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newstepmom04
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Reged: 12/17/04
Posts: 5
Modification of child support order
      #6008 - 12/17/04 12:42 PM

I recently married a man with a 4 year old son. The child lives in Missouri, we live in another state. My husband has never been late on child support or skipped any payments. Recently the judge awarded him visitation that he had been denied by not getting an attorney during the divorce proceedings. He is allowed to see him every third weekend, some alternating holidays and 4 weeks in the summer. My husband was laid off of two jobs this summer and never asked for a modification and still managed to get to Missouri every other month for his visitation. We found out yesterday that his ex wants to file a motion to modify child support because he's not been exercising all of his allotted parenting time. She tries to be petty about everything and we realize this is just another attempt for her to be hateful, but is this really possible...to modify a CS order 8 months after it was made...in lieu of the NCP not taking ALL parenting time allowed?

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Gecko
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Reged: 06/01/04
Posts: 20382
Loc: Third rock from the sun
Re: Modification of child support order [Re: newstepmom04]
      #6011 - 12/17/04 12:59 PM

She tries to be petty about everything and we realize this is just another attempt for her to be hateful, but is this really possible...to modify a CS order 8 months after it was made...in lieu of the NCP not taking ALL parenting time allowed?

---> Yes it's "possible" but it doesn't mean it's going to happen.

---> Before I can proceed, I have two questions:

1. Was his child support modified because of this new Parenting Time?

2. In the last 8 months, how much Parenting Time has he missed and why?

--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!


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newstepmom04
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Reged: 12/17/04
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Re: Modification of child support order [Re: Gecko]
      #6017 - 12/17/04 01:52 PM

This is all so much info, but I'll try to be clear.

My husband's ex left him when his son was 6 months old. By the child's 1st birthday she was already engaged to be married to her current husband. My ex was so depressed during the divorce he did not seek legal counsel and basically got screwed. Yes we realize he should've had a lawyer back then, but we can't change it now. The original decree stated he could only have daytime supervised visits at the mother's discretion. Two years ago, he hired his current lawyer and now has unsupervised visits and overnights etc.

1. Child support was modified because it was part of the entire process to come up with a realistic parenting plan.

2. In the last 8 months he has seen his son in 4 of the months. His son was here for our wedding in May (the first eligible visitation time after the order) He was here 3.5 days. In July my husband went to visit him in Missouri and then again in August when the child had minor surgery. We had him for 4 days at Thanksgiving. The reason he was not able to exercise every parenting time was due to a lack of funds from a wedding, 2 lost jobs and a car accident that totaled the car and from which he is still in physical therapy. He recently got a good permanent job that is promising and plans to exercise his January parenting time, weather permitting safe travel.

Our lawyer said we should try to exercise parenting time in our state every month (bring him here), however we only get 48 hours and it's a 9 hour drive each way. To fly him here requires us to buy three plane tickets. Two round trips for his dad to fly out and get him and then fly him home and of course one for the child. It's not financially possible to spend $300 a month in CS and more than $700 monthly in airfare. They get to spend more quality time if my husband flies to MO and takes his son to his parents for the weekend. I don't see why it matters where the time is spent, as long as it is spent.


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Gecko
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Reged: 06/01/04
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Re: Modification of child support order [Re: newstepmom04]
      #6026 - 12/17/04 02:17 PM

Okay...the auto accident is a valid reason for not exercising PT, the lack of funds due to unemployment (especially if CS was paid) could also be used...but a lack of funds because ya'll spent too much on your wedding...NOT!

So what is the reason for not exercising PT THIS weekend?

--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!


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newstepmom04
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Reged: 12/17/04
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Re: Modification of child support order [Re: Gecko]
      #6027 - 12/17/04 02:24 PM

We spent very little on our modest wedding...we surely did not anticipate two lay offs in 3 months immediately following the wedding. He just got a fulltime job, it does take time to get a first paycheck when you are only paid monthly. I must reiterate that 600 miles is a lot. When we had him for Thanksgiving, we had to buy him several new outfits because she did not provide adequate clothing for him on his visit and the trip was very expensive. We are still trying to get on our feet financially and are doing everything we possibly can at this time. Another reason for not going 600 miles this weekend is that we leave Wednesday to visit my family for christmas and simply cannot afford two major trips in one month.

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Gecko
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Reged: 06/01/04
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Re: Modification of child support order [Re: newstepmom04]
      #6036 - 12/17/04 02:50 PM

Another reason for not going 600 miles this weekend is that we leave Wednesday to visit my family for christmas and simply cannot afford two major trips in one month.

---> I am confused in where your priorities lie, especially since you all spent two years in fighting for the right for your husband to see his child.

---> Given what you have told me, your husband's ex will most like prevail.

--------------------
If you air your dirty linen in public, expect people to comment on the skid marks!


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newstepmom04
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Reged: 12/17/04
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Re: Modification of child support order [Re: Gecko]
      #6055 - 12/17/04 07:44 PM

Without you knowing the full story, I don't think you can preach about priorities. MY family is also a priority, so there must be some balance. We were just there to see his son 15 days ago....like I said ...even with all the circumstances, my husband has still paid every bit of his CS and made as much of the pareting time as he has been able to do. He's going again in a month, so that is not the issue. However, we will not completely neglect my family to be with his. It's hard to make judgements about someone's priorities by simply reading a few messages on board. I was simply wanting to know someone's opinion about whether it was common to have CS raised because of pareting time not taken. His lawyer called this afternoon and disagrees with you about the ex prevailing by the way. I know I sound defensive and that's because I am...you cannot be in 3 places at one time. She created this situation and we are doing our BEST to work within it.

