1HappyDad
newbie
Reged: 05/11/09
Posts: 33
|
|
I am sooo happy I have NEVER paid CS/Alimony, tho ALIMONY is worse than CS but if she takes the kids then she should be the one to fork out the $$ to keep them.
|
Schwein
recently joined
Reged: 10/29/06
Posts: 2
|
|
[quote]I am sooo happy I have NEVER paid CS/Alimony, tho ALIMONY is worse than CS but if she takes the kids then she should be the one to fork out the $$ to keep them. [/quote]
Bravo. Finally someone has the guts to say that the system is totally unjust and caters soley to greedy ex wives who use kids to pad the amounts so that they can go out and look for a replacement at someone else's expence. Good for you.
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
It works both ways. My Ex- took my son and in 15 years over $100K in CS and my son doesn't even have a savings account. FOTY has been living off that money for YEARS.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
Debi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 7139
|
|
He lived off 6k a year?
--------------------
When we were together, you said you'd die for me. Now, I think it's time you kept your promise.
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
The last 3 years it's been over $10K a year (goes up periodically as I get raises). No HE has a job -- wifey doesn't work so I guess CS take the place of HER 'salary'. If I ever get this daMNed court agreement signed the free ride's over for them. I keep hoping --- any day now!!
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
You know what? SHUT UP! I am SO sick of hearing you bytch and moan about paying your child support. ANY man who did similar on here gets TOASTED by the regulars. I will be honest, when you first started bytching about it, I figured you made a lot of money, and thus made a huge child support payment. You are paying, on average, less than $7000 a YEAR for a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD child. And you are WHINING about it.
I ASSURE you that they are not living the HIGH life on your measly $600 to $700 a month.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
|
|
Having received $750 per month for EIGHTEEN YEARS, I have to agree with Gr8 on this one. No one can live on $9000 per year **in my case**
Whether or not your ex's wife works is none of your freaking business. Your kid is 15. You've made a career over taking them into court over and over again....spending way more than you had to in attorneys' fees ALONE.
You really think that amount of money takes care of a teenager? You're very sadly mistaken.
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"You really think that amount of money takes care of a teenager? You're very sadly mistaken. "
How much does it cost to take care of a teenager?
|
BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
|
|
More than $750 per month Sherron and my CS amount was for two children. Not one.
Activities, drivers ed, school lunches, school fees, gas/insurance.....clothes that they grow out of before they're barely worn.....tennis shoes, cell phones, computers.....the list goes on and on.
I put myself through nursing school while working full time and single parenting two children -- I was tired of not having the option to eat everyday and I had no family to assist me with anything in the area that I lived in.
Do you think that amount of money is reasonable to LIVE on as c_jane says her ex's wife is doing????? What does $9000 a year buy in terms of housing, utilities, food, clothing, school supplies.....again, very long list.
I'm not going to argue about it, I'm just saying it's NOT a lot of money and historically, c_jane begrudges her child's father every d*mn dime. If that's okay with her? Okay then.
However, I agree with Debi also -- there is NO reason for alimony for an able bodied person that should participate financially in their own style of living. I didn't take a dime in spousal support, specifically waived it by court order, voluntarily. It was just one more way for my ex to think he could control me.....and no one does that.
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
I'm not looking for an argument, you questioned whether or not that amount of money takes care of **a teenager**. I believe $750, or the almost $850 c_jane pays, is enough to take care of **a teenager**, even without the other parent contributing, so I was curious how much you thought it took. c_jane has her faults, but I'll admit that I'd probably be frustrated too if I felt I was carrying the entire financial burden of child rearing. $750 a month may not be a lot of money to you, but it is to some people, and it adds up to $162,000 over 18 years.
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
Not only do I contribute to Exholes household expenses *I* (as probably 99.99999% of OTHER NCP's) am responsible for DS's expenses when he's with me.
So I pay EXACTLY as much for running a household with DS in it as Exhole does. During the summer when we each have DS 1/2 the time -- I support DS on MY salary MINUS the hefty (to me anyway) CS I send Ex gratis. I have said before & I'll say it again -- they pay for NOTHING that I don't also. They buy clothes for their house; I buy DS clothes for mine. They buy boots for DS; I buy him sneakers. He has a bike I bought that goes between houses. He has a car I bought which I also have inspected and pay taxes on. Ex DID pay $300 last summer for DS to take drivers Ed -- which shocked the he!! Out of me. I paid DS's NJROTC dues for this year.
So out of over $100k of CS I can think of literally ONE instance (the drivers Ed) where I didn't match it with equal expenditures. But remember I spent $3k on the Jeep.
Yes I will HARP on it till the day I die. In my sons case it does NOT and never HAS taken the amount of CS I give them each month to pay for him. I do it on MUCH less. Probably $300/month is all. Kids are NOT that expensive if you're frugal about it.
Oh & I forgot the cell DS has that *I* bought for him & pay the bill on every month.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2018
|
|
[quote]I'm not looking for an argument, you questioned whether or not that amount of money takes care of **a teenager**. I believe $750, or the almost $850 c_jane pays, is enough to take care of **a teenager**, even without the other parent contributing [/quote]
Maybe where you live. Where I live, it may cover half the cost of raising a kid.
That said, there is no way anyone with kids is living off of $850 a month.
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
Then stop seeking out my emails & reading them. Put me on 'ignore' & I won't 'make you sick'. There. Problem solved. You're so smart (wink) I'm surprised you didn't think of that yourself.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"Maybe where you live. Where I live, it may cover half the cost of raising a kid. "
$850 may cover half the cost... then spell it out for me... how do you spend $1,700+ a month one one child?
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
My point was NOT that it costs less than that to raise a kid, my point was that HER claim is that the family is LIVING off the money. So REGARDLESS of how much it costs to raise a KID, ain't NO family living on 7K a year.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
Why, so you can continue to spout your bullsh!t and insult people unopposed? For some reason, not sure why, you get a pass by MOST of the people on here for your wrong actions and your complaints about child support. I will not allow that to go on, because sometimes MEN come to this site for help, and when they see the double standard with YOU, and THEM, in regards to complaining about child support, they might think that such thoughts are okay. And I will defend that every time.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
I would like to know as well. For DS (sophomore in HS) he has $40/year in NJROTC dues. No other extracurriculars or activities. He needs $25/week for school lunches. He is not a big eater -- he is not 6'2" and 235 pounds. He is 5'7", 135 pounds (maybe) and has a BMI of 12. Say $50/month for jeans, socks or some other clothing (bought at Target or Walmart for both me AND his Dad). He's not driving so no gas, insurance, etc.
So we're up to $150 so far + meals at home. Say another $5/day (which is probably high if you cook most meals). So that's another $150.
I can come up with $300/month. My water bill is $45/month, which is the minimum. So you can't even consider 1/2 of that is DS's, since they charge me the minimum every month. Electricity runs me no MORE than $125/month, even in the summer.
Exhole has the SAME size house in the SAME subdivision, so his bills would be comparable to mine.
DS's phone bill is $45/month. I would STILL like to know how it would cost $850 (or DOUBLE that) to raise a teenager.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
|
|
That's what I agreed with Gr8 -- that no one is living on the child support amount that she pays.
