Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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Sherron... you don't believe dreams have any meaning? In the sub conscious?
I don't believe that what one eats has a thing to do with dreams...indigestion yes, dreams, no.
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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oops.. " what one eats" should be followed with .. or when.
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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LadyBugRN
veteran
Reged: 06/22/05
Posts: 1498
Loc: Virginia
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Often on the local radio station here they have a dream analyst on each Monday morning. She takes calls and analyzes what specific things in dreams represent. It's always interesting to hear what she has to say. Her website is: http://www.thedreamzone.com I have thought about buying her book, as she always seems so right on in how she interrupts things. I have never called in myself, but like listening to her.
I already know what my dream represent about my exH. He held everything in, would not share things with me or communicate with me. He was also a very sneaky, good, convincing, liar. The locked things (door, room, box, briefcase) is about my never being able to get inside his head and understand him. The things inside are all the unknown things about him. He always carried his brief case with him from room to room when we were married and it was always locked. I really wouldn't want to ever unlock it, because I have a feeling there are a lot of things I don't know about that happened while we were married. Somethings are better just left unknown. They would only hurt me even more now. I don't need or want that. I couldn't handle good dreams, trips down memory lane. That would be too painful for me still, even to this day. I feel like all our years together was one big lie and I want to just put them behind me and leave them there.
Lori
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"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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Thanks for the web address.. I will check that out.
My EX kept his brief case locked also.. but did not keep it with him from room to room
However, he did lock the door to "his" computer room when he was not home. To prevent theft he said, in case of a break in. My response to that was if anyone broke in, having one room in the house locked would be a real tip off that something of value was in there.. and with the hollow wood doors, even I could kick it open. He had his computer pass word protected.. and nothing hidden in file or desk drawers... I looked. I think what he was really doing was locking the world out from knowing what he did in that room.
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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"Sherron... you don't believe dreams have any meaning? In the sub conscious?"
Uhm...nope.
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PhoenixRising
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/05/07
Posts: 3681
Loc: New York
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"However, he did lock the door to "his" computer room when he was not home."
My EX locked his computer room also! His excuse was his concern for the toddlers; who otherwise could get hurt in there.
To date it has been my favorite room to make over. It is now my sewing room and my kids are NEVER locked out.
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Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. --Plato
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CiCi
addict
Reged: 03/28/07
Posts: 493
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I often have dreams about my ex and it drives me insane. He's the one, in my dreams, with the good life and surrounded by women while I'm in the same room and am angry, bitter and pathetic. This totally resonates with life as I know I'm still in the angry, bitter phase and I feel like it makes me pathetic - so I'm sure it's spilling over into my dreams.
I went to pick up my baby this weekend and stayed with a couple who I knew through my ex. They kept calling me and telling me that they didn't want to loose touch with me despite their friendship (term used loosely here) with him. So, I took them up on their offer and hung out w/ them on Saturday night through Sunday. The guy, original friend of my ex, told me that when he found out about the other woman, he bawled my ex out on the phone. He was the FIRST person in my ex's world who said what they think of him and his choices - while still saying that he's an unconditional friend (which is a whole other string sometime later). He was upset that the ex didn't tell him about the OW - rather that he had to hear it from me. Also, he said that morally, he thought my ex was simply wrong to do such a thing. He made the fatal mistake of telling me all of this (because I was gloating a little) AND telling me that he got a picture on e-mail of the OW. This has caused me a tremendous amount of insecurity as of course I want to know....is she prettier than me. AUGH!!! This gave me good dream content last night - me meeting the OW and her being perfect and beautiful - and irregardless of all of that, her having my ex simply because he loves her and not me.
My dreams seem to be spot on with what I'm feeling like in real life.
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Remember: A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.
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Melanie1
addict
Reged: 12/09/05
Posts: 587
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CiCi,
Nice to have mutual friends from the marriage that you can still have a relationship with. It helps. And even better that this friend bawled out your STBX! I believe these cheaters deserve to wear the 'scarlett letter' on their forehead. But since that doesn't happen anymore, it's great to have friends who get on their case :).
Re: Being in the anger and bitter stage. That's all normal and I much preferred that to the sad, crying stage anytime! When angry, etc. it's a good time to take action, get in shape, start a new project, clean or redecorate the house, whatever.
Re: OW. Someday you'll meet her when you're ready (that's if the relationship lasts; good majority of affairs, don't)and most likely you'll be surprised about how ordinary she'll turn out to be.
I think many of us (myself included)build up this image of the OW as some perfect beauty that'll put us to shame. Most of the time, that's just not true!
When I finally broke the ice and met the X's OW at YS's graduation, I was shocked by her looks and manner. I thought she was going to be a real knock-out and much more attractive. Turns out she's just average looking and has really bad skin (petty as it sounds, that made me feel really good, lol). Her manners were awful and she had major attitude.
Looking back, I think she was intimidated by me and also shocked that I approached her first with an outstretched hand. As my OS said after the encounter "You totally pwn'd/poned her mom!". In case you're not familiar with young adult/video game terms, pwn'd means taking control, one upmanship, etc, lol.
Long story short, I now wonder what the X sees in the OW and why I was so afraid of meeting her. She's but a blip on the radar now and I have no problem talking to her or seeing her socially if I have to. But then again, it's been almost 4 years since the divorce, I've moved on and have had plenty of time to gain perspective and distance. You will too someday. I promise. It just takes that hated word, time...
Melanie
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The journey of a 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Lao Tzu
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CiCi
addict
Reged: 03/28/07
Posts: 493
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Thanks, Melanie, for your supportive words!!! I do just feel so inadequate, but I'm sure you're words are true - that if/when I meet her, I'll wonder what it is he see's in her. All of this that I'm feeling is a part of the stage - I kind of get that...but I do think it's getting old :-) I really look forward to the day when I have as much confidence as you do - it's really a goal of mine not to be/feel so bitter and angry!
HUGS,
CiCi
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Remember: A clean house is the sign of a wasted life.
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Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20056
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"most likely you'll be surprised about how ordinary she'll turn out to be."
Actually, THAT made me feel much worse. The OW's (plural in my case) were usually rather plain, mostly unemployed, several kids with several babby daddies, on welfare, homeless, on drugs, abusive, drama queens (onw who would make herself sick to the point of hospitalization for attention from both HER and MY husband...both in the room with her at the same time), you name it, he's dated it (no, not every woman had ALL those "qualities")... Frankly, I was offended, because I thought he should have at least cheated UP, not down...To me, that was a slap in the face, some of those gals he cheated with...wow... I thought for a while that I must have been a real terrible wife if that's what he was running towards. Turns out, I wasn't the problem after all... he's on wife #3 right now, and in all his failed relationships, he is the ONE common denominator...
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