almostheaven
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/13/04
Posts: 10468
Loc: West Virginia
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It comes from getting a lot of attention seeking trolls over the years. People start out advising just to find they were giving advise to someone who was trolling, who didn't really go through what they described, but was only trying to get people started arguing with them, or with one another. It makes posters very wary of new posters, so they more closely examine what is being said. And like Judge Judy says...if it doesn't make sense...
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Char Fox
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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MissLisa, ya know I luv ya, but I have to say, some of the abusive person's personality doesn't show up until later. I had 2 kids with my X and he used to beat the shyt out of me regularly. The first time I remember him putting his hands on me was when I told him our 2nd child was a boy, he pushed me down a flight of stairs almost 6 mths pregnant. The 2nd time, same pregnancy. Threw me into a mirrored closet door at 8 months. I had nowhere to go, I was paying for the apt, etc... Was it smart? No. Could I have gone to a shelter or something like that with the kids? Yes. I didn't, though. I put up with alot from him, thinking our kids deserved to have their dad in their lives. But, I can honestly say that what didn't kill me made me ALOT stronger. Was it in a way I wanted? No. But, I can't go back and change the past. I can live the present and thank God I got rid of him and have a wonderful man in my life.
Point being, b/c I tend to get sidetracked when I type, we make mistakes. We may stay where we shouldn't longer than we should. But, an abuser has ways of making you believe things that you would never believe otherwise. No excuse, just telling you how I see it now. And to be quite honest, while there are alot of things I would do differently if I had the chance, my kids are not one of them, whether their dad is a shyt or not.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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kotabear
addict
Reged: 09/05/07
Posts: 488
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as a women who had a relationship with a man who drank. I understand. At times you fell like you have no choice but to be with the spouse. Your thinking isn't clear, and the whole time your trying to keep in mind that you love him, and maybe your not doing enough to make him happy, so he'll make you happy.
Let go of the s.o.b. he's looking out for himself and himslef only, heck he has a bank account in another country!!!
Begin with the abuse hotline. They will get you directed in the right direction, and do your homework, it'll help.
But most important TAKE TIME for YOURSELF and YOUR KIDS, they need you now more then ever!!!
Keep us posted and your in my pray's
Take Care,
Kotabear
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In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
(Robert Frost)
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kotabear
addict
Reged: 09/05/07
Posts: 488
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clap clap clap, BeckaLeigh
Edited by kotabear (03/23/09 10:47 AM)
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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Thank you, KB. I know for some, it is stupid to stay in an abusive relationship. I almost agree with that, even after doing it for many years. BUT, I am proud of the person I have become today. I am proud of my kids, who have been through hell with their POS dad and can still smile and trust the way they do. Some people will never understand and will jump to judging, not talking about MissLisa, she is a sweetie. Just in general.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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Misslisa1017
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 05/18/06
Posts: 2056
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Thanks Finz,
Obviously, you are the only one that is seeing the story here besides me.
She says that she didn't risk her kids well being, yet she did by going back to the guy.
If I were her, And had the courage she did to get out and take the truck, I'd have headed to a safe house instead. At least she would have been protected. Have a plan. Her plan backfired.
And Becka, I have nothing against people that are abused. I understand totally that it's hard to get out. I've seen my sister go through it and my own Mother. My sister was doing terrible things just to get money from her ex husband. I was so horrified when I found out. Not only was the guy abusing her when they were together, it was happeing when they were separated too and she allowed it.
But sometimes here on the boards it's hard to know what's real and isn't. I've been through my daily bashings too here. I'm not saying that she's wrong, but maybe this guy really isn't all that bad. Maybe she's just looking for a way out?
Maybe she's telling the truth and the guy is a major moron? If he is, I hope she'll find a domestic violence hotline and find a safe house to go to. A womens shelter, they will help her with all her needs. That's what they do. They did it for my Mom.
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dramafreeplease
recently joined
Reged: 03/13/09
Posts: 7
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so, finz, i'm just wondering what rhino crawled up your behind and used its horn for gripping. you need to re-read my post and reply to misslisa. my children are not being abused by their father persay. i'm just worried that one day they will see the things going on and its hard to keep kids sheltered from chaos but i managed to for the most part.not once did i say i left to get the kids away from him. do you have kids? i'm sure you have no idea what its like to have one walk up to you and say "daddys the nice one because he never grounds us" or "daddys the nice one because he buys us our clothes and food" or "daddys the nice one because he doesnt dicipline us". yeah thats what you get when an abuser tells the children things behind your back and all the while you were told never to isolate a child from the other parent. you have no idea what i've been through but the small, most vital parts at the top of the page.i'm glad that i'm not your friend... i'd hate for you to have my back in a bad situation. and thank you again to those of you who are giving me possitive feedback. i had him arrested for domestic abuse on march 24. this time there will be no vacating charges and i'm not as worried about living poor. i've never done the whole trailer park thing but if its necessary i will. the children not growing up to be axe murderers is priority number one right now. the court date is april 8th so i'll be sure to post an update.
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dramafreeplease
recently joined
Reged: 03/13/09
Posts: 7
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wow i totally missed this second page! i actually cried. i must appologize for some critical judgements i laid upon misslisa. i see now how you could have judged me. the fact of the matter is misslisa that i'm not one of those women who married for money or what he could give me. i was the giver. no matter how bad he treated me i still made his dinner at night, washed his clothes, and took care of the wifely things i was taught i was supposed to take care of. i didn't ask him for money for anything that wasnt necessary for me to live. i only bought new clothes once every three years. never had my hair done in a salon or my nails. i quit wearing make up. before i wouldnt walk out to the mailbox without it! i was a trophy wife until i got pregnant with our daughter. then homelife and raising a child became more important than having things that were shiney and looking my best at all times. like i said i had him arrested on march 24 for domestic violence. and i plan on moving after the kids are done with school for the year. i dont want to make it anymore hard on them then they've already had it. i've reassured them that no matter what happens they will see daddy. even if we're hours away i will make the effort to do everything in my power for them to see him even though i know he'll just ask them questions and fill their heads with nonsense. i will bring those concerns up with the judge but most of those things unfortunately fall on deaf ears. supervised visits will also be a topic of concern since i believe he would take the children and go to mexico. i would love for them to see their family down there,but it's just not an option at this time at all. i will continue to take the high road and not bad mouth him to them. they will have a hard enough time being away from him. i admit i will cry. not for me and the time wasted, but for them. i realize that i alone cannot fix this marriage, so before my spirit is broken and i need to be medicated for it, i will do what is best for them and myself and start the divorce.thanks again for all of the support from you guys. it really does help.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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It is rough leaving an abusive relationship, especially when there are kids involved. But, in the long run, you will be glad you did it. The kids are better off not seeing, hearing or having to deal with the tension and whatnot. You have a long road ahead of you and I hope you have the strength to walk it, instead of stopping on the side and thinking it isn't worth it. It is. Very much so. I hadn't realized how much I feared my X until I was away from him. The freedom was unexplainable. Good luck. You will need it.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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Yes_Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/23/08
Posts: 7406
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The money 100% belongs to ho earned it.
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