My ex assumed the same thing, that I was living the high life on his $750 per month. **ladylike snort** I don't think so.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
Prior to you having 50/50 custody (like you claimed you originally had, them came back and admitted you lied) he needed a larger home, thus the increased cost of housing. Figure a MINIMUM of $200 a month for that, so now we are at $500, right? So there is the additional utility usage, the additional food, etc.
But the BOTTOM line is that you are paying a fixed percentage of your income to support your child. You have the FULL right to think it is too high, and the FULL right to do ANYTHING within your legal power to reduce it (although a MAN trying to reduce HIS child support, on this board, is painted as being SELFISH).
But what you CANNOT do is JUSTIFY that the entire FAMILY is surviving or living well off of the PITTANCE you send them, because it simply is NOT POSSIBLE.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"But the BOTTOM line is that you are paying a fixed percentage of your income to support your child. You have the FULL right to think it is too high, and the FULL right to do ANYTHING within your legal power to reduce it (although a MAN trying to reduce HIS child support, on this board, is painted as being SELFISH).
But what you CANNOT do is JUSTIFY that the entire FAMILY is surviving or living well off of the PITTANCE you send them, because it simply is NOT POSSIBLE."
If you had to pay cs now, how much a month would you be ordered to pay for one child, as a fixed percentage of your income?
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
"Larger house" -- Nope, doesn't fly. EVERY home in this subdivision has 3 bedrooms or more. His house has 3 bedrooms; my house has 3 bedrooms. So there goes the 'bigger house' justification.
And I AM getting rid of it entirely. I'll be sure and let you know how Exhole gets along with OUT my CS. If this paperwork ever gets signed. Been waiting now since I first filed in MAY.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
At the standard 17% for one child, I would be paying 779 a month. Which works out to approximately $9300 a year. Not an amount ANY family would choose to LIVE on.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
Yep. and you CHOOSE to have a three bedroom, he HAS to have a three bedroom. BIG difference, but, of course, you are looking to justify your whining, so you will grasp at straws.
"I'll be sure and let you know how Exhole gets along with OUT my CS."
That you would even CARE about your ex's personal finances, when they in NO WAY afect you (you do not live in an income shares state, thus, if he made 100 million a year, your child support payments would be the same) is pretty pathetic.
"If this paperwork ever gets signed. Been waiting now since I first filed in MAY."
LMAO< yeah, sounds like you are SOOOO smart and he is SOOOO dumb, ROTFLMAO.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"At the standard 17% for one child, I would be paying 779 a month. Which works out to approximately $9300 a year. Not an amount ANY family would choose to LIVE on."
c_jane pays more, and you consider that amount a pittance. I guess you would voluntarily pay more support to assure you were adequately providing for your child, and not just paying a mere pittance.
Fyi, c_jane did not say "live on", but "live off". Since you only came up with around $500 in actual costs, that means dad is not contributing any money to the cost of raising the child and the other $350 is being absorbed into the household budget. What would you call that?
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"Yep. and you CHOOSE to have a three bedroom, he HAS to have a three bedroom. BIG difference, but, of course, you are looking to justify your whining, so you will grasp at straws."
Why does dad have to have a three bedroom?
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
"c_jane pays more"
Really? Cause at $100K, over 15 YEARS, is averaging $555 a month (100K divided by 15, then divided by 12).
"and you consider that amount a pittance"
Not a pittance in regards to child support, a pittance in what a family LIVES on. I apologize for not being clearer.
"Fyi, c_jane did not say "live on", but "live off"."
Twist the words any way you want, she IMPLIED that her ex was living a better life HIMSELF due to the amount, which is bullsh!t.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
1. Why does he HAVE to have a 3-BR? 2 BR would be fine, but then you almost can't FIND a 2-BR house anywhere any more. And I CHOSE to move where my CHILD was after Exhole decided to move (which was legally his right) so I could share more of DS's life.
2. I would care only to see how the LOSS of income/CS/whatever you want to call it when they've been using it all along to benefit THEM affects their living.
3. Oh Exhole signed his part back in October, as did I. Now we're waiting only on the court system/judge. It has NOTHING to do with either of us. I'm theorizing that his azzhole lawyer finally got tired of dealing with him and told him to sign off on it -- that if we ended up in court HE could be paying ME CS, as DS was going to ask to live with me as CP.
And believe me, I have been EVER so grateful that I have a college education and a good job so I can SUPPORT two households and not be living on the streets. It's not only NCP MEN that get shafted.
[quote]Yep. and you CHOOSE to have a three bedroom, he HAS to have a three bedroom. BIG difference, but, of course, you are looking to justify your whining, so you will grasp at straws.
"I'll be sure and let you know how Exhole gets along with OUT my CS."
That you would even CARE about your ex's personal finances, when they in NO WAY afect you (you do not live in an income shares state, thus, if he made 100 million a year, your child support payments would be the same) is pretty pathetic.
"If this paperwork ever gets signed. Been waiting now since I first filed in MAY."
LMAO< yeah, sounds like you are SOOOO smart and he is SOOOO dumb, ROTFLMAO. [/quote]
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
MinnesotaMom
member
Reged: 01/05/11
Posts: 191
|
|
Fifteen years later and you are still calling him exhole? Sounds clear that Karma is and will continue to play a role. Enjoy....you've earned it.
Oh, and get some help. I can't say how the child is doing with your ex as he isn't posting here, but it's clear the child would do worse with someone as hateful and spiteful as yourself.
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"Twist the words any way you want, she IMPLIED that her ex was living a better life HIMSELF due to the amount, which is bullsh!t. "
That's because even with your math, there is an extra ~$350 a month above the cost of raising the child that is being absorbed into the household, while he contributes $0 financially. Hello, somebody...
Oh well.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
No, because as every MALE is told on here, child support is not based on the actual costs of raisin.g a child, but on a percentage of income.
What I am wondering is, is it her vagina or her breasts that entitle her to special treatment ny the board for HER attitude towards child support?
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
"I would care only to see how the LOSS of income/CS/whatever you want to call it when they've been using it all along to benefit THEM affects their living."
So, if your ex is working, what is THAT money being spent on? And if they are using the child support for themselves, what are they using to feed the kid with?
"Oh Exhole signed his part back in October, as did I. Now we're waiting only on the court system/judge. It has NOTHING to do with either of us. I'm theorizing that his azzhole lawyer finally got tired of dealing with him and told him to sign off on it -- that if we ended up in court HE could be paying ME CS, as DS was going to ask to live with me as CP."
Do you realize was a CVNT you sound like? "Exhole" did what hye was supposed to do. He "azzhole" lawyer did what HE was supposed to do...so why are you RANTING about THEM? They DID WHAT THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO.
"And believe me, I have been EVER so grateful that I have a college education and a good job so I can SUPPORT two households"
You are NOT supporting two households, you are just paying your child support, get over it.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
25% of my salary AFTER taxes goes to Exhole's house. I would CERTAINLY say I am SUPPORTING 2 households, as by YOUR own words and Sherron's figuring, at LEAST $350/month was being absorbed into the household.
