Start Your Divorce Today - Premium Divorce Online


Divorce Source Community Forums >> Child Support

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1 | 2 | >> (show all)
mattsthru
recently joined


Reged: 08/12/10
Posts: 4
My ex's husband is forcing cs wtf?
      #682233 - 08/12/10 05:44 AM

So my ex girlfriend nabbed some support papers the other day after months of speculation and pressure from her husband. We still get along fine and im willing to pay anything I can, never had i imagined myself paying for child support. Whats the best advice for me to be prepared for my hearing?
Ive taken care of mother and children (financially)
for 3 years while together. She's been constatly fighting with her husband about her need to collect and he's even given her an ultimatum to do it. He is in the military and jus bought a house and truck and I see this as a way to put more money in his pocket seeing as we wouldnt have any problems working it out on our own. But she is going to go through with it now as she is starting to nit pick me about my relationship with the kids and states that the time and money i give is not enough. I have told her that "I would pay for anything" but shes like "you need to call me and ask, but u havent." Anyways i could go on about how they got married behind my back while she lived together with me and how he is psychotic by waving a gun around in front of her and stabbing a kitchen table with a knife in front of my kids
and kicking a big dent in her car which was reported to the police and how he called her sister and offered money for sex etc..
I think these facts would count more toward a custudy case but I am not ready to take that route. I have experienced a recent wage cut and am on unemployment to get by should I be worried?


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
MrsB
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 07/03/10
Posts: 6355
Re: My ex's husband is forcing cs wtf? [Re: mattsthru]
      #682239 - 08/12/10 06:44 AM

You say you took care of them financially while married, do you payanything to help support your child now? Is there a CS order? What state are you in?

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7155
Re: My ex's husband is forcing cs wtf? [Re: mattsthru]
      #682440 - 08/12/10 08:20 PM

It's nice that she's worked with you so far but that's not usually reality. You say that you're willing to pay for anything but why should she have to ASK for it?Being that you're unemployed they may imput your wages at minnimum wage, which won't amount to a lot.

You're right none of the things that you mentioned matter in a CS case. They are concerned only with the dollars and cents. His income doesn't count because it's not his responsibility to support the kids. That job belongs to the parents. If she's not working and he chooses to take up her responsibility that's his choice. He isn't going to agree to take on yours.

As for custody, unless you have hard proof and the incident with the car isn't going to get you far it's a no go at this point. I would guess the other incidents weren't reported by anyone since he is still in the military and you don't mention him having been disciplined for it (which he definitely would have been!) Plus if you aren't ready to take that route I'd have to guess you don't believe it was as bad as that because I couldn't see any decent parent who believes someone has waved a gun in their childs face wouldn't do everything possible to get the kids away from that person.

Sorry but everything you've mentioned points to her winning a CS case. There really is no reason for you not to pay and if there is no CO now then anything you HAVE paid is considered a gift.

--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
mattsthru
recently joined


Reged: 08/12/10
Posts: 4
Re: My ex's husband is forcing cs wtf? [Re: Debi]
      #682693 - 08/14/10 11:43 AM

Well I work but its been reduced hours so I collect unemployment to make up for it. He did not wave the gun in front of my kids she came home alone and he had it. Also I see the kids 3x a week and they live 10 mins away so I figured whenever we connect she could let me know a list or anything I offered to pay 100% of anything. I mean I dont expect him to pay one penny for my kids but I see this as he doesnt have to give her money cause she got child support kinda thing. Her husband and his father have been pressuring her to do it aswell. Bottom line is she doesnt want to do it but her husbands threats of divorce and arguing about it are pushing her over the edge. Is he in the right to pressure her to the extreme, if he has never been asked to pay for anything for my kids?

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
mattsthru
recently joined


Reged: 08/12/10
Posts: 4
Re: My ex's husband is forcing cs wtf? [Re: mattsthru]
      #682696 - 08/14/10 12:06 PM

Yes, I did support her and our two kids until we split after 3 yrs(never married).
I've been giving an average of about 200 dollars a month to help with stuff.
There is no order yet I have seen the forms in her hand and she said shes going through with it.
I live in Hawaii.
*I'd also like to add that they spend every weekend 2/7 days a week at my moms house and so that lightens up our load abit.

