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hopefulldad
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Reged: 10/23/08
Posts: 34
stopping a move
      #467765 - 10/24/08 05:57 PM

what have you guys found to be the best arguments for stopping a move away. Her reasons are not that great but I want all the amo I can get my hands on. What has been the common denominator in cases where the move was not allowed. Thanks in advance

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NewNameHere
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Reged: 09/29/08
Posts: 291
Re: stopping a move [Re: hopefulldad]
      #467820 - 10/24/08 08:53 PM

What are her arguments-you need to directly address them. For instance, if she claims good schools, find info on them and find better schools in your area. If she claims better family support in the new area, counter with existing family ties in the current place needing to be maintained.

Work wise-if she claims she needs to move for work, suggest that she moves but you keep the children as the primary custodian. As an active and interested father you have a good chance of succeeding if you do this right!


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hopefulldad
newbie


Reged: 10/23/08
Posts: 34
Re: stopping a move [Re: NewNameHere]
      #467825 - 10/24/08 09:16 PM

She is wanting to move home to be live with her mother who is an alcohilic and she admitted this on a recorded phone call. She wants to finnish college one year left and nothing exotic. I have three other children that I have custody of and am as stable as they come based on everything I have read this should be a no brainer however I don't want to leave things to chance. Remember we don't have a justice system, its just a system.

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NewNameHere
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Re: stopping a move [Re: hopefulldad]
      #467832 - 10/24/08 09:34 PM

I agree with you. Are you in a state that allows recording of phone calls? If not, your evidence won't be admissible. There's also the risk she could use it as a reason to go home-she needs to go back to help the mother get well. I know that's no good for your children, but it might be an excuse she tries to give.

Education is one of the things that tends to go down better than if it were just a job-but its nothing exotic you say, so why can't she do that locally?

Do all your children have a relationship? If so you might want to use that as something you wish to maintain, hence a reason to stay.


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hopefulldad
newbie


Reged: 10/23/08
Posts: 34
Re: stopping a move [Re: NewNameHere]
      #467834 - 10/24/08 09:41 PM

Wow you are a great thinker. I never thought how that issue could bit me in the rear. I might want to use the alcoholic grand mother as a hail marry. My other boys are very attached to their sister and I will lean on that very hard. As far as school goes that is what she was doing here in COlorado when I met her. She also has a father ans step mother here i Co.

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Debi
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Reged: 06/03/05
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Re: stopping a move [Re: hopefulldad]
      #468386 - 10/26/08 06:58 PM

MAke a list of reasons why it's in the best interest of your daughter to remain where she is. I agree it's a no brainer but things in black and white make better sense. Her relationship with you, her brothers, any other extended family on your side in the area. Stability. Who cares for her during the day (daycare?) How attached is she to her teachers? Ask people who know you as a parent to write letters. Church members, daycare workers, Doctors, exs if you have a good relationship.

She will also have to come up with why it's in the best interest of the child to move away. I can't really think of any in the situation you provided. I'm not sure how CO is but many states are beginning to frown on move aways that reduce parenting time.

I can vouch for how imoprtant it is for you to see your daughter all the time. I have a 1yo, I live in WI, her father lives in TN. No one moved away, he always lived there but was here for work often when we were together. We keep in close contact and she does enjoy hearing him on the phone and listening to him reading her stories on tape. We also have fun playing with the web cam, but it's not a relationship. I take her to see him as much as possible and we have agreed that as soon as she is potty trained she will start spending extended periods of time with him (he won't do diapers! LOL ) It's hard though and I wish that at the very least we lived close enough so he could spend as much time (up to 50%) as he wanted with her.

--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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hopefulldad
newbie


Reged: 10/23/08
Posts: 34
Re: stopping a move [Re: Debi]
      #468387 - 10/26/08 07:57 PM

Debi,

Thank you for your post. It is good to hear the truth about those forms of parenting time. Even though kids may respond to those types of communication it is not a relationship by any means. My ex has it in her head that if she tells the judge about this great laid out plan to set up a web cam he will just give her a ride to the airport. I have heard of it comming down to that but not sure if the dad was involved in those cases. Either way I think you sound like a great mother in working on the father child distance thing. I hope I never walk a day in your shoes but if I do I know my ex will be nothing like you.


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Debi
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Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7155
Re: stopping a move [Re: hopefulldad]
      #468402 - 10/26/08 10:06 PM

I'm sad every day that my daughter isn't going to grow up with us all in the same home. It's not that we don't get along well and we don't argue about anything. He knows I'm a good mom and I know he's a good dad. I know all I will ever have to worry about when she's with him is her getting spoiled rotten. I can live with that. If it ever got to a point where I could move closer to him I would definitely consider it. Right now I have 3 other children and their dad lives here and my one yo's dad has another child also and lives near him. I wouldn't expect him to give up his son and other family to be closer to her, so for now we do what we have to. This man gave me one of the 4 greatest gifts in my life. Definitely unplanned but utter perfection nevertheless. There is so much of him in her that I couldn't imagine denying that half of her. I hope someday your daughters mother can see things that way. A child is not property. God loans them to us to raise and it's our obligation to do that the best we can.

My x husband and I also have a good relationship. We share 50/50 placement of our three kids together, he has an incredible wife who has become one of my most valued friends and our children are thriving. (not perfect by any means but well adjusted LOL) I can't imagine living a life with the stress of not getting along with my kids father. WE didn't always get along well. It probably took about 3 years before we did but we have always been civil and able to discuss our kids in a productive manner.

I don't think it will be as easy for your daughters mom to move away with her as she thingks it will. Just stick to your guns and offer to be the custodial parent if she feels it will better her life to move away. She could do the web cam visitation like she's offering you. What's good for the goose............

--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


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