IF DS had ANY KIND of savings account, bonds, or money set aside for COLLEGE in any form or fashion by FOTY (EVEN a life insurance policy that could be cashed in) I would SHUT UP in a heartbeat. He has NOTHING from that house. Nada, zip, zilch, zero. I don't know any other way to say it.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
|
|
My kids don't have that either c_jane -- it's not required in any state, I don't believe. Should you stop paying child support, are you planning to do that for your child?
One of my sons went into the Marine Corps. One I had to throw out for stealing from me. Both of them could have expected a free ride at a local community college for two years but they would have had to work full time to support their vehicles and insurance. The oldest one doesn't need it and the younger one has turned out just fine.
By your definition, my kids have **nothing** from my house. Both of them have turned out well **in the long run for my youngest** My child support was used to support the house that they lived in **$1100 per month** pay the utilities that they contributed to, the food they consumed, the gas in their cars, their insurance.....and they're both grateful that they had that as I WORKED full time and contributed to their standard of living.
My ex paid nothing near 25% of his net income. I however, put 100% of my net income into things that included my children and I didn't have spare money to put away for college, life insurance, bonds, or savings accounts for my kids.
If your kid gets a job at 16, are you also going to argue that HIS income should be calculated into your child support?
My kids with **nothing** are doing just fine. I'm sure that your kid will also. Children are **owed** NOTHING by their parents. They are provided with the things they need to live their life. That's called raising a child. Many parents can't afford to pay for college c_jane and rely on scholarships, working, financial aid and loans. If they come from an intact family, have they gotten **NOTHING** from that house?
I'd argue that they have, it's just not tangible.
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"No, because as every MALE is told on here, child support is not based on the actual costs of raisin.g a child, but on a percentage of income.
What I am wondering is, is it her vagina or her breasts that entitle her to special treatment ny the board for HER attitude towards child support?"
And suddenly, it's only about percentage, and what I say must be because of her vagina or breasts, too funny. Do you really want to discuss this gender neutrality you're trying to claim for yourself...
In case ya missed it, I didn't chime in until it this came up
"You really think that amount of money takes care of a teenager? You're very sadly mistaken."
You want to redirect the discussion to "expenses don't matter because it's a percentage", fine by me... but that doesn't change that you were only able to account for about $500 of total expenses. The ncp pays $850, the cp contributes $0 and absorbs $350 into the household budget, but somehow her ex is not better off for it... I hope your math adds up better than that when it comes to your household budget.
Still waiting for a line by line breakdown on how someone spends $1,700 on one teenager.
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"My kids don't have that either c_jane"
You raised twice the kids with less cs, I don't think your and c_jane's situations are comparable.
|
BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3049
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
|
|
I think they are, because my ex said the same things -- that the kids have nothing -- when what they have are morals, values, integrity**late start on that for my youngest** character and the strength to make good choices. My oldest made the choice to defend our country. My youngest, while having some issues well known to some here, has paid his own way, without help from mom since I threw him out. And I did throw him out immediately when I found out he was stealing from me -- to the tune of about $10,000 in jewelry, both mine and heirloom. He has received a grand total of $50 from me in the now two years that he hasn't lived with me.
Did we go on vacations? Sure we did and I felt no guilt at using that money for that, if I had to as I paid out for everything else in the house. Did I hand my kids their CS every month? Oh H*LL no.
Child support is not necessarily money spent DIRECTLY on a child. The indirect expenses -- housing, utilities -- are factored into that. The additional money that is spent on food, gas, insurance -- that counts. Mileage on vehicles and maintenance on the vehicle used to transport said child.
My figure was based on the actual expenses in 1993 that were being paid -- halved. Never went for more. Never GOT ten cents extra. Had to chase my ex for payment every month. He resented EVERY PENNY that he spent to help support his kids while supporting his stripper girlfriend and HER two kids. When I threw my son out, my son never got that money -- so much for obligations and morals.
Both directly and indirectly, I spent about.....$3000 on my kids and myself per month. It's the cost for raising kids that I accepted to give them a solid middle class upbringing. Has my standard of living changed since they don't live with me? Of course it has -- lower utilities, less food cost, no car insurance, no extra cell phones, no school things......my standard of living has increased substantially and I've not had that child support money for just about exactly two years. Neither has my child -- which I'll resent forever.
I don't understand not wanting to help support your child. To me, there's simply no choice about it. Male or female.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
Odd how many questions you have for me, when what you are arguing is that c_jane's child support is in excess of the needs of the child, despite the FACT that you have ABSOLUTELY no idea what she pays in support, LOL.
Yes, I mentioned that the amount didn't support a teenager, based on the average for her claims, which amounted to $555. So I guess we are only $55 away, right? Of course, if you use the asinine figures she wants, that the child only needs $50 worth of clothes a month (jeans are $20 a pair, most back to school only shopping involves several hundred dollars for school clothing alone), that a 15 year old boy doesn't increase the WATER bill is simply ridiculous.
BUT...as EVERY man is told, the ACTUAL COST does not matter. It is a percentage of income. Yet you are STILL defending her claims (which is ESPECIALLY odd, since she has PROVEN to be a liar, and thinks lying to the group and laughing about it is funny...just sayin') that she is supporting ANOTHER household with her child support. Which is patently FALSE.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"Yet you are STILL defending her claims"
Actually, the main point I was making was that I disagree that cs in the amount of $750, $850 a month is "NOT a lot of money" or "a pittance". It's also only the ncp's share... but, whoever truly feels that way is always free to return the cs they've received, doesn't sound like they will miss it. **shrugs**
"which is ESPECIALLY odd, since she has PROVEN to be a liar"
**chucklesnort**
|
finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
|
|
[quote]"Larger house" -- Nope, doesn't fly. EVERY home in this subdivision has 3 bedrooms or more. His house has 3 bedrooms; my house has 3 bedrooms. So there goes the 'bigger house' justification.
And I AM getting rid of it entirely. I'll be sure and let you know how Exhole gets along with OUT my CS. If this paperwork ever gets signed. Been waiting now since I first filed in MAY. [/quote]
**************************************************
Every home in THAT subdivision has 3 homes. Does EVERY house or apartment in your town/area have at least 3 bedrooms AND did you live there before you planned to get married/have kids ?
You've told us that you moved there after your ex had settled there because you wanted to be closer to ds. THAT costs you monthly.....unless your house is actually the cheapest housing option in your whole area.
I'm prepping for my divorce now and trying to figure out my housing options. This will be after both kids turn 18, so CS isn't an issue. Having space for the kids will still be an issue. I will move to a less pricey area. It would be A LOT cheaper for me to find a nice one bedroom apartment or condo than it will cost me to get at least a 2 bedroom house with a backyard for ys's dog. If that house doesn't have a fenced in back yard and I have to pay $5,000 to fence it in, that's MORE money spent because of ys. If it was just me, I would really have wanted a cute little TAB camper that could be towed by any car. Instead, I have a 23 foot travel trailer (at twice the cost of the TAB) and have to have a vehicle with adequate towing power. That means gas guzzler instead of a car that would be more economical. There are MANY extra costs of having kids.
In your case, you also have to add in the legal costs of fighting over your ds.
