Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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Oh for Pete's sake. I didn't imply that YOU weren't a good parent. I was *just* relating a story about ME. *I*....(read: only ME)...find that *I* am a better parent when I put importance on the things that REALLY matter, and let go of the things that don't.
YOU (this part is about you)....can NOT control what someone else does. YOU can ONLY control your reactions to his behavior. YOU are nit-picking about things that YOU have no control over and/or things that are completely insignificant in the grand scheme of things.
HOW does this form for camp HURT your daughter??? How would her life path have been altered if she missed an Easter egg hunt?
There is a HUGE difference between playing Miss Fix-It to the things you think he has done wrong, and letting HIS choices roll off your back.
Listen....the ex was supposed to keep the children for 4 weeks for summer vacation. I planned my wedding/honeymoon so that the children could attend, and then go to their father's the day we left for our honeymoon. About 11PM the night before our flight, he called and cancelled. Didn't reschedule....cancelled. I had a LOT of choices. What I did was pack their bags, cancel our flight, and drive to a campground rather than the romantic honeymoon we had planned. We had a GREAT time, because *I* choose to do so.
I've made the same choice more times than I can count. When he didn't show up to meet me half-way (1000 mile trip), I drove them all the way there. When he cancelled his entire Christmas parenting time, I made due. THAT's what divorced parent do. We suck up OUR lousy choices in mates, and make it the best possible situation for our children.
I absolutely expect ZERO sympathy for MY choices. But I'll be damned if I'm going to run around acting like a fruitcake over the ex's stupidity. I divorced him just so I wouldn't HAVE to. YAY!!!!
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agui667
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/23/06
Posts: 4495
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Why is he putting himself on the paperwork then? What's in it for him??? BTW, I'd probably feel the same way...Kinda like getting credit for something that NOT due...
You might want to post this on the Child Custody board, more traffic there..
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flamommy30
recently joined
Reged: 04/25/07
Posts: 6
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Thank you agui 667, at least someone agrees with what 2 lawyers have said (I had my mother in law ask a friend who is a lawyer and he said the same thing). What's in it for him? Feeling like more of a control freak than he is.
I have been adsvised by 2 attorneys to not sign a fraudelant form and I won't. If that makes me a fruitcake, then so be it.
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BeckaLeigh
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/08/05
Posts: 6875
Loc: Texas
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To be honest with you, I agree that although it may be a little thing, it is still something that I wouldnt do. I wont even put my kids' dad as an emergency contact, because he isnt allowed to go to their school without me present and he sure as heck cant pick them up. Does he like that? Heck no. But, I am the primary, sole custodial (sp?) parent and that is how it is. If he doesnt like it, too damn bad. I dont care.
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I tried being normal once. Worst five minutes of my life.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30367
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You, apparently, hang with LAWYERS, who have ALL told you what you wanted to hear (no doubt, in an attempt to get you as a client).
You call him controlling, based on the idea that the camp HE wants to send them to will interfer with ALL of the things YOU have scheduled for the child.
Bottom line, YOU sound like the contolling one. Instead of looking at it as "Hey, my kid gets to go to camp, she/he has a good time, and ALL it costs me is allowing Dad to put his name FIRST on the camp forms..."
NOOO, must be a SUPER controlling DAD to even CONSIDER planning something fun for his child, right?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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I would imagine if I called an attorney and said, "My ex-husband is DEMANDING that I sign some forms that are fraudulent, and I'm uncomfortable LYING like that. Do you think I should sign them?"
I'm sure the answer would be "no."
If I called an attorney and said, "My ex and I have shared parental responsibility, but I'm designated as primary residential. Do you think it's a big deal if he's listed first on some short-term extracurricular forms?"
The answer would probably also be, "no."
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26793
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I think one of the hardest things is to realize that all things are no longer equal when your divorced, and when I say that, I have to remember when my ex said she was taking my son to a New years eve party with her. I went off the handle, the alcohol, her idiot friends, you name it I found every reason possible to argue about. She did not take him. The more I thought about it, it came to me, she was doing what thousands of other parents do, what we might have done if we were still married. The question I had to ask myself was would i be so judgemental if it had been me doing the taking. I feel I was wrong and at the time was just bitter about the whole deal. It really wasn't about my son it was about me. On the camp forms, it says primary parent, what is the purpose for that, who they contact first, I would think that since your ex's GF works there, they would call her, or whomever she tells them to. I am not even sure if it counts as lying because you have joint custody, my ex used to tell me that she was the one in charge because she had physical custody, which isn't true, sure she claims him on the income tax, but she does not have 51% interest in our son. You have to do what you think is right, and if you being on the form as the primary parent is right, and he will not do it, then tell him she cannot go. If you want your daughter to go to camp and have a good time, just put on the forms that you want to be contacted as well. I can't imagine a camp would not contact you if you did that. Its not up to me to judge why you want to be listed as a primary parent, but this one I would let go if it were me and I wanted her to go to camp.
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flamommy30
recently joined
Reged: 04/25/07
Posts: 6
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gr8 dad, Obviously you are very partial to your gender. It is not the issue of him deciding on the camp, I'm more than happy to let her go but want the forms to be in line with what is on paper as per our custody agreement. I get along famously with his fiancee, no bitterness there, and I am hardly controlling. Why is it so wrong to want things doen correclty? Also, no lawyer is trying to get my business, the first lawyer I talked to handled my divorce, and probably would not represent me anyway becasue he is up for judgeship and may not be practicing much longer, the second is a friend of my mother in law's who practices family law, she asked him for me. You seem very bitter against women, or so you seem in your posts. Also, his name going first would not matter in her going free, she'd go free regardless if the man on the moon's name was first.
Redlegg, We do not have joint custody, i am the primary residential parent.
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Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26793
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It was my understanding that primary residential parent was for purposes of calculating child support, tax exemptions, tax filing status, etc.
I didn't know you had sole custody, sorry for the mistake. And again, if its what you think is right, then stick to your guns.
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supermansdaisy
addict
Reged: 04/25/07
Posts: 658
Loc: SC
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What are your scheduled parenting times like? How often does he see your daughter?
Just remember....the child is 50% the father's...in the way that really counts. I know what your CO says, but I'm sure the father has a hard time being listed as a "secondary parent". That should not have been worded that way. I imagine you would struggle with it as well if the tables were turned....
Try to always remember what is best for the children. File away all the petty stuff he does for later if something comes up, but remember to focus on the child's best interests. Be happy your daughter gets free camp! Sounds like she will have fun!!!
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