imabeliever
recently joined
Reged: 11/14/09
Posts: 2
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Bear with me - I am new here ~ Don't know appropriate abbrev. so I will "try" to keep it short.
Been divorceed 10 years - 20 year marriage - blessed w/ 6 children.
Ex has played mind games (both w/ the kids and myself) all thru the 10 years.
Several years ago my new husband "made a deal" w/ my ex that we would settle for less child support than the calculation stipulated if he would be civil to the kids and I.
In order to accomplish that legally - the attorney suggested writing up the "paperwork" that he had 2 and I had 3 of the remaining minor children, even though we continued to have the 5 with us.
All these years - I never modified. He played "fair" the past 5 years - keeping visitation dates w/the kids - etc.
My husband and I now find ourselves in a financial bind from being the ones to help kids thru school and with the economy - etc.
I have 2 kids left at home and filed to modify a year ago May.
The ex is again playing games - dragging this out with motions - left a threatening message on my husband's cell that if we didn't "make a deal" again he was going to our Church - my now husband is a Deacon.
We have the cell message taped - the ex did contact the church - (what an idiot!) and he has bad mouthed me to my kids. The birth of my first grandchild was awkward because he was there - glaring.
We are FINALLY going to court Friday - October 20.
My question ~ will all the "evidence" be allowed in court??
The cell message - contacting the church - the treatment of my children ( 3 of them are now substance users)~
I would gladly settle for a chart calculation to simply be looked at and be done with this ~ Because of all his games thru out the years - I really don't know what to expect.
It has been year and a half and over $5000. in attorney fees for a simple modification.
It is not about the money - my remaining children are 15 and 17.
I will never recupe what I have spent - it is the principal of the thing.
This guys does not want to be finacially responsible for his kids ~
Any encouragement would be appreciated.
Thanks ~
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3032
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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I may be in the minority, but think what that $5000 you spent on attorney's fees could have paid for.....
Your ex can drag this out until at least one of the children is 18, then agree to increase the child support on the basis of ONE child that is a minor and probably wind up paying less anyway.
At this particular time, is it worth it? And you are incorrect, your ex HAS been financially responsible for his kids and on YOUR terms. He's paid what you stipulated to and takes his parenting time according to the agreement.
Having raised two kids by myself, I KNOW the expense of it and I KNOW what it's like to have the other parent offer NOTHING extra. There's a suck it up factor when you have the kids and although you've decreased your child support voluntarily, it's time for you and your DH to suck it up.
If you had looked ahead and realized that your expenses would increase, you should not have made a **deal** for less child support.
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3032
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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Why are you posting on 14 November about a trial that took place close to a month ago?
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imabeliever
recently joined
Reged: 11/14/09
Posts: 2
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Sorry for the typo - I should have typed November 20 not October 20.
Thanks for all the encouragment!!
I resign from this "support" site!!
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3032
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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Support comes in many forms.....but I honestly do feel you are wrong in this effort.
The money that you've spent for the past 18 months could have benefitted anyone other than an attorney in a more productive way.
It's interesting that you want **support** for a situation that YOU agreed to and now want more money because the kids' needs are more expensive. I'm sorry but that just isn't fair to your ex.
Blaming him for three of your children becoming addicts is a slight reach also, isn't it? As for contacting the church, who really cares? You would think that your church community or parish priest/minister could see through his pathetic efforts to bad mouth you, your DH or anyone else.
Threatening phone message? Call the police. BUT if the only thing he said was that if you didn't cut a deal with him, he'd go to your church? Well, that threat is empty now, he's already done it.
If you had said that you were taking him back to court for an order for him to assist with college, technical school for the kids, I would have found it easy to encourage you. THAT I understand.
Reneging on your own deal is kind of......low. Did you explain your financial issues and give your ex a chance to voluntarily increase his support payment?
Your principles have already cost you $5000. How much more will you spend for **principles**????
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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If you won't play my way, I'm taking the game ball and going home !
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BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3032
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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I guess.....**shrug**
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DeeCan
veteran
Reged: 04/05/08
Posts: 1266
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Let me get this straight-
You made a deal then 5 years later break it. You can't figure out why he's upset?
You spent $5k in attorney's fees but claim that you need more financial assistance to raise the kids?
You had a monetary agreement that was actually covering 5 children. Now only 2 remain, and the same CS is being paid -but you can't manage financially? Same money, less children. How?
How is he responsible for three of the children's substance abuse i ssues?
So you were looking for us to stand on your sidelines cheering you on when you were clearly in the wrong?
Support does no good if it isn't HONEST.
These are the exact things you will be faced with in Court on Friday.
At that time you will not be able to, as another poster said, take the game ball and go home when it isn't going your way.
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Don't drink and park, accidents cause people.
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Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7136
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I think if you were looking for agreement here you probably are in the wrong place. Your husband made a "deal" with your x to pay less CS. It doesn't matter what the circumstances are, it happened. Now you want to renig on the deal because you need more money. If I were him I'd probably be PO'd and drag it out too. That's pretty sneaky.
I'm not sure what you mean by evidence. The message. Depends on the judge. My x called me a biotch on the answering machine one time, the judge didn't care, wouldn't listen, said it didn't matter. That your kids are substance abusers? What does that have to do with evidence? Are you claiming that they are doing it because he bad mouthed you? That's probably not going to fly either.
Chances are CS will be modified, but there isn't much you can do to stop him. I don't really think he's playing games. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. You had to know this wasn't going to sit well. AS BeachBabe said he IS being financially responsible according to the deal made by you. Just because you no longer like it doesn't make him all of a sudden irresposible. There is one other thing that confuses me. You said your minor children are 15 and 17 yet talked about 3 living with you. You can't get CS for the child who is not a minor even if you have chosen to help him/her out. Are you thinking you will now get MORE CS for 2 kids than you did for 3?
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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lilywhite
member
Reged: 04/21/08
Posts: 111
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The only thing I see wrong here is that you hired an attorney when child support enforcement agencies will file for adjustments for you.
[censored]://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cse/extinf.html
You might want to contact them now. If your case gets continued, I'd open a case with them immediately.
Why on earth shouldn't your children's father help support them? Let him fume. All a judge is going to do is look at income and whatever other factors there are and order the guideline support.
Good luck to you.
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