No one hear has suggested that they think your ex is also contributing $750/month to raising the boy.....or even that your ex hasn't used $200 some months from the CS fund to pay his electric bill. It's your contention that the CS supports their whole family, as if they all live off of ONLY your CS amount, that sounds ridiculous.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
Thank you.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
MinnesotaMom
member
Reged: 01/05/11
Posts: 191
|
|
"If that house doesn't have a fenced in back yard and I have to pay $5,000 to fence it in, that's MORE money spent because of ys. If it was just me, I would really have wanted a cute little TAB camper that could be towed by any car. Instead, I have a 23 foot travel trailer (at twice the cost of the TAB) and have to have a vehicle with adequate towing power. That means gas guzzler instead of a car that would be more economical. There are MANY extra costs of having kids."
That's not about what it costs to raise kids. Those are 100% choices.
Get rid of dog.
Sell the trailer.
Difference choices have different outcomes.
|
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
|
|
Eh, I don't give her a pass. I hate the attitude toward her ex. But I'm not there, I don't know his attitude toward her.
I know that in the 13 years I've been with my husband, BM has been in three relationships (not dissing on the fact she's had three relationships). The first was unemployed until he decided to go to school full time three states away. She funded that, no doubt in part because of her child support, at $15,000 a year. Can a family of four live off/on $15,000 a year? Not in my area without assistance.
The second was unemployed for more than 3/4 the time they were together. No doubt he was able to be her house husband because of the added funds coming from CS, especially since by this time we were doing 50/50 visitation.
The current and future Mrs. BM is also unemployed and hasn't had a job (unless you could gambling) for the duration of their relationship. By now BM is actually making MORE money than my husband and that child support helps to allow her current house husband to be home cooking and cleaning and maintaining her house.
It burns my butt and I know exactly how CJ feels about it. But I don't make a big deal out of it (outside of this forum) because 1) I can't control it 2) it will end eventually and 3) most importantly, the kids do not go without so I know they are well taken care of. And that is what's important.
Who knows how CJ really is outside this forum. I can tell you that the complaining I do here is heard here only. So it's possible it could be the case for her too. Who am I to know for sure?
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
The exact figures on CS: $585/month for roughly 8 years. $735/month for roughly 3 years. $840/month for roughly 4 years. Total of $123K of TAX-FREE money for ONE child.
I try to avoid figuring this because it just irks me. I didn't gripe much for the first 8 years because DS was in daycare for 4 years. (ALthough I DID offer to keep DS during the summer when *I* was off so he didn't have to go to daycare but Exhole VEHEMENTLY turned down THAT idea. God Forbid I get more than my COURT-ORDERED time with DS. Even to save Ex- money!)
And during the summer(EVERY summer), when I have DS every other 2 weeks time -- it DOES NOT, and NEVER HAS, raised my bills enough to take even ONE HALF of the now-$840/month. I would not be able to pay MY bills if it did.
And you can't factor in house costs because we lived in houses BEFORE the divorce. It's not like we moved to BIGGER accomodations IN ORDER TO have extra bedrooms. I moved from a 4BR to a 3; Ex- moved from a FIVE BR to a 3 after we divorced. And HE moved first. That's why we are equitable on housing as I see it.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
"I didn't gripe much for the first 8 years because DS was in daycare for 4 years."
Oh, so you don't mine reimbursing NON biological people for expenses incurred while watching the child...just not your ex?
"And during the summer(EVERY summer), when I have DS every other 2 weeks time -- it DOES NOT, and NEVER HAS, raised my bills enough to take even ONE HALF of the now-$840/month. I would not be able to pay MY bills if it did."
Having someone STAY with you, and having someone LIVE there is two different things.
"And you can't factor in house costs because we lived in houses BEFORE the divorce."
Yep, TWO incomes paying for ONE house. Now you have two incomes paying for TWO houses...see the difference?
"I moved from a 4BR to a 3; Ex- moved from a FIVE BR to a 3 after we divorced. And HE moved first."
Wait, you were living in two different houses BEFORE the divorce?
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
1HappyDad
newbie
Reged: 05/11/09
Posts: 33
|
|
[quote]I am sooo happy I have NEVER paid CS/Alimony, tho ALIMONY is worse than CS but if she takes the kids then she should be the one to fork out the $$ to keep them. [/quote]
So after all the ARGUMENTS back and forth it seems my approach of simply not paying anything IS the way to go. See how simple it really is.
|
1HappyDad
newbie
Reged: 05/11/09
Posts: 33
|
|
[quote]I am sooo happy I have NEVER paid CS/Alimony, tho ALIMONY is worse than CS but if she takes the kids then she should be the one to fork out the $$ to keep them. [/quote]
THIS IS HOW ALIMONY/CS should be paid
[censored] .phpbber .com/phpbb /viewtopic .php?t=352&mforum=emob
Edited by 1HappyDad (02/08/13 03:19 PM)
|
Schwein
recently joined
Reged: 10/29/06
Posts: 2
|
|
[quote][quote]I am sooo happy I have NEVER paid CS/Alimony, tho ALIMONY is worse than CS but if she takes the kids then she should be the one to fork out the $$ to keep them. [/quote]
THIS IS HOW ALIMONY/CS should be paid
[censored]://[censored].phpbber.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=352&mforum=emob [/quote]
That just about sums it up
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2018
|
|
[quote]"Maybe where you live. Where I live, it may cover half the cost of raising a kid. "
$850 may cover half the cost... then spell it out for me... how do you spend $1,700+ a month one one child? [/quote]
Housing (so that we are clear, I am just addressing the cost of raising a child, not child support), utility costs (I am not the one leaving the lights on when leaving), gas for activities/appointments. Food (I figure at least $400 a month for a teen-age boy. My son is 13, so I do have a teen-ager) clothing (some of them sprout up and need new clothes after getting new ones (my sister's youngest son went through 2 wardrobes in less than 2 months. He was also 6"3 by 15). Clothes probably average $75 a month. Extracurricular activities (there is more to raising a kid than food, shelter and clothes), school supplies (this averages $25 a month, but it is going to go up once high school starts), doctor's visits and medicine (I have as of yet to meet a kid who has never been sick), health insurance. And in more expensive areas, that is way more than $850 a month.
And I am not even addressing daycare costs as we are discussing a teen-ager here. But when my kids were younger, that averaged $1,100 to $1,500 a month (the lower end is when both were in school full-time). I still do have some childcare costs, but it is in the summer, so let's add an average of $125-150 a month (this is year round not just summer) for summer care (I am not leaving an 11 and 13 year old home alone for more than 8 hours a day 5 days a week, so summer care is a necessity, the average is for just one kid. Double the average for both).
|
annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1413
Loc: Pacific Northwest
|
|
Wow - I sure wish I could spend $150/m on clothes for my son...
I shop at second hand stores and the senior center for my sons clothes (I get good stuff there all.the.time. because of his growing out of clothing. The stuff at the second hand store here is the same stiff I could get at the store and it is gently used or new and the senior center you get a brown bag bursting for $3.00/bag and they have good stuff too - people take the stuff their children grow out of and some is like new and the latest fashions. I do occasionally have to by new items like socks, underwear, pants (if I cannot find any) and I do buy good shoes for him but nothing near $1800/year - I probably spend $500/year on myself and the same on my child.
