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youngatheart
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Reged: 09/03/05
Posts: 9476
Re: Birthday Party drama [Re: garnet]
      #766673 - 11/03/11 02:50 PM

I hate separate parties. Hate them, hate them HATE them. But, if your ex is going to be an ass, there's not a lot you can do. You could force the issue, but as shown by some poster's responses here, he could then make the party uncomfortable for everyone.

I really wish some "parents" could just grow the hell up.


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c_jane
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Reged: 04/06/07
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Loc: In the Great State of Texas
Re: Birthday Party drama [Re: youngatheart]
      #766739 - 11/04/11 07:55 AM

[quote]I hate separate parties. Hate them, hate them HATE them. [/quote]

I am just curious YAH. Why?

--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.


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garnet
journeyman


Reged: 01/02/08
Posts: 51
Re: Birthday Party drama [Re: elliesmom]
      #766742 - 11/04/11 08:20 AM

All - thanks for the feedback. To clarify: I am not talking about one big family party. The party is simply dd's celebration with her friends, and I am not in favor of multiple parties with her friends. I find it to be excessive, and that it only highlights for dd - and the rest of the world - that ex and I can't get along. Of course, we will celebrate with my family during my parenting time, and I would never ask or expect to be invited any celebration solely with ex's family.

It was never my intention to force my way into ex's home, but simply posing the question of whether I should even push the issue. In light of the strong response here, I will probably let it go.

I'm not sure why it is so objectionable that this point is included in the CO - clearly the judge didn't find it objectionable and in light of the circumstances felt it was important enough to include. I know that several others on this board have been the target of alienation. In the past (and probably still now), ex was actively trying to exclude me from a milestone in dd's life. The birthday may be one small example of this, but it is a fairly significant example. If you've been there and know how that feels, try to understand where I'm coming from rather than just labeling me as petty. It was a long, emotional, uphill battle for me to go back to court over custody and fight for both dd and myself. That makes it hard to give up anything that the judge saw fit to grant in her order. I understand that practicality needs to win out over strict legality, and I appreciate the feedback on that point. But please at least try to understand my perspective.


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ssmom79
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Re: Birthday Party drama [Re: garnet]
      #766744 - 11/04/11 08:31 AM

Hi garnet, I've been there...right where you are.

How about alternating each year the 'friend' party is held? That's something we've done in the past.

It's objectionable to be in the CO simply because it's not practical or in the best interests of the children to force parents to share a birthday celebration together if there is enough animosity between the parents that it would make the event uncomfortable or awkward for the children or even the parents.

I guess it's because I've been through so many milestones that I just don't consider a birthday party a milestone in a child's life. They will have many birthday parties.

You say your intent was not to force yourself into your ex's home, but that's what you did when you included it in the CO.


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DedicatedDad
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Re: Birthday Party drama [Re: ssmom79]
      #766750 - 11/04/11 08:53 AM

I had separate parties for years. I had most of them at a local Motel with a pool, so the kids could swim, and always chose a weekday so it was slow and we pretty much had the place to ourselves.

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garnet
journeyman


Reged: 01/02/08
Posts: 51
Re: Birthday Party drama [Re: ssmom79]
      #766753 - 11/04/11 09:03 AM

Thanks, ssmom.

This is the first year that we are talking about a friend party at home. In the past, ex made big bashes to which not only were all of dd's friends invited, but all of their parents, too. Therefore my exclusion was glaring and particularly hurtful.

The CO does provide that we alternate responsibility for the "friend" party each year. Next year will be my turn.

I guess dd's birthday still seems a milestone for two reasons: first, it's a big deal to her. She's been talking for two months already about her birthday, and now that it's just a few weeks away, her excitement has stepped up a notch. Second, she is my only child and her birthday is a huge milestone in my life. I realize that the second reason is more about me than dd, but I can't discount it as part of my thinking. I hope I can get to the place where you are and not think of it so much that way.

The CO has only been in place a few months, so this is our first year dealing with dd's birthday in that context. I won't push the issue with ex. I will just wait and see what - if anything - he says to me about it.

Thanks again for the input and advice.


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ssmom79
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Re: Birthday Party drama [Re: garnet]
      #766758 - 11/04/11 09:53 AM

Garnet I tell ya, I got one turning 15 and one turning 18 and after 22 birthday parties I get whipped trying to setup and take down events...I truly LOVE the years BM is in charge of the friend party.

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youngatheart
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Re: Birthday Party drama [Re: ssmom79]
      #766766 - 11/04/11 10:34 AM

I dunno...I've done 27 for my kids...and quite a few for other kids, and I very much look forward to them. It's kinda my thing. I enjoy planning the perfect event for them, and seeing their reactions, and watching them enjoy the event...super special to me.

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youngatheart
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Re: Birthday Party drama [Re: c_jane]
      #766767 - 11/04/11 10:35 AM

Not ignoring you...will respond tonight when I'm not on my phone.

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ssmom79
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Re: Birthday Party drama [Re: youngatheart]
      #766793 - 11/04/11 12:43 PM

Sounds like BM. She's loves planning and having parties of all kinds. Two years ago we had a surprise party for SD and she planned everything. She did such a fabulous job. I'm kind of an introvert and BM is outgoing, so I let her have the show and we split the costs and thank her later.

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