Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
I have taken advice and basically cut off communication with BM with myself. I did txt her to wish her a happy's mother's day but other than than she was continuing to txt me regarding stuff up until 3 weeks ago but once I stopped responding she stopped txting me. She now only txts DH which is really nice for me and since we moved us talking was becoming more hostile.
A month ago DH emailed (with tracking service) BM about switching this past weekend since SS12 had a baseball game friday night (late) and it was Mother's Day weekend and he had to have the boys back to her by 9am on Sunday. This week was also DD11 bday so he asked to switch it to this coming weekend so that 1)SS12 could attend his game and us not have to drive till 3am in the morning to get back home 2) she could have the whole weekend for mother's day 3) DH could have a whole weekend to spend time with kids and celebrate SS11 bday. It took her 2 weeks to respond but she said no she would not switch. DH didn't pursue it any further until a week before this past weekend she started texting him everyday if we were going to allow SS12 to still play his game that friday. She also added that SS11 is now playing baseball full time. (BM and I had talked prior to ball season about how SS11 did not want to play baseball but he wanted to play soccer. So he is also playing soccer right now) He simply responded no, it was never my intention to cause him to miss but it would be easier if we switched. BM still said no and added that DH was court ordered to have SS12 at his game per divorce decree. She txt him again before he could respond and said "why don't you just give up your weekend and show skids that you support them" When DH txt her back word from word from the decree where it never says he is required to have SS there and that it does say the parent with the less time will be considered more "import" than any previous scheduled activities to maintain relationship (not exact wording but along those lines) and told her that how dare she just ask him to give up his parenting time, she txt him back "lol, fine for the sake of our children i will switch weekends"
So wednesday night at about 9:30pm she txt DH and said "due to recent events I will no longer be able to switch weekends. Just so we are clear this weekend (the 11th) will be your weekend and the weekend of the 18th will be my weekend" DH was obviously flustered and talked to his attorney on Thursday. His attorney was livid that she did that and tried to contact her attorney but he never responded to him.
So, DH and i traveled down to my parents late thursday night since there was no way we could travel back and forth to our home and BM's over the short weekend, we decided to just take them to my parent's for the weekend which isn't as far. She was txting him on our way Thursday asking if he was still picking them up. He said that yes they would be picked up at school on Friday (just like every weekend I have drove down to get them) She txt him back that she wanted them to ride the bus home so she could tell them bye. FYI: she sees them in the morning before they get on the bus, and the time difference between when we could get them from school and when they get off the bus is 40 mins, she she expected him to wait 40 mins so that she could say bye.
He txt her back that she should just say bye in the morning. She txt back "Are you seriously denying me to say bye to my children?" He said no, say bye to them in the morning.
We pick up skids and take them to his dads to wait before the game. We learned while there that SS12 was told he wouldnt be playing and we informed him that no we were staying and he was playing. SS11 instantly shut down and stopped talking. We started to drive to go eat before the game and BM called to talk to skids about where all their baseball stuff was. (Confusing that she was gathering up their baseball stuff for the game but had told them they weren't playing, DH and I still can't quite figure that out) She talked to SS11 and he kept saying "i don't know mom, I don't know where it is" As soon as he hung up his face got red and he said he felt sick to him stomach like he was going to puke. DH pulled into the resteraunt and told me to walk in with SS12 and he talked to SS11. DH said all he did was ask him what was wrong and SS11 started bawling saying he didn't want to play baseball but he was afraid to tel him mom because he didn't want her mad or hurt her feelings.
After DH was done talking to him he called his lawyer to ask what to do. Lawyer told him he couldn't not make him play that night becuz BM could twist it to look bad on DH. But that SS11 would have to be the one to tell BM he didn't want to play.
