Onedayatatime
recently joined
Reged: 03/28/12
Posts: 1
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I am looking for advice. I have been going through a divorce for about a year now, and currently paying STBX significant Maintenance. He has a failed business with a huge amount of debt, and although it is in his name we are in a community property state. We have consulted with bankruptcy attorneys, and STBX will qualify for Chapter 7, while I do not based on my income. Will I end up with all his business related debt? If so, should I make the case to not have to divide my retirement and pay him when I will likely be stuck with that? I will have primary placement of the children as well, so there is a real question of fairness regarding me having to pay him. I am not expecting, nor do I desire any money from him. Anybody been through a similar situation that can advise?
BTW, he is currently unemployed, and does not seem to be in much of a rush to find a job . . .
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Renny
addict
Reged: 09/24/11
Posts: 479
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Whether you wind up with the business debt and how the retirement will be split will depend on your divorce settlement agreement and how it's interpreted in the bankruptcy proceedings. You will need both a bankruptcy attorney and a competent ivorce lawyer to handle this case. Good luck.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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He worked like a dog and "gave you the best years of his life "...
Why shouldn't you pay him ? If you were a man, the only question would be HOW MUCH do you OWE him...Why do you think
ONLY women should be allowed to exit a marriage and NOT PAY ???
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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hanzblinx
enthusiast
Reged: 08/13/10
Posts: 380
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Agreed, he did give you the best years of his life. He probably has stretch marks now, nobody will ever want him again. He is entitled to 50% of your future income as alimony and if you don't pay for life, expect a very cold prison cell. I cant believe he folded your socks all those years, and you think you can just walk away giving him half? Not so, alimony is there for a purpose.
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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Still waiting for all the women on this board to respond, but all I hear is crickets....
C'mon ladies, explain to this wealthy woman why you can't just walk away from a marriage when you are a man, but of course for women it should be different ?
Gender bias anyone ??
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6462
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Get his income imputed at what he could be making (minimum wage at the minimum), split the debt and assets as should be done in any marriage.
The fact that you hope to hae primary placement of the children shouldn't make a difference in what he may have coming in spousal support. It will make a difference in the child support that he could be ordered to pay. In some states, with 50/50 parentling time, even if you are designated as CP, you could also end up paying him CS.
He might be figuring as he is unemployed, he could be a full time caregiver for the kids....are you SURE he's behind the idea of you having primary placement ?
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yregna
veteran
Reged: 07/25/06
Posts: 1265
Loc: Oregon
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NO WAY SHE SHOULD GET CUSTODY ? Hasn't he been taking care of the kids all this time, now you are going to wrench them away from the PARENT CLOSEST TO THEM ?
WTF ?? I thought it was all about the welfare of the kids ? Isn't that what we hear over and over and over ???
Finz, can you take your eyes off the $$ for one second ?
Although at least you had the courage to even reply, all the other "ladies" on this board are strangely silent.
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"Anything free is worth what you pay for it..."
"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get"
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javajunkiee
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Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
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Bite me. I'm out earning the money I use to help support my family and don't always have the time or desire to respond to your juvenile prodding on YOUR time schedule.
With that said....
OP, your financial settlement in regards to the debts and your retirement are whatever the two of you can negotiate and agree on. If the two of you can't agree you'll make the lawyers rich and the judge may decide for you.
Since you, OP, didn't really ask anything else, further response would only address the usual rantings of the Boys Club and not change their mind about a damn thing, so it's pointless. I'm anti alimony for either gender when the recipient is capable of working and supporting themselves.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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english7
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"I'm anti alimony for either gender when the recipient is capable of working and supporting themselves."
What do you think should be done if one or the other gender can't secure employment?
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finz
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[quote]NO WAY SHE SHOULD GET CUSTODY ? Hasn't he been taking care of the kids all this time, now you are going to wrench them away from the PARENT CLOSEST TO THEM ?
WTF ?? I thought it was all about the welfare of the kids ? Isn't that what we hear over and over and over ???
Finz, can you take your eyes off the $$ for one second ?
Although at least you had the courage to even reply, all the other "ladies" on this board are strangely silent. [/quote]
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The OP didn't mention that there was ANY disagreement about custody and said, "I will have primary placement of the children as well"
That would imply SHE already has custody, so SURELY you aren't suggesting to "wrench them away from the PARENT CLOSEST TO THEM " ?
I didn't mention wrenching them away from ANYONE.
Sounds like YOU need some work on reading comprehension. While you are at it, stop making up things and saying that I said them.
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javajunkiee
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[quote]"I'm anti alimony for either gender when the recipient is capable of working and supporting themselves."
What do you think should be done if one or the other gender can't secure employment? [/quote]
They secure any employment they can find, they improve their skills, and move on.
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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english7
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But you didn't answer my question.
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finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
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Yes she did.
She said "get any job you can, move on, marriage doesn't come with a money back guarantee."
