8kidsandshocked
recently joined
Reged: 10/01/11
Posts: 13
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My husband left last fall to start a band at age 50. He left me with his grown daughter and our 7 kids under age 11. He came home before the holidays and agreed to try to work it out.
After spending the next 3 months sleeping 12 hours a day, he snapped, smashed all of our kitchen furniture, and left. I was pregnant at the time.
The pregnancy was ectopic, and I've recovered physically. In the first 2 weeks he was gone he canceled my car ins., dropped my cell service, stole my computer out of the house while we were at church, overdrafted our joint account, spent his $7000 profit sharing bonus from work on tattoos, guitars, a new bed and I can only imagine what else. And I now have. The Court ordered child support as a result of obtaining a full order of protection by his consent.
I am relocating out of state to a farm that is almost rent free as a fixer-upper. It's a mile from my in-laws and just a few hours from my mom and sister. He is threatening me about my move and taking the kids, but we haven't paid the rent in 2 months because I can't afford it. He has agreed to pay me 80% of his weekly pay.
I can raise my kids with family nearby, I can avoid the trauma of putting them in school (and yes, they are very distressed and upset at the thought), and our family life remains as stable as I can keep it.
And for all those wondering and speculating as to his side of the story, I found out last night. He texted a raunchy message to me. Unfortunately it was intended for his 22 year old girlfriend. Yes, 22. I guess we can all agree things make more sense now.
Thanks for the support. I'm sorry for everyone going through this kind of trauma.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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You got knocked up by a guy who did all that to you during the period when you were seeing if you could work out the marriage?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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hanzblinx
enthusiast
Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 380
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[quote]7 kids under age 11. [/quote]
This is why women who choose to reproduce with useless thugs, pretty much get what's coming to them. Meanwhile he rides off into the sunset with the 22 year old hottie. If the victim card is what you want, congrats, you now have it. It's not going to raise those 7 kids though. I suggest you drop the victim card and start looking for the one labeled common sense.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6458
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Have you and the 21 year old been able to find employment yet ?
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3154
Loc: SC
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:shaking head:
"... I can avoid the trauma of putting them in school (and yes, they are very distressed and upset at the thought), and our family life remains as stable as I can keep it."
You seriously need counseling. FAST. YOU are harming your kids more than anything their mid-life crisis suffering freak of a father is doing. You're so busy grasping at the past you're hurting their future.
Rather than encouraging your kids to adapt to their changed lives in a POSITIVE manner, you have them "distressed and very upset" at something as adventuresone and normal as school. They wouldn't have that fear if YOU weren't giving it to them.
Yes, stability is a good thing. The way you're trying to give it to them? Smacks of a someone who is trying to control the only thing she has left to control - her kids. Check your motives. Make sure you're not taking the steps you're taking because you're embarassed that you've fallen for your husbands stupidity not once but twice, and that you're holding onto those kids for YOUR dear life because YOU'RE afraid of change.
Because your life has changed, obviously, and what you wanted is GONE.
Your post sounds like your kids are afraid to leave you alone and that you're someone who's on track to successfully raise her kids to be dysfunctional and enabling adults.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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SEVEN fricken' kids...
Take a bungie cord and wrap it around your thighs...Actually, take 10 bungies and wrap them around. WTF made you do the last pregnancy ?
Can you just explain why you want sperm inside you so bad ? WHY ?
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Oops, my bad, its obvious she is going for a MLB lineup. Please people, spay and neuter your pets and children.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3154
Loc: SC
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She didn't get knocked up without help. He can wrap it; to not wrap it means he's just as warped as she is. What man WANTS to have ANOTHER kid with the woman they're divorcing, and add yet ANOTHER 18 yrs of cs responsibility, except a total moron of a man?
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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hanzblinx
enthusiast
Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 380
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[quote] What man WANTS to have ANOTHER kid with the woman they're divorcing, and add yet ANOTHER 18 yrs of cs responsibility, except a total moron of a man? [/quote]
I have a neighbor who was impregnated by her (now ex) husband 2 months after he filed for divorce. Apparently they were going at it like bunnies between court sessions. Unreal.