We get to the game and the whole time the team is warming up SS11 only wants to throw the ball with DH. As soon as they call ready for the game he came up to us and said he still felt sick (which we both knew he wasn't really he just didn't want to play). DH told him he had to tell BM himself so SS11 had DH go with him when he told him mom. As soon as he got done talking to her she walked away and he busted in tears again. I noticed and jumped right up to him because he is not normally a kid who cries. (SS12 is but not this one) It literally broke my heart. BM i guess did not realize he was crying because she just sat on the bleachers telling the parents that SS11 said he must have ate to much ice cream at school that day and his stomach bothered him.
The weekend was really good, skids had an amazing time at my parents and my mom quickly threw together a little birthday party for SS11 and he ended up with like $90 between my relatives so his smile when he counted his money was totally priceless! :)
BM is now saying that both skids want to play a second season of baseball this summer. There are no dates set for season and DH told her he didn't care but that she needed to know that they might miss during his weeks. (just depends on how much we can transport them back and forth) Last year they kept saying there was going to be a second season but it never ended up happening. We also learned this weekend that the prior weekend while skids were at BM's they had another baseball tourney that she never told DH anything about and it wasn't on their schedule.
We have received BM's response to DH's modification. It was pretty much what we expected. Other than that we are just trying to continue with life down here. DH's new lot is doing good and i started babysitting a really sweet little boy who DD5 and him have totally hit it off and call each other brother and sister.
|
ssmom79
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/27/07
Posts: 7784
|
|
I hate to hear the kids are being played in that way. I know the intent behind requesting the switch was good, but after this fiasco, I hope you guys plan to stick as close to the schedule as possible. The effort it takes to manage that and the stress she adds to the kids is just not worth it. Good news is after all that the kids still had a great weekend.
I hope you find when summer comes that it's a good time for everyone.
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
I know. It sucks that is why DH dropped the subject until BM started hounding him about the weekend and the game. He asked, she said no, it was done in his eyes and we were making plans according to that. I don't think we every fully believe the switch would actually happen but as the days went by and nothing was said we were like "cool, we will get the weekend"
DH submitted his weeks he wants for summer, she told her lawyer she was fine with them as long as he brought them to all activities. DH told his lawyer she can't stipulate like that because who is to say that she just won't sign them up for random things to fill their summer. Skids have already told us that they want to play golf down here this summer with DH and SS12 wants to do some fishing tourneys that are held on a lake close to us.
|
SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
|
|
It sounds like the sks know what to say and do to both parents to get their way - and to make whatever parent they are with happy. Poor guys.
I don't think I'd do any reschedules or anything. Go by the CO until you finish the LD parenting plan.
BTW - why isn't that done yet? WOuldn't that be cheaper than running everything past the lawyer everytime?
Good job on not texting with BM. Let your DH handle this stuff. DOn't even send things like Happy Mother's Day. Good intentions or not, it won't be taken that way.
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
I totally agree about skids. They know what to say but I can always tell when they are lying to me because SS11 will put his head down and look at his brother and SS12 will answer his question for him. SS11 doesn't want to lie to us you can tell or spew anything BM has said about us. We are hoping that by SS11 opening up and telling us how he really feels about baseball that he is learning he can trust us with his true feelings.
We are going by the CO for the remainder. The bad part is regarding summer visitation it doesn't state the DH picks what weeks he gets just that he gets 3 2-week periods. So they have to agree to the weeks. Her lawyer said she did but I just feel like something is going to change that.
I don't know why the LD parenting plan "temporary" plan isn't at least started. When we talked to DH lawyer he said that the temporary would be done first and would only take a couple of months but its been two months now and all I see is that they have both submitted their custody plans.
