. I am not about to do it anymore, so he is upset that he can't get over on me like he use to. This is why I am getting as much information that I can to no my rights.
If he has no grounds for Divorce, which I know he can get a Divorce. As SC law states below do we have to be separated for 1 year before he can get a Divorce or can he get a Divorce now? We have been separted for 19 days now.
LEGAL GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE: No-Fault: Living separate and apart without cohabitation for 1 year. [Code of Laws of South Carolina; Chapter 3, Section 20-3-10].
General: (1) Adultery; (2) alcoholism and/or drug addiction; (3) physical cruelty; and (4) willful desertion for 1 year. [Code of Laws of South Carolina; Chapter 3, Section 20-3-10].
Thank you so much for your help.
Thank you so much for your help.
| almostheaven |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/23/05 05:54 AM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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I don't know. Is General listed under the Legal Grounds section in the code? If so, it looks as if General is a subsection listing the various reasons a no-fault divorce can be given. And if so, that means the 1 years rule of "no cohabitation" would apply with or without adultery.
| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 05/23/05 12:02 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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The General listing is under the Legal Grounds section, here: [url=http://www.divorcesource.com/info/divorcelaws/southcarolina.shtml]web page[/url] . I'm not sure exactly what this means.
| almostheaven |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/23/05 07:35 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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Ok, I looked it up elsewhere and it appears they consider each reason separately. You'll probably get better info on the SC laws at this site: http://www.scbar.org/pdf/public/divorce.pdf
| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 05/24/05 06:52 AM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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I tried contacting Legal aid but were unsuccessful no one is answering phone. I did contact several female lawyers, one is asking for $5,000 retainer fee, another one $2,000 retainer fee, and another $875 retainer fee. I made an appointment to see the one for $875, I do not have the money so how do I get my husband to pay for this. He has already agreed to paying this, he says that he do not know when he will be able to come up with the money. He is the one wanting the Divorce. I just want to go a head and get this over with, so I can start to heal from this, he is constantly telling me things and trying to make my life more miserable.
| FlCowgirl2001 |
| (newbie) |
| 05/24/05 12:48 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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If I were you I would draw up an agreement with him and have him sign it so that you have it written in black in white incase he tries to say he never said he would pay the lawyers bill. Make sure you DOCUMENT everything and try to sit down with him and come to an agreement on custody, visitation, etc before hiring lawyers and make sure you get it all in writing...because if you do not get it in writing than its your word against his and that paper will prove that he agreed to x,y,z!
I have gotten smarter since I file for divorce 2 yrs ago...he keeps stalling it for some reason.
If you need anything email me.
btw I once lived in the Carolina's so i know some of the laws...go to http://www.ncdivorce.com. They have a forum on that site where u may ask questions to a lawyer and they will answer you promptly! I found them to be of great help when I had questions about nclaw.
| almostheaven |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/24/05 06:19 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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Don't rush. It's not like you will be divorced tomorrow. Keep trying Legal Aid. They may have been closed for lunch or a special day of some type.
| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 05/25/05 06:58 AM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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Thanks!
| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 05/25/05 06:58 AM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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We tried to sit down and come to agreement on dividing property, and it did not turn out as expected. Being that I am SAHM and he made it clear that he wanted me to stay home and not work, while he work, and paid for everything. I am not able to pay for the house and car payment. He says that he will not pay for them, that it will be added into Spousal support, and I can pay for them through that. Is this true, I thought that CS & SS was separate from him having to pay for house, car or utility bills. He knows that I will need to go back and further my education first, before getting a good paying job. He is really pushing for me to get the Divorce and getting a Job. Which I still do not want a Divorce. He is filing for a Divorce based on unhappiness and neglect. Yeah right! He admit the last time he came back that he was not happy in that relationship, he was sick and needed help. He never tried to get help, so he is back cheating again. Who should be unhappy, who was neglected when he cheated on me twice, abused me mentally, emotionally, verbally, and physically, and blamed me for his cheating, took our children through the worse of times as well for 10 years, and he still thinks that I should feel sorry for him, put up with his childish ways, being that he wants out and do not want to pay what he should. He says it is not fair that he should pay, I say but it is the right thing. He is only thinking about himself in all of this as usual. He admit being that we have just been separated for 21 days, he is living with someone else, which had me to believe he was at his parents, then parents thought he was back with me. Nothing but lies! Is there a law in SC where I can sue the person he is staying with, which I think is the second person who he had an affair with for two years 2001 - Dec. 2003, they were suppose to have broken it off, but who knows.
What rights do I have now? I am afraid that he might cut us off financially. How can I get CS, SS and get him to pay for house, car, etc. with out filing for Divorce in SC?
| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 05/25/05 08:34 AM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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Husband is telling me that if I do not file for Divorce on grounds of adultery now, when we do go to court in 1 year, because he filed on grounds of unhappy and neglect, Yeah right! Then I will not be able to use that he had an affair against him at that time during the Divorce. Is this true.
| almostheaven |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 05/25/05 11:04 AM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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Why are you listening to what someone who doesn't have your best interest at heart is telling you? Wait to speak with the lawyer. Hang up on hubby if need be. Tell him thanks but no thanks, that you'll get legitimate advice from a professional.
| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 05/25/05 10:38 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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Thanks for the advice, I will not listen to his munipulative scheme to keep me in fear, I will let him know I am not hearing it, and if he continues to do so I will just hang up the phone or when he comes over to get the kids.
| FlCowgirl2001 |
| (newbie) |
| 05/26/05 11:29 AM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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you are very welcome.
Keep us updated on how it goes.