You won't leave a 13 year old home with the 11 year old - do they fight a lot - do they not follow rules - are there no chores to do - I only ask because at their ages they should be responsible enough to follow rules, do chores, not fight, etc... I started instilling in my child responsibility at an early age....
|
M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11735
|
|
It does not take that much to raise a child unless you choose to make it that much. JS. My son is almost 16 and I do not spend anywhere near those amounts on food and clothing on him alone. I probably spend around $400-500 a month to feed my entire family of 4.5.
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2018
|
|
You said:
Wow - I sure wish I could spend $150/m on clothes for my son...
My response:
You may want to go back and read my post. I adjusted it down. And as I stated, my sister had to buy 2 new wardrobes in less than 2 months for her youngest due to a major growth spurt on his part. It's not a matter of wanting to spend that much on clothes. It's a matter of there really isn't that much of a choice when clothes don't fit anymore due to a major growth spurt.
You said:
I shop at second hand stores and the senior center for my sons clothes (I get good stuff there all.the.time. because of his growing out of clothing. The stuff at the second hand store here is the same stiff I could get at the store and it is gently used or new and the senior center you get a brown bag bursting for $3.00/bag and they have good stuff too - people take the stuff their children grow out of and some is like new and the latest fashions.
My response:
You are lucky. I attempted to do that. And, well, the clothes were not gently used and there weren't a lot of them where I am.
Youb said:
I do occasionally have to by new items like socks, underwear, pants (if I cannot find any) and I do buy good shoes for him but nothing near $1800/year - I probably spend $500/year on myself and the same on my child.
My response:
I imagine that the clothing costs will go down once the kids stop growing.
You said:
You won't leave a 13 year old home with the 11 year old - do they fight a lot - do they not follow rules - are there no chores to do - I only ask because at their ages they should be responsible enough to follow rules, do chores, not fight, etc... I started instilling in my child responsibility at an early age....
My response:
So have I. Still not a good idea to leave a 13 year old and an 11 year old home alone ALL day by themselves. During the school and for the occasional day off of school, they are fine by themselves until I get home. Otherwise, my childcare costs would be higher.
BTW, it must be nice to have kids that never fight. And who follow rules all of the time (all it takes is one time for serious trouble to happen). I still have as of yet to meet such a perfect teen-ager. Most of them are human and attempting to assert their independence by not listening. Maybe you should write a book?
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2018
|
|
[quote]It does not take that much to raise a child unless you choose to make it that much. JS. My son is almost 16 and I do not spend anywhere near those amounts on food and clothing on him alone. I probably spend around $400-500 a month to feed my entire family of 4.5. [/quote]
It's funny how different each kid is. And how different the cost of living in each state is. Which is why I qualify everything I say with "where I live" and "another state may have a higher or lower cost of living than where you live". For one thing, I am very glad not to live in Hawaii. I have heard that the cost of living is astronomical there.
The cost of raising a child is going to be dependent on where one lives, how much one makes (argue with this all you want, but you can't change the fact that a person making $100K a year is going to spend more on raising a child than someone making minimum wage). You also don't get to discount or deduct the costs of raising a child simply because you would spend less or you don't consider it necessary. You only get to determine what is necessary for your family,
|
annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1413
Loc: Pacific Northwest
|
|
"BTW, it must be nice to have kids that never fight. And who follow rules all of the time (all it takes is one time for serious trouble to happen). I still have as of yet to meet such a perfect teen-ager. Most of them are human and attempting to assert their independence by not listening. Maybe you should write a book?"
Did a nerve get hit??
I have raised two teenagers to adulthood and yep they fought and did not always follow rules but hey there were consequences to the actions and they never made the same mistakes again - they KNEW they needed to be responsible and yep they asserted their independence - they were able to because of the TRUST we put in them and yep had a couple issues.
My 11 year old is much more responsible then many adults I know =)
As far as writing a book - how do you know I haven't....
You may have even purchased one....!!!!
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"Housing (so that we are clear, I am just addressing the cost of raising a child, not child support), utility costs (I am not the one leaving the lights on when leaving), gas for activities/appointments. Food (I figure at least $400 a month for a teen-age boy. My son is 13, so I do have a teen-ager) clothing (some of them sprout up and need new clothes after getting new ones (my sister's youngest son went through 2 wardrobes in less than 2 months. He was also 6"3 by 15). Clothes probably average $75 a month. Extracurricular activities (there is more to raising a kid than food, shelter and clothes), school supplies (this averages $25 a month, but it is going to go up once high school starts), doctor's visits and medicine (I have as of yet to meet a kid who has never been sick), health insurance. And in more expensive areas, that is way more than $850 a month.
And I am not even addressing daycare costs as we are discussing a teen-ager here. But when my kids were younger, that averaged $1,100 to $1,500 a month (the lower end is when both were in school full-time). I still do have some childcare costs, but it is in the summer, so let's add an average of $125-150 a month (this is year round not just summer) for summer care (I am not leaving an 11 and 13 year old home alone for more than 8 hours a day 5 days a week, so summer care is a necessity, the average is for just one kid. Double the average for both). "
So far we have, per month, for a teenager:
housing
utility costs
gas for activities/appointments.
food $400
clothes $75
extracurricular activities
school supplies $25
doctor's visits and medicine
health insurance
childcare/"year round summer care" $150
The numbers you have bring it to $650. Can you fill in the other categories?
|
MinnesotaMom
member
Reged: 01/05/11
Posts: 191
|
|
I for one am not a fan of including housing as factor for child support awards. So many folks share custody (not necessarily 50/50) nowadays that both households have the same housing costs, except only one household is being reimbursed for it. Even if you simply take 2 households with a couple kids with the parents each making $50K, after say $15K in CS, one household has $35K and the other $65K after the CS transfer, and both homes have the same housing costs.
It sucks to shortchange the kids in one household like that.
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
Not-So-Gr8 and Sherron have already SHOWN that in my case FOTY is NOT kicking in ANY money for DS's support. I pay 100% of DS's support PLUS extra when he's @ Exhole's house PLUS I pay 100% of DS's support while he's @ my house.
AND I don't get to claim him on taxes or even for the Child Tax Credit. Luckily I have a well-paying profession that I can afford this without too much struggle.
Like I said, I support 2 households.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"I for one am not a fan of including housing as factor for child support awards."
This list is only supposed to clarify the cost of raising a child, based on goodmom's earlier comment that $850 a month may cover half the cost of raising a kid, or more specifically, a teenager. $1,700 a month, tax-free, seems high to me, so I asked her to back it up with some actual numbers.
If it makes you feel any better, my daughter has aged out of cs, and my son is not being shortchanged in the ncp's household in any way due to cs.
|
Anything4Love
journeyman
Reged: 10/09/11
Posts: 60
Loc: Virginia
|
|
When a custodial parent receives CS I do not understand why they are not required to document where that money goes and prove it is for the children. There is WAY too much abuse in this system and this would be an easy fix for that. It's unconscionable that someone can suffer the indignity of losing custody and then have to watch the person they're giving their hard earned money to spend it on alcohol, their own clothing, etc.
|
javajunkiee
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/01/08
Posts: 3158
Loc: SC
|
|
It's not as easy a fix as you think. In fact it opens up a whole nother can of worms. Who verifies the list of expenses to prove its not made up? How is it determined the specific costs for each kid and who makes those decisions? What if one or the other parent doesn't agree? What are the consequences for violations? How long does it add to court cases when there are violations and how does that get paid for?