Edited by mattsthru (08/14/10 12:08 PM)


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3195
Loc: SC
Re: My ex's husband is forcing cs wtf? [Re: mattsthru]
      #682699 - 08/14/10 12:28 PM

Whether its right her husband is pressuring her doesn't matter. He probably wants to make sure you live up to your responsibilities so he doesn't have to take them on, and honestly? You and her are both better off to get an order in place. It will dictate what you're supposed to pay, but it will also protect you from her and her wacko husband from pulling numbers out of the air and trying to make you miserable.

I have to say, you will be better off to be proactive with this and get everything handled sooner rather than later. If you start out behind in cs payments, things can snowball and you could find yourself digging out for a very long time.

--------------------
Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
DeeCan
veteran
**

Reged: 04/05/08
Posts: 1266
Re: My ex's husband is forcing cs wtf? [Re: mattsthru]
      #682711 - 08/14/10 01:46 PM

I've been giving an average of about 200 dollars a month to help with stuff.

--- $200/month for MORE than 1 child? (You say "kids" in a previous post.) In a high costs of living state like Hawaii, that's NOTHING.

If she wants CS ordered, it's going to pay. No since you arguing about it; doesn't matter why she's doing it or who is encouraging her to do it. Best you can do is try to work out an agreement.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7155
Re: My ex's husband is forcing cs wtf? [Re: DeeCan]
      #682714 - 08/14/10 03:08 PM

I agree with DeeCan. 200 in HI is peanuts. You have to understand it doesn't matter if he's pushing her (and she might just be saying that) and she shouldn't have to give you a list OR ask for money. You say her husband isn't supporting them....but if they live in his home and his money goes to buy the food he is paying money to support them. 200 a month isn't doing it and even if you add another 200 for her portion of the support 400 isn't supporting them. 4 days a month at your mothers house isn't taking much of a load off.

As for the other stuff mentioned....since the gun incident didn't happen while your kids were there you have even less chance using it in a custody case.

When she files the papers she will get CS. I'd start looking at a state caculator now so you can figure out about how much you'll be paying. There wonh't be any arguments ata CS hearing it will be......Dad makes this much.....Mon makes this much....Dad has the kids this often....Mom has the kids that often......Dad you will be paying XXXXX amount. Period.They will not listen to why you shouldn't have to pay, They will probably not care if the kids spend time at your mom's. If they do it will probably not decrease support. I get that you don't like the new situation but those are the facts.

--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.


Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
mattsthru
recently joined


Reged: 08/12/10
Posts: 4
Re: My ex's husband is forcing cs wtf? [Re: Debi]
      #682768 - 08/15/10 04:49 AM

Ok thanks for the advice. Hopefully it all goes to the kids and not used for her or her husband's personal benefit. Hmm idea I try to get custody and hit 'her' up for cs. She has no personal income atm but has had jobs with similar wages to mine recently. Will they take it from her husband?

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
**

Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 27443
Re: My ex's husband is forcing cs wtf? [Re: mattsthru]
      #682769 - 08/15/10 04:53 AM

Do you have to cover their health insurance as well since she does not have a job?

Post Extras: Print Post   Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Pages: 1 | 2 | >> (show all)



Extra information
0 registered and 23 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  dsAdmin 

Print Topic

Forum Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is disabled
      UBBCode is disabled

Rating:
Topic views: 4992

Rate this topic

Jump to

Contact Us Divorce Source Home

*
UBB.threads™ 6.5.1.1


Resources & Tools
Start Your Divorce Online Start Your Divorce
Several Options to Get Started Today.
Divorce Tools Online Divorce Tools
Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
Divorce Downloads Download Center
Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.
Divorce and Custody Books Discount Books
Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
Negotiate Online Negotiate Online
Settle your Divorce and Save.
Custody and Support Tracking Custody Scheduling
Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
Enter Your Zip Code: