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exalso
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Reged: 06/29/11
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How much is too much?
      #753666 - 06/29/11 04:22 PM

My partner of five years is from NL. He has one small child with his ex and is a very loving and devoted father. Although he lives far from his little boy, he calls him often as well as sends presents in the mail. I have two kids from a previous marriage and we make it a priority for him to be included in our life that we have built together. I have been on both sides of the fence with child support issues in my own life. I had good experiences as well as bad ones and try to look at things with the best of intentions. I always encourage a good relationship for the child with the absent parent because this is best for everyone in the end. My issues: My partners ex (we'll call "B"), has been using this child for nothing but a leverage tool. They are still working out visitation matters, both having joint custody, but the child lives with her full time. She seems to be worried more about support payments rather than the relationship amongst the father and their child. Support is still being worked out and will be finalized soon. She is seeking 1900.00 a month child support for one child, lives in AB, with her boyfiend who makes 12,000 a month and she makes 5000.00 a month. She's driving a Caddy SUV. Although my bf makes good money, his travel expenses tripled due to her moving to this province to be with her bf. My question is, dose the child really benefit from this child support he may have to pay her. His education fund is paid in full and he's only 6 years old. He has no day care that he is enrolled to, so what does this child need that would possibly cost that much to take care of him? I get 771.00 a month to take care of my two kids, and I work two jobs to meet our financial needs monthly. This is fair, but should this other mom take absolutely an excessive amount of money just so she may use a great portion for herself? I wouldn't feel so bad if he gave her half to raise him, and put the other half in some kind of account to give him for living expenses if he chooses to go to college. My bf and I will always be there emotionally and financially for his litle fella, but I can not feel anything else but slapped in the face by a person who is so self centered. I know that what the courts say to pay, he is lawfully obligated to pay, and will do so. He is a wonderful father. Just wanted to know anyones views on this.

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hanzblinx
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Re: How much is too much? [Re: exalso]
      #753671 - 06/29/11 05:49 PM

It looks to me like you are interested in HIS money yourself and sounds like you want to leech this man's money for you. His biological child has more rights to it than his new "girlfriend". If you are short on funds that is your issue and not his.

Having said that, $1900/month is silly. I advise your partner to avoid women (including you) if he knows what's good for him.


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DedicatedDad
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Re: How much is too much? [Re: hanzblinx]
      #753673 - 06/29/11 06:23 PM

"Having said that, $1900/month is silly. I advise your partner to avoid women (including you) if he knows what's good for him."

Hehehe....you are right on.


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exalso
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Re: How much is too much? [Re: hanzblinx]
      #753687 - 06/29/11 10:08 PM

Thanks for your "input" even though you have no earthly clue as to what kind of person I am. I make my own money, pay my own bills, as to which, I think you need to think a little harder about my situation. I haven't married him for his money. In fact we haven't gotten married, due to my decision. He's asked me serveral times and I've said not yet. Its very shallow of you to assume that I'm after his money for myself. I go out of my way to make sure his child is taken care of, when his dad can not send him gifts for holidays and birthdays, etc. I don't need to have anyone's approval, but my own. When I met this man, I knew I was taking on a relationship with him AND his child, just the same as he did. I sssume you have been burned in some awful manner for you to judge others and if I came off as a greedy person like you assumed, then sorry. It's not the case with us. I deserve a good life beyond my divorce and so does he, as do all of our children. I am in no way "short" on money, and in no way a "new" girlfriend. I've been in the relationship for five years, happily and with that said, whatever the courts say he shall have to pay, then so be it, we will make it a good life. I asked for others' opinions and I knew there would be negative ones that would come. Thanks again for showing your true self in your response, but I was looking for someone with intelligence.

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ssmom79
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Re: How much is too much? [Re: exalso]
      #753729 - 06/30/11 10:11 AM

If the child has a home, clothing, and food, then yes the support is benefiting the child. We may not like it, but if the numbers are put in the little calculator and $1900 is what pops out, then $1900 it is. Some locations include the income of both parents, and if you have two parents making good money, sometimes child support seems exuberant.

You can't compare your situation of child support with that of your boyfriend unless all parties involved make the same income. It's just not fair to say because *I* get this, she should also get something similar to that. We currently pay $1250 for two kids. Some people pay $50 for a kid. Some people pay $1100 for one kid.

The person who can decide if it's too much is the person overseeing the case. If your BF feels the cost of travel to see his child who moved away with the other parent, he should get all his travel expenses together, his receipts and things like that, and be able to prove to a judge that the travel is affecting his income. The he *may* be allotted a credit on his support due to travel. That's something I would talk to an attorney about.


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exalso
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Re: How much is too much? [Re: ssmom79]
      #753766 - 06/30/11 12:22 PM

Thanks ssmom79. I understand what you are saying. He already is getting his receipts for travel available for court as per his lawyers request. Hopefully it will help. He was advised that when she moved there that he could have stopped her, but being the good parent that he is, he let it go forward and I'm proud of him for that. I read in a post on another forum, and it seemed to make sense to me, even with my own kids, that it would be so much better if the courts would adjust everyone's cs according to the cost of living in the area that you live in. I guess it too would have its pros and cons though. They're not gonna make everyone happy with every decision. We'll be ok, I know but it's just frustrating sometimes when people are so bitter about divorce issues. Divorce should be just divorce and child issues should be an entire different subject, and handled without feelings about the divorce. If people would just act like grown ups should, it would be so much better on the children. Thanks for your opinion! :)

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DedicatedDad
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Re: How much is too much? [Re: exalso]
      #753769 - 06/30/11 12:35 PM

"He was advised that when she moved there that he could have stopped her, but being the good parent that he is, he let it go forward and I'm proud of him for that."

Honestly, I think he made a poor decision. Creating distance, unless there is abuse or neglect involved, is not in the best interest of the child.

It was in the best interest of his ex.


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hanzblinx
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Re: How much is too much? [Re: DedicatedDad]
      #753771 - 06/30/11 12:43 PM

The only time women complain about child support being too high, is when it prevents them from spending their husband's (or in your case boyfriend's) pay checks. Women are the most simple creatures on earth to understand. They don't want another leech on their host organism. They want all the blood for themselves.

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exalso
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Re: How much is too much? [Re: hanzblinx]
      #753774 - 06/30/11 01:01 PM

Ok I'll reply, just for my entertainment. LOL You obviously are VERY unstable and have no soul. Explains why you were burned so deeply because everyone can see the person you truly are inside--a nobody. I feel for your children who have to state that you are their biological father. Maybe one day (and I doubt it will be anytime soon with your attitude) you may find a peace within your self so you can finally live a life of true happiness. So sad that you are so pathetic. Your turn...lol

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hanzblinx
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Re: How much is too much? [Re: exalso]
      #753798 - 06/30/11 03:22 PM

By example you are teaching your kids to shack up with a guy, get highly involved and concerned about his money and finances, while at the same time unconcerned and uninvolved with his proposals for marriage. You are teaching your kids to be skanks. I'm teaching mine to avoid them.

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