Parents are supposed to spend the cs money for the support of the kids, and not on booze, clothes, and spray tans for themselves. Logically - yep thats what SHOULD happen.
Unfortunately there are parents out there who will NEVER agree on anything (c_jane) and there are ones who will take advantage. Adding yet one more layer of legal hoops to an already overworked system isn't going to help it.
Dare I say, the government shouldn't have to sift through this level of minutiae in a cs case. The system isn't broken because it doesn't do that; the PEOPLE who abuse cs in the first place are the problem, and you can't legislate a conscience.
--------------------
Marriage doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
BUT.... if CP's were REQUIRED to submit receipts say 2 or 3 times a year to the NCP -- it MIGHT make them more conciencious of where the $$ goes since they would be more accountable. I am PRETTY sure it would in my case if Exhole had to account for over $10K a year......
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"BUT.... if CP's were REQUIRED to submit receipts say 2 or 3 times a year to the NCP -- it MIGHT make them more conciencious of where the $$ goes since they would be more accountable. I am PRETTY sure it would in my case if Exhole had to account for over $10K a year......"
Not really. Cs is income based, so it's not like you would pay less if he couldn't account for the whole $10k. And how would he prove that ds drank 3/4 of that gallon of milk, and not 1/2? What about activities that don't give receipts? Are you gonna sit down with ds and go through it line by line to make sure that ice cream on the receipt from 6 months ago went to him, and not sm? Who would get to decide what was a "valid expense" and what wasn't, and what would the consequences be?
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
Yes, she would. She OBVIOUSLY is more interested in HATING her ex than loving her child, she shows it more and more every post.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
Actually what hatred I spew on here stays on here. FYI: Exhole just asked me for some driftwood and lava rocks I had in my yard and I let him have them.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
|
|
I used to wonder how BM could account for $15k a year in child support. But the kids don't go without so why bother? They have a nice home to live in, their own bedrooms with nice furniture, they have clothes and shoes, food in the pantry, cell phones and cable TV, school lunches, they do activities on the weekend, they have dinners out during the week, they are well taken care of and while it seems like a lot of money and I hate that it's that much for the schedule we have, it's not forever.
|
Redlegg
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/05/06
Posts: 26787
|
|
I used to wonder how BM could account for $15k a year in child support. But the kids don't go without so why bother?
why bother?
why bother?
That is the only answer that works, you can beat yoruself up, the ex anyone, you want, it isn't fair, it might be fair, who knows, but you might as well embrace the suck, and let it go....
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
LOL. I embrace the 'suck' Red & I don't even get kissed first. BUT... when my son texts me from HS & says he didn't eat lunch because FOTY 'forgot' to put $$ in his lunch account it really chaps my azz.
And I KNOW they are informed of it, as am I, because I get the SAME email they do a day BEFORE the lunch account runs dry.
And to forestall Not-So Gr8 jumping on THAT fact and asking why *I* didn't do it: (1) it was NOT during my days with DS, (2) I *assumed* they'd do it as it's THEIR responsibility as, after all, FOTY fought SO HARD to be CP but OH. I forgot. He didn't want the RESPONSIBILITY -- he just wanted the CASH that came with it.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
Edited by c_jane (02/14/13 11:07 AM)
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
Actually, I am glad you posted this, because with SCHOOL WORK, you expect your ex to pick up the slack that YOU can't handle. And parents, even DIVORCED ones, should back stop each other for the best interest of the child.
But I guess asking you to back stop HIM, like you EXPECT him to back stop YOU, is asking too much.
Another AMAZING thing...your GENIUS level 14/15 year old, who is ACING his ADVANCED classes, apparently ain't got enough common sense to TELL his Dad he needs money for lunch. Why, my regualr old average everyday 14 year old son has the sense to TELL me when he has no lunch money. Of course, there is the possibility that their INTERNET is down, or the PC is not working, or their EMAIL is messed up...NAH, must be that Dad wants to STARVE the child. You should call CPS...if you haven't already.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
|
|
When my kids don't have lunch money because their mom 'forgot' to add it...I just add it. I don't play games and say it's not MY day, so I won't pay. That's the petty nonsense that 'chaps my azz' about you.
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
Like most intellectually above-average kids, DS ofttimes doesn't even pay attention to the more mundane 'common sense' type things. This is actually one ear-mark of intelligence -- lack of (or ignoring) common-sense day-to-day things.
If YOU were more familiar with intellectual ppl perhaps you would know this?? I am totally NOT surprised that DS didn't realize he was on his last day of money unless the cafeteria lady specifically TOLD him.
And since DS is saving up for a speaker system for his Jeep (a goal I applaud him for) he has stopped carrying any money to school so he won't spend it.
And since NEITHER Exhole nor I regularly communicate with each other (which we BOTH like) -- Exhole, who COULD'VE called me and said 'We're a little short right now -- could you put some $$ in DS's lunch account' didn't. He also would have notched up another level for FOTY who can't find $5 OUT OF $840/month to give our son for lunch.
And NOWHERE did I mention that Exhole was STARVING DS. (Although with a BMI of 12 there's not much extra there for him to miss a meal--LOL!! Wish I could say the same <grin>). I merely stated FACTS. You read into it what you wanted to.
Exhole is a piss-poor money manager (which I KNOW from living with him those 4 stressful years) which is gonna bite him in the butt some day.
[quote]Actually, I am glad you posted this, because with SCHOOL WORK, you expect your ex to pick up the slack that YOU can't handle. And parents, even DIVORCED ones, should back stop each other for the best interest of the child.
But I guess asking you to back stop HIM, like you EXPECT him to back stop YOU, is asking too much.
Another AMAZING thing...your GENIUS level 14/15 year old, who is ACING his ADVANCED classes, apparently ain't got enough common sense to TELL his Dad he needs money for lunch. Why, my regualr old average everyday 14 year old son has the sense to TELL me when he has no lunch money. Of course, there is the possibility that their INTERNET is down, or the PC is not working, or their EMAIL is messed up...NAH, must be that Dad wants to STARVE the child. You should call CPS...if you haven't already. [/quote]
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
Edited by c_jane (02/15/13 12:48 PM)
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
"Like most intellectually above-average kids, DS ofttimes doesn't even pay attention to the more mundane 'common sense' type things."
I highly disagree with this, and think if it is indeed the case, that making him learn to pay attention, with things like, "Wow, kiddo, should paid attention to that, bet yer hungry." What do you do when you are at work and do not have money for lunch? Or are you one of those who NEVER forgets anything? Of course, using YOUR definition, that would make you of LOWER intelligence, as you are paying attention to "mundane" things.
But I digress.
"Exhole, who COULD'VE called me and said 'We're a little short right now -- could you put some $$ in DS's lunch account' didn't."
So you KNOW, for a FACT that Dad is AWARE that the account is empty? I mean I KNOW you have stated repeatedly that "exhole" doesn't pay attention to mundane things...HEY! Wait a minute, doesn't that mean that your "exhole" is of above...nevermind. How do you KNOW he knows the account is empty? Maybe he doesn't check his email.
"I am totally NOT surprised that DS didn't realize he was on his last day of money unless the cafeteria lady specifically TOLD him."
