Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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I have taken advice and basically cut off communication with BM with myself. I did txt her to wish her a happy's mother's day but other than than she was continuing to txt me regarding stuff up until 3 weeks ago but once I stopped responding she stopped txting me. She now only txts DH which is really nice for me and since we moved us talking was becoming more hostile.
A month ago DH emailed (with tracking service) BM about switching this past weekend since SS12 had a baseball game friday night (late) and it was Mother's Day weekend and he had to have the boys back to her by 9am on Sunday. This week was also DD11 bday so he asked to switch it to this coming weekend so that 1)SS12 could attend his game and us not have to drive till 3am in the morning to get back home 2) she could have the whole weekend for mother's day 3) DH could have a whole weekend to spend time with kids and celebrate SS11 bday. It took her 2 weeks to respond but she said no she would not switch. DH didn't pursue it any further until a week before this past weekend she started texting him everyday if we were going to allow SS12 to still play his game that friday. She also added that SS11 is now playing baseball full time. (BM and I had talked prior to ball season about how SS11 did not want to play baseball but he wanted to play soccer. So he is also playing soccer right now) He simply responded no, it was never my intention to cause him to miss but it would be easier if we switched. BM still said no and added that DH was court ordered to have SS12 at his game per divorce decree. She txt him again before he could respond and said "why don't you just give up your weekend and show skids that you support them" When DH txt her back word from word from the decree where it never says he is required to have SS there and that it does say the parent with the less time will be considered more "import" than any previous scheduled activities to maintain relationship (not exact wording but along those lines) and told her that how dare she just ask him to give up his parenting time, she txt him back "lol, fine for the sake of our children i will switch weekends"
So wednesday night at about 9:30pm she txt DH and said "due to recent events I will no longer be able to switch weekends. Just so we are clear this weekend (the 11th) will be your weekend and the weekend of the 18th will be my weekend" DH was obviously flustered and talked to his attorney on Thursday. His attorney was livid that she did that and tried to contact her attorney but he never responded to him.
So, DH and i traveled down to my parents late thursday night since there was no way we could travel back and forth to our home and BM's over the short weekend, we decided to just take them to my parent's for the weekend which isn't as far. She was txting him on our way Thursday asking if he was still picking them up. He said that yes they would be picked up at school on Friday (just like every weekend I have drove down to get them) She txt him back that she wanted them to ride the bus home so she could tell them bye. FYI: she sees them in the morning before they get on the bus, and the time difference between when we could get them from school and when they get off the bus is 40 mins, she she expected him to wait 40 mins so that she could say bye.
He txt her back that she should just say bye in the morning. She txt back "Are you seriously denying me to say bye to my children?" He said no, say bye to them in the morning.
We pick up skids and take them to his dads to wait before the game. We learned while there that SS12 was told he wouldnt be playing and we informed him that no we were staying and he was playing. SS11 instantly shut down and stopped talking. We started to drive to go eat before the game and BM called to talk to skids about where all their baseball stuff was. (Confusing that she was gathering up their baseball stuff for the game but had told them they weren't playing, DH and I still can't quite figure that out) She talked to SS11 and he kept saying "i don't know mom, I don't know where it is" As soon as he hung up his face got red and he said he felt sick to him stomach like he was going to puke. DH pulled into the resteraunt and told me to walk in with SS12 and he talked to SS11. DH said all he did was ask him what was wrong and SS11 started bawling saying he didn't want to play baseball but he was afraid to tel him mom because he didn't want her mad or hurt her feelings.
After DH was done talking to him he called his lawyer to ask what to do. Lawyer told him he couldn't not make him play that night becuz BM could twist it to look bad on DH. But that SS11 would have to be the one to tell BM he didn't want to play.
We get to the game and the whole time the team is warming up SS11 only wants to throw the ball with DH. As soon as they call ready for the game he came up to us and said he still felt sick (which we both knew he wasn't really he just didn't want to play). DH told him he had to tell BM himself so SS11 had DH go with him when he told him mom. As soon as he got done talking to her she walked away and he busted in tears again. I noticed and jumped right up to him because he is not normally a kid who cries. (SS12 is but not this one) It literally broke my heart. BM i guess did not realize he was crying because she just sat on the bleachers telling the parents that SS11 said he must have ate to much ice cream at school that day and his stomach bothered him.
The weekend was really good, skids had an amazing time at my parents and my mom quickly threw together a little birthday party for SS11 and he ended up with like $90 between my relatives so his smile when he counted his money was totally priceless! :)
BM is now saying that both skids want to play a second season of baseball this summer. There are no dates set for season and DH told her he didn't care but that she needed to know that they might miss during his weeks. (just depends on how much we can transport them back and forth) Last year they kept saying there was going to be a second season but it never ended up happening. We also learned this weekend that the prior weekend while skids were at BM's they had another baseball tourney that she never told DH anything about and it wasn't on their schedule.
We have received BM's response to DH's modification. It was pretty much what we expected. Other than that we are just trying to continue with life down here. DH's new lot is doing good and i started babysitting a really sweet little boy who DD5 and him have totally hit it off and call each other brother and sister.
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ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
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I hate to hear the kids are being played in that way. I know the intent behind requesting the switch was good, but after this fiasco, I hope you guys plan to stick as close to the schedule as possible. The effort it takes to manage that and the stress she adds to the kids is just not worth it. Good news is after all that the kids still had a great weekend.
I hope you find when summer comes that it's a good time for everyone.