This weekend skids had a baseball tourney. On Wednesday BM txt DH and told him she still did not know the times but she would let him as soon as she did. Friday night at 9:30pm DH had still not received a txt from her so he asked her about it. She txt back with "what are you talking about? you know the times and place you were there at the game when the coach told us" He informed her no the coach didn't even know what ball field they were playing or if it was going to end up being a two day tourney. He also added that why would he have asked wednesday about the times and her txt him back with not knowing yet if he knew the times. She txt back "oh, i though you knew here is the info....." Then he let her know that we knew about the tourney during her last weekend and that she hadn't told us anything regarding it. Her txt back was "you have the coach's number. i will just have him txt you from now on. i thought you knew about the tourney" He txt back "how would i know if the tourney's are not listed on the regular schedule and it isn't the coach's job as a parent to skids to let the other parent know this info. All i ask is that i am informed of this kind of stuff" She txt back with "k"
FYI: DH did try txting the coach about info in the beginning when he didn't feel BM was being honest about it and he kept saying he would txt DH when he got info but he never would, I am sure he just expected BM to relay the messages.
DH and I were talking about it and we know that its not like we can make it up there for every tourney but just knowing so we can encourage skids is what we want. Everyday they have had a game or tourney we have known about, DH txts them on their cell phone to wish them luck. Just being able to do that will help show them that we support them with their sports.
|
SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
|
|
Dad can call the coach to find out when the games/tournies are - when he is going. I don't know if I'd put the coach in the middle.
I have always said - call, call, call instead of text, text, text. Try it, what does he have to lose?
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
|
|
[quote]We are going by the CO for the remainder. The bad part is regarding summer visitation it doesn't state the DH picks what weeks he gets just that he gets 3 2-week periods. So they have to agree to the weeks. Her lawyer said she did but I just feel like something is going to change that.[/quote]
Since it isn't finalized, maybe the two of them can come to an agreement where he picks the weeks he gets on even numbered years and she gets to pick her summer parenting time in the even numbered years or vice versa.
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
That is what I said is that DH tried contacting (txt and calling) coach about game times and such but the coach wouldn't txt/call him back with the info. He doesn't want to put the coach in the middle that is why he just wants BM to fill him in on the info when she is given it.
With BM, DH only likes to txt (he will talk to her on the phone if she calls) because he has document of what they talked about. BM would be one of those that deny's everything about a conversation unless we had proof. Just like she tried to say that the coach gave us the info at the game we went to regarding the tourney this past weekend. But we had proof via txt msg that she didn't even know the times (or said she didn't know) on Wednesday. You have to have proof with her or she will spin it in whatever way looks best for her.
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
The summer visitation they are in right now is part of the current CO.
|
elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
|
|
I would not agree to take them to ANY activities in their hometown unless you have the entire summer.
I would enroll them in some fun stuff where you live and simply say that they don't have time to participate in anything else during the time they are there. You let her start this game and it will NEVER END.
No way in HELL should you have sent this kid over to tell his mom he didn't want to play. The truth is - you don't know what he really wants. Maybe he doesn't want to play. Maybe he doesn't care one way or another (most likely), but does know what a FIGHT this has been and wants to please the one he's with. You basically forced him to either admit he was lying to you or go confront his mom, who he lives with most of the time. You need to back out of the BS. "Mmm. That's nice, but whether you play BBall or not is mom's call. You'll have to talk to her about it. In the mean time - you are signed up to play tonight and need to live up to your commitment."
EVEN if he really does hate baseball and she is forcing him to play - your DH can't stop her. He is a LD NCP. As terrible as it may sound - the kids need to adjust to the fact that Dad has no power in their day-to-day lives with her any more. He needs to focus on securing the ability to determine what goes on during his time. No way would I give up an already shortened weekend for baseball if I was traveling. Sorry Baseball < Dad. Fortunately she has demonstrated that it will be necessary to WRITE in the decree a weekend swap for Mday and Fday, because she is determined to be difficult. And given her stance on activities - they need to be up to your discretion as well.
--------------------
Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
|
SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
|
|
Fabulous advice, EM.
You are right, but Dad, Nicole AND the kids need to adjust to the fact that Dad has no power in their day-to-day lives with her any more.
I'd add in, no swapping weekends, no adjusting time, no changes at all. Get that LD parenting plan in place NOW and quit stalling.