So Dad would not be aware of the empty account unless the EMAIL told him, right? I mean maybe your "exhole" is just one of those highly intelligent people who doesn't pay attention to "mundane" things. Isn't that a GOOD trait? I mean you appear to REVEL in that trait in your child. You use it as a secondary indictor of intelligence. Yet you then use it as a sign of LOW intelligence in your ex. So which is it?
"And NOWHERE did I mention that Exhole was STARVING DS. I merely stated FACTS. You read into it what you wanted to."
No, you stated that you KNOW ex is aware of the FACT that the account is empty. If he KNOWS the child has no lunch money, and INTENTIONALLY does not do something to rectify it, he is INTENTIONALLY denying the child food, and thus STARVING the child. Now, if he just doesn't KNOW the account is empty, then it is an accident, and should be moved on from. You cannot be angry about an accident, especially when it is most like from him not paying attention to "mundane" things, a trait which you use to EXCUSE your son's faults.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
MinnesotaMom
member
Reged: 01/05/11
Posts: 191
|
|
The only one we know for sure "starved" the child is CJane, who refused to pony up lunch money and the child didn't get to eat. We don't know if dad ever got the email.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
No, I think by the time she was notified, it was too late to do anything. I think it was an accident, it happens. Funny thing is many many people eat far less than what this child ate that day, yet she is calling this poor parenting.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"The only one we know for sure "starved" the child is CJane, who refused to pony up lunch money and the child didn't get to eat. We don't know if dad ever got the email."
Unless she did pony up, or is that no longer what cs is for, to provide for the child's needs, especially needs that occur during the cp's time? Sure, c_jane could have added money to the lunch account, but who has the primary responsibility to do so, the cp or the ncp? Are ncp's just supposed to assume that the cp will fail to meet their responsibilities and mitigate by paying above and beyond their legal responsibility, even before the failure occurs? Why are you so quick to dismiss the cp's responsibility and instead jump on the ncp who is already paying a good amount of cs? We don't know if dad got the email, I'm gonna say if that is the means of communicating the balance of the lunch account and the cp has chosen that school lunch is what the kid will depend on for his noon meal, it is the cp's responsibility to check it, and either add money to it, or provide an alternative.
What else do you expect the ncp to pony up for when the cp fails to provide?
|
MinnesotaMom
member
Reged: 01/05/11
Posts: 191
|
|
As long as one is not being taken advantage of, whatever the child needs. It they are unable, then so be it. Both parents are morally obligated to take care of the children. I do understand that from a financial standpoint, only the NCP is legally obligated to provide.
I'm just not a fan of the NCP in this thread...I cringe at the word exhole. I can't speak for her ex, but her posts scream at being incapable, by choice, of co-parenting. I can understand being angry for a certain period of time during and after divorce, but it's been 15 years.
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"I'm just not a fan of the NCP in this thread...I cringe at the word exhole. I can't speak for her ex, but her posts scream at being incapable, by choice, of co-parenting. I can understand being angry for a certain period of time during and after divorce, but it's been 15 years. "
Neither am I and I can understand your dislike of her co-parenting skills, but that doesn't make her wrong by default. She is providing and meets her legal financial obligation every month and then some. To lay all the blame on her and excuse the cp for the lunch account is wrong.
|
MinnesotaMom
member
Reged: 01/05/11
Posts: 191
|
|
Actually I thought my post said the CP's position is unknown. It did sound to me like the NCP would deny the lunch money to make the CP look bad. She's not wrong be default, but I guess her hatred clouds alot of her posts when I read them.
|
Sherron
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/25/06
Posts: 20167
|
|
"Actually I thought my post said the CP's position is unknown."
I'm talking about this one:
"The only one we know for sure "starved" the child is CJane, who refused to pony up lunch money and the child didn't get to eat. We don't know if dad ever got the email."
We do know she pays cs, no?
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
I know there are some NCPs who will REFUSE to pay for ANYTHING for the child(Ren) beyond the CS. It's been SHOWN that I provide 100% of DS's costs while at FOTY's house (I'll go with Father Of The Year for now). I also give DS an allowance every week, pay for his cell phone & usage, pay for whatever he asks for school wise, bought him a used Jeep, buy him clothes/underwear for my house, etc.
The lunch thing was just to point out that FOTY, even WITH my 100% support of DS @ BOTH houses, can still forget/not be responsible enough/not have $$ enough/whatever to put 5 friggin' dollars in DSs lunch account so he can eat lunch.
And anyone like FOTY who takes 5 YEARS to get thru HS is no genius.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
MinnesotaMom
member
Reged: 01/05/11
Posts: 191
|
|
"And anyone like FOTY who takes 5 YEARS to get thru HS is no genius."
Well.....you married him. I'm not sure where that puts you.
|
finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
|
|
[quote]"If that house doesn't have a fenced in back yard and I have to pay $5,000 to fence it in, that's MORE money spent because of ys. If it was just me, I would really have wanted a cute little TAB camper that could be towed by any car. Instead, I have a 23 foot travel trailer (at twice the cost of the TAB) and have to have a vehicle with adequate towing power. That means gas guzzler instead of a car that would be more economical. There are MANY extra costs of having kids."
That's not about what it costs to raise kids. Those are 100% choices.
Get rid of dog.
Sell the trailer.
Difference choices have different outcomes. [/quote]
*************************************
Why should I get rid of the dog and sell the trailer ? They are paid for and we rather like them.
Of course those decisions were choices. Having kids is also a choice. There are costs that we incur because we decided to raise them. Some choices have costs. Choosing to have kids is going to cost someone some money. They are expensive.
There are many extra costs that we incur because we have chosen to have kids. Those costs that we would not have had if we had not chosen to have kids. I grew up having cats for pets. I enjoyed that. I liked dogs, but figured they require a lot more care/committment than I was willing to give so never felt the need to have one. When ys begged for a dog for years, my husband decided to buy him one. Now I love her. Why would we get rid of her ? I'm not complaining about her in ANY way. I'm just stating a fact......I wouldn't have her if I hadn't had a kid who wanted one. Therefore, I wouldn't have all the costs associated with her.
Are you under the mistaken assumption that I think pets or RV's are necessary costs of having a child ? I don't. I'm just saying they cost money. We wanted to provide the enjoyment of a dog and a trailer FOR our kids. If there were no kids, there would be no dog and trailer. These are some of the costs we chose to incur for out kids. Our costs for having our kids. You'll have different costs for haing your kids. They are still costs.
Are you under a mistake assumption that I think a CP should be able to demand that a CS paying NCP pay a "share" of the $5,000 fence fund ? If so, please understand that I think that would be ridiculous. THAT parent should get rid of THEIR dog. That wasn't what was being discussed at all.
CJ insists she spends next to nothing on/because of her son (aside from the CS she pays to her ex). $50 for jeans was about it, so she thinks it's ridiculous that her ex gets $750 a month. Wouldn't you suspect that CJ occassionally FEEDS her kid when he's at her house ? I would. It sounds odd that she wouldn't have CHOSEN to indulge in a vacation or two with him over the years. I find it hard to believe that there are NO cheaper housing choices anywhere within commuting disrance to her job that she would have considered/chosen if she never had kids. If there are ANY, that means the cost difference between the cost of, say, the one bedroom apartment she might have chosen as a single childless woman and this specific 3bed/2bath house in this specific neighborhood is a cost that she has because of her decision to have this kid
.
|
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7806
|
|
I hardly think the child starved missing a day of lunch. Lord knows my kids will run out of money and not know it until they are told by the lunch lady. It's not a priority to them. Now, who sat with who last week at table number two, that my kids will remember.
