patricktanya
recently joined
Reged: 03/04/10
Posts: 2
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Hello,
I have been divorced now for one year. I live 800 miles from my family due to a job transfer which was part of why I am now divorced. My child-support is fomulated out of my check by my income through Michigan standards. I pay $186.00 a week for my 6 year old son. I also have a 14 year old step daughter that I rasied since she was 5 years old, but never adopted her due to timing and financial reasons, so I don't pay child-support for her. My ex-wife and i were married for 7 years. Here is my question:
Both my ex- wife and I talked about enrolling my son in both soccer and gymnastics. The cost for both of this together is $305.00... My ex-wife asked me to pay for the gymnastics which is $175.00, while she paid for the soccer which is $130.00. I told her I pay enough for him with child support and that should cover these types of expenses, but she said that I don't pay child support for her daughter and that she needs help, because she has no money and just lives with her head above water. ( My step-daughter's father lives in Egypt and is no where to be found) I told her that she is living beyond her means (Nice rental home, New town and country van,) and that she needs to downsize, like i did after my divorce.
We came to the understanding and agreed that she would pay for the sports and that i would send a gift certificate for my kids, so they can go shopping for clothes.
I recently found out that she didn't enroll my son in sports, but paid $600.00 for my step daughter to go on a trip to Washington D.C with her school.
I feel bad that my son wanted to play sports, but now he can't because of the deadline for registration. I am still going to send a gift certificate for the kids clothes, but was wondering in the future how we could work together to find a happy medium for the expenses of our kids events? Should my ex-wife pay for my kids events, because I pay child-support? If we agree on what each other will pay for each expense, shouldn't each party live to that obligation?Any help would be truly appreciated. 
Thank you,
PG
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Atlas
journeyman
Reged: 11/03/09
Posts: 80
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Absolutely. She's the custodial parent and is responsible for 100% of the child's expenses. Except when he is with you, of course.
Frankly, after pulling a stunt like that, I would be loathe to offer her any additional money in the future, and you should tell her so. At least with a gift certificate, you know the funds are going toward a specific purpose. But you need to make clear to her that if in the future -- out of the kindness in your heart -- you decide to pay above what your legal obligations entail, that there needs to be a huge measure of good faith on her part.
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Crizzz10kc
recently joined
Reged: 03/03/10
Posts: 11
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IMO--(keep in mind it's just an opinion) I think that you should help with whatever you can afford to. Think about it in reverse- if your son was living with you & your ex was paying you $186 a week would you have extra money for sports (sign up fees, gear, etc) after paying rent, car payments, utilities, food...
Atlas is right--as the custodial parent she is responsible for the child expenses-BUT- just because a court decides that $186 is what you HAVE to pay you should WANT to do everything you can for your child.
As a child of divorced parents I can say that as an adult my relationship with my father isn't what it could have been for the exact reasons that your talking about. My dad always claimed he didn't have enough money to help out with stuff for my sister & I but he didn't have any problems going on vacations with his new wife...Remember that kids grow up & they realize (& remember) more than adults give them credit for.
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d2njti
member
Reged: 03/05/08
Posts: 187
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Great points Criz! Pay the sports team directly if there's any way you can swing it PG. It doesn't matter what the equity is with your x. This is the greatest investment in your life. And living 800 miles away, you're already in a huge deficit.
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