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Sherron
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Reged: 11/25/06
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761664 - 09/07/11 10:00 AM

"First, I didn't even THINK about it. REALLY. It never crossed my mind. What would Dad care? -- he was @ work."

Lesson learned... now you know dad does care, make a call the next time, not necessarily to ask for "permission", but to let dad know, hey, ds is sleeping in, call him when you want him home, otherwise he'll be over whenever he gets up.


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LexieBelle
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: Sherron]
      #761665 - 09/07/11 10:02 AM

Because it's not DAD'S responsibility to transfer custody! And he shouldn't be handling issues of custody/visitation with the CHILD. So he addresses them with MOM. As he SHOULD.

And, in reality? Okay, so he waited.. how many times have women told other WOMEN here "let him dig his own grave"? Too many to count? Well, these two like court and guess what? Mommy is digging HER own grave and dad is letting her do it. And her response is a bytchy "see you at the next court date [censored]". Yup, he's a VERY smart man and it's easy to see HOW he won custody to begin with. This is NOT how you play the game IF you want to win. CJane is too busy being bytchy to realize SHE is why she's LOSING the game.


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LexieBelle
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761668 - 09/07/11 10:06 AM

You just do NOT get it do you? DAD is the custodial parent. YOU have a SCHEDULE TO FOLLOW!!!! Of course SHERRON agrees with you b/c she's got similar "I'm doing it MY way, eff you!" attitude! (see historical threads on her daughter and psychiatric treatment, she was on here bellyaching about how to get AROUND what the therapist would direct).

YOU have a schedule to follow, it's not up to YOU to decide arbitrarily what you "think" dad will or will not care about. And you will lose in court... again.. because you just.don't.get.it!


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ssmom79
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: Sherron]
      #761672 - 09/07/11 10:12 AM

Yea, I think it's a real gray area when you have days off for things like that. Like she mentioned it's something to bring up if he has a real issue with it at the next mod hearing. Based on the animosity between the two parents, I think I'd approach the gray areas rather than leave them open to fight later. It probably does not matter in the end who's empty house the kid is at during the day. Sounds like the kid had a nice day off even though his parents are not happy with how the day played out.

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Sherron
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: ssmom79]
      #761673 - 09/07/11 10:14 AM

"Because it's not DAD'S responsibility to transfer custody! And he shouldn't be handling issues of custody/visitation with the CHILD. So he addresses them with MOM. As he SHOULD.

And, in reality? Okay, so he waited.. how many times have women told other WOMEN here "let him dig his own grave"? Too many to count? Well, these two like court and guess what? Mommy is digging HER own grave and dad is letting her do it. And her response is a bytchy "see you at the next court date [censored]". Yup, he's a VERY smart man and it's easy to see HOW he won custody to begin with. This is NOT how you play the game IF you want to win. CJane is too busy being bytchy to realize SHE is why she's LOSING the game."

That makes no sense, what does he have to gain... he already has custody, do you believe she will lose any parenting time over this?

If people prefer being reactive and whining and playing the victim like they are solely at the mercy of the other parent, well, if it works for them... it must on some level or they wouldn't do it. Being proactive makes more sense to me, one phone call could have easily fixed this, and if mom had told him to eff off and die, ds was coming over when he's good and ready, well, he'd actually have something. If for some strange reason dad does take this to court expecting repercussions for mom over this... how will he answer the judge when he's asked what mom's response was when he called her after noticing ds wasn't over when he should have been. I wouldn't be surprised if his lack of asserting his time at the start of his time would be considered consent.


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ssmom79
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: c_jane]
      #761674 - 09/07/11 10:16 AM

I understand your thoughts CJ. I would probably have felt the same way. And maybe he was looking to cause an issue. Which is why I think it's really important to be, like Sherron mentioned, proactive about these things. And if he's not going to do it, then I think you should do it. But I understand why you feel put out by his antics. I think your best bet would be to play the calm card and tell him, hey next time I'll drop him by the house, smile and wave.

I often find you could guess all day what a person is thinking or what were they thinking and still have it wrong. So I try not to play into those games either.


