Jerry
recently joined
Reged: 02/23/05
Posts: 5
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No what I am saying is that right now by teaching at the school part time she gets 1000 / month. If we split up her salary will still be 1000 / month but now I will pay half of the tuition 500. For anything above that she would have to get a job to make up the difference just like anybody else would.
I pay EVERYTHING else (even more so when I live under the same roof) I pay insurance, all childrens living expense, all of our utilities, all of our food, all of our vacations. When when make a studio of the back room I will still pay the entire utilities for the whole house (now two residences versus 1) does that make sense? Whe would have no living expenses, they would all be paid for.
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aussie928
old hand
Reged: 10/29/04
Posts: 969
Loc: Dallas
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Melody.. I am the one that called it "play" money as if he is paying for EVERYTHING else..thats basically what it is...under the living arrangements that he proposes.
Sorry mate...but theories look good on paper.. but in reality look quite different. This situation is just not going to last...an apartment right there? As Melody said eventually..you are both going to want to date...and this "arrangement" will be very confusing to the wee ones.
The other theory you seem to have is that since you are the sole income...SHE cant afford to get an apartment and pay for this and that. Mate...yes she can..unless you can show she is a bad mother..and by your own post..she isnt this. When you do divorce..you are going to pay CS and ALIMONY..and the one leaving the house...will more then likely be you...if it isnt required to be sold.
You are not going to like this..but the more you say..it sounds like you are trying to continue on as a means to control her financially because you make the income...welcome to the world of divorce mate...it just isnt going to happen.
You did say in your original post that she wasnt paid..it was in trade...which is it?
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Jerry
recently joined
Reged: 02/23/05
Posts: 5
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I really do appreciate all the info (even if I don't like some of it).
To answer the trade/income question:
Private School Tuition = 1000 per month for two kids
Spouse works 5 hours per day at school for no salary but we do not have to pay tuition.
If she didn't work there we would be responsible for 1K per month, thus I feel it fair that if she work there I contribute half of that in compensation.
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aussie928
old hand
Reged: 10/29/04
Posts: 969
Loc: Dallas
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(quote) feel it fair that if she work there I contribute half of that in compensation. (quote)
Sorry mate..you may not like our responses..but they are what a judge is prolly going to do...not what you or she thinks is fair.
Just a word of advise mate from one bloke to another...you keep making reference to the fact that YOU pay....YOU make....(you may see this as ...see..I have done it...now she has to do it on her own) and all you are going to get is the opportunity to pay more CS and more alimony...you will hand her her case....
I think the point Melody was making..and she will correct me if I am wrong..lol..if she is "trading" this...she must be reporting this as income....as the school is required to do the same.
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NHAlimonyQ
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Reged: 03/02/05
Posts: 8
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I was really here mainly to post my own question, but in looking through I wanted to respond; I know Melody and Aussie don't get the "you're still living with her" part, but I do. After 8 years of marriage, with a 5-yr-old son, after deciding to divorce, I let my wife live at my house (she hated the house, I loved it) for another 6 months until she could get a place of her own.
It was a big old house, huge, and we had separate bedrooms anyway, and I'd spent 8 years wanting out of the marriage, another 3 months seemed a small price to pay. It turned into 6, a bit more than I wanted, but that's what it took to get her settled. On the positive side, it was ABSOLUTELY the best thing we could have done for our son. It kept any trauma to a minimum; we even took him house-hunting "to buy a house for mommy". He didn't want to address the "mommy leaving" part, but at least we showed him we were together in this, and he'd always have a mommy, and it was working out. Just because you're divorcing someone doesn't always mean you hate them, just that you can't live with them. In my case, she had her own set of problems, and I didn't want to continue a marriage with her, but I still cared for her and wanted her to do well, and was still a friend and wanted to ease the transition for her. I can relate to you, Jerry, on that point.
That said, I will warn you that it made my social life for those six months very difficult "I'm sorry, did you say your ex-wife LIVES with you, but you're dating? I don't THINK so." Nevertheless, in retrospect the downtime was probably good for me, and ultimately it was the best for our son, so I don't regret it. I lost a few good dates, but ultimately met someone I'm now engaged to, so it all worked out.
But I would say that at whatever point you want to move onto someone else, it'll behoove you to not be living with your ex. Until that time, if you can do it for the kids, more power to you. You're not the only one.
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aussie928
old hand
Reged: 10/29/04
Posts: 969
Loc: Dallas
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[quote]I know Melody and Aussie don't get the "you're still living with her" part, but I do.[quote]
I dont see how YOU could get it...as you obviously didnt read it..he is not talking 6 months..that I dont have a problem with...he is talking about adding living quarters....and turning this is into some indefinite time frame....and I doubt his wee ones are the main concern..if you read all his posts...this is what its all about most of the time..MONEY
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NHAlimonyQ
recently joined
Reged: 03/02/05
Posts: 8
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re: "why are you divorcing if you can consider living together"?
He's saying he's doing it until she gets on her feet. He didn't give a timetable, and every situation is different. I just wanted to chime in that it's a not unheard-of situation.
I myself wouldn't want to drag it out, but it all depends on the relationship, the hurry to get into a new relationship, and the kids.
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aussie928
old hand
Reged: 10/29/04
Posts: 969
Loc: Dallas
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Well my hell mate I am an Aussie..dont always make myself clear..sorry about that. What I meant was...if you are just going to live together..."as he described" ..making an apartment on the premises long term..then why get divorced. My ex and I stayed together until we had all the particulars worked out and my wee one understood as best as they can at that age.
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maybeleaveincali
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/05
Posts: 7
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Jerry I've lived with my husband for 5-6 years now after his affair for my son.. It is very possible depending on the priorities that you have in life to live with your spouse under unhappy circumstances and just play nice for the kids sake.. My son does see us fight but we always let him know mommy and daddy's fight. I'm not lying to my son about the situation I do love my husband but not the so called in love with him now due to the adultry.. I can't have anymore kids so I know how precious life is and as a parent we have 18 years to get our kids ready for the world.. To me if you can handle it you dont make your child pay for the mistakes his parents made.. you make the best of the left over 18 years.. There many people in this world to love you but I only have 1 son who deserves both his parents.. maybe some of you have 2-3- even 10 who knows..
Point is Jerry.. I get where you're coming from and you're an honorable man for doing so for as long as you possibly can.
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