Mercyreaper
recently joined
Reged: 09/06/08
Posts: 5
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Hello everyone, I am new to the site and wanted some basic advice. I live overseas (active duty), my wife lives in Texas now and I have been supporting her with no legal decree or obligation, just making sure she has everything she needs.
We have no children and married for 12 years, I wanted to know how long I have to keep supporting her or can I just stop. I do not want to put her in a bind, she is a capable woman who has many years of working experience with the educational field has a BS and working, well almost done with her Masters.
I was reading somewhere the Navy does not regulate the spousal support, I think their guidelines are 1/3 of base pay and BAH or something like that, can anyone confirm any of these figures?
Am I obligated to pay support during our divorce? I am not sure and she has been spending quite a bit of money lately, I want her to be ok, just not abuse things and I cannot speak with her as she won't take my calls.
Thank you for the help. :)
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Redlegg
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Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26679
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Under the Naval Military Personnel Manual (MILPERSMAN) Article 1754-030, the following support amounts are suggested, in the absence of an agreement or court order:
Relationships and Number of Dependents Support to be Provided
Spouse Only 1/3 gross pay
Spouse and One Minor Child 1/2 gross pay
Spouse and Two or More Minor Children 3/5 gross pay
One Minor Child 1/6 gross pay
Two Minor Children 1/4 gross pay
Three Minor Children 1/3 gross pay
3. What is included in gross pay for purposes of family support?
"Gross pay" means basic pay and BAH, but not BAS, hazardous duty pay, sea or foreign duty pay, incentive pay, or other pay entitlements. These are only guidelines, and a commander can require a member to pay more or less, based on all the salient factors.
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Mercyreaper
recently joined
Reged: 09/06/08
Posts: 5
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Thank you for the quick reply and this is the same thing I read, just wanted to clarify it for sure. Right now she is living with family and I bought her a new car, and paid for the rest of her Master's degree.
Also I have a fear she will not grant me a divorce, because she wants me to support her at least until she graduates with her Master's. That is only a guess though, she will not take my phone calls and emails are scarce to say the least. Any advice on this issue Redlegg? I am sure getting a lawyer is involved, perhaps you can give me some insight on this procedural issue.
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Redlegg
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Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26679
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You still have a Home of Record, or a legal residence stateside, so you can go through that. Have a family member or trusted friend talk to a lawyer there for you. There are two types of support, the one that takes priority is court ordered legal support, the other is what the military says. As long as you are metting one of the two, your good. If you get a court order, you meet that, if not, stay within the guidlines. What she does with the money you send to support her is her business. Your requirement is to make sure she gets it. You do not have to "buy" any one thing, or anythiing in particular unless you are court ordered to do so. She cannot stop you from divorcing her, she can make it long, exhausting, and frustrating, but she cannot stop it. If you think this is going to get rough, inform the Chain of Command what they can expect in terms of her trying to make it hard for you. I mean anything she might do to gain leverage or just make it rough. Make sure you keep records of the money you send her, let them know if there is a chance she would call and say anythiing to them, designed to get you in trouble, domestic violence, drinking, etc. If you prepare for this, it will still be rough, but you will make it through alot easier. If you are sure your going to file, I would say this: what works best for you, you will have to support her until the divorce is final, and maybve even after through a court order and this going to cost you an amount every month, which one works best. Your retirement, the longer you are married while your in, the more she gets. Health insurance, you are talking about possibly over 500 a month if she were to get her own insurance through work or just a private one. You have things you can bargain with to make it work for you. I do not want to tell you what to do, but I can tell you this, prepare prepare prepare. She will lose her ID card the day you are divorced, there are alot of benefits there that you can delay by staying married, is it worth the trade off for her not taking your retirement, or maybe any other issue with divorce that you want settled. The most important things you can do are get the information from a lawyer, and continue to prepare. Probably not a lot of help, but I hope somne.
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Mercyreaper
recently joined
Reged: 09/06/08
Posts: 5
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You have been a great help so far, I do want to do this and she does not, she will not get any retirement pay since the requirements of us being married while in the military have not happened (I have only been in 5 years and am getting out soon). I will have to pay her and that is fine with me, hopefully I can talk to her and we can close the deal on this and be done with it. We shall see, if you have any advice I am all ears on this one. So please tell me what to do hehe, I need all the help I can get in this scenario. I would like to just be done with this, is there something I can get her to agree to that would just end it sonner rather than going to court?
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Redlegg
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Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26679
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You still have a retirement to bargain with. If she were to trade off, say spousal support, or something else like equity in a home, anything in a property settlement for a portion of your military retirement, well you get out she will get that portion of your retirement, if it is 0, then bad deal, if it is worth something then good deal. Are you "sure" your getting out? There are lots of ways to do things, but you have to sit down, and figure out what you want, and then wargame the plan to get it, using what you have to offer and work it out with her.
Question: You are are married and on active duty now, so what requirements are you referring to when you say they have not been met yet?
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Mercyreaper
recently joined
Reged: 09/06/08
Posts: 5
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From what I have been reading the residency requirements are 6 months, so that means I have to wait 3 more months before I can file. Although a friend of mine said I do not have to, I am so confused with all the misinformation that I am not sure which is why this is not easy :).
I can bargain some of the property she has, such as I bought her a new car when I moved her back to the states and paid for her Master's degree education. I think those are considered community property and if we split that then she would have to make up the difference if my thinking is right, is that correct?
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Miranda
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Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 20822
Loc: North of Mexico
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Why can't you hire a lawyer and file in your HOR and get this done with?
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13.1...because I am only half crazy!
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Mercyreaper
recently joined
Reged: 09/06/08
Posts: 5
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I am not opposed to hiring a laywer, I just wanted to look at some options before I head down that road is all. I like to be as informed as possible.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26679
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How things are split, and everythng that is community property is not something I can answer, you definitely need a lawyer for that. You do have some bargaining pwoer though. Its all in how you present it. You would be better off, just as Miranda said, to get a lawyer in your HOR. they have the experience you need to get whats best for everyone, especially you. But remember, your retirement is never off the table, and she is eligible to be awarded part of it.
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