Women: for the sake of the children please stop having sex with the men that already left you in the dust. I know women are attracted to bad boys and thugs because they are exciting. But just for once, think of the kids before you strip.
Thanks.
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3154
Loc: SC
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...and Men: for the sake of the children please stop having sex with the women you already left in the dust. I realize men just need the ego boost that the woman they dumped will still take them back, or that its too much work to live up to the new chippy's expectations sometimes. But for just once, think of the kids and the cs you'll be obligated to before you slide that zipper down.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Not a fair analogy at all, Men are afflicted with testosterone, women have little if any sex drive. Science hasn't even figured out how to measure it yet...
Of course, you'll never hear this in your "women's studies" course at the local university. On the other hand, when women act all nutty due to menopause or pregnancy hormone levels, then of course wierd behavior due to hormones is OK....
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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Maury
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/04
Posts: 8146
Loc: This Asylum --->
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Nice excuse.
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8kidsandshocked
recently joined
Reged: 10/01/11
Posts: 13
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Some of you are giving honest and constructive feedback. Thanks.
Some of you just want to see another woman punished. Your bitterness is your burden, not mine.
My choice to homeschool isn't out of fear or control. I have a degree in education, my kids are several grade levels above same-age kids, and there isn't a public school in the world that could accommodate them. If I can comfortably support them with part time seasonal work in a safe setting near family, why should I put them on a school bus for an hour each way to go to a school that doesn't know what to do with a 9 year old doing pre-algebra, or an 11 year old who has read through the entire AP English reading list. Their educational progress would be stunted, their routine disrupted, and you think I'm using them selfishly as a means of control? I provide years of quality private teaching and spend the overwhelming majority of my days lovingly teaching them WELL, and you think the idiot factory of America's public school system will better serve their best interests? You just want to see divorced women suffer, you aren't thinking of anything else. I can only imagine what job you in your infinite wisdom can suggest that will net me one red cent after I arrange summer childcare for 7 kids so I can work.
My kids aren't afraid to leave me. They just know I care about them more than the overworked and underpaid teacher who has to be concerned more about test scores and performance reviews than my individual kid's needs. They are brilliant, hardworking kids who serve in the community and who will see their mom pick this family up, surround them with loving and supportive people, and do what so many of you weaklings think can't be done: I will raise them without compromising my principles, I will raise them the way I committed to raising them from the beginning, and I will raise them to know that just because things don't go the way you want them to doesn't mean you give up and do things the way everyone else says you should. I will show them what strength of character really is. And I make no apologies for finding a way to do it alone, in a 5 bedroom farmhouse on a 12 acre farm in the Appalachian mountains without having to compromise the things I value.
And for those who think I should have to give up our current way of living, move into a dump, put the kids in public school, work long hours of menial labor, and that I get what I deserve if I suffer for the rest of my life, you don't know what a real woman is. Or a real man, for that matter. And for the person who thinks I got the raw deal and he got the hottie, you couldn't be more wrong. Even if he has a hottie, a guitar and a cold beer on Christmas morning, he's got nothing compared to me, because I will be drinking hot chocolate in front of the fireplace by the lights of the tree, enjoying the snow falling on the mountains and watching It's an Wonderful Life with the 7 coolest kids in the world. He can have his hottie. I got the better end of the deal by far.
I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.
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Arden
old hand
Reged: 02/27/06
Posts: 858
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So you have both a degree in education and a law degree?
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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And she is STILL to stupid to NOT get knocked up by a guiy who has been PROVEN to not want to be with her and act irresponsible.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3154
Loc: SC
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What a waste of an education that I hope my taxes didn't pay for.
Nice that the kids are so book smart, but are still distressed and upset about interacting with other kids in an educational environment. Brilliant and intelligent and emotionally stunted. Niiice....