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
I felt bad having SS11 do that but the lawyer said that if DH said anything then she could twist it, that SS11 had to be the one to say it if he didn't want to play. DH was also told that the night we were there and this happened that SS11 had to play so DH told SS11 that, it was SS11 at the start of the game who said he didn't want to play. I felt bad but DH was following his lawyer's advice. He really was torn by what he should do which is why he called his lawyer.
We have already been starting a list of things that wasn't in the current CO that will need to be put in the new one for more clarity.
There isn't stalling on our end, I mean DH wants something in place, I guess he needs to ask his lawyer why a temporary plan hasn't been started since his lawyer did say that they would get that laid out first.
Called skids school today, we had overpaid their lunch accounts by around $30 each. School gave us the option to roll it over or cash it out. I called today since the last day was Friday to get the actual total of overage and let them know just to roll it over for the next school year and the lady told me they only had an overage of $2.00. I told her that they should have closer to $30 and she said they did but BM told them to apply the overage to her other three kids lunch bill. We paid ahead for their lunch bill this year and it definatly was not intended to cover her other childrens lunches. They are mailing us a statement from both of their accounts so we can see the breakdown. We had received one just two weeks prior to school ending so she had to of done this recently because the overage was still on there.
|
c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1753
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
|
|
My personal opinion is that you do not NEED to be spending HOURS and HOURS in the car driving them to/from games in their hometown and giving up YOUR time to do so. The way it was explained to me is that EVEN IN INTACT FAMILIES, kids miss games occassionally. Little Bobbie has a game; Little Sally has a dance recital. Family all goes to the dance recital.
Write up SOMETHING to take care of this so your DH gets his FULL, UNINTERRUPTED weekend time. Otherwise you are NEVER going to get to visit YOUR family/friends so they can see the kids, go on vacations/weekend trips, etc. Mom will just keep on adding and adding until Dad has NO time left at all.
Even lawyers & judges will tell you your time is YOUR time; Mom's time is HER time.
If this is going to continue, with the cost of gas as high as it is, at least try to get CS lowered accordingly for Dad to do all the driving back/forth.
I realize BM didn't 'ask for' or agree to this but at some point y'all ALL have to realize 'it is what it is' and go from there.
--------------------
John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
|
elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
|
|
Is this the same lawyer who told you to sue for custody?
Seriously - lawyers do not give advice on WHAT course of action to take. They give advice on how to do whatever you have expressed you want to do anyway. And they don't have to live with it. IF you were going to do something - yeah it had to come from the kid. The question IS - should you do anything? I would offer - no. Baseball won't kill him, his mother already decided to sign him up and its unfair to undermine that by implying she has to check with the kid first, and you can't do JACK about it anyway. The only reason you wanted to was because she effed up your weekend using baseball as an excuse. But that needs to be between you guys and her. In a finely tuned nicest letter ever regarding the weekend issue. It makes no sense whatsoever for you to return the kid early for mothers day when you no longer have 50-50. Either she gives you different weekend or the earliest you can have them back is _______ on Sunday due to traveling the distance. Now she MIGHT yank the weekend and be a wanker - but you will have ALL the documented proof you ever needed to get whatever you ask for if she does. Instead y'all played her game and neither of you are the stinker here. You need to set up these situations and LET her be the d!ckwad. Its the only way to have irrefutable proof that is her intent.
I really don't understand why you are killing yourselves to keep up with baseball etc. on your weekends unless you are trying to set a precedent that you can and should have to. Things are different now - they have to change. Hence - why you are going to court. Now if you can now, but won't be able to later for some reason (like say - you haven't totally moved yet) - my bad.
--------------------
Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
Well this is stuff that we agreed on them playing when we were still close. So we feel its important that they go if possible. Now a second season of baseball is different and DH has already told his lawyer and BM that she can sign them up but more than likely we won't be able to get them to games during our time.
