annieo
veteran
Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1410
Loc: Pacific Northwest
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Your DS will need to have clear and concise reasoning for this to work and believe me judges can tell the difference between a sincere child and a coached child.
My ss at 10 years old was able to speak with the GAL in such a manner as to have his wishes heard and understood without any coaching etc... NEVER coach the child - this backfired on the bm in my story.
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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Whether we like it or not once a child is at an age where they can "vote with their feet" their wishes carry a lot of weight in family court. Not because they deserve it, not because they make great decisions. But because they have the power to do what they want whether mom, dad, or a judge likes it or not. Imagine how much fun your life would be if your teen stopped seeking any approval from you - you can't beat them into submission. So if you are going to go to the effort of forcing a teen to do something, cops and all, it better be worth it. And unless the other parent is a danger - its generally NOT worth it.
And I know you seethe at the mere thought of CJane, gr8, but her ex is no gem either. My thought has always been that he is an ass and instead of taking aim at him with his asshattery she tends to turn the gun on herself and make it worse.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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Buckeye
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 12/08/05
Posts: 7857
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My SIL's 15 year old son decided he wanted to live with BM and ran away and SIL had no idea where he was for over a month (he had not contact with SIL or BM). They went to court and SIL was agreeable for him to live with BM but told son that he would not be permitted to come back home because he told SIL that he hoped he died, he didn't want to have any contact with him ever again, etc.
Four weeks late, guess who wants to come home. Of course, SIL said no, he wasn't going to go thru this again every time 15 year got mad. One year later, he wants to come back "home" again - not because of SIL but because he wants to come back to be with his friends and his "girlfriend". And, BM is moving again, he doesn't want to go there - at least that is the story.
In this case, both parents were agreeable to the change so son didn't get a say.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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See, I am not so sure he isn't. We ONLY have her word (and lets be honest, would ANY of us like to be judged on the word of our ex's? LOL) and to be honest, she blames Dad for EVERYTHING, including what the CHILD does. There is really nothing Dad has done that I can point at and say, "Yeah, he is wrong for doing that."
Keep in mind, MOST of what she complains about is him following the ORDER, and he only STARTED following the order when she took him back to court. And in the middle of a court battle, in ANY case, the order gets followed to a TEE. She could not seem to grasp why he would not allow her ANY extra time, or give her ANY breaks...while she was SUING him for custody in court.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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I can't remember specifics, but he has done some assholery things with the kid - jacking him around just to jack with her. But instead of dealing with it in a recordable actionable way she would then turn to the kid and pull a "See I told you he was an a-hole" thing. I hold him, as a CP, to pretty high standard. There is almost no excuse for them to live in the same NEIGHBORHOOD and her not have 50-50. He better be a SAINT. Because lets be honest - when you have 80 plus percent of the time, you have no need to dick over the other parent. They are getting that every day. I don't care how much they hate you. If it had an effect on my kid - we can go to a counselor etc. to deal with it in front of a 3rd party who will be my best witness in court - unless I actually am part of the problem.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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Actually, I could be mistaken, but I believe a few years ago, when she filed the custody case, she DID get 50/50. Now she wants MORE time. Which makes you UNDERSTAND his reaction to her. At the time, it was, "I JUST want an equal amount of time with our child." So she GOT it, and NOW she wants it ALL. So the SAME amount of time SHE claimed was unfair to HER, she wants HIM to have. Guess its not a two way street with her.
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1753
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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What happened was for a short time we worked TOGETHER so we each had 50% time. There were NO 1st, 3rd, 5th weekends--just every other weekend. I had Tuesdays, Thursday's, and EOW; Ex had Monday's, Wednesday's, and EOW. Schedule was what DS wanted. This worked from September to March. When I suggested we go back to court to make it legal AND NO CS WOULD CHANGE HANDS is when the sh1t hit the fan. I was told no way no how would CS be dropped & that's how we ended up in court in '06.
I was PLENTY good enough to have DS 1/2 the time; but don't cut off the CS which Exhole needs to cover HIS bills.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
Edited by c_jane (06/07/12 03:56 PM)
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gr8Dad
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/07/04
Posts: 30199
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And the OUTCOME in '06? I believe you said you got 50/50 at that hearing, right?
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Why give a "senior" discount, they have had plenty of time to raise the money...
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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835
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Honestly - I don't recall her having 50-50, but I do not recall everyone's story so I could be wrong.
But if her ex continued doing the kind of BS he did before while having 50-50? I could see how it would get to a point of needing custody. When you have 1 parent willing to use their time to thwart yours - 50-50 doesn't always work out. He was the kind of parent who if the kid wanted to do say, science olympiad, would refuse to let him go during his time because he (or his wife) couldn't take him and would refuse to allow cjane to do the transport. And refuse to pay half. Now, sure, maybe there is more backstory going on, but maybe not. There are few legitimate excuses that would have me stop waving the "you are a douche" banner in that sitch. NONE of those excuses include anything she has mentioned here doing - all that is stuff that you have to suck up as a divorced parent. If memory serves though she does pay CS, which is why I think she does not have 50-50.
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Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.
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c_jane
Pooh-Bah
Reged: 04/06/07
Posts: 1753
Loc: In the Great State of Texas
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Nope. Never had legal 50/50.
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John Constantine: God's a kid with an ant farm.... He's not planning anything.
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