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winewinn
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Reged: 12/15/04
Posts: 20
Re: Modification of child support order [Re: newstepmom04]
      #6068 - 12/18/04 01:21 AM

<<She created this situation and we are doing our BEST to work within it.>>

I have to disagree with this... it was he that decided to step up to the plate and request parenting time.

Consider this... obviously, Dad has certain weekends planned to visit. Does the mother set aside weekends to plan for these visits and coordinate drop-off/pick-up time? It's also an inconvenience in her schedule when he chooses not to exercise these visits. If he doesn't exercise his right to visitation, then the logical step is a downward modification of parenting time until "dad" is able to meet his visitation obligations, or is no longer is a part.

I hear it all the time from my ex... first he is sick, then he doesn't have $35 in gas money because he "has his own family" to support, then his girlfriend is pregnant and he's afraid the baby is just going to pop out while he's driving his daughter back, then daughter can't see her new step-brother because his girlfriend doesn't want company, then it's because he has food poisoning, then his vehicle's transmission is out, then it's he can't afford $35 in gas to make the trip (2.5 hours, one-way). This is all in the past 8 months or so, and he only has visitation every third weekend, overnight. blah blah blah...

Unless the priorities are in line, there's no point in constantly disappointing the child and inconveniencing the mother. The point for a downward modification of parenting time is to provide the child with a sense of STABILITY. He/she deserves to know when dad is coming to visit and should be able to look forward to these visits. Imagine what a cancellation of planned visits does to the self-esteem of the child. My daughter, at the tender age of 8, has been to therapy over this when she was just 6.

While you have another family, you surely must have realized he had a child before entering marriage, too. If he couldn't afford the trip because of wedding expenses, why didn't you have a much simpler wedding or scheduled a reception later so you could budget? My current spouse and I had a simple JOP wedding and a reception for 500 guests several months later, when we could afford it because I plan for when I take my daughter to visit her father and try to budget those visits in.

I realize that as his wife you and your family want to be his #1 priority, but the needs of this child (especially with visitations set rather far apart) need to come before yours and your own children during those alotted times.


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Onyx
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Reged: 08/03/04
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Re: Modification of child support order [Re: winewinn]
      #6070 - 12/18/04 04:21 AM

You know what they say- First in time, first in line.
His second family is important, as his first should be too. His daughter was here first, and she deserves the same courtesy she enjoyed before you came along. There were a few years there that my Dad chose to go with his GF for some holidays... she convinced him that we didnt care where he went. I overheard her telling him this once, and I piped up. I told him that we do care where he is, and that his holidays should be with his kids. He looked shocked, but that was the end of it. We "get" Dad every holiday now. I often ask him how *he* likes being picked up for visitations now....LOL- yes he laughs. Anyway, as far as the little ones go, yes, it is heartbreaking. My youngest has finally stopped asking where Daddy is, and when he is coming etc. I was telling him a simple "I dont know, but I know he loves you." My ex had the "flu, or something" for months!!! when he skipped out on visitation. Sucks.!! Blessings, Onyx

--------------------
"Don't Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys"


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newstepmom04
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Reged: 12/17/04
Posts: 5
Re: Modification of child support order [Re: winewinn]
      #6079 - 12/18/04 11:11 AM

While you have another family, you surely must have realized he had a child before entering marriage, too. If he couldn't afford the trip because of wedding expenses, why didn't you have a much simpler wedding or scheduled a reception later so you could budget? My current spouse and I had a simple JOP wedding and a reception for 500 guests several months later, when we could afford it because I plan for when I take my daughter to visit her father and try to budget those visits in.

--------------
Did you not read my entire post...we had a VERY modest simple wedding and at the time he HAD a job...was then laid off and had a car accident. These are not excuses, they are circumstances. In fact, one week after the accident, my husband was on a plane to see his son. He was in horrible pain, but still made the visit. Now also we have never cancelled a planned visit. When dad calls to tell his son he's coming, he goes. We are allowed to have him the third weekend of every month, but we all knew from the beginning it would be more like every other month because of the distance. There is no threat of a downward modification of parenting time..the mother is simply asking for more $$$$. I said she caused this situation and I meant it because she is the one who chose to take the child away from the father in the first place and then refuse to let him see his son after the divorce for any number of reasons she could come up with at the time. Now she's not getting her way and she only wants more money. This is no dead-beat dad. He keeps his promises and sends the money on time. BUT he just can't be there EVERY single time. Each family has to do what's right for that family. This dad is not allowed to be with his kid every holiday, therefore some holidays he spends with MY family...OUR family now.
Onyx, you sound like a great mother...telling your child their father loves them, etc. I wish this mother would do the same, but she does nothing but talk bad about my husband around the son. I can't stand it..I know she had her "reasons" for leaving him (she found someone else) but she needs to be positive about him around her son.


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