DH isn't paying CS right now because it wasn't ordered back when he was living close to her cause they had 50/50. That is why when the parents got back money for signing up their kids for the baseball season (they got a sponser but didn't get the money quick enough so parents had to pay and then get reimbursed) we didn't ask for our half back. She is having to do the transporting so we felt it was only fair. We do pay for 1/2 of anything they do except their lunches, we paid more than her this year but it was what we were willing to do to keep them ahead this year and what we thought would have them ahead for next year but she changed that.
|
SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
|
|
Wow. You aren't paying any temp child support since she has the kids all the time now? Your attorney didn't set something like that up?
...that may come back to bite you in the arse.
BTDT.
ETA: It has been more than 2 months, really, hasn't it? From the time your husband got the advice to go for full custody? A LD Parenting plan needs to be in place, unless you aren't really LD.
2nd ETA: "We" agreed. No, your husband and the BM agreed the kids could play ball.
Edited by SRS (05/21/12 03:02 PM)
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
SS11 was never signed up for baseball, only soccer. We nor her(at least she never told us she did) never paid for him to be on this team. Her and the coach decided to make him an "alternate" just in case another player missed a game or something. BM wants SS11 to play baseball, she stated when she was texting me about their sports at the beginning of the year. He is a natural athlete and is good at any sport he does he just doesn't like baseball. He likes football and soccer.
We were not just getting back at her for the weekend. We saw what a reaction SS11 had to playing that night and we both tried to figure out what we should do. When DH called the lawyer he expected him to say talk to BM and tell her. DH was figuring he would have to talk to BM except lawyer said otherwise. Maybe lawyer was wrong, I don't know. It was a hard place for DH to be because SS11 had such a negative response to when he learned he was playing that night.
We are trying to show that we are not keeping skids from living their lives. That is one thing BM said in the "objection to relocation" she filed. Was that our move would not allow skids to participate in their activities. This past weekend was the only time a game fell on DH's weekend so we figured that would look bad if we couldn't work it out. DH is trying to show that he is trying to work with BM thru all this and that she is the one being difficult. I really hope us taking kids to the game won't hurt DH and his case. When we talk it out between us we just want skids to live as normal as possible during the change and that is why we are doing what we are doing. And SS12 truely loves to play baseball so we want to let that happen if we can and we could so he did!
I think she kind of showed her colors when she told DH to just give up his weekend so the kids could play baseball. In her mind baseball is more important than their father.
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
We asked lawyer about Child support if she could file once we moved and he said yes and we fully expected her to file for it, she hasn't and if she does and he has to pay back support (i don't know if he would or not) he will. He would never not pay support if he was ordered. He put child support in his plan because we fully expect to pay it.
I agree that something should be in place and honestly the time has gone by so fast and BM has not been getting along with DH that so many other issues have come up that we haven't even talked about the temp order, but i am going to mention to DH tonight and ask him why one hasn't been drawn up.
To add: Why would I lie about us being LD? That's stupid. You really think we would add all this drama to ourselves if we didn't move away?
To add2: I mean DH and BM. I type we cuz BM and I talked about but yes it is DH and BM who ultimatally agree.
|
elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
|
|
But she didn't. He got his weekend. In spite of ALL the shenanigans - there was nothing remarkable about this weekend for court.
The fact is - he CAN relocate. Judge can't stop him. He cannot take the kids with him - which he did not do. She has no legs in the "objection to relocation." It's total crap. She is distracting.
You have to play your own game. This was a perfect opportunity to ACTUALLY prove her colors and you let it get away. Next time "Dear BM, since the kids have so much to do and since Sunday is Mother's day, maybe it would be best for them if they stayed with you and we made up the weekend ____. If that particular weekend doesn't work for a makeup please suggest another. Otherwise I will have to return the kids later on Sunday and/or they will have to miss XXXXXX. Let me know." See you then change the playing field to either YOU compromise or YOU are forcing the kids to miss stuff. And that is where you want her.