People who aren't married or in the process of divorce lose their jobs all the time. They get a new job, get any ol' job flipping burgers, live out of their cars, move back in with mom and dad, leach off friends.....do whatever they have to do to survive.
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english7
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Neither of you answered my question.
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finz
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[quote]Neither of you answered my question. [/quote]
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Are you being deliberately obtuse ?
JJ says "Nothing" The person going through a divorce who is not currently employed should find their own way through life, the same as if they were single and not currently employed.
I think the answer depends on how long the marrige was and what the staus quo was during the marriage, but I don't expect everyone to agree with me.
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javajunkiee
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Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
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English, you and I are on different sides of this subject, as you well know, and I have less than nil interest in engaging you in debate.
I never took a dime from my exhusband. You received a settlement.
I will not explain or defend my position on alimony or settlements, and you simply don't have to.
Have a great day~
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
Edited by javajunkiee (07/02/12 01:22 PM)
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gr8Dad
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There is no such thing as "Can't find employment". Kids in HIGH SCHOOL find employment, you get a JOB and you support yourself. If you CAN'T, then you DIE, its the nature of the environment.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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english7
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Gr8, with over 12 million unemployed in the US, (and those are just people actively seeking work) do you really think your claim is correct?
JJ, my question was not personal. I don't know or care what you did or did not do regarding spousal support. Further, you do not know my situation! Maybe I had to pay my ex.
Finz, funny, but I was going to ask the same question! You said that people going through a divorce "not currently employed should find their own way through life." I agree, and I like the way you worded it. "Finding" can take time, though.
But none of you are looking at this realistically. For some newly divorced people, it is not so cut and dry. Think of the different situations a person could find himself or herself in: desertion, assault, having to flee--and these things are happening at a time when job prospects are very slim.
What I'm seeing is an inability or refusal to imagine anything outside one's own experience. Not sure why I expected anything different.
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finz
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[quote] But none of you are looking at this realistically. For some newly divorced people, it is not so cut and dry. Think of the different situations a person could find himself or herself in: desertion, assault, having to flee--and these things are happening at a time when job prospects are very slim.
[/quote]
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When I realistically consider such a situation, out of all the people that I know that I might be able to rely on financially to help me out of a bind, the LAST person I would count on would be someone who had deserted me, assaulted me, or had me fleeing for my life.
I think our definitions of what is 'realistic' are pretty far apart.
If someone has already deserted you, you cannot count on them to send a monthly check. If someone has assaulted you or has you fleeing for your life, they should be in jail, so I wouldn't count on their income from hammering out license plates to support me.
I'll take my 'realistic plan' over yours any day......
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javajunkiee
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Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3155
Loc: SC
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"JJ, my question was not personal. I don't know or care what you did or did not do regarding spousal support. Further, you do not know my situation! Maybe I had to pay my ex."
Apologies for mixing you up with another poster. However, if I do remember correctly you were going after a settlement, and had some heated words with posters over it. Whatever, I wasn't trying to insinuate you were making it personal or that you did care what I received/didn't receive from my ex.
I took your question to be a bait tactic and responded. Yes, I'm a tad jaded. You think?
As someone who was assaulted and had to flee for her life at a young age with limited skills in a lousy economy, I know first hand how difficult it can be. It is *not* impossible however. I found jobs suitable enough to keep a roof over my head - 3 of them at once as a matter of fact. It took relocating 50 miles, finding a landlord willing to take a chance (in Detroit of all places), and walking to work for one job and riding a bike for the other two.
There is ALWAYS work. It may not be up to someone's standards, but you do it anyways.
Unless of course, a person prefers to take money from someone that already has proven dangerous because they find that "easier" than flipping burgers and working at a gas station.
Look, I don't mean to preach, and I wouldn't wish what I went through on anyone. It was hard as hell and I hated every minute of it but I got through it, and there's not much that scares me anymore. Crazy men or working hard? Eh, BTDT.
However, when I read posts from people who come on here and expect that they should be able to maintain their standard of living while divorcing the reason they HAD that standard of living, it just irks me.
I believe very strongly in Personal Responsibility. If you are healthy and capable of working, you should be doing it and not forcing someone else to take responsibility for you. I don't care if he left for the latest plastic princess just out of high school, or she found a new boytoy - if the marriage is over that person's financial contribution to you should be over as well.
Why there is a mentality that someone we used to be with should still give us money to "pay back" whatever was lost in a marriage? I'll never get. I live in my marriage, I make choices good or bad in my marriage, and I'm strong enough to accept the consequences good or bad, for those choices. No one said life or divorce was fair - I guess for most people it's all turned into a contest to see who can avoid having the most amount of unfair on their side of the court room. If some people put half the energy into making it on their own that they put into winning, our system wouldn't be as *****d up as it is.
JMO-
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Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30202
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No, you are correct, she had a claim against her ex. Not sure if she GOT it, but she quit her job and left the state and lived in a "crack house", per her.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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