whateverllquinn
recently joined
Reged: 02/05/06
Posts: 1
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i am a 13 year old student, at a very well know school for the gifted. So far, this year has been the roughest year i have ever been through. My dad has a girlfriend and they have been together for about 5 years, she has 2 kids a boy and a girl. they are 18 and 20, (i call them my brother and sister) recently this year on the 13th of jan. my brother brendan pased away in his sleep when he over drank. this has impacked my dads girlfriend alison and her daughter Amelia so very much. the only time i've seen Amelia this year was when i went to our brothers memorial and i sat next to her and all i could do was watch her cry. everyday i have to go to school and cope with it the best that i can, and on the days that i just cant i have to go anyways beacause he was alisons son and not my moms so shes not going through what the rest of us are and after 1 day i guess she just forgot about it. I stay up to the early morning waiting for her to come online so i cna just have a chance to talk to her, shes my older sister i love her and admire her for all that she is and does, i have a ,real, older sister but shes not that loving and wlcoming to hear me out. (the world doesnt see amelia as my sister only my heart. Alison and Amelia dont live with my dad and nor do i. My parents have been divorced for about 10 years, i live with my mother and sister (elizabeth). and i am a cheerleader, giving up my youth group to go to practice which kills me inside. (i ador church and the friends i have there) my home life with my mom is horrible. my mom used to work alot and i never saw her so liz and i practicly raised ourselves. i was fine with it, but now she is home all the time and is trying to be my mother and my friend telling me how to do things like vaccume or clean, which i have been doing since i was 8 and she was never around. I Have recently made the decision to live with my dad, at the end of the school semester and before all my trips this summer. i have talked little about it to my dad and hes ok with it, but now i have to tell my mother. while as a part of me wants to yell at her and through it in her face, im kinda afraid to.
Edited by whateverllquinn (02/05/06 09:32 PM)
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Karen1
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 1794
Loc: Ohio
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Is there a couselor at your school that you could speak with? Even better, what about teh youth pastor for the youth group? Surely he / she will understand why you have not been able to be there. You are grieving and need to talk to someone about how you are feeling about the issue of of death of a loved one.
The issues with your Mom sound like the normal child / parent conflicts that most parents and kids go through at one time or another. One thing to consider regarding where you will live... it may have to be up to the court system to decide. You don't mention how often you are with your Dad. One thing I discovered long ago is that it is a lot different living with someone than it is when you are there shorter term.
I wish you luck in your decision and hope all turns out well for you.
karen
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"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened".
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Muad_Dib
member
Reged: 10/25/05
Posts: 199
Loc: Oregon
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You need to be clear on one thing, and since you are not old enough to pay your own bills, this will be difficult to undertstand.
YOU ARE TAKING MONEY AWAY FROM YOUR MOM, PERIOD. If she has custody of you, she gets money for that. She will lose that money. She will probably be really angry with you for that.
When you are older and you've found some way to get money, you won't be very happy with someone taking it away. Starting with taxes...
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One man's "magic" is another man's engineering. "Supernatural" is a null word.
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spiritedone
member
Reged: 12/14/05
Posts: 155
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I agree with karen 1. find someone you trust whether it be the school counselor or your youth pastor and talk honestly and openly with them.
next ignore everything that muad_dib said...that is just a riduculous thing for you to even be concerned with and very poor judgement on their part to even bring it up....the financial end of things are your parents to figure out not for you to worry about...and definately not something to consider when thinking about who you may want to live with.
just be sure you are making your choices for the appropriate reasons. all children and their parents have periods where they may not get along as well as one or the other may like...however that does not mean they don't care or love you. Your mom may need you to remind her that this was your brother to you that you lost and you need to be able to talk about it, to work thru the grief. your mom may not realize how much you are suffering thru this.
can you sit down with both of your parents at the same time to talk about all of this??
i wish you luck. hang in there, it will get better.
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live today like it's your last, for tomorrow may not come.
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MamaKitty
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/30/06
Posts: 1632
Loc: California
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Ignore the Mud Dabber.
Your anger at your mom seems a bit misplaced. She is acting like a "mom"?
It sounds to me like you haven't been used to what it's like to have a mom.... and maybe have been doing things on your own, or 'your' way for a while. What you complain about doesn't seem warranted. Moms and dads generally tend to ask for help cleaning around the house unless they have maids, and that's not unreasonable.
Maybe it would help to describe what things are so horrible about living with your mother, and what things would be so great about living with your dad...
You have the choice to stop being a cheerleader and have more time with your church activities any time you want.
Obviously you need counseling to deal with the problems you've had affect your life this past year- maybe counseling at your church would help.
c
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Yikes
recently joined
Reged: 04/14/06
Posts: 21
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An interesting article...
http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/changing-custody.htm
Please ask your Mom to go to counseling with you or if you can't stand thought of going with her then ask if you can go by yourself. You deserve it.
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Yikes
recently joined
Reged: 04/14/06
Posts: 21
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copy and paste the above link
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Yikes
recently joined
Reged: 04/14/06
Posts: 21
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One more thought. Custody is not generally about money.
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Yikes
recently joined
Reged: 04/14/06
Posts: 21
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Does anyone know of any websites or resources she can look into?
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