See she wanted to make it about either you don't love your kids and won't see them this abbreviated weekend OR you don't love your kids and will make them miss baseball OR you do love your kids and will do whatever I say. You need to create another option of "I see your valid point re baseball/mothersday/awesome caribbean vacation, but either we rework the schedule to accommodate BOTH special thing AND me not losing time OR they miss special stuff. Sincerely, caringreasonabledad"
And if your DH hasn't calculated an estimated CS and been paying it as of abandoning the 50-50 schedule - YOWZA. I would not want to be him when I walked into court.
--------------------
Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
He did email her requesting to change weekends. It was always her belief that if we took the weekend they were not going to their game. DH didn't want to keep SS12 from missing his game and we were able to work it out by visiting my parents that weekend and seeing DH's dad. Maybe it wasn't the exact right move but we did what we felt was best for skids and DH to still see them.
We have calculated what he would be paying on an online calculator but no he has not filed anything for child support. Honestly I don't want to look stupid but should he have? We haven't dealt with child support since before the divorce was finalized so we are totally out of the loop on what we are suppose to do and his lawyer never said he should have filed. The ABSOLUTE LAST thing DH would want someone to think was that he isn't supporting his children. Back when they got separated DH was paying BM monthly support but not through the state. When she finally filed for it all those payments were figured to just be gifts but I honestly don't remember if he had to pay back pay from when they separated to when she filed. It was only a matter of a few month because i think she thought she could get more and after it was done he ended up having to pay $6 more than what he was already giving her. Seriously, if he needs to file please let me know, we just figured that she would file for it.
|
elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
|
|
It will just look bad.
Personally I would have approached her and asked how she wanted to handle that. Agree to an amount and quit splitting lunches, extra curriculars, etc., and move on. Sort of a "since I won't be seeing the kids 50-50 anymore and you will be handling the EC activities, perhaps we chould work out some CS amount so that when things come up like lunches or baseball you don't have to wait to get it from me?" Type of email. Or text if you prefer. And see what happens. If she hasn't filed you don't have to worry about backdating, it being a gift etc. If she does file then I would want the money to go through attorneys or CSE before I paid it.
IMO you don't want to be arguing about money while you are arguing about how much time you get to see your kids. You don't want to to piss of a judge over money and then have it reflected in your custody agreement, KWIM?
--------------------
Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
Good idea but honestly do you think she would work with him on it? I just don't see that happening right now. So then he shouldn't worry about filing? That is why we are continuing to pay for half of everything is because DH does support his kids.
|
elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
|
|
If it involves her getting more money? I am betting she will be willing to participate. Do you even NEED her "work" - does your state take into account both parents incomes? If it does - trying running numbers - what is the difference between her say making min wage 40 hrs a week, what she probably makes, etc. Usually the CP income doesn't matter much unless one parent makes A LOT of money.
You can certainly LEGALLY wait until she files, but in my experience, it really impresses judges when parents financially support their kids even when they don't HAVE to. And lets face it - half of the extras is not exactly support when she has them all the time.
--------------------
Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
i just figure she will fight the amount even if we do it by state standards. Yes i do believe the state takes in to account both incomes. She is working at a factory so i am guessing she makes more than min. wage.
i agree with your last paragraph.
Our state has the option to take in account the amount of time DH spends with skids. if you use the amount of time he would see them based on what they are doing right now, it decreases it by $100.
ETA: if not using her income, the support is $200 more
Edited by Nicole (05/21/12 04:21 PM)
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
What about during the summer(which has already started) while DH has the kids as much as BM? I don't want this to sound unfair or like he isn't wanting to pay but if we have them just as much as her during these summer months, should he wait to file until school starts? Also, if she/he files and gets support going through the state does it automatically void the requirement in the current CO to not split costs? I wouldn't think it would. I would think she would still expect him to pay half of all those costs. I don't even know what child support is suppose to "cover" I assumed it was for just basic food, housing, etc, not extra-curriculars or medical costs???????
ETA: I guess that would be factored in with the amount of days he gets according to the form we found online. It can go by how many days DH gets them. What if DH would like more but BM isn't giving him more should he take that into account? Sorry, I am just trying to figure this all out.
