SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Fabulous advice, EM.
You are right, but Dad, Nicole AND the kids need to adjust to the fact that Dad has no power in their day-to-day lives with her any more.
I'd add in, no swapping weekends, no adjusting time, no changes at all. Get that LD parenting plan in place NOW and quit stalling.
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Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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I felt bad having SS11 do that but the lawyer said that if DH said anything then she could twist it, that SS11 had to be the one to say it if he didn't want to play. DH was also told that the night we were there and this happened that SS11 had to play so DH told SS11 that, it was SS11 at the start of the game who said he didn't want to play. I felt bad but DH was following his lawyer's advice. He really was torn by what he should do which is why he called his lawyer.
We have already been starting a list of things that wasn't in the current CO that will need to be put in the new one for more clarity.
There isn't stalling on our end, I mean DH wants something in place, I guess he needs to ask his lawyer why a temporary plan hasn't been started since his lawyer did say that they would get that laid out first.
Called skids school today, we had overpaid their lunch accounts by around $30 each. School gave us the option to roll it over or cash it out. I called today since the last day was Friday to get the actual total of overage and let them know just to roll it over for the next school year and the lady told me they only had an overage of $2.00. I told her that they should have closer to $30 and she said they did but BM told them to apply the overage to her other three kids lunch bill. We paid ahead for their lunch bill this year and it definatly was not intended to cover her other childrens lunches. They are mailing us a statement from both of their accounts so we can see the breakdown. We had received one just two weeks prior to school ending so she had to of done this recently because the overage was still on there.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1753
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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My personal opinion is that you do not NEED to be spending HOURS and HOURS in the car driving them to/from games in their hometown and giving up YOUR time to do so. The way it was explained to me is that EVEN IN INTACT FAMILIES, kids miss games occassionally. Little Bobbie has a game; Little Sally has a dance recital. Family all goes to the dance recital.
Write up SOMETHING to take care of this so your DH gets his FULL, UNINTERRUPTED weekend time. Otherwise you are NEVER going to get to visit YOUR family/friends so they can see the kids, go on vacations/weekend trips, etc. Mom will just keep on adding and adding until Dad has NO time left at all.
Even lawyers & judges will tell you your time is YOUR time; Mom's time is HER time.
If this is going to continue, with the cost of gas as high as it is, at least try to get CS lowered accordingly for Dad to do all the driving back/forth.
I realize BM didn't 'ask for' or agree to this but at some point y'all ALL have to realize 'it is what it is' and go from there.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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Is this the same lawyer who told you to sue for custody?
Seriously - lawyers do not give advice on WHAT course of action to take. They give advice on how to do whatever you have expressed you want to do anyway. And they don't have to live with it. IF you were going to do something - yeah it had to come from the kid. The question IS - should you do anything? I would offer - no. Baseball won't kill him, his mother already decided to sign him up and its unfair to undermine that by implying she has to check with the kid first, and you can't do JACK about it anyway. The only reason you wanted to was because she effed up your weekend using baseball as an excuse. But that needs to be between you guys and her. In a finely tuned nicest letter ever regarding the weekend issue. It makes no sense whatsoever for you to return the kid early for mothers day when you no longer have 50-50. Either she gives you different weekend or the earliest you can have them back is _______ on Sunday due to traveling the distance. Now she MIGHT yank the weekend and be a wanker - but you will have ALL the documented proof you ever needed to get whatever you ask for if she does. Instead y'all played her game and neither of you are the stinker here. You need to set up these situations and LET her be the d!ckwad. Its the only way to have irrefutable proof that is her intent.
I really don't understand why you are killing yourselves to keep up with baseball etc. on your weekends unless you are trying to set a precedent that you can and should have to. Things are different now - they have to change. Hence - why you are going to court. Now if you can now, but won't be able to later for some reason (like say - you haven't totally moved yet) - my bad.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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Well this is stuff that we agreed on them playing when we were still close. So we feel its important that they go if possible. Now a second season of baseball is different and DH has already told his lawyer and BM that she can sign them up but more than likely we won't be able to get them to games during our time.
DH isn't paying CS right now because it wasn't ordered back when he was living close to her cause they had 50/50. That is why when the parents got back money for signing up their kids for the baseball season (they got a sponser but didn't get the money quick enough so parents had to pay and then get reimbursed) we didn't ask for our half back. She is having to do the transporting so we felt it was only fair. We do pay for 1/2 of anything they do except their lunches, we paid more than her this year but it was what we were willing to do to keep them ahead this year and what we thought would have them ahead for next year but she changed that.
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SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
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Wow. You aren't paying any temp child support since she has the kids all the time now? Your attorney didn't set something like that up?
...that may come back to bite you in the arse.
BTDT.