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Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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I know. It sucks that is why DH dropped the subject until BM started hounding him about the weekend and the game. He asked, she said no, it was done in his eyes and we were making plans according to that. I don't think we every fully believe the switch would actually happen but as the days went by and nothing was said we were like "cool, we will get the weekend"
DH submitted his weeks he wants for summer, she told her lawyer she was fine with them as long as he brought them to all activities. DH told his lawyer she can't stipulate like that because who is to say that she just won't sign them up for random things to fill their summer. Skids have already told us that they want to play golf down here this summer with DH and SS12 wants to do some fishing tourneys that are held on a lake close to us.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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It sounds like the sks know what to say and do to both parents to get their way - and to make whatever parent they are with happy. Poor guys.
I don't think I'd do any reschedules or anything. Go by the CO until you finish the LD parenting plan.
BTW - why isn't that done yet? WOuldn't that be cheaper than running everything past the lawyer everytime?
Good job on not texting with BM. Let your DH handle this stuff. DOn't even send things like Happy Mother's Day. Good intentions or not, it won't be taken that way.
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Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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I totally agree about skids. They know what to say but I can always tell when they are lying to me because SS11 will put his head down and look at his brother and SS12 will answer his question for him. SS11 doesn't want to lie to us you can tell or spew anything BM has said about us. We are hoping that by SS11 opening up and telling us how he really feels about baseball that he is learning he can trust us with his true feelings.
We are going by the CO for the remainder. The bad part is regarding summer visitation it doesn't state the DH picks what weeks he gets just that he gets 3 2-week periods. So they have to agree to the weeks. Her lawyer said she did but I just feel like something is going to change that.
I don't know why the LD parenting plan "temporary" plan isn't at least started. When we talked to DH lawyer he said that the temporary would be done first and would only take a couple of months but its been two months now and all I see is that they have both submitted their custody plans.
This weekend skids had a baseball tourney. On Wednesday BM txt DH and told him she still did not know the times but she would let him as soon as she did. Friday night at 9:30pm DH had still not received a txt from her so he asked her about it. She txt back with "what are you talking about? you know the times and place you were there at the game when the coach told us" He informed her no the coach didn't even know what ball field they were playing or if it was going to end up being a two day tourney. He also added that why would he have asked wednesday about the times and her txt him back with not knowing yet if he knew the times. She txt back "oh, i though you knew here is the info....." Then he let her know that we knew about the tourney during her last weekend and that she hadn't told us anything regarding it. Her txt back was "you have the coach's number. i will just have him txt you from now on. i thought you knew about the tourney" He txt back "how would i know if the tourney's are not listed on the regular schedule and it isn't the coach's job as a parent to skids to let the other parent know this info. All i ask is that i am informed of this kind of stuff" She txt back with "k"
FYI: DH did try txting the coach about info in the beginning when he didn't feel BM was being honest about it and he kept saying he would txt DH when he got info but he never would, I am sure he just expected BM to relay the messages.
DH and I were talking about it and we know that its not like we can make it up there for every tourney but just knowing so we can encourage skids is what we want. Everyday they have had a game or tourney we have known about, DH txts them on their cell phone to wish them luck. Just being able to do that will help show them that we support them with their sports.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Dad can call the coach to find out when the games/tournies are - when he is going. I don't know if I'd put the coach in the middle.
I have always said - call, call, call instead of text, text, text. Try it, what does he have to lose?
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Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
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[quote]We are going by the CO for the remainder. The bad part is regarding summer visitation it doesn't state the DH picks what weeks he gets just that he gets 3 2-week periods. So they have to agree to the weeks. Her lawyer said she did but I just feel like something is going to change that.[/quote]
Since it isn't finalized, maybe the two of them can come to an agreement where he picks the weeks he gets on even numbered years and she gets to pick her summer parenting time in the even numbered years or vice versa.
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Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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That is what I said is that DH tried contacting (txt and calling) coach about game times and such but the coach wouldn't txt/call him back with the info. He doesn't want to put the coach in the middle that is why he just wants BM to fill him in on the info when she is given it.
With BM, DH only likes to txt (he will talk to her on the phone if she calls) because he has document of what they talked about. BM would be one of those that deny's everything about a conversation unless we had proof. Just like she tried to say that the coach gave us the info at the game we went to regarding the tourney this past weekend. But we had proof via txt msg that she didn't even know the times (or said she didn't know) on Wednesday. You have to have proof with her or she will spin it in whatever way looks best for her.
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Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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The summer visitation they are in right now is part of the current CO.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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I would not agree to take them to ANY activities in their hometown unless you have the entire summer.
I would enroll them in some fun stuff where you live and simply say that they don't have time to participate in anything else during the time they are there. You let her start this game and it will NEVER END.
No way in HELL should you have sent this kid over to tell his mom he didn't want to play. The truth is - you don't know what he really wants. Maybe he doesn't want to play. Maybe he doesn't care one way or another (most likely), but does know what a FIGHT this has been and wants to please the one he's with. You basically forced him to either admit he was lying to you or go confront his mom, who he lives with most of the time. You need to back out of the BS. "Mmm. That's nice, but whether you play BBall or not is mom's call. You'll have to talk to her about it. In the mean time - you are signed up to play tonight and need to live up to your commitment."
EVEN if he really does hate baseball and she is forcing him to play - your DH can't stop her. He is a LD NCP. As terrible as it may sound - the kids need to adjust to the fact that Dad has no power in their day-to-day lives with her any more. He needs to focus on securing the ability to determine what goes on during his time. No way would I give up an already shortened weekend for baseball if I was traveling. Sorry Baseball < Dad. Fortunately she has demonstrated that it will be necessary to WRITE in the decree a weekend swap for Mday and Fday, because she is determined to be difficult. And given her stance on activities - they need to be up to your discretion as well.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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