ETA: their current CO had child support calculated and stated what DH would pay had it been enforced. Would/could they go by that or since it was deemed unreasonable for him to pay since they had 50/50 would that not even matter?
Edited by Nicole (05/21/12 04:57 PM)
|
SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
|
|
......it really impresses judges when parents financially support their kids even when they don't HAVE to. And lets face it - half of the extras is not exactly support when she has them all the time.
You bet it does. If he was really interested in supporting the kids, he'd have been paying already and filed a temp order with the court. He doesn't need his attorney to do that. She has the kids all the time so her expenses have increased. 1/2 of the ECs? Really?
ETA: It bit my ex in the rear during court because he didn't want to pay CS until it was ordered. Bad advice from his attorney to not support his kids.
Edited by SRS (05/21/12 05:12 PM)
|
SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
|
|
Unless they had changed the CO through CSE or the courts, he may be in a heap of trouble.
In a past post, you said that you guys had already figured this stuff out when you planned the move - to make it financially worth it for yourselves and your sks. Guess not?
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
heap of trouble for what? finacially worth it what?
|
SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
|
|
If you have a CO to pay CS and you don't - You change it on a verbal agreement without filing through the court, you will owe back support. Verbal agreement or not.
Someone asked if you had made plans since you'd be paying CS now. You said you had. Guess not.
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
The CO state: It is futher ordered, adjudged, and decreed by the court that the presumed correct child cupport amount as calculated is $[censored] for one child and $[censored] for two children; and, that after consideration of all relevant factors pursuant to Section [censored].[censored].X and Rule XX.XX, is rebutted as being unjust or inappropriate; and that neither party should pay support to the other parent as support for the minor children.
I guess I meant we are prepared to pay support if she filed. That we fully expect to.
|
SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
|
|
I would recommend, highly, to figure out some temp supoprt and start paying by check through your attorney. Judges don't like it when NCPs don't support their children. Paying 1/2 the ECs is not supporting his children.
My ex got slammed for not making a temp child support arrangement. I was being nice by not filing. Didn't matter to the judge.
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
Good to know, seriuosly. I think both of us 100% assumed she would file and everyday I get the mail I expect something to be in their from the state.
So to be clear, are you saying he determine support and pay his lawyer to give to her? Or he should go thru the state cuz then they would just take the payments and give to BM?
|
SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
|
|
Personally, I'd figure out what he owes in CS. He won't have the kids 50/50. Not even close since he is a LD NCP.
He needs to remember that this money is to help feed, shelter and clothe his children. Unless he's paying for health insurance, it will also go towards their health insurance. He will most likely end up paying for 1/2 of unreimbursed medical and extra cirriculars in addition to CS.
Then, file a temp CS order with the court. He can pay by check through his attorney. Then, his attorney can send the check to the CPs attorney stipulating that this is temp child support. Each time she gets a check she will need to sign something saying that she understands that this is temp child support. Those signed documents can then be filed with the court EACH TIME to protect your husband.
When he gets to court, he can show that he HAS been supporting his children. Not that he is being an ass and waiting for her to ask for child support.
Your lawyer sounds like a goof if he hasn't done a LD parenting plan yet, told you to go for full custody when you were moving away, told you to wait for her to file for CS, and if he truly gave you advice to send a kid to his Mom during the BB game to tell he he didn't want to play.
ETA: When you do write up a CS order, limit his 1/2 of the the unreimbursed expenses to $150 or something unless there is a documented emergency or is agreed upon by both parents ahead of time. She should have 30-60 days to get the EOB/receipts to you and you should pay within 30-60 days, imo.
Edited by SRS (05/21/12 05:42 PM)
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
|
|
[quote]I would not agree to take them to ANY activities in their hometown unless you have the entire summer.[/quote]
They absolutely should not have the entire summer. They are the ones who CHOSE to move. The kids' mother should be able to have summer parenting time.
And the kids should not have to miss out on activities because the father CHOSE to move.
It was selfish enough for them to have moved away from the children, it would only make them more selfish if the kids miss out on being able to participate in the same activities that they participated in before the father CHOSE to move away.
