overtherainbow
enthusiast
Reged: 10/23/04
Posts: 268
Loc: New England
|
|
Sometimes it seems that the divorce is the only thing I think about and it just keeps playing over and over in my brain, lawyers, lawyers fees, stupid requests, stupid and nasty behaviour by soon to be ex,the soon to ex new girlfriend and her 3 young children by 3 different men, nasty spoiled teen son than sides with dad and doesn't show up when he's supposed to. I'd like to take a vacation from it at least a couple days a week. Any suggestion for coping mechanism.
I'm tried listening to classical music, walking the dog, but I always seem to be thinking about some aspect of our divorce. It even is distracting a work. I find myself day dreaming about divorce land issues . I can never seem to get away from it mentally. I sort of feel my whole life has become a cross between a Judge Judy and a Jerry Springer show (because of the girlfriend). I used to have a normal quiet calm predictable life. Any suggestions?
|
Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
|
|
At least for me...it has to be something that engages my brain. The things you have tried would be what I call passive activities.....you are present, but not mentally a participant.
I do lots of things.....even little things....to just escape for a while. It may only be 15 or 20 minutes, but it helps. I play cards games on my computer...like solitaire and free cell. Silly, I know...but it works. Sometimes, I'll read a good book....entertaining, not educational. I also like to swim, read the newspaper, paint my nails (for me, that takes a lot of concentration...lol).....
Is there anything that you really find challenging and engaging? Until you find something else to fill your mind....the other things will rule the space.
|
Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
|
|
I do the solitaire card game on computer also. In about 3 weeks it will be 3 years since mr. stbx left. Tried to do as dissolution for 20 months, then filed for divofce. on 9-25-04 I took my son and his fiancee to see Phil Collins in concert. Although I like Phil's style, my son, age 26, is the big fan. I very miraculous (to me) thing happened. For the length of the concert, 2.5 hours, I did not think of anything divorce or Mr. stbx related and that was the longest Ihad gone without doing so. I don't think it has happened again since, but I still remember how wonderful it was. Mr stbx and I were together for 30 years. I was married before mr stbx, back in 68 and divorced in 69... very simple divorce, no assets. While I am most glad the assets are there now, it is not a simple divorce. But hopefully it will be final by July 11. Some people just seem to think the ex has no right to anything and drag things out.
I have worked since I was 16 with the except of 2 years. I find one thing that helps me is to have a project, the bigger the better, to work on while at work. Something I can do from start to finish. Right now, seeing anything finished is good for me. Often the brain is not quiet, continual thinking. Divorce thoughts can consume a person all of our waking hours and it is a struggle for many of to not allow that to happen.
Karen
--------------------
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
One way is to invest in yourself. Take the time to exercise, get fit, spend time with beauty products, etc. Concentrate on just yourself now that there's no one else you're devoting much of your time to trying to make happy. May YOU happy. At the same time, it's liable to make the ex jealous. LOL
--------------------
Char Fox
|
Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
|
|
I have been doing some of that, although am real lax on the fitness part. Joined curves so that is going to change! I think it already irritates stbx that I am not only coping but am not taking his crap and just going along with whatever he wants. I think I am a worse foe than he thought I would be and that is great! Recently I am spending a lot of time sorting, tossing and packing stuff and getting the house and yard spruced up to list for sale. The more I have packed up and ready to move ahead of time, the better off will be.
--------------------
"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
|
almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
|
|
Kewl. I've been in Curves for just over a month now. I get so bored at home right now and constantly will allow myself to be lax on my exercise. Can't do as much now as I'm used to. I normally do about 60 to 90 minutes per day WITH working fulltime. As it stands now, not working at all, and 30 to 45 minutes is more than enough. Besides, I can't go much longer than that without a bathroom break anyway. LOL!
Anyway, I joined Curves for the incintive to both get out of the house and to force myself to not forgo my exercise. I really really really wanted to join Bally's, but try as I might, even a one mile slow trot/jog now is difficult, and I'm used to 3 miles of intense running. So I would join Bally's mostly for the treadmill and elliptical. But since I can't run the way I want to at the moment, I'd probably make excuses to not go. And the reason I was joining to begin with is to force myself to go. So I opted for Curves. 30 min. I can do. Cept now they're getting a bit worried and want me to skip the 3 pieces of equipment for the abs. Not that they'll do me much good at this stage. LOL I just double up on the other equipment.
--------------------
Char Fox
|
MaryWhoCares
old hand
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 983
|
|
Ever see the movie "What About Bob" where the therapist
told Bob to take a vacation from his problems? I DO that and it works. I do NOT think, read or discuss anything pertaing to the ex (s) or the issues for weeks at a time....it is weird and ackward at first ( backsliding is very easy) but now...it is easy to do! Try it.
--------------------
Mary
When life hands you lemons, you make lemonaide!
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