I do believe if the CP doesn't do as required that the NCP should (if they 'can' and within reason....you the collective can define what is within reason). IMO a few bucks for lunch money is within reason for my personal situation. I think when the NCP doesn't do as required that it falls on the CP. SO why not vice versa?
Lunch money is just one of many issues that CJ complains her ex doesn't manage after fighting tooth and nail to be the CP. Personally CP/NCP in our situation are titles we don't even care about. But not everyone is in that situation. I hope that CJ could see past her hatred for her ex and help out when needed for her son.
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
[quote]"And anyone like FOTY who takes 5 YEARS to get thru HS is no genius."
Well.....you married him. I'm not sure where that puts you. [/quote]
Stupid. Absolutely the stupidest, most regretable thing I have ever done.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30354
|
|
"And anyone like FOTY who takes 5 YEARS to get thru HS is no genius."
As the parent of a child who was held back, due to the divorce and subsequent emotional abuse inflicted by her MOTHER, I take GREAT offense at this statement. Sometimes outside influences affect a child's ability to perform, sometimes biological changes keep a child from advancing at the "normal" rate for a short period of time, and sometimes a child just takes a little longer learning certain new concepts. To associate an extra year of learning as an indicator of lower intelligence shows me that you are by NO means of higher intelligence, at least not on any scale I am interested in being measured by. You are ignorant and cruel, and it becomes clearer still why the judge gave the parenting responsibility to Dad in your case.
"Stupid. Absolutely the stupidest, most regretable thing I have ever done."
I NEVER regret my ex wife, as she gave me my three beautiful children. I do not like how it turned out, but I NEVER regret it. It was not a mistake, my children are proof of that.
--------------------
Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
I am a pragmatist. IF I had not married FOTY, I would not know what I had missed. I would not take one million dollars for DS right now, but I would not take one million dollars to repeat my mistake either (if I had the choice).
See, you don't KNOW what children you missed by not marrying your first love, the girl you met at work, a neighborhood girl, etc. You might have missed the best, most intelligent, prettiest, most successful child you could ever want. OR you might have missed the drug addict, the child that would grow up to be a serial killer or bank robber. We never imagine the WORST case -- only the best cases.
I could not miss a child I never had. Neither can you.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
|
|
[quote]"And anyone like FOTY who takes 5 YEARS to get thru HS is no genius."
As the parent of a child who was held back, due to the divorce and subsequent emotional abuse inflicted by her MOTHER, I take GREAT offense at this statement. Sometimes outside influences affect a child's ability to perform, sometimes biological changes keep a child from advancing at the "normal" rate for a short period of time, and sometimes a child just takes a little longer learning certain new concepts. To associate an extra year of learning as an indicator of lower intelligence shows me that you are by NO means of higher intelligence, at least not on any scale I am interested in being measured by. You are ignorant and cruel, and it becomes clearer still why the judge gave the parenting responsibility to Dad in your case.
"Stupid. Absolutely the stupidest, most regretable thing I have ever done."
I NEVER regret my ex wife, as she gave me my three beautiful children. I do not like how it turned out, but I NEVER regret it. It was not a mistake, my children are proof of that. [/quote]
******************************************
Very well said on all points, gr8dad !
|
finz
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/17/08
Posts: 6481
|
|
[quote]I am a pragmatist. IF I had not married FOTY, I would not know what I had missed. I would not take one million dollars for DS right now, but I would not take one million dollars to repeat my mistake either (if I had the choice).
See, you don't KNOW what children you missed by not marrying your first love, the girl you met at work, a neighborhood girl, etc. You might have missed the best, most intelligent, prettiest, most successful child you could ever want. OR you might have missed the drug addict, the child that would grow up to be a serial killer or bank robber. We never imagine the WORST case -- only the best cases.
I could not miss a child I never had. Neither can you. [/quote]
**********************************************
Gr8dad didn't say anything about the kids he COULD have had. He is talking about the kids he HAS.....and that erasing his marriage to his ex might sound good, but that he would never wish for that as that would mean he wouldn't have the children he has. He loves them. They are why he CAN'T regret that marriage.
His reasoning makes sense to me. I've had the same thougts myself.
|
steppinx2
recently joined
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 17
|
|
[quote]I know there are some NCPs who will REFUSE to pay for ANYTHING for the child(Ren) beyond the CS. It's been SHOWN that I provide 100% of DS's costs while at FOTY's house (I'll go with Father Of The Year for now). I also give DS an allowance every week, pay for his cell phone & usage, pay for whatever he asks for school wise, bought him a used Jeep, buy him clothes/underwear for my house, etc.
The lunch thing was just to point out that FOTY, even WITH my 100% support of DS @ BOTH houses, can still forget/not be responsible enough/not have $$ enough/whatever to put 5 friggin' dollars in DSs lunch account so he can eat lunch.
And anyone like FOTY who takes 5 YEARS to get thru HS is no genius. [/quote]
So the fvck what!
Join the club, and quit your bitching.
I am so sick of hearing you whine incessantly about paying child support I could scream. My husband paid child support for his children for 15 years; he paid 3x what was required by law (28% of net for two in IL) and on his decree. Wanna know why?
Because his ex-wife was horrible with money (we agreed to pay her mortgage directly BTW), and he didn't want his kids to have to leave their childhood home after they split.
In addition we paid for all their school clothes as well as a wardrobe at our home, cell phones, 100% of medical and insurance as well as half of all extra curriculars. Meanwhile, his ex-wife was eligible for free health care thru the state, child tax credits and earned income credits. I could go on and on, but you get the drift right sweetie? If you're doing the math, yes that meant I financially contributed a significant amount (boatloads at times) to make this possible. Lucky for them right?
Fvckin A right!
The stepchildren are now beyond 18, our child support obligation is complete, and we all enjoy a very close relationship, heck the kids even call my husband now just to say hello. We have NEVER discussed how much we paid to their mother (we believe it's none of their business), my guess is they now have an inkling since her standard of living has since plummeted. It's too bad she didn't use that time to improve her situation. Fortunately not my problem now.
What you're required to pay is what you OWE, and quite frankly, it's not that much. Stop obsessing about your ex-husband and go find a lover; I have a feeling your outlook will improve.
Otherwise sack up and get over it or call your congressman.
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1759
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
Bwahahahahaha!! Just ---- Bwahahahahahaha!!
Oh,and BTW, HONEY -- no one's holding a gun to your head and FORCING you to read my posts! So why don't YOU fvcking put me on 'ignore' -- it'll probably improve YOUR life.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
Edited by c_jane (02/22/13 10:53 PM)
|
spinnerdegrassi
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 08/20/06
Posts: 7998
|
|
Lol..this kid better hope he discover's he's gay, because no girl is going to want to listen to this sh!t from a future Mother in Law.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