I also like how the OP's demeanor changed from "poor little me but look I'm surviving!!" (like she had a choice OR she's the only one to ever experience it) to a reasonably intelligent woman.
Of course, she's still unemployed, still getting knocked up by a man who's an idiot, but hey --- she's got TWO degrees! Wooo hoooo...
The chaos people bring into their own lives is just incredible. I may not have two degrees, but darn straight I'm smart enough to not set myself - and my FAMILY - up in such a dependent, poor, situation.
Edited by javajunkiee (04/05/12 11:52 AM)
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hanzblinx
enthusiast
Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 380
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You know what, she's right! The very first thing to do when your husband leaves you with 7 kids under age 11 is to get pregnant. I begin to see the logic. It's like no matter how fast you spin the wheel, the hamster just keeps running.
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Arden
old hand
Reged: 02/27/06
Posts: 858
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And she is STILL to stupid to NOT get knocked up by a guiy who has been PROVEN to not want to be with her and act irresponsible.
+++++++++++++++++++++
No kidding!
Like Java pointed out she is also all about making her kids book smart. However, even with all her degrees she isn't smart enough to see how she is socially stunting them in the process. That ought to work out real well for those kids when they hit the real world.
A serious question to you 8kids. How do you plan on teaching your kids to be well educated, independent, well functioning adults, when with 2 degrees you can't even pay your own rent or keep the power on without your STBX whole check.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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That's a pretty speech. But...how will you support yourself and your kids? Welfare making welfare babies?
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hanzblinx
enthusiast
Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 380
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[quote]How do you plan on teaching your kids to be well educated, independent, well functioning adults, when with 2 degrees you can't even pay your own rent or keep the power on without your STBX whole check. [/quote]
Consider the following:
1. STBX dies
2. STBX laid off
3. STBX disappears
4. STBX gets sick
All four are realistic scenarios in which we have another welfare octomom taking taxpayers to the cleaners.
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english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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I don't understand why you guys are so eager to kick a woman when she's down.
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M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
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I don't think that's what most of us are doing, EC. We are trying to get her to see how unreasonable she is being and some of the very bad choices she is making.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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On the other hand, I COMPLETELY understand why you would defend such HORRIBLE choices.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Arden
old hand
Reged: 02/27/06
Posts: 858
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Not kicking her when she is down.
I will be the first one to offer a hand to anyone who has "fallen" down, male or female. But rest assured if you just "lay" down, I will stand there with my hands on my hips, asking you WTF you think you are doing.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6458
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So after the kids read Chaucer they get to eat a few pages and then you burn the rest of the book for a few minutes of heat ?
Supporting their intellectual and educational needs doesn't mean much if you aren't supporting their need for food and protection from the elements.
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SweetLight
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/07/10
Posts: 2003
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I agree English. Wow!
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english7
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/27/09
Posts: 3001
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Thanks for that, Sweetlight. It's nice to know there is at least one poster in here who hasn't lost all empathy or forgotten what it's like to need support. I think this smart woman is going to do the right things and will eventually come out on top. I also think she's learned this place is not what she hoped it was.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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"smart woman"
She got knocked up a SEVENTH time by a 50 year old guy who left her to join a band BEFORE she got pregnant and took him back...yeah, real smart.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Great Dad,
She is a smart woman when she is needing help and support from society and the legal system.
When she uses her two degrees to get some good job, then she can complain about how she only makes 70% of what a man makes...Either way, she wins...
And by definition, the female is never dumb...
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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Gecko
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 19803
Loc: Third rock from the sun
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Men are afflicted with testosterone, women have little if any sex drive
---> ROFLMEO! Women are also 'afflicted' with testosterone. And considering the market for women's 'romance' parties...I'd say that women's sex drives are quite healthy.
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If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!
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nyzki1
recently joined
Reged: 04/26/12
Posts: 4
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Why did you even let him back into your life? Good God woman get rid of this piece of garbage you deserve much better than this. What is going to be next you getting hit or your kids.?
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