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
|
|
[quote]My personal opinion is that you do not NEED to be spending HOURS and HOURS in the car driving them to/from games in their hometown and giving up YOUR time to do so. The way it was explained to me is that EVEN IN INTACT FAMILIES, kids miss games occassionally. [/quote]
Occasional is the operative word there.
EOW isn't occasional. And that wouldn't happen in an intact family.
And child support absolutely should not be lowered. The Dad chose to move, let him pay for the added costs of long distance parenting.
|
SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
|
|
Ours says something about 2 2-week intervals during the summer with 2 weeks inbetween.
|
SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
|
|
Dad chose to move and become a LD NCP without a Long Distance parenting plan or Child Support order in place.
He screwed Mom over big time. Basically he wants to see the kids when he wants to see them and not help pay for raising them unless she asks for help.
|
Goodmom
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 2015
|
|
[quote]Ours says something about 2 2-week intervals during the summer with 2 weeks inbetween. [/quote]
I don't have a problem with a LD NCP getting most of the summer, but the parent who didn't move away should be able to take a summer vacation with kids. And what your plan says would allow for that.
|
Nicole
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 01/25/05
Posts: 1762
|
|
He is required to provide medical insurance. I just think if he determined what child support is, even though we would calculate through the states forms, she would fight it. What we figured he would pay is more than he was paying before but like I said before you can adjust it to determine how many nights you have your children. I think that is what she would fight because it does make it drop. We did a rough estimate on how many nights he would have by what BM is giving him right now and it is $XXXX and it is about $300 less on what DH wants for custody. Now if you did just basic child support it is $XXXX but if you take in account the nights he has them (amount based on what BM wants him to have) its like $100 less. I guess either way if she fights it or not, it would be filed.
|
M5M5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 07/29/05
Posts: 11722
|
|
Couldn't agree more!
|
SRS
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 11/05/10
Posts: 2161
|
|
Doing something is better than sitting on your hands. It will show you ARE interested in the well being of the children and not screwing over the BM.
If she fights it, she fights it. You can't stop her from fighting it. WHo cares. He needs to support his kids.
|
elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
|
|
I think you need to re-read that sentence. No one was suggesting they should ask for, want, etc. all summer. I was qualifying my own statement that *I* would not be hauling a kid HOURS away for a soccer game, unless *I* had the whole summer, thus the kid SHOULD get to spend SOME time involved in hometown activities - so in that case I would. They are talking about a few weeks here and there. And no way in that situation would I do that. I don't see the benefit in disrupting their vacation with their Dad that much. But if there is a good reason to do so, it should be at the NCPs discretion. And the only way to make that happen is to write in there he gets them no matter what.
--------------------
Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
|
Cassie23
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 10/07/05
Posts: 14714
|
|
Has the modification been filed for a LD by your attorney yet? If not, what is the hold up? There is no reason why the attorney shouldn't have drafted a modification for BOTH visitation/parenting time AND child support by now. Then you get a court date and there ya go...
I would NOT pay "child support" without an order...because it will NOT be considered child support unless BM calls it such. Once one of the parties (BM or your H) file to pay/receive CS the courts will give her CS to the date of file. Who knows that she has not filed yet? When BM filed once...it was in November and the court date wasn't processed til February.
I see nothing wrong with paying for extras or contributing as your H sees fit, but I would not agree to a CS order verbally because it will not be counted as child support. Your H will have to pay back CS anyway when the order is issued.
I don't think there is anything wrong with switching weekends to work around the kids' extracurricular however ONLY IF BM seems willing and she does NOT. If I recall your H has JOINT custody so one would think that the parents should agree on the extras. Now that your H is seeking a LD parenting plan I would think summer extras would be limited to each area. So if your H will an extended amount of time in the summer then maybe he can sign the boys up for Soccer Camp in your now hometown. That is what we did with SD. This way your boys can begin to make friends and become part of your local community.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