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Sherron
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: ssmom79]
      #761675 - 09/07/11 10:31 AM

"Of course SHERRON agrees with you b/c she's got similar "I'm doing it MY way, eff you!" attitude! (see historical threads on her daughter and psychiatric treatment, she was on here bellyaching about how to get AROUND what the therapist would direct). "

Not sure what my dd has to do with this thread, other than your usual pattern, you enjoy trying to use my child to attack or discredit me as a person when you're at a loss as to how to debate my words. I would think you understand that sometimes even professionals are not 100% on track in understanding a situation, since you had to teach some of them about the whole active alert thing, or cyclical vomiting. Which means your issue is not disagreeing with a suggested course of treatment, since you have done the same, but your issue is me.

Considering the path my dd is on now and the positive changes she has made in her life... it's worked out in the end, and I am fine with the role I've had in all this, even if you aren't. Considering how off you have been, regarding my dd and in general, your opinion does not carry any weight.


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LexieBelle
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: ssmom79]
      #761680 - 09/07/11 11:30 AM

The thing is, it isn't like their situation is new. And it's not like she isn't WELL aware of what her ex does/doesn't expect. I don't think there's a lot of "gray". They have an order, there have been previous issues about whose time is "school time", yadda yadda. This isn't new. So why intentionally poke the tiger? And she seems to ENJOY poking the tiger. This is what infuriates Gr8 so much about her I'm sure.. it's like this gloating/gleeful "ahHA! I got him to come unglued again!" type attitude that's really kinda disturbing. And? A side effect? Is they have a kid in the middle. Now, I'm also going to bet? The KID knew dad would have expected him home and NOT still be at mom's. But he knows he can piss off dad through mom and watch them have at each other. Totally unhealthy.

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c_jane
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: LexieBelle]
      #761684 - 09/07/11 11:52 AM

Let me just add: DAD is digging his own grave. As all my friends/family have told me for years "just wait. B. is smart. He'll see his Dad eventually for what he really is."

DS has about zero respect for his Dad. DS has a GF -- who does he call up first? Me. Problems in school, sign for going on a field trip, what courses to take, girl problems -- me. Whatever Dad knows about DS's life is from SM who reads his FB entries.

DS and C. (SM's OWN GRANDSON) want to both come live with me after HS. Actually C's parents have said they're kicking him out @ 16 (2 years) and he wants to come live w/me then. DS & C. BOTH complain and gripe about Exhole -- his rules, his threats, his overbearing attitude. DS rides his bike over to visit me nearly every day now -- not telling Exhole he's coming over obviously 'just riding his bike around'. We discuss school, GF's, ROTC, everything. DS pretty much doesn't even talk to his Dad about 'important stuff'.

And yeah, my comment to Exhole about bringing it up in the next court appearance? First off, it was on the phone. No proof. "Your Honor, when he called me I was VERY apologetic and agreed to send DS over immediately if it ever occurred again." Lie my AZZ off, just like Ex- and his lawyer do.

Second, as Sherron said, let him bring it up in court and look like a petty control freak. "But Your Honor, LEGALLY I have control of him if he's not at school. Yes she should have woken him up @ 6:30 so he could have spent the day with his SM whom he can't stand anyway. But he is LEGALLY required to be AT MY HOUSE, not hers." Um, yeah. That sounds really nice.

--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.


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Sherron
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Re: Amazing. Just -- amazing! [Re: LexieBelle]
      #761685 - 09/07/11 11:57 AM

"The thing is, it isn't like their situation is new. And it's not like she isn't WELL aware of what her ex does/doesn't expect. I don't think there's a lot of "gray". They have an order, there have been previous issues about whose time is "school time", yadda yadda. This isn't new. "

Then where is dad's responsibility to check on his ds during his time? He knew ds wasn't at his house at 6:30, ds didn't get up until 1:30 to head over to dad's, so there are at least 7 hours where dad failed to be a responsible parent to his son by checking on him to make sure he's okay. I know that the odds are minimal that ds was in an unsafe situation, but accidents happen and teens will be teens; dad had a responsibility to act like a parent and check on his child, during his time. And if it was truly a matter of allowing mom to dig her own grave, what kind of parent does so at the expense of the child's safety, what kind of parent plays games when it pertains to a child's health or safety.

"Now, I'm also going to bet? The KID knew dad would have expected him home and NOT still be at mom's. But he knows he can piss off dad through mom and watch them have at each other. Totally unhealthy. "

Are custody/visitation issues the child's responsibility or are they to be handled between the parents?


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