connie60
member
Reged: 08/27/10
Posts: 101
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Habitual drunkiness, silent treatment, game playing with my emotions, setting me up to be happy, just to squash me like a bug and admitting it. No intimacy in years and wont talk about it. Keeps many secrets. Has pulled away from me over the years. No communication. ??
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
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No. A passive aggressive jerk maybe, but a SC court wouldn't define it as abuse. I definitely wouldn't stay married to this person, but if you're looking for grounds in SC this isn't abuse.
If his habitual drunkness involves him driving, I'd make a call to your local police and get him pulled over a few times. With a DUI record you might have a chance in getting out in 6mos instead of 12.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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connie60
member
Reged: 08/27/10
Posts: 101
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Its hard to catch him while he is driking and driving as i never know untill after the fact. Now we have been apart for about a month, i have no clue of what he is doing.
So, emotional and mental abuse are not considered cruelty?? What if i have felt fear many times that it could turn physical? I still fear him.
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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No. It is not abuse. It may be relevant in a custody case
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connie60
member
Reged: 08/27/10
Posts: 101
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there are no children involved!! I see that the laws have not changed over the years to protect those that have been abused. Its a real shame that we live in fear of these people and are to afraid to leave because things could get worse. So many of us live, or have lived in fear of our spouses, and they always seem to walk around with that smile on thier faces, as if they are fooling everyone. My husband is a pro. at this. He can be seething mad and angry inside, with a smile and calmness on the outside. I have always been the one to get the wrath of his anger, and im sure many here have gone through the same thing. This puts a fear inside, that never goes away.
I was married to another very abusive man many years ago, it was very physical at times, but i knew better than to tell my attorney as he had me so brainwashed, and he had told me many times that he would kill me and my daughter if i ever said anything, so i kept my mouth shut. I am still afraid of that man, and i divorced him in 1982, only because he told me to leave as he had a girlfriend. that is the only reason i was able to leave, and i had to keep my mouth shut about her also.
I feel that, if you have never lived with that fear, you would never understand. Abuse is abuse, verbal, physical, emotional, mental, and i dont understand why the courts cant understand this???? Oh, and then i guess they would want proof!!! Its hard enough trying to survive abuse, and most of the time there is no proof.
Most abusers are very smart and cover thier tracks. They are always one step ahead of us. They set us up, just to hurt us and keep our self-esteem on the floor.
My daughter was murdered by an abuser, and this was the nicest guy you could ever meet, so we thought. I had no clue that he was abusing her, as he had warned her not to tell. Long story short, in that case it was to late!!! I lost my sweet child to a monster.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
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[quote]Its hard to catch him while he is driking and driving as i never know untill after the fact. Now we have been apart for about a month, i have no clue of what he is doing.
So, emotional and mental abuse are not considered cruelty?? What if i have felt fear many times that it could turn physical? I still fear him. [/quote]
The definition of emotional and mental abuse is subjective. What you consider abusive another person may not. The courts are innundated with abuse claims and as such the bar to prove it is high.
As for fear of what he 'might' do, if you have recordings of him threatening to harm you, that may help you. SC is a one party recording state. I caution you however, to not try in your desperation to get evidence, to bait him into threatening you - the judge hears both spouses on the tape, not just one. I'm not saying you would do that, but sometimes people do whatever they think will work and end up making things worse for themselves.
Record what you consider abuse, record any threats. When you feel you have enough, contact an attorney for a free consult and play the tape. Provide any other evidence you have to the attorney.
All you can do is be prepared as possible, but an emotional or mental abuse claim would not be the only thing you should try to center your divorce case on. Its tenuous at best. You know from experience how the attitudes in this state are.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
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Connie, I can identify with you and understand your frustration with being in an abusive relationship and seeing no way out. As I said in my previous post the courts are innundated with claims of abuse, claims that alot of times are either exaggerated or simply false. Your case is different in YOUR eyes, but you are only one of many that come to the judge with this claim.
Imagine, in THIS state, which is not all that progressive and in which budgets for the judicial system are low priority. Imagine you are a judge who hears bickering couples day in and day out for years, and have been burned by approving ROs and cases based on false abuse claims. You would likely make it difficult for unsubstantiated claims to get very far in your courtoom.
You're basically faced with two options: Prove the abuse, or walk away.
Walking away is easier said than done, but you do what you have to, because at the end of the day, its just you. No court, no cop, no friend is going to be able to make the decision for you, or live with the consequences afterwards.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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Let's say the state didn't require proof. So when someone who isn't abused is having an affair and wants to get out of a marriage and get to keep everything, they claim abuse, get their spouse jailed on no proof, get the house, the car, the bank account, etc....on no proof. Who's being abused now?
The ones you should be angry at are those that abuse and those that report false abuse. The state didn't cause it, they're only trying to regulate it. But they have to protect BOTH sides in it. Those that falsely yell abuse are as bad as the abusers themselves in that they've made it harder to prove abuse.
And those who have to deal with abuse can't expect the state to do for them what they won't do for themselves. It IS hard to break a cycle and to leave, to tell a lawyer, the police, anyone, when you've been told not to. But if you don't, can't, won't break that cycle, how can you expect anyone (that you haven't reported it to) to help you?
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Char Fox
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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[quote
So, emotional and mental abuse are not considered cruelty?? What if i have felt fear many times that it could turn physical? I still fear him. [/quote]
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I am afraid of spiders.....doesn't mean that they are abusive, just that I'm a chicken
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connie60
member
Reged: 08/27/10
Posts: 101
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I understand that the ones who lie have hurt the ones who are honest, just like everything else. Well, as the old saying goes ( what goes around comes around) and he will have to deal with that.
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