Good Luck!
| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 05/27/05 12:15 AM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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My husband has agreed to paying me $875 for attorney retainer fee with a check that is the other woman he is staying with bank account, she is willing to let him pay my attorney fees using her money. Should I trust this, that he is paying with her checking account? Very weird I know! He is really gone off the rockers and so is she. I am going to pay the lawyer for only legal advice and to see what she can do for our kids on CS and SP. I am still not wanting to file for Divorce, just looking out for the best interest of our kids.
| FlCowgirl2001 |
| (newbie) |
| 05/27/05 07:41 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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go to www.ncdivorce.com and ask the lawyers their for free legal advice...i found them to be helpful.
| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 05/30/05 12:38 AM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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I went to the www.ncdivorce.com and ask a question, one lawyer responded saying that I asked questions about SC law and they only know the law in NC. Is there a another link where lawyers answer questions on SC law?
Thank you!
| FlCowgirl2001 |
| (newbie) |
| 05/30/05 03:04 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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I found some sites you can try...
http://www.lawguru.com there is 4 chat rooms on the site so ry the attorney one first.
www.bargainlaw.com
http://forum.freeadvice.com
Also here is that has some questions and answers that might help... www.childcustody.net
| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 05/30/05 09:36 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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Thank you!
| NicoleinOntario |
| (recently joined) |
| 06/01/05 10:59 AM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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I am from South Carolina (lexington/columbia area) Legal aid is tough to get in touch with on the phone! Go up there in person with all the proof and paperwork you will need in hand ... they will either take you in as a walk in or set you up with an appt.
get a notebook ... write down everything you can remember (cheating, etc ..) and from now on everytime he threatens you write it down, as already mentioned DO NOT give in to him by giving anything or promising anything. NOTHING .... I played to the tune of a control freak for a long time, I finally put my foot down .. grow some nuts and make a stand for yourself. get what you can ... he wants to leave then let him go just make sure you cover your basis and do not let this man take you down and bury you alive. Good luck in getting in touch with someone to get some resolution!
| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 06/01/05 05:01 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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Thank you for the advice and encouragement, I really do need it.
Bless you!
| Runswithscissors |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/09/05 08:02 AM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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I am coming into this late and I am sorry. I am in Greenville, SC. Several things.
1)Unfortunately, unless he is in a current affair, you can not file for adultery. Even though he committed it, you allowed him back and you are back on a clean slate.
2) He can not file for being uhhappy.... That's absurd.
SC is a fault state, but it has to be grounds of substance abuse, physical abuse or adultery.
If it does not fit into those catagories, then you will file for a one year seperation.
Document everything.
| Runswithscissors |
| (Carpal \'Tunnel) |
| 06/09/05 08:08 AM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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Wait.. I just read he is currently involved with someone.. IN SC THAT IS ADULTERY.. EVEN IF SEPERATED!
I know this one first hand.. I was hit with "Post seperation Adultry" even though we had gone to court and had papers saying "live life as if single".
Okay.. let me explain.
SC is a very hard state to get divorced in. They want to exhaust all avenues before allowing the divorce, this is the reason for one year seperations. He is not allowed to just move out, consider that seperation and then start dating.... You have to file legally, you have to have a hearing before you are declared seperated. You can both agree to live life as single, however at any time the other party decides NO... then they can pop you with post seperation adultry, which turns it from a year to 90 days divorce.
What part of SC are you in? I have some good friends in the upstate that are attornies... One is a female by the name of Kaye Davis. Her firm is Kaye Davis Law firm. I do not know her rate, but I can tell you she is very aggressive and does not tolerate adultery.
| AZRN |
| (member) |
| 06/09/05 02:47 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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Per this site's info:
State Divorce Laws: South Carolina
LEGAL GROUNDS FOR DIVORCE: No-Fault: Living separate and apart without cohabitation for 1 year. [Code of Laws of South Carolina; Chapter 3, Section 20-3-10].
General: (1) Adultery; (2) alcoholism and/or drug addiction; (3) physical cruelty; and (4) willful desertion for 1 year. [Code of Laws of South Carolina; Chapter 3, Section 20-3-10].
| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 06/21/05 07:02 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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He is not only in a current affair, he is living with the person over a month now, and I did not allow him back this time. He still wants the Divorce, I was going to file Legal separation, but I am leaning more towards the Divorce now, since he and I know he will never change. He is telling me we are legally separated as long as we have witnesses to our living apart; I know better that we do have to file in order to be legally separated. In order for me to file on grounds of Adultery, I need to have proof, of him staying with the other person, and it has to be from another witness besides me, this is what my lawyer tells me. So I have to get someone to get proof and be willing to testify this in court. I am getting discourage over all of this, it seems like he is still in control of my life to a certain degree, and I want to be out of this sooner than the law will allow. He has locked me out of our joint bank account and there is no telling what else he might try and do. I am still working with him on letting him do things with the children, yet it is not easy, because he uses seeing them as an excuse to come by and verbally attack me in front of them, and they are getting upset that he only spoke with them for 10 minutes and dislike the fact that he treats their mom the same way. What is the point if he claims he is happy with someone else now? Doesn't seem so though! Why he does not want me to be happy too?
| cumberobinson |
| (newbie) |
| 06/21/05 07:13 PM |
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Re: Scared to Death!
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Wow! I did not know about the "Post seperation Adultery." Did your ex had to have proof of the Adultery, like pictures? The thing is he tells me that since he wants the Divorce, and at first I did not, but am thinking why wait go ahead and get it, nothing has changed. He is telling me since I have grounds of him on Adultery for me to file, but the thing is when we get to court he may not admit to Adultery. So I am going to try and get someone to help me on proof of this.