ETA: It has been more than 2 months, really, hasn't it? From the time your husband got the advice to go for full custody? A LD Parenting plan needs to be in place, unless you aren't really LD.
2nd ETA: "We" agreed. No, your husband and the BM agreed the kids could play ball.
Edited by SRS (05/21/12 03:02 PM)
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Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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SS11 was never signed up for baseball, only soccer. We nor her(at least she never told us she did) never paid for him to be on this team. Her and the coach decided to make him an "alternate" just in case another player missed a game or something. BM wants SS11 to play baseball, she stated when she was texting me about their sports at the beginning of the year. He is a natural athlete and is good at any sport he does he just doesn't like baseball. He likes football and soccer.
We were not just getting back at her for the weekend. We saw what a reaction SS11 had to playing that night and we both tried to figure out what we should do. When DH called the lawyer he expected him to say talk to BM and tell her. DH was figuring he would have to talk to BM except lawyer said otherwise. Maybe lawyer was wrong, I don't know. It was a hard place for DH to be because SS11 had such a negative response to when he learned he was playing that night.
We are trying to show that we are not keeping skids from living their lives. That is one thing BM said in the "objection to relocation" she filed. Was that our move would not allow skids to participate in their activities. This past weekend was the only time a game fell on DH's weekend so we figured that would look bad if we couldn't work it out. DH is trying to show that he is trying to work with BM thru all this and that she is the one being difficult. I really hope us taking kids to the game won't hurt DH and his case. When we talk it out between us we just want skids to live as normal as possible during the change and that is why we are doing what we are doing. And SS12 truely loves to play baseball so we want to let that happen if we can and we could so he did!
I think she kind of showed her colors when she told DH to just give up his weekend so the kids could play baseball. In her mind baseball is more important than their father.
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Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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We asked lawyer about Child support if she could file once we moved and he said yes and we fully expected her to file for it, she hasn't and if she does and he has to pay back support (i don't know if he would or not) he will. He would never not pay support if he was ordered. He put child support in his plan because we fully expect to pay it.
I agree that something should be in place and honestly the time has gone by so fast and BM has not been getting along with DH that so many other issues have come up that we haven't even talked about the temp order, but i am going to mention to DH tonight and ask him why one hasn't been drawn up.
To add: Why would I lie about us being LD? That's stupid. You really think we would add all this drama to ourselves if we didn't move away?
To add2: I mean DH and BM. I type we cuz BM and I talked about but yes it is DH and BM who ultimatally agree.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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But she didn't. He got his weekend. In spite of ALL the shenanigans - there was nothing remarkable about this weekend for court.
The fact is - he CAN relocate. Judge can't stop him. He cannot take the kids with him - which he did not do. She has no legs in the "objection to relocation." It's total crap. She is distracting.
You have to play your own game. This was a perfect opportunity to ACTUALLY prove her colors and you let it get away. Next time "Dear BM, since the kids have so much to do and since Sunday is Mother's day, maybe it would be best for them if they stayed with you and we made up the weekend ____. If that particular weekend doesn't work for a makeup please suggest another. Otherwise I will have to return the kids later on Sunday and/or they will have to miss XXXXXX. Let me know." See you then change the playing field to either YOU compromise or YOU are forcing the kids to miss stuff. And that is where you want her.
See she wanted to make it about either you don't love your kids and won't see them this abbreviated weekend OR you don't love your kids and will make them miss baseball OR you do love your kids and will do whatever I say. You need to create another option of "I see your valid point re baseball/mothersday/awesome caribbean vacation, but either we rework the schedule to accommodate BOTH special thing AND me not losing time OR they miss special stuff. Sincerely, caringreasonabledad"
And if your DH hasn't calculated an estimated CS and been paying it as of abandoning the 50-50 schedule - YOWZA. I would not want to be him when I walked into court.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
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He did email her requesting to change weekends. It was always her belief that if we took the weekend they were not going to their game. DH didn't want to keep SS12 from missing his game and we were able to work it out by visiting my parents that weekend and seeing DH's dad. Maybe it wasn't the exact right move but we did what we felt was best for skids and DH to still see them.
We have calculated what he would be paying on an online calculator but no he has not filed anything for child support. Honestly I don't want to look stupid but should he have? We haven't dealt with child support since before the divorce was finalized so we are totally out of the loop on what we are suppose to do and his lawyer never said he should have filed. The ABSOLUTE LAST thing DH would want someone to think was that he isn't supporting his children. Back when they got separated DH was paying BM monthly support but not through the state. When she finally filed for it all those payments were figured to just be gifts but I honestly don't remember if he had to pay back pay from when they separated to when she filed. It was only a matter of a few month because i think she thought she could get more and after it was done he ended up having to pay $6 more than what he was already giving her. Seriously, if he needs to file please let me know, we just figured that she would file for it.
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