Sadie
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Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 567
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Say Dad is getting married, and sd ( who is over 18 for arguements sake) has not been very nice to dads gf, does the gf have the right to say she does not want sk to spoil her day and not invite her to the wedding??
Second Scenario, Dad and Sm have a child who is getting married,and they are not close to sk, do THEY have the right to decline her an invite also??
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Redlegg
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Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26677
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Of course they do, it is their wedding. They just need to be prepared for the accompanying consequences, good, bad or ugly. Of course that has nothing to do with the actual "what would you do?" Each situation is different, and the individual circumstances would dictate the answer. There is no right answer, only the one that is right for the people on the ground, facing those choices.
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Cassie23
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Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
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Second Scenario, Dad and Sm have a child who is getting married,and they are not close to sk, do THEY have the right to decline her an invite also??
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Well THEY as in Dad and SM? NO. They as in SK and her soon to be spouse? Yes. I cannot imagine not inviting a sibling because you aren't "close". If the bride feels like her half sibling could ruin the wedding that's a different story- IMO.
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M5M5
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Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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I think it's wrong in any scenario. I think a step-parent, step-child, whatever...she be invited to the wedding...even if the bride/groom doesn't like them. The ONLY reason I'd change my mind is if they knew they would cause a big scene or ruin the wedding. But if it's just a matter of like or dislike? Nope.
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ssmom79
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Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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[quote]Say Dad is getting married, and sd ( who is over 18 for arguements sake) has not been very nice to dads gf, does the gf have the right to say she does not want sk to spoil her day and not invite her to the wedding??
Second Scenario, Dad and Sm have a child who is getting married,and they are not close to sk, do THEY have the right to decline her an invite also?? [/quote]
Who has the RIGHT to determine the guest list, I guess that is whoever prepares the list. Whether or not that is the right thing to do, that's up to the circumstances surrounding each scenario.
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NikkiL
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Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 644
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Why are you and your H skipping or thinking of skipping your SDs wedding?
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Sadie
addict
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 567
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In our case if sd goes through with her June wedding, we will not be there. I started this thread because of the one below where sm was asking if she should attend
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Debi
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Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7135
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Your example isn't apples to apples, it's apples to oranges. In your example the person not being invited is related to one of the people getting married by blood. But to answer you, yes if it is what the bride AND groom want then it's their right. Of course if it's not what the groom wants he may want to rethink the marriage.
Second scenerio,no, it's not dad and SM's wedding. If the sibling chooses not to extend an invitation it would be THEIR right although unless the uninvited sibling is one to incite drama it's unlikely their sister or brother wouldn't want them there.
Just because someone married someone who has kids it doesn't automatically make them a step"parent". It makes them a spouse of someone who has kids. My XSO's daughter got married 5 months ago. She did not invite her dad or his wife to the wedding. She had her reasons. He moved away from the kids to marry this woman. Having spent 3 years with him and the kids I know that he had always promised them he wouldn't ever move until they graduated from high school. He broke a promise she took very seriously. His wife has NEVER been her stepmom. Guess who WAS invited to the wedding? It made me really sad to not see her dad walk her down the aisle but he made his choice and so did she. FTR she and her husband paid for the wedding themselves and being that she is JUST like her dad she'd have never asked him for help.
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When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
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ssmom79
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Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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Yea, it's all totally different scenarios.
Sadie and her DH decided not to pay or attend wedding. I don't know status of invitation from people getting married.
Scenario two, you've at least got the right people making the decision, the ones getting married. If the people getting married don't want someone to attend, they should not attend. Thankfully I will likely never NOT be invited to my SK's future weddings, should they occur, I will never have this issue.
The last situation you've got parents of the bride and groom calling the shots. I don't think they should be managing the guest list. Now if they're footing the bill I can see a parent saying 250 people tops, but not Aunt Suzie can't come cause I hate her.
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annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1410
Loc: Pacific Northwest
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I already experienced a stepchild's wedding and the one thing I give bm credit for (there are not many things given all she did to her own children) she can pull it together and semi act like an adult at these functions.
We are usually on one side of the room and she on the other and it works for us - no dirty looks, no mean words, we just all keep a distance.
She did try to make the wedding for my stepdaughter somewhat about herself and she wore a formal gown (very pretty) which distracted from my sd some but that is her m.o. and my sd knew she would do that so as long as she was ok with it...
Sd is stronger now and would tell her mom to find something else to wear but at 19 she didn't have the ability. Her mom is the type of you can either love them or me there is not room for both - but she is also a pathological lying narcissist and that is how she rolls.
Don't know if anyone remembers last fall the bm came to my house to my husbands b-day party because she happen to come over for her once a year trip to see my ss on hubby's b-day and ss asked if she could come because she was in town - she had a new flavor with her and he was really nice - I was surprised she came she did give me the cold shoulder but I was busy with my guests and such so I just shrugged it off and had a good time =) I was kind and friendly while I bit my tongue and smiled and